Frustrations

I watched my mother for 10 minutes trying to pull a shoe off by leveraging her foot on the foot support of her wheelchair. She moves so slowly that sometimes you can't even tell she's moving at all. She swore a little, something she rarely does so it surprised me. She finally asked me in a very defeated voice to do it for her because she just couldn't do it. Lest you think me cruel, you need to understand that my mother is doing VERY little these days for herself. Her muscles all over her body continue to atrophy because she does nothing with them. The only hope for her to be able to do anything is for those around her to resist the impulse to help or perhaps even to refuse to help when she asks. That's really hard to do when you love someone and have a basic desire to help anyone and everyone. I am trying to understand better how to watch suffering, to varying degrees, have compassion, even express encouragement, but NOT TAKE AWAY, OR HELP WITH, THE SOURCE OF ANGUISH. It all seems so counter-productive. When you put it in simple terms like- if a baby is learning to walk and you pick them up and carry them every time they stumble or struggle or get tired, they will not get better at walking- you can grasp a little bit the necessity of "non-intervention". When I tell myself that the reason Mom can't come home, like she constantly expresses a hope for, is that she can't do anything for herself. She is not safe to care for here. There is no room for the power lift necessary to get her up and down from wheelchair, bed, toilet, shower seat, etc. I go around and around in my brain until it drives me crazy! I know the care center is not a pleasant place to live. There are varying degrees of mental confusion, belligerent personalities, broken minds and bodies there. It is discouraging and depressing. If I "had my druthers", Mom would work at building strength enough so she could at least assist in getting her up and down, in and out. I can help but I CAN'T DO IT FOR HER!! At this point, I can't even tell for sure what she really understands- what she realizes is reality, what she can fully grasp, what is her skewed view of things. I am so grateful to know that truth exists. I am grateful to know that, for most people, truth is discoverable. There are those whose brains have faulty connections and their world will always be a different one from what those around them see. But for most people on the earth, the absolute truth that exists can be found if one chooses to look for it. Other drivers on the road are NOT out to get anyone. They may be clueless, careless, even just plain bad drivers. But they are not purposely aiming to get in your way. That is the truth. Other people are not all trying to offend anyone. Other people have bad days when they may speak coldly or even with an angry edge to their voice. They may have their concentration on someone or something far away therefore not focused on you, even though you're right in front of them. But it's unlikely they have some kind of grudge against you and are trying to make your life miserable. That is the truth. Closer to "home", we are not bad people. Oh yes, I believe there ARE bad people in the world, but most people who feel guilty about being "bad" in some way, are not truly bad people. If you were truly "bad", you would not care that you are bad! We may be weak, lacking in experience or wisdom, tired, ill, or any one of a number of "less than perfect" things. But most people are sincerely trying to get through life doing as many good things as they happen to think of or notice need doing. That is the truth. Plants, animals, everything not human that is a part of this earth is created by God. They are all God's creations, but not His offspring. Only human beings are God's children with attributes and potential inherent in being His offspring. That is truth. As His children, God loves us and very much desires for us to WANT to be with Him forever. But He will not force us. If we love Him, we will choose to be with Him. He has to let us make that choice for ourselves. That is the truth. That choice is not one that we just make one day and it's over. We have to continue to choose all day every single day. It's called "enduring to the end". It has to be that way. We have to ensure just what we want to be, our basic character. Otherwise, it might just be a whim we choose at some particular moment of some random day. No matter what we see around us, what we hear, read, or experience- we have to make a choice and stick with it. Marriage is a choice that gets undone every day by divorce. A commitment is only a commitment if you choose it, and stick with it- FOREVER. That is the truth.