The loves of my life

We all have things that are important to us. For me, the "things" that matter the most are living beings. I am grateful for a God who loves me and is aware of me, even when I ignore Him.

 I am also grateful for my family- those who are currently mortal as well as those who are waiting for me to finish my mortal experience. I don't have here pictures of all the ones who mean so much to me.

But this gives you an idea. I may not see these people every day or even once a year, but my heart is attached forever to those who have influenced my life the most. I love my family- and that's a LOT of people.......

Funerals

We got to sing at a funeral today. Unfortunately, that is not a rare privilege here in Sun City. I remember when I was younger I dreaded going to funerals and would avoid them when at all possible. I simply didn't know how to behave. Should I be especially sad or just act normal? Do I try to cheer anyone up or simply say, "I'm sorry for your loss" which does get to sound trite after awhile? Now that I have had more opportunities to attend funerals, I am finding myself being rather reflective. I listen to the memories people have of their departed loved one. I notice the different ways people grieve, in their words, on their faces (when you sit in the choir loft you get to see everyone), and in other body language.
Today I pondered whether the nice things being said could be said about me. There are usually children, grandchildren, and friends who speak here. Spouses rarely do. Since everyone in our ward here is older than I am, there isn't even a possibility of a parent speaking at the funerals. Any parent of a resident here, if by some chance they're still living, is likely to be too old and/or infirmed to speak. So today I thought about my own children and grandchildren as I listened to loving, complimentary words from family members. (I have never heard anyone criticize a departed loved one, unless they're being humorous.)

So I wonder, do my descendants think of me as a good example? Do they think fondly of me and hope to be like me in any way? I don't know exactly how the "veil" works. I know those who have left mortality are not far away. I know they can communicate with us. What I don't know is, how much they can watch and listen to us. I would be very interested to be able to listen to my posterity speak at my funeral- although I plan to give my body, for what it's worth, to science rather than have a funeral. But maybe they'll want to hold a memorial service. I hope I get to listen in.

For whatever I'm worth......

I realize that a lot more people read what I put on Facebook than what I post here. However, I prefer baring my soul and going on longer on this blogspot. I hope that the people who are meaningful in my life will occasionally check it out to see what I have to say.
Today our stake music chairperson was released and there was a rather loud groan of unhappy surprise. It was only because many of us know her well and have been so incredibly impressed with what a great job she does.
Last night Russ presented a fireside on his experience as a member of the Mormon Tabernacle choir. He did a good job explaining specific aspects of the choir as well as telling entertaining personal experiences. An hour went by very quickly.
Not every Mormon can play the piano (or any other instrument) or sing. However, I would be willing to wager that among all the churches in the world, there are more musicians among LDS members than any other church. That's not bragging. It's just a reflection of a basic tenet of our faith that I found really meaningful. We believe we are all children of God and have the potential to be like our Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus told a parable of the ten talents. It isn't really specifically about being musical or any other kind of "talent" as the word is commonly used. It's about using whatever gift we are given. And we are ALL given at the very least one gift. Sometimes out of fear or maybe laziness or lack of insight or faith, people choose to live simple, shallow lives seeking entertainment more than edification or education. We are eternal beings so we have a very long time to develop. However, it seems like a good idea not to waste so much of the God-given gifts of time and talent. I will never be as great a musician as Mozart or a writer like Shakespeare or a speaker like Billy Graham. I do want to be able to face my Savior on judgement day and say I did my best. I'm really grateful to be among a group of people who, for the most part, are doing the same.

Hope

There are times in life when it feels like everything has fallen apart. Life is changed in unwanted ways and it feels like grief will wash away all hopes and dreams. Whether we choose to acknowledge Him or not, we have a Heavenly Father and He is aware of each of His children.

He knows when we mess up and He knows what our concerns are. He knows we can be impatient and can be so confused or sad that we just don't know where to turn. He knows when we try diligently to face each day, even when it's forced labor just to get out of bed. He knows when we have done all we can do and we just continue to press on not feeling that we have any other choice.

That's when He steps in. He doesn't make every little glitch in our daily life go away. That would be counter-productive to our progression. We need to gain a deep understanding of all we are capable of accomplishing, including overcoming hurdles. When He steps in, we sometimes just stand in awe of how wonderfully He can provide hope for us. He is so much wiser and more capable of managing things than we are. I hope I can grow up to be just like Him.

Finding the line...

After 63 years of living, most of them searching for "answers", I have come to the conclusion that specific answers are a little different for each individual. Let me explain further- since I am seeking the greatest possible wisdom, I look primarily to God for answers: through prayer, listening for guidance from the Holy Ghost, scripture study, and the words of living prophets. There are the basic biggies, like don't murder, don't rape, don't steal, don't deny God, don't worship anyone or thing other than God..... That part is pretty obvious. But then there are the other things:
Men are that they might have joy. (2 Ne 2:25) But, on the other hand- Be willing to mourn with those that mourn. (Mosiah 18:9)
Go ye into all the world.. (Mark 16:15- as well as other places) Yet- Friendship of the world is enmity with God. (James 4:4)
Take no thought for the morrow.. (D&C 84:81, and other places) But-For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? (Luke 14:28)
Judge not and ye shall not be judged. (Luke 6:37) On the other hand- Behold I send you out to reprove the world of all their unrighteous deeds, and to teach them of a judgement which is to come. ( D&C 84:87) Then, to make it even clearer- Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement. (John 7:24)
When thou fastest, anoint thy head, and wash thy face.. (Matt. 6:17) That's kind of telling us to look pleasant, not like we're suffering. Yet, lest we take it too far, as all too many people do in looking "nice" for church- Let all thy garments be plain, and their beauty the beauty of the work of thine own hands. (D&C 42:40) Yet, that can be taken too literally, too making people who don't make clothes feel bad for buying them. On the other hand, how plain should we be? After all- Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of god dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. (1 Cor. 3:16,17) So, what exactly is defiling a temple? I would think graffiti would be defilement yet there sure are a lot of people that think tattoos are a beautiful form of self-expression and adornment. We decorate our temples with the very best. How plain or fancy should we decorate ourselves?
I think I have made the point. There are certainly extremes in EVERYTHING. Our challenge is to avoid the extremes, plant ourselves firmly in the area of reason without edging too close to the boundaries, and encourage others to do the same. Not everyone likes to have someone warn them when they're approaching a boundary. However, as prophesied for these latter days, there will be much of "calling good evil and evil good". Jonah didn't want to try to call Nineveh to repentance. I don't really want to try to call the world to repentance. However, it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor, so I'll just keep trying my best to seek the Lord's guidance as to what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and to whom while I'm trying to be the most Christlike I can, step by step. I am not EVER judging any person, but I do have the responsibility to judge my thoughts, deeds, and the actions I see others do so I can stay carefully within the boundaries the Lord has set.

WHEN???

We have been told by a living prophet that these are the last days. The Lord has given us signs to watch for. The Savior's Second Coming is imminent- at least in the whole scope of the Earth's existence. But I feel like a child on a long trip. Even when told it "won't be long now", I keep asking, "Are we there yet?"

Ben again

I have really come to admire Benjamin Franklin so much. I hope as I share some of his words, others will come to appreciate what a great man he was. The rest here is all his words:
When any of them [poorer English laborers] come here, where labor is much better paid than in England, their industry seems to diminish in equal proportion. But it is not so with German laborers; they retain the habitual industry and frugality they bring with them, and, receiving higher wages, an accumulation arises that makes them all rich. When I consider that the English are the offspring of Germans, that the climate they live in is much of the same temperature, and when I see nothing in nature that should create this difference, I am tempted to suspect it must arise from constitution; and I have sometimes doubted whether the laws peculiar to England, which compel the rich to maintain the poor, have not given the latter a dependence that very much lessens the care of providing against the wants of old age.
 To relieve the misfortunes of our fellow creatures is concurring with the Deity; it is godlike. But if we provide encouragement for laziness, and supports for folly, may we not be found fighting against the order of God and nature, which perhaps has appointed want and misery as the proper punishments for, and cautions against, as well as necessary consequences of, idleness and extravagance? When we attempt to amend the scheme of Providence, and to interfere with the government of the world, we had need be very circumspect, lest we do more harm than good.
We had here some years since a Transylvania Tartar who had traveled much in the East, and came hither merely to see the West, intending to go home through the Spanish West Indies, China, etc. He asked me one day what I thought might be the reason that so many and such numerous nations as the Tartars in Europe and Asia, the Indians in America, and the Negroes in Africa continued a wandering, careless life, and refused to live in cities and cultivate the arts they saw practiced by the civilized parts of mankind. While I was considering what answer to make him, he said in his broken English, "God make man for Paradise. He make him for live lazy. Man make God angry. God turn him out of Paradise, and bid workee. Man no love workee; had want to go to Paradise again; he want to live lazy. So all mankind love lazy." However this may be, it seems certain that the hope of becoming at some time of life free from the necessity of care and labor, together with fear of penury, are the mainsprings of most people's industry. To those, indeed, who have been educated in elegant plenty, even the provision [of charity] made for the poor may appear misery; but to those who have scarce ever been better provided for, such provision may seem quite good and sufficient. These latter, then, have nothing to fear worse than their present condition, and scarce hope for anything better than a parish maintenance. So that there is only the difficulty of getting the maintenance allowed while they are able to work, or a little shame they suppose attending it, that can induce them to work at all; and what they do will only be from hand to mouth.
The proneness of human nature to a life of ease, of freedom from care and labor, appears strongly in the little success that has hitherto attended every attempt to civilize our American Indians. In their present way of living, almost all their wants are supplied by the spontaneous productions of nature, with the addition of very little labor, if hunting and fishing may indeed be called labor, where game is so plenty. They visit us frequently, and see the advantages that arts, sciences, and compact societies procure us. They are not deficient in natural understanding; and yet they have never shown any inclination to change their manner of life for ours, or to learn any of our arts. When an Indian child has been brought up among us, taught our language, and habituated to our customs, yet, if he goes to see his relatives, and makes one Indian ramble with them, there is no persuading him ever to return. And that this is not natural to them merely as Indians, but as men, is plain from this, that when white persons of either sex have been taken prisoners by the Indians, and lived awhile with them, though ransomed by their friends and treated with all imaginable tenderness to prevail them to stay among the English, yet in a short time they become disgusted with our manner of life, and the care and pains that are necessary to support it, and take the first opportunity of escaping again into the woods, from whence there is no redeeming them. One instance  I remember to have heard, where a person was brought home to possess a good estate; but, finding some care necessary to keep it together, he relinquished it to a younger brother, reserving to himself nothing but a gun and a match-coat with which he took his way again into the wilderness. [Could this have been part of the issue between Jacob and Esau who was willing to sell his birthright for a mess of pottage??]
As matters now stand with us, care and industry seem absolutely necessary to our well-being. They should therefore have every encouragement we can invent, and not one motive to diligence be subtracted; and the support of the poor should not be by maintaining them in idleness, but by employing them in some kind of labor suited to their abilities of body... If these were general, I should think the poor would be more careful, and work voluntarily to lay up something for themselves against a rainy day, rather than run the risk of being obliged to work at the pleasure of others for a bare subsistence, and that too under confinement.
I wish they were benefited by this generous provision in any degree equal to the good intention with which it was made, and is continued; but I fear the giving mankind a dependence on anything for support, in age or sickness, besides industry and frugality during youth and health, tends to flatter our natural indolence, to encourage idleness and prodigality, and thereby to promote and increase poverty, the very evil it was intended to cure; thus multiplying beggars instead of diminishing them.
In my youth I traveled much, and I observed in different countries that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.

Self Talk

Everybody talks to themselves, some out loud, some just in their heads. Whatever we say to ourselves is OUR CHOICE- nobody else can tell us what to say to ourselves. So, why is it that so many people speak so rudely or cruelly to themselves? Wouldn't it make sense to cheer ourselves on rather than make ourselves feel discouraged? Wouldn't it be more helpful to create hope than hopelessness? There are different ways we can actually be our own worst enemy. I think the most common is criticizing ourselves. We say things like, "You dummy! Why did you do/say/forget that?!" We could be much nicer. It's not necessary to be phony. After all, who are we trying to impress? But we could say something like, "That wasn't a very good idea. I need to fix it/do it differently next time/apologize...."- whatever is appropriate.
Or how about, "You look so disgusting. It doesn't matter what you wear or how you do your hair." Why would you want to say that to yourself? Would you say that to someone else? NO! You wouldn't want to make them feel bad. Why do you want to make YOURSELF feel bad? It might be more helpful to say, "This hairstyle doesn't flatter my face." Or you could remind yourself that you don't scrutinize every detail of other people's skin, hair, form, or voice- why would you think someone else might do that to you? And if they do, isn't that THEIR hang-up?
Maybe you say, "You never do it right! Why do you always have to screw it up?" Now, that's simply not true. Why lie to yourself just to make yourself feel bad? NOBODY always screws up. You need to remember that EVERYBODY makes mistakes once in awhile. I don't think you could avoid ever doing things right even if you purposely tried. Besides, it's quite often the case that we didn't intentionally break, spill, or forget something. Give yourself a break! You could try to be more careful but you don't want to become paranoid to move or speak or get obsessed with making lists for every single thing.
The other way we can be our own worse enemy is when we try to justify things to ourselves falsely. That can happen when you say things like, "It's okay if I eat 6 cookies in a row. I didn't eat any cookies last week. I don't always have to eat healthy." You know very well it's not just the calories, or the sugar content. You'll end up feeling guilty and suffer needlessly because you lied to yourself. If you already ate the 6 cookies so it's too late to talk yourself out of it, you could say, "Oops- that was not a good thing to do. Now the kids/spouse will wonder why the cookies are all gone. You'll need to do an extra exercise session for that blip in willpower."
Or if you tell yourself that you don't need to apologize to the person you budged in front of because you'll never see them again and they don't know you, you KNOW that will remain in your mind at least for a little while. If it doesn't bother you, maybe it should. Maybe you need to say to yourself, "You know you hate that when other people do that to you. You need to apologize/move behind them- or something to try to fix it." Or maybe you just need to remind yourself to notice better next time so you can avoid seeming rude.
There are plenty of reasons to get discouraged and plenty of people to help you feel that way. When you know someone that makes you feel bad a lot, you probably avoid them. You really have a problem if you prefer hanging out with people who never say a kind word to you. But, it's a little difficult to avoid YOURSELF! So maybe we should all try harder to be the kind of friend to ourselves that we try to be to others. It's kind of the "golden rule" backwards.

Can we learn from the wisdom of those gone before us?

I have long been a fan of Benjamin Franklin. Recently I read yet another book, a fairly long one, which included a basic biography and a LOT of quotes straight from the man himself. I love to learn, especially from someone for whom I have a great deal of respect. I saddens me that there are people who want to remove some of his wisdom from history books, preferring to harrow up faults of our past in order to avoid the appearance of "whitewashing". Future generations, unless they make a personal, concerted effort to read about him, will never know what a great asset he was to American history. I will try to limit how much I share of his words. I want others to have some idea what a great man he was and would encourage everyone to research him- not what others may think of him, necessarily, but his own words.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"It is with great sincerity I join you  in acknowledging and admiring the dispensations of Providence (a common name for God at the time) in our favor. America has only to be thankful, and to persevere. God will finish his work, and establish their freedom; and the lovers of liberty will flock from  all parts of Europe with their fortunes to participate with us of that freedom, as soon as peace is restored." (From a letter, 1779)
"If any form of government is capable of making a nation happy, ours I think bids fair now for producing that effect. But, after all, much depends upon people who are to be governed. We have been guarding against an evil that old states are most liable to, excess of power in the rulers; but our present danger seems to be defect of obedience in the subjects." (1789)
"The people seldom continue long in the wrong, when it is nobody's interest to mislead them." (1772)
"There are two passions which have a powerful influence in the affairs of men. These are ambition and avarice; the love of power and the love of money. Separately, each of these has great force in prompting men to action; but when united in view of the same object, they have in many minds the most violent effects. Place before the eyes of such men a post of honor that shall at the same time be a place of profit, and they will move heaven and earth to obtain it.....And of what kind are the men that will strive for this profitable preeminence, through all the bustle of cabal, the heat of contention, the infinite mutual abuse of parties, tearing to pieces the best of characters? It will not be the wise and moderate, the lovers of peace and good order, the men fittest for trust. It will be the bold and the violent, the men of strong passions and indefatigable activity in their selfish pursuits. These will thrust themselves into your government and be your rulers. And these, too, will be mistaken in the expected happiness of their situation, for their vanquished competitors, of the same spirit, and from the same motives, will perpetually be endeavoring to distress their administration, thwart their measures, and render them odious to the people....I am apprehensive, therefore- perhaps too apprehensive- that the government of these states may in future times end in a monarchy. But this catastrophe, I think, may be long delayed, if in our proposed system we do not sow the seeds of contention, faction, and tumult by making our posts of honor places of profit. If we do, I fear that, though we employ at first a number and not a single person, the number will in time be set aside; it will only nourish the fetus of a king, and a king will soon be set over us." (1787)