I enjoy laughing, I really do. It's nice to feel at ease enough to laugh- not the kind of awkward laughter when someone is embarrassed or the constant chuckle of those who are mentally "on the edge"- but the relaxed chuckle that starts deep down inside. I have a hard time with people who are so anxious to laugh that they try to make nearly everything into a joke. They often end up being crude or insulting in some way. It should come naturally- not forced. Humor is one of our human emotions, and it's a good one when appropriate.
Women tend to be more emotional than men- in general. Because we are often the trusted caregivers to children, the sick and afflicted, and the elderly, we tend to think sympathetically and are more careful of humor that might cause pain. "Teasing" can be all in good fun but, often, it goes too far, too deep, or on for too long. When dealing with the innocence of children or those who may have the innocence of a child, I have never appreciated telling lies just to be able to laugh at their gullibility. I have a hard time with doing physical things that can endanger a child just to get a laugh from the look of fear or horror on their face. I don't care whether it's done by men or women, it's just not fair or nice.
Recently there was a list on Facebook which was mostly funny about the rules men have. They're quite true to life and pretty amusing. However, I have to take issue with the sixth #1 which is: "Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for." I could laugh at that if it weren't so sad that it's all too true. There are many difficult issues in life that simply can NOT be "solved". However, they may still be hard to deal with. I think it's entirely appropriate for spouses to consider one another as their "best friend". When my heart is breaking over something, I want to be able to share my sorrow/concern/pain with someone who cares about me, even if it's a man. What about "mourning with those that mourn"?? What about helping to carry one another's burdens? If I am frustrated with dealing with a difficult child, I realize that there isn't always a "solution" other than to hang in there in hopes they will mature enough to no longer be such a concern. If I am sad about a loved one's cancer and they are getting proper treatment but will never be cured, I don't expect someone to magically fix them. It does me no help whatsoever when I get a reaction of frustration/anger when I explain how difficult it is to deal with my aging mother who has dementia. I know the prognosis is a continual decline until death. There is no hope for improvement. I know that. Is it wrong to just want to "vent"? Is it unreasonable to want sympathy?
I have noticed that people who don't like to sympathetically listen to someone else's problems (I'm not talking about the chronic everlasting whiners), manage to justify themselves when getting angry. They are often the same people who want to force others to laugh and are annoyed when you don't find them amusing. Why is it that laughing and anger are the only "appropriate" emotions? Can women not expect men to listen with concern? Is it not possible to live with the fact that sometimes you are sad and just need a hug or a chance to express your grief? Can only women show empathy?
There is one man who shows a great deal of empathy. He has encouraged others, men and women, to lift one another's burden. He has counseled us to love one another. He has offered us encouragement and support without a "fix" for our problems. He cheers us on rather than always helping us find a way to avoid the obstacles. It is my understanding that He expects ALL of us- men and women- to treat each other the way we would want to be treated. He has shown us the example and hopes we will follow. The world would be a nicer place if everyone did that. We can't make everyone act better but we can start with ourselves and not just seek justification for "natural" behaviors.
