No fat people in chemotherapy

My dad continues to struggle to get down any nourishment. He knows he needs to eat to survive so he forces himself to do it. But he only eats very little bits- one egg and one piece of toast seems like a lot to him. Chemotherapy doses are based on height and weight so the doctor doesn't want him to lose much weight. He has warned Dad that most people with cancer who die do so from malnourishment, not from cancer or the treatment itself. Chemotherapy is the best we can do to fight this menace to mankind. But it works by getting really close to killing the patient along with the cancer cells. I know Dad is doing his very best. I find myself caring so much that I have to fight the urge to desperately take in extra calories as a proxy! But at the same time, as I try to empathize in an effort to imagine what might possibly be easier for him to eat, sometimes I almost feel sick to my stomach. It's pretty crazy. More and more I look forward to the day when there will no longer be suffering and mourning. There will be no more suicide bombings. There will be no cancer or AIDS. There will be no child abuse or rape. This "enduring to the end" is pretty hard, especially when we have no idea when "the end" will be. Our son finished his earthly sojourn at 28 years of age. My grandmother wondered how much longer she would have to go when she was 93. We all have a different journey here on the earth. The challenge is to journey well so we can feel content with leaving this part and going on to the next.

Prayer, repentance, confidence

I am currently in Arizona for a 3 week shift of helping my parents. My sisters and I are trying to work out a couple of days overlap so we can fill each other in on what is happening. An additional bonus is the chance to be with a sister for a couple of days. I have enjoyed being with Carol (my older sister) along with Dad and mom for the past couple of days. As we have travelled to Dad's chemotherapy appointment, walked to the grocery store, and visited Mom in the nursing home, it has been pleasant to be together as family members. But the greatest feeling of unity comes when we sit down together before a meal and all bow our heads and pray. There is something very intimate about joining together to address our Father in heaven and agreeing to the requests and gratitude expressed by whoever is acting as voice. The Lord has said, "Whenever two or more of you are gathered in my name, I will be there also." It is a wonderful feeling.
I have been thinking about and discussing forgiveness, especially forgiving self. I often find it easier to forgive someone else than to forgive what I see as my own stupidity or weakness. Why is it so hard to love onesself? I think we often expect more of ourselves than we do of others. When we are hard on ourselves, it paralyzes our ability to move forward. We question and doubt what we choose or try to do. We can't serve others. Then we feel more guilty that we're not helping anyone and begin to think they probably don't respect us or even like us and it's just a downhill spiral. If we could only see ourselves as God sees us- His children with the potential to be like Him, capable of doing WHATEVER WE CHOOSE TO DO. That can be good or not. It's up to us.

Humor me!

Okay, I beg your indulgence. Sometimes in our lives, we need to reflect a little on what we have accomplished in order to raise our spirits or boost our egos or whatever to just feel good about ourselves. I have been doing a lot of cleaning lately. That's okay. I'm really good at cleaning. However, it doesn't make me feel particularly bright or accomplished. So I have been thinking about what I have done over the past nearly 60 years of life. I don't really count all of the music and dancing that was so important to me in my first 2 decades. That was a younger person with the time to devote and a body to display that kind of skill and talent. I have tried to encourage in my children and grandchildren the love of music that I share with my husband. But my accomplishments in music have been few and not especially memorable to others. However, over the years I managed to "fall into" the skill of sewing. I have posted three separate blogs so I could post photos of examples. (The blogspot doesn't seem to take more than 3 at a time very easily.) I have made "comfy" pajamas and quilts for my loved ones. This first picture is Ammon and Jeremy in flannel pajama bottoms. The fabric had bacon and eggs and just seemed appropriate for Ammon. One year I actually made pajamas for ALL of my grandchildren. From here on out, that's not likely to happen again. The older kids are getting old enough that I would be reluctant to attempt anything that would be acceptable for a teenager to wear. 16 sets of any kind of clothing would be quite an undertaking!

One year I actually managed to find a quality terry cloth. I never had before and haven't since. I bought all the store had and made robes for most of the grandkids. I never wanted to bother making anything out of that thin stuff that would have worn out in less than a year. I made the robes 6 years ago and they have been passed down to smaller siblings or whoever but they haven't worn out! I have loved making quilts for all of the kids. They're flannel and meant to be warm and cozy- like the hugs I would give them if I were there! I made the first one for Tanis, who is now 15, many years ago and it has need repair but still holds up. I made a denim quilt for Ammon when he was 15. Victoria still has it. It has a new back but the 400-some pieced top is still in good shape!

Beautiful babes!

I have made more clothing than I could ever have kept track of! I have made men's three-piece suits and even overcoats as well as wedding dresses, prom dresses, and all kinds of clothing for people of all ages and sizes. I especially like to sew for my family. This is Brooklyn in the blessing dress I made for her (early 2008). Her mother wanted a long, draped skirt so that's what I made. Brooklyn was so tiny that even an extra-small dwarfed her. I have made many beautiful things for my girls. I am making and altering lots of clothes these days for Victoria who continues to slim down and beautify herself! I made lots of pretty dresses for Angela. I was especially proud of the prom "dress" I made for her one year. It was before digital photos so I don't have a copy of the picture on the computer but it was totally different from anything anyone else wore to the prom! I also did major alterations on a wedding dress for my sister, Gloria. I re-made it and it turned out beautifully. I also made my sister, Deedie's wedding dress then later Angela and Lisa's wedding dresses. Below is a photo of Angela in a lovely Oriental dress that I made.

Halloween costumes

My favorite Halloween costume that I ever made was Garfield. I didn't have a pattern and it turned out really well. It was used several times over a span of years. I don't have a picture of it on the computer so I didn't include that here. I have made numerous Halloween costumes, some of them even for paying customers! This first photo is from 2005. Grandson Jeremy was going to be a football player so we made his baby brother a football. Again, I didn't have a pattern but he was just so cute how could anyone NOT love the costume! The only costume in this picture that I made is the one in the middle. Jarom, ever the intellectual, wanted to be George Washington. The hat, wig, and shoes were purchased but I made the rest. I did have a general pattern to use for this one but I embellished it.

Getting by with a little help from friends

Recently the family members who were available met together to celebrate the birthday of two beautiful 15-year old twin girls. Next year they're planning a big bash with friends but we were all honored to join in the celebration this year. There were two cakes and, as you can see, a little extra help (from their younger brother) to blow out the candles.

Then came the gift opening time. It is so fun watching the eagerness on young faces when gifts are being opened. The temptation to "help" is so powerful! Despite the fact that gifts appropriate to teenaged girls are not anything very enticing to the rest of the crowd, mostly young boys, it's still an exciting time. This is a picture of the twins most recently added sibling, Jennica. Now there are 7 J. terHorsts!

We know that to some friends and relatives, this family is not so familiar. However, our life has been greatly enriched by our decision to include them as part of our family. Blood or official certificates could not make us love them more.

Women in my life

This isn't necessarily the very best of pictures but I didn't want to spend much time working with the camera. It seems that everybody's life is busy so it was a little difficult to work out a time for these 3 good women to join me for lunch. Lisa and Susanne were invited, too, but Florida and Germany are a little too far away to come for lunch. It was so nice to have flowers, china, pretty glasses, and pleasant music. Russ and Scott were good sports about having all of the kids at Angela's house so we could enjoy a peaceful 2 hours. The main purposes of this effort for me were: 1-I really like to have quality meals and this was much cheaper and more peaceful than going to a high-end restaurant. 2-Angela will be moving this spring and I don't know when we will (if ever) have this opportunity again. 3-I have been trying to pare down our belongings with the idea that we will be living in much smaller quarters eventually. (We haven't had any offers after having our house on the market for 1 1/2 years but it could happen!) Some of the excess things I had were new or fairly new and some were family things so I wanted to offer them to family before Russ and I hauled the residue to Goodwill. 4-I have been rather lonely here in Dayton. I have been unsuccessful in getting any relationships going with neighbors. There was one wonderful woman who lived up the street and had actually owned this house at one time, but she died a few months ago. The church has always been a strong base for providing good friends. Here, many of the members actually live fairly far away and have been assigned to attend here in an effort to bolster the needs of the members. The members who actually live near here are so deprived of worldly goods, confidence, good health, and spiritual strength that I am exhausted with efforts to help, encourage, and counsel. I am grateful beyond expression for the women in my family as well as friends who keep in contact though they live far away.