Fast-forwarding through life

     Over a decade ago, I volunteered to take on the task of typing my dad's journals into the computer so copies could be made for everyone in the family to read at their leisure. Because I don't work on it every day, it is taking me awhile. In doing this typing, I am learning the effects of a personal history. It's amazing how many of life's details we forget. It's also amazing how differently we may view things due to a variety of perspectives. I find myself mentally traveling back in time as I picture people, places, and incidences. Often I have a warm feeling, remembering people I love and don't see very often, or maybe will never again see in this life. Sometimes I feel sorrow remembering a difficult time for someone or a traumatic event. It's almost like watching a movie where days, weeks, months, or years go by in rapid succession and your emotions run the gamut of reactions to what is going on. For the most part, life just goes on day after day. Getting up, brushing teeth, taking out trash, fixing meals, running errands, visiting and being visited..... But it's that everyday, simplicity repeated over and over that defines us. There are those who spend endless hours seeking entertainment and self-gratification. Their journals would be a record of movies watched, novels read, restaurants visited, trips planned and taken, parties, vacations..... For my dad, it was endless hours of fixing, improving, helping, serving, with any rare moment NOT accomplishing something being notably labelled "goofing off". It seems to me that just about everything comes down to where to draw lines. I remember resenting my dad for not being around much. Yet, I am proud of him when I hear about or remember the many people he has helped and the many physical buildings and places that bear the witness of his meticulous work. I guess when it comes right down to it, I am grateful for both of my parents. They were loving, serving, sacrificing, honest, just plain GOOD people. Any little thing I might be able to "fault" really doesn't matter. They may have drawn a line in a little different place than I would. That's okay. They were completely on the GOOD side of the line between people that leave a positive impact on the world and those who don't. I just hope my posterity will feel that way about me after I'm gone. I want to endure to the end in being GOOD.

Differences

This is especially for anyone who has ever spoken derisively of another using descriptions like "neat freak" or "OCD" or "overly meticulous". I'm just needing to think something through and would appreciate any input. This is mostly philosophical, worldly analysis as opposed to ultimate total truth. I am always working at avoiding contention because I find it unpleasant. I love to learn new things so I really don't think I want everyone around me to agree with me on everything. I'm just fine with me preferring strawberry and someone else chocolate, or me preferring blue and someone else green, or me preferring walking and someone else running. Since we don't all have to share the same house, we can have different ways of doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. What I'm trying to figure out is where to draw a line so as to avoid as much discomfort as possible. It seems to me that most people have some area of their everyday life that they focus on being "CLEAN". Some people shower at least once every day even if they don't really need to like they would if they worked somewhere that Mike Rowan would cover on his show "Dirty Jobs". They want to feel clean hair, clean skin, and have clean clothes touching them. Some people want their cars clean. It really bugs them to have the chrome not sparkle or bird poop on their roof or hood or even mud on their hubcaps. Some people like their homes clean. That would be me. I will never use plug-in deodorizers because I have empty pizza boxes sitting around for days or who-knows-what growing under my refrigerator or in the back of a closet or cupboard. I don't feel that I'm obsessive about vacuuming because I don't do it daily- especially since there are only 2 adults in our home and we aren't home all the time. When I clean my windows, I like to clean them so there are no streaks on the glass, no bugs in the sill, and no dust on the screens. But I don't clean my windows more than about 3 or 4 times a year. I like being able to find things because they have been put where they belong. I realize that everybody has a different opinion on where things belong. Some people may prefer drinking glasses in the cupboard by the sink, some in a cupboard by the refrigerator. But it's good to have all the glasses in one place so you don't have to open every cupboard and drawer to find enough glasses to set the table! I feel like it's an illogical waste of time to have to spend minutes/hours/days looking for something simply because someone "carelessly" laid it down without thinking, even if that was myself. I tend to put things away whenever I notice them in an illogical place, not because I'm obsessed with having everything "look nice" but because I want to be able to find it when I need it. I like to wipe the counters and table because I hate having jelly or crumbs stuck unexpectedly to something I put down on that surface. I put our toaster away in a cupboard because it doesn't get used every day and I don't like having the counter so cluttered I can't effectively use it as a work space. I shake the crumbs out of the toaster after using it because I don't want to have to clean the cupboard frequently where I store the toaster or attract bugs to the feast of bread crumbs on the surface of the cupboard. (I also knew somebody once whose cupboards caught on fire because the crumbs in the toaster on the counter caught fire.) I like the filter in the vacuum cleaner clean because I don't like the way it smells when it is full of hair, lint, dust, etc. that has been stewing in it for weeks on end.
So, my question is, where is it appropriate to draw the line between being a "slob" and being "OCD"? As I mentioned before, we don't all share the same house so where you draw the line is up to you and where I draw the line is up to me. The problem comes when two or more people do share a house and they have a different idea of how neat to be. It's easy to resent each other. The one closer to super-neat can resent the messes left by the not-so-neat. The slob can resent what they interpret as an implication that things should have been picked up or cleaned up and weren't. How often should things be cleaned? Personally, I don't like to have the job of cleaning a refrigerator that has been storing stuff for months that was never moved. (I'm not talking ketchup or mustard or soy sauce or whatever- I'm talking about food.) Sometimes the container can be ruined by the stain of mold or the stink of rotten food. What a waste! It seems logical to me to keep track of what's in the fridge. Use it while it's good or give it or throw it away. I have been in homes where I was reluctant to sit on any furniture because it was covered with food, hair, mud, and who knows what. I don't ever want anyone to feel that way in my home. I want even surprise guests to feel comfortable enough to sit on my couch or a chair or even eat off my table. I'm not talking about the clutter of a major project being worked on or the scattered toys of children. I'm talking about dirt..... filth.... build-up.
So, I will try not to criticize you for your housekeeping if you try not to criticize me for being a "neat freak".

Even if I'm annoying

     I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost. He has many jobs: confirm, comfort, teach, guide, warn, edify. Today I am especially grateful for his teachings. I have been feeling some self-doubt lately, for a number of reasons- nothing really big. I just have been questioning the way my enthusiastic desire to "help" or "teach" is sometimes misinterpreted by some. I have been wondering how many have found me to be obnoxious because I am perhaps too eager to serve. I have absolutely no desire to compete with others or be selfish or brag or be manipulative. But "being without guile" and trying hard to do good can sometimes be taken by others as self-righteousness or superiority. I get anxious about that because it is truly NOT my intent! So, other than sitting silently in a corner, staying out of people's way, how can I avoid that impression? Basically, that is what has been running in my mind, causing me to feel close to tears and question everything I do or say. In the midst of that depressing stream of thought, the Spirit whispered, "Satan can deceive even the very elect." Aha!
     In the 24th chapter of Matthew, Jesus mentions that false prophets in the last days will deceive even the very elect. John, in the 12th chapter of Revelations says that Satan, or the Devil, "deceiveth the whole world". I know Satan is just as real as God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. He has wanted to gain our Father's power and be superior to Christ since before the Earth was created. He continues to hope that he can gain an army large enough to take over. He knows that most of God's children will not be attracted by outright evil- murder, rape, abuse, torture, destruction, and other forms of harming God's children and creations. If he can get us to call evil good and good evil, as Isaiah (Isa 5:20) and Moroni (Mor 7:14-15) warned, he can gain a larger army to fight God's standard of righteousness. The world is in mass confusion over what is right when it comes to sexual relations, abortion, use of drugs for recreation, and the meaning of family. Many of God's children are struggling with standards God has set because the world is shouting at them such different messages. One of the ways Satan deceives even the "elect" (meaning those who truly want and strive to follow God's Son) is discouragement. If we make mistakes, which we all do, he will make us feel like we can never be forgiven or never improve. As for me, even when I try to do what's right, if he can get me to doubt myself to the point that I just don't do ANYTHING, he wins. Isn't there a saying something like "The only thing Satan needs in order to win is for good men to do nothing"?? So, today I have learned that I must continue to strive to do good things, even if I am misinterpreted or misunderstood. God knows my heart. I just need to keep striving to keep my heart pure- to be humble, teachable, and obedient to correct principles. I am truly sorry if I have seemed obnoxious to anyone. But I can't give up. I just need to keep trying, even if I'm annoying.

Great are the words of Isaiah

     I have decided I want to know my Heavenly Father better. I have read scriptures quite a bit and pondered what angle I could use to make my study more fruitful. Jesus himself promoted Isaiah as a great prophet writer so I figured maybe I could benefit from reading that book again. I was struck with Isaiah 33:14-16.
The sinners in Zion are afraid; fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings? 
He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil; He shall dwell on high: his place of defence shall be the munitions of rocks: bread shall be given him; his waters shall be sure.
     Isaiah, as a prophet, speaks outside of time as measured by mortal beings. His words might apply to people in his lifetime, or in the future, or WAYYY in the future. But the principle is the same. If we want to not feel afraid, we need to walk and speak righteously. What does that mean? Can we just determine for ourselves what is right and fair? I, for one, don't feel qualified to set a standard like that. I have no interest in judging others. I'm grateful God is as merciful as He is considering that He is perfect and powerful. However, He will judge everyone. He has given us the agency (freedom) to decide for ourselves what standard we want to go by. We can choose what we think is right. I have not yet met a human being whose judgment I would trust as the ultimate standard to go by. That's why I read scriptures and pray. I trust God, not man.
     Paul has given nice lists to add to Isaiah's warnings of how to survive "everlasting burnings". I would suggest Colossians 3:12-17 as a good start for anyone who wants to know what God's standards are. But anyone can choose to just be the way they are, or seek a higher path.
     Last night we went to the newest James Bond movie. True to the genre it was full of action, violence, bloodshed, and nasty people. I didn't get as upset as I did when we went to see "Unbroken" some months ago. But the basic sorrow is the same. How can human beings actually ENJOY hurting other people and be entertained by watching people hurt other people? I realize there is necessary opposition in the world. I realize that "realism" includes gratuitous sex, self-indulgence, hate, killing, greed, and basic nastiness. But I worry when human beings actually PREFER all that to the moral messages we used to get in "Lassie" or "Father Knows Best" or "Dumbo" or countless movies and shows that didn't get adrenalin pumping for 2 hours at a time. Do we "stop our ears from hearing of blood" or "shut our eyes from seeing evil"? Or do we lap it up like hungry dogs and feel refreshed and excited by it? Everybody gets to choose.............

Old friends and New

     I haven't been posting much because we have reached a point here in the Nauvoo temple when there is a very large group of wonderful people gradually departing so we have been busy and preoccupied. It's heart-wrenching. Those who serve as LDS missionaries sacrifice time, money, and effort to serve God and His children. That makes them pretty good people. Those who are serving here in the temple are older people who have spent a lifetime serving others. They are truly the cream of the crop. I have mentioned before that I feel pretty intimidated among these valiant Saints. I am younger and way less experienced than nearly all of them. I am amidst so many who have served in pretty impressive positions in the church. They are past the need to impress others so their expressions and efforts are genuine. They are all very different in their backgrounds (family size, occupations, places of residence, education) and their tastes and preferences. However, they labor unceasingly even when tired, willingly even when not in agreement with certain policies or procedures, and in harmony with love and peace in their countenances. It has been said that this is a little glimpse into Heaven. I think it is. It has made me more determined than ever to embrace my Savior's atonement, to gratefully accept grace, so that I can live forever with the kind of people who diligently strive to follow Jesus's example in all they say and do. There are going to be a few new couples arriving soon. I'm sure they will be as exemplary as the ones leaving. Later next spring, there will be another turnover of personnel here. It will be just as heart-wrenching, I'm sure. I'm trying to just be grateful for now and not mourn their departure. I try to have that same feeling about others I have loved who are gone from my life- family members and friends. Some day I will no longer have to say goodbye.