Was I flippant??

     I have noticed over the years that when people get older (especially women), they can sometimes get more touchy/sensitive. Since I am in my own body and head, I can't tell how I may be different from what I was when younger. I do notice that I am occasionally taken aback by the reactions of those "close" to me. I guess I expect pleasant, comfortable communication but sometimes I feel like I am barely tolerated. I try to think back 30 or 40 years to remember how I spoke to others. Was I confident or familiar enough that I was overly casual in my manner so I came off to others as what I would now call flippant? Do I now or did I then off-handedly dismiss others as being irrelevant?
     More and more I am realizing that every human is really unique. We often search for things we have in common when talking to strangers or new acquaintances in an effort to reach common ground and establish a comfortable relationship. Once we establish that, we smile or even laugh more easily together. As time goes by, we discover more about each other, sometimes commonalities and sometimes differences. Depending on the issue or degree of difference, the difference can spark interest or distance. When someone has had a career about which I know nothing, I am eager to learn about it. When someone expresses a very different opinion on a moral issue I feel strongly about, a gap begins. Between a young person and an older person, sometimes a difference can be easily dismissed as a generational thing- less important and maybe even unavoidable. The same can be said of differences due to major cultural expectations and practices.
     I keep coming back to my quandary about Heaven or the celestial kingdom or Zion or whatever you want to call a society that will last forever in the company of God. It's a given that we are all different but Jesus said "Be one even as my Father and I are one" and "If ye are not one, ye are not mine." I am really looking forward to seeing just how this is going to be accomplished. What things are going to be differences that we accept, like some liking blue better than yellow, and what things will need to be worked out/compromised? How much do we strive to be alike? When is it more kind or polite to smile and nod rather than express an opposing opinion? How do we avoid becoming insincere or syrupy placating yet also avoid dissension? This is my quandary.........

Raising children

     I remember my mother asking me, when I was a teenager, why I wasn't friends with a certain girl whose parents were upstanding members of the community and who got excellent grades. I was always on the honor roll and usually on the high honor roll. I was in the choir and usually had a major part in the school musical so I was no slacker. I thought my friends were pretty decent people but my mother could see that I tended to make some choices that were not as likely to improve my life. Now that I am older, I see why she wanted to influence my choice of friends.
     I taught my sons how to cook, sew, and clean as well as the "more manly" mowing lawn and chopping firewood. I taught my daughters to do yard work and shovel snow as well as the "more motherly" child care and organizing the house. But mostly, I taught my children to not be afraid to "get their hands dirty" doing physical labor. I taught them the importance of doing their share of the work to avoid unfairly burdening others. I taught them to be honest, helpful, considerate, and clean. As adults, all of my children are assets to their family, friends, and the world in general. But I could not choose their friends. Not all of their closest relationships are balanced. It's a bit frustrating to see these good people be taken advantage of. Not all of those that have become a major part of their lives give to them as much as they get in return from them. In trying to analyze it, I guess I still did it right. I still think that doing your best, treating others as you would have them treat you (not AS they treat you), and going the extra mile are all the right principles. Even if those I have had the opportunity and responsibility of nurturing and training don't get rewards for their goodness NOW, they will ultimately. When they face themselves near or at the end of life, they will have fewer regrets than many. They will be able to humbly acknowledge they weren't perfect, but will know they sincerely did their best. They will be loved and appreciated by lots of other people who recognize goodness and hard work. They will be smiled upon by a loving Father in Heaven who sees their hearts and knows their intentions. I'm sorry if they are being taken advantage of now, but grateful they are not taking advantage of others now.

Is danger real?

     These are the days of great spiritual danger for this people. The world is spiraling downward at an every-quickening pace. I am sorry to tell you that it will not get better. I know of nothing in the history of the Church or in the history of the world to compare with our present circumstances. Nothing happened in Sodom and Gomorrah which exceeds the wickedness and depravity which surrounds us now. Satan uses every intrigue to disrupt the family. The sacred relationship between man and woman, husband and wife, through which mortal bodies are conceived and life is passed from one generation to the next generation , is being showered with filth. Profanity, vulgarity, blasphemy, and pornography are broadcast into the homes and minds of the innocent. Unspeakable wickedness, perversion, and abuse- not even exempting little children- once hidden in dark places, now seeks protection from courts and judges....The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were localized. They are now spread across the world... The first line of defense- the home- is crumbling. (Boyd K. Packer, Feb 28, 2004, BYU Devotional)
     If that doesn't put a little bit of fear in you, you need to read it again, or maybe ask God if one who has been appointed a prophet, seer, and revelator, is indeed a spokesman for Him. For the first time in many years, Russ and I occasionally watch network tv- mostly Wheel of Fortune, but also some old classic tv shows. As I considered the commercials, I thought about what a press agent or an advertising campaign for God and Jesus Christ might be like. Although there are laws about truth in advertising, no ad agency is above bending the truth a little. The major emphasis is on getting attention and causing a desire for something. Oddly enough, God has appointed press agents of a sort. All those who are willing to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ are given the responsibility to share what they know- to bear their testimony and to repent and to call others to repentance. I mentioned in a previous blog the concept of expectations. Well, God does have expectations of us- at the very least He has hopes  that we will come through for Him. He doesn't really need anybody. He is capable of doing everything and anything. However, He does love us- more than we can even comprehend. He hopes that we care enough about Him and each other to do whatever small and simple thing we can to ensure that we and even one other person returns to be with Him forever. That would make Him very happy.

Expectations

     "And it shall come to pass..., that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions"(Joel 2:28) "This is not poetry, not is it allegory; it is description of reality as it will be. Some of it will happen so gradually that you may not notice it......That scripture does not say that your sons and your daughters may claim the gift of prophecy by the Spirit. It says that they will. It doesn't say that your young men may see visions. It says that they will....The Spirit will be poured out, but it will wash over some and fall to the ground and fail to make a difference. The Spirit will be poured out, but choices must be made in faith to receive spiritual power. That is how we can and must make a difference. Whether or not that outpouring of the Spirit on all flesh brings prophecies and visions and safety to the young people we love will depend upon their choices. And you know the choices they must make that matter most. So you can make it far more likely that they will choose what will let them claim a constant companionship of the Spirit. That is what they can have. That is what they must have. It begins with expectations, yours and theirs. If you expect little, they will feel your lack of faith in them and in the Lord's promised outpouring of the Spirit. If you communicate, by word or action or even by the tome of voice, that you doubt their spiritual capacity, they will doubt it. If you see in them the potential Joel describes, they will at least have the chance to see it in themselves. your choices of what you expect will have powerful effect on their choices of what to expect of themselves." (Henry B. Eyring, CES Training broadcast, 4 Aug 2004)
     After reading the entire talk by President Eyring, Russ and I had quite a discussion about expectations. I have heard many people express a distaste for expectations. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of having expectations of anyone, themselves or others, because it is a form of "judgment", an awareness of a flaw and a hope to change it. I have heard mothers express that it isn't fair for the eldest child to be expected to be an example to younger siblings because it puts too much pressure on them. I have heard people express that it is unfair to expect a child to serve a mission, get good grades in school, graduate or seek further education. Some people say it's unfair to expect people to work; that socialistic ideals of work being for those who select it while others may reap equal rewards simply by nature of existence. I know I'm going a bit far but my point is, when is it fair to have expectations?
     Russ pointed out that it could be explained as a 3-step process: desire, expectation, demand. At first, there is a desire for a certain outcome. If the desire is deemed worthy, it becomes an expectation. When the expectation isn't met, it becomes a demand. It seems that the ideal would be to analyze the first step- desire. God has promised us every righteous desire of our hearts, if we are obedient to righteous principles. God is wise. His promise is fair. So, it is essential that we determine if our desire is, indeed, righteous- but that requires some sort of standard. Who determines righteousness? For those who choose not to believe in God or even just have no interest in finding out what He wants, their only standard would be whatever seems right or good to them, which can be a fairly self-centered guide. A better one might be whatever is good for the "masses"- society of man in general. Since we are all so different, that might be difficult to determine. It sure seems to me that the ideal is to seek the wisdom of a superior Being and go with that. Once a desire is determined to be fair and righteous, then it's for the benefit of everyone and anyone to have an expectation. (If a parent determines that brushing teeth is best for everyone's overall health, it's fair to expect a child to brush their teeth, whether or not they want to.) In the case of rebellion, the expectation escalates to a demand with some sort of immediate consequences because the long-term consequence of not brushing teeth is unavoidable, expensive, and impossible to undo. Hence, the one with greater wisdom is "fair" in having expectations to the point of demanding.
     God has expectations of His children, all of us. Occasionally He has demanded and applied immediate consequences. Unfortunately, most of the consequences we will receive are like not brushing teeth, unavoidable and impossible to undo without great expense on our part. He has warned us through prophets that "now is the day of your mortal probation... don't procrastinate until it is everlastingly too late." He loves us and has expectations. He has also told us that when we have been warned (or recognize the warning) we should warn our neighbors.

Motivation

     We can't really choose what inborn talents we want to have or skills we easily develop. However, we CAN choose our motivation in every endeavor. It's common to use incentives to motivate- a gold medal for an Olympic athlete, fame and glory for a political leader, wealth for an entertainer or choosing an occupation and achieving a level in it. Choosing and responding to a motivation makes a big difference in the ultimate outcome, especially in our personal development.
     For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God, except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing. For behold, it is not counted unto him for righteousness. For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God. And likewise also is it counted evil unto a man, if he shall pray and not with real intent of heart; yea, and it profiteth him nothing, for God receiveth none such. Wherefore, a man being evil cannot do that which is good; neither will he give a good gift. (Moroni7:6-9)
     As I read that, I can just hear voices I have heard saying something like, "Well at least I did it!" It can seem unfair that we don't get "credit" for doing something even if we have a poor attitude. Consider being an employer who has given a similar task to two employees, one who does it willingly and understanding the purpose of the task therefore working for the goal of doing it well simply for the results, and the other doing the task with an attitude of fear they'll lose the job or get demoted or maybe just hoping to impress the boss by doing it quickly. Which employee seems most desirable for an employer?
      During His mortal ministry, Jesus tried to make a point when he washed the feet of his apostles. His disciples respected and revered Jesus, as well they should have. But he wanted them to understand that what they needed to realize was their responsibility, not their glory. Often religious leaders in all faiths are treated with reverence but, according to God, their motivation should NOT be to impress others or achieve status.
     The God-given titles of honor...associated with the several offices in and orders of the Holy Priesthood, are not to be used nor considered as are the titles originated by man; they are not for adornment nor are they expressive of mastership, but rather of appointment to humble service in the work of the one Master whom we profess to serve...We are laboring for the salvation of soils, and we should feel that this is the greatest duty devolving upon us. Therefore, we should feel willing to sacrifice everything, if need be, for the love of God, the salvation of men, and the triumph of the kingdom of God upon the earth. (Joseph F. Smith)
     Jacob, in the Book of Mormon, was also very clear as to what a "title" or "position" in the Lord's church means:
     And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own heads if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence. (Jacob 1:19)
      "Answering the sins of the people upon our own heads"?! That's a scary, major weight to carry! That is true for every one of us. We are charged with whatever our stewardship may be- large or small. Have we taught our children correct principles. We can't make their choices for them but we are accountable for teaching. Whether they learn is up to them. Every responsibility we are given throughout our whole life will be impacted by our motivation.... and every motivation we choose will have an impact on our character development. We are the sum of our choices, big and small, throughout our entire life.
     Whether we are a prophet or teacher, parent or counselor, it's not about the title or position. having either of those does not determine our worthiness in the eternal sense. Conversely, NOT having a title or position has no bearing on whether we are acceptable before the Lord. What matters is what's in our hearts- our motivation for what we do or what we avoid. Only God and our own inner voice really knows. The challenge is for us to be honest within ourselves and not seek to place blame elsewhere. Ask God for help and He gives it for His "work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life" of all His children- you and me.

What are we working for?

     I recently read an article about research done by the University of Pennsylvania and Indiana University-Purdue. They focused on the LDS Church, volunteerism and donations. It was validating to read about someone outside the Church recognizing a quality Latter Day Saints strive with so much determination to maintain. I have recently thought a lot about Christians as well as other choices of religious belief. There is definitely a difference between believing in Jesus Christ and following Him. It requires relatively little to admit you believe in a being you cannot see. It requires much more of a commitment to spend your life trying to be like Him, to the best of your ability. Russ and I have lived here in the Dayton area for not quite a month and already we have driven 1+ hours  to the temple 3 times to do work for our kindred dead, worked several hours in the bishop's storehouse filling orders for people in need, spent several hours cleaning our meetinghouse, I played the piano for Relief Society and we have both accepted callings- Russ as ward choir director and me working in the nursery. All of that while getting moved in, doing yard work including removing fencing and establishing flower beds, unpacking and setting up house and lots of related activities. Following the Savior is not for wimps!
     During His mortal ministry, Jesus warned what would be expected if we want to follow Him. One man wanted to "bury his father" first and Jesus told him to "Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead." This doesn't mean we have to neglect funerals or mourning the loss of loved ones. He meant that the focus should be on what we need to do to declare the gospel, preach repentance, and become perfected to whatever degree we can attain more than we need to spend excessive time mourning those who have completed their mortal sojourn. At another time He said, "And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross and followeth after me is not worthy of me." He did NOT mean we should not love our parents or anyone else for that matter. In fact, one of the big Ten Commandments is to honor thy father and thy mother. Also, the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others as ourselves. No, the point is not to be so concerned about time and energy spent on family or friends that we neglect what our Savior or God would have us do; not be be so worried about what others think that we avoid looking foolish by giving of our time and resources to build His kingdom rather than chasing worldly success or popularity. And there is the classic incident with the rich young man who felt he had obeyed righteous commandments his whole life and when he asked the Savior what more he could do, the Savior replied, "If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me." Again, we are not expected to avoid owning anything. It would be illogical for every single follower of Christ to live without purse or scrip, expecting to survive on the generosity and labors of others. No. The focus is to be more concerned with who we are striving to become eternally than to lay up for ourselves treasures where moth and rust doth corrupt. He also said, "The laborer is worthy of his hire." And, "The idle shall not eat the bread of the laborer." We need to work and earn our bread but not at the neglect of whatever our small part may be in building up the kingdom of God and our Lord on the earth. In the long run, it will be much more profitable to follow Christ than to gain a high place in Babylon.

Change

     Birth is a shock to the system -for both the mother, the infant, and even the father. There is physical pain and effort in the delivery for the mother. The infant goes from being all cozy and protected to bright lights, loud noises, cold air, and coping with everything involved in being alive on his own. The father and the mother both will be struggling for years to get to know this new human in their life and how to guide, care for, and eventually let go of him/her.
     Puberty is a challenge, too. No child is prepared for the shock of hormones running through their mind and body causing feelings they haven't felt before. There is a struggle to understand a new body. Familiar objects and activities no longer bring the comfort they might have when a young child. There are pleasant aspects, but there are rules and limits and consequences yet to fully grasp.
     Menopause brings freedom from menstruation and the concern of possible pregnancy. However, it also brings hot flashes and other discomforts. Mature age, in general, brings all sort of unexpected problems. Arthritis, prostate difficulties, loss of hearing and vision, and more- all causing anyone to wonder when to see a medical professional and when to just deal with an aging body.
     Moving to a new place involves hassles with sorting, packing, lifting, choosing, deciding, risking, and wondering how to dispose of things. Then there's the losing familiar people and places and getting acquainted with new ones. The same thing happens with a new job, too.
     All these things are examples of major changes that occur in our lives. There are lots more, of course. Changes are just plain hard. Changes can cause anxiety, sleeplessness therefore exhaustion, conflict in relationships, and countless problems. However, change can also bring advantages. I have never regretted bearing children despite the pain and turmoil. They bring great joy into my life. All the changes naturally occurring in the body can bring good experiences as well as uncomfortable ones. New places and jobs can be exciting and enriching. Although we won't see the familiar faces so often, there are marvelous ways available to communicate as well as transportation to make visits.
     Repentance is change. "Repentance is not optional for salvation; it is a commandment of God." How many times has anyone heard or said something like, "Why can't you just accept or love me or let me be the way I am?" There is always a concern for judging or criticizing. Staying the way we naturally are is certainly the easiest. Nobody can really be a legitimate judge of what we need to change in ourselves but God and our own conscience. Nobody else knows what we have already accomplished in growth toward perfection. Nobody else knows how hard change is for us. But change we must. It's not an option.

Motherhood

These are photos of the day I became a mother for the third time. My peaceful smile does not reveal the pain and agony I had just gone through nor does it give justice to the joy I felt at the birth of this child. We had prayed for him and gone to great lengths to create him. 

This is the alert face I was looking at, the curious eyes I was gazing into. Nothing could have prepared me for the frustration this boy child was going to cause. Nothing could have prepared me for the intense sorrow created by his early departure from earthly existence.
     I could fill books (and actually have!) with photos of the children I am delighted to call my own. I lost this boy early but gained three grandchildren, a daughter-in-law and now a new stepfather to the children. I have another son I am immensely proud of and love every minute I ever get to spend with him. He has also blessed me with a wife and three grandchildren. I have an unofficially adopted son who has brought laughter and awe into my life along with an unofficial daughter-in-law that I love dearly and 5 precious, wonderful children.
     Then there are my 2 daughters. My older daughter can only be described as a fireball. Despite concerns I had with her constant inattention to completion as a teenager, she has always been the first to offer help, give generously to others, and invite others into her circle of love and friendship as well as into our home and family. She has courage and an artistic eye not to be rivaled.... except maybe by a slightly different artistic ability in her sister, my other daughter. My younger daughter also has a very generous heart which has sometimes made her vulnerable to hurt. Although she lacks the confidence of her older sister, she doesn't have any less ability.
     I could not be any more grateful for those who have made me a mother. We love each other even with differences. We can laugh together despite the trials and pain life hands us. We can trust each other and rely on support despite all too common and too distant geographical gaps. If my Heavenly Parents love me like I love my children (which they do and even more!), I am assured of being loved forever no matter how weak, troublesome, even foolish I may be.

And speaking of time....

     I started sewing for other people for pay many years ago, about 1971 I think. Decades later, when women would come to me with mending, alteration, or fabrication requests, sometimes they would apologize saying they knew they could manage to sew but just didn't want to put in the time and effort. They were sometimes impressed with my abilities in sewing. Although I was grateful for their respect and admiration, I usually just said that I had put so many hours into sewing that I could only expect to be better at it. If I hadn't gotten better after all that effort, there would be something wrong with me!
     As I near 70 years of age, I feel like I have had sufficient experience and spent sufficient time thinking and analyzing that I have gained just a little bit of wisdom. I am open about my ineptitude in technology or even much of machinery. But I have learned some things. It's discouraging when what I have to offer is not only not respected but even completely rejected. If I have not had the exact experience someone else has had, my thoughts are worthless. On the contrary, I think it's very possible, and should be expected, to learn general principles from specific experiences. If someone else has a pain in their foot and I have had a pain in my arm, I can still comprehend and sympathize even though my pain was slightly different. If I have learned to be more patient in awaiting an outcome in a situation, I can express advice to someone else to be patient and wait in a situation not entirely the same.
     Today in Sunday School, we talked about the prophet Balaam who, at first adamantly refused to try to perform anything contrary to the Lord's will but later started on his way to giving in to the pleadings of a rich and powerful man. The question was posed how do we sometimes justify circumventing or even defying a commandment of the Lord. One of the ways is to consider prophets as "just men". Well, they are only men, but they are also in a position to give counsel from God. We each have the opportunity to ignore, refute, disbelieve, or follow them. Sometimes people will complain about Church leaders (especially when they don't like the counsel being given) that they are old and out of touch. That can be true of worldly leaders. Kings or life-time politicians can often be distant from those they govern so their decrees and policies can be all wrong. However, when a man speaks for God, how can he be considered out of touch? Our reaction if ever we are doubtful should always be to pray to God directly for His confirmation of what has been said. We do not have to blindly follow and, in fact, should not blindly follow. We have been given individual agency and should use it responsibly in studying, pondering, and praying to know truth for ourselves. A prophet's voice should just be a confirmation of what we have already felt for ourselves, or maybe in the opposite order when it has to do with something we hadn't even been considering.
     Being old does NOT denote worthlessness.

It takes time......

     Much as we would like to consider ourselves flexible in adapting to surroundings, familiarity and comfort do not happen quickly or easily. No matter how nice a new neighborhood is, it takes awhile to get to know the people around you. No matter how much you like a new job, it takes awhile to get acclimated to the surroundings and responsibilities associated with it. Marriage and family are simply a never-ending cause for adjustments as people change individually, new babies enter the family, older teens leave the family, etc. I had several occasions to be a leader at Girls Camp (LDS short summer camp for young women). Many girls came "kicking and screaming" to have the opportunity to live in the rough (more or less, depending on the stake and campsite). Yet, very few girls left without some reluctance to leave the people they had gotten close to and the feelings they felt. The final evening was usually a testimony meeting and usually there were few dry eyes. I just took a few days of adjusting from their normal daily routines and becoming familiar with the rhythm of camp.
     Over the past 40+ years, I have noticed a similar adjustment in attending the temple. When we first started going to the temple, we usually would go for 2 days since it was to far to drive for just a session or two. It took the first half a day, at least, to "shut out" the world. There is so much in our lives to plan, worry about, schedule, and decide. Focusing on eternity just doesn't happen in the first several hours of being in the temple. I have been deeply affected by the light that comes into my mind in the temple but it generally requires time. My mind continues to focus on work needing to be done, errands to run, worries about family members, plans to make, and fears about various problems for the first several hours in the temple. Even though it's quiet and peaceful, my mind continues to be busily preoccupied with "Babylon" rather than heaven or Zion. I can understand why some LDS members choose to serve repeated missions. While on the Lord's errand, the Spirit is so strong. Once back in the world, the Spirit can feel elusive. I was nearly constantly enlightened and uplifted during our mission in the Nauvoo temple. I could actually witness the Lord's hand nearly every single day. I felt my mind expand and open to understanding and peace and love. It was wonderful and I really miss it. We go to the temple now but it's about an hour away and we go for two successive sessions (a total of 4 hours) and it's much harder to sense the still, small voice. I want so badly to focus on heaven instead of Babylon! I yearn for the peace and love and enlightenment the Spirit brings. I can resort to blame, but it's truly me that has to make the concerted effort, no matter what is going on around me. It's just hard.