Entertaining boys

This is the face of a young man happy to be driving even though he is legally too young to do so! Here in Sun City, golf carts are a common sight. They are used by many people for all the things they would use a car for and sometimes they are the only vehicle they own. When our daughter Angela and family came at Thanksgiving time, our neighbor kindly let us borrow his golf cart for a little recreational time for the boys. We had used the cart when James's family was here over the summer, too, and it was a big hit then. The photo above is Joshua, who will probably have a drivers license in a few more years and will be a good driver.

 

The second photo is Martin. He did pretty well driving. (They both only drove in an empty parking lot.) But due to autism, we don't know if or when Martin, who will be 16 all too soon, will be able to drive. This was a big event for both of them. Here in Sun City, there is very little entertainment available for young people. James's family found that out when they were here for an extended visit. The kids were really pleasant about the horribly hot temperatures and recreational venue limits set on them (because they are not yet 55), but it required some real creativity.  The photo below shows the creativity of the boys here at Thanksgiving time.  My sister Gloria's 3 boys were added to Angela's 3 boys. Since they were not allowed on the golf course and didn't want to just sit in front of a tv or even read all the time, they got out what "building materials" were available to them (they all have lots of Legos at home) and they created something. This is a combination of chess pieces, dominos, and Jenga blocks. Pretty interesting.......

My best Christmas gift!

I have been struggling over what I could possibly give to my mother for a gift. It's not that I am insistent on giving gifts at Christmas-- or any other occasion. But Mom is now on hospice care and no longer able to swallow very well and losing weight so it looks like she won't be around TOO much longer. She really doesn't need anything. I can't giver her candy because she can't eat it. There are very few clothing items she could possibly use and the practical part of me just feels that anything extra she has will just have to be disposed of eventually.  But Mom loves music and church. We had a Christmas "sing-a-long" today at church. I decided to ask the people in attendance if anyone would be willing to drive over to the care center afterwards to sing to my mother. Some of the people remember her but some never really knew her. She has been in the care center for over 5 years now. Up until over 2 years ago I rolled her over to church on Sundays but there was a time when she could no longer manage going. She used to sing faithfully in the ward choir. The sing-a-long wasn't really super well attended. This is a busy time of year and people had other things to do. So I wasn't really expecting very many people to come. But the number of hands held up at the question of who might be able to go sing took me by surprise. On the spur of the moment, about 20 people were willing to convene at the care center and sing a cappela to my mother.

It was so touching to see her mouth the words along with the familiar Christmas songs and she just beamed! The people who came were touched, too. A few times we struggled to keep singing due to the tears in our eyes and the constricted throats. A few other residents heard the singing and came to listen. Mom felt like the star of the show when everyone greeted her, hugged and kissed her and wished her a Merry Christmas.

At the end of our singing, a manager came out to talk to us and was not at all surprised to find out we were LDS. He said, "I could tell you were LDS before I even came out and was told."  He was delighted to have us there.I know there are people who are a bit put-off at the attitude of Latter-Day Saints. We don't mean to be at all exclusionary but there is truly a spirit about active  Latter-Day Saints. We strive to follow the Savior in our everyday lives. Sometimes that is recognized. Being a part of a good group of people, especially in this increasingly self-centered, troubled world, feels really good. The instantaneous willingness to take time to do something nice like this just filled my heart to overflowing!

I wish I had more pictures for this blog but these are the only two I have. These are pictures of an army. This army is worldwide and includes millions of people- some you might know and some that might surprise you. Yesterday in Yarnell, AZ ( most of the town citizens were burned out or touched in some major way by a major wildfire there several months ago), we numbered well over 100 from all ages and occupations, everything from young children to older people who are physically disabled. We worked hard and most of us got pretty dirty and sweaty but, everyone had a job they could do and they did it with joy and enthusiasm.

The second picture is from longer ago and includes some of my grandchildren. My oldest son recently served as a part of this army but I don't have a picture. He was helping with clean-up after Hurricane Sandy. My older daughter and her family also have served in this army. They helped awhile ago with evacuation then clean-up after flooding in Minot, ND.
Many more years ago, I gave a ride to a friend to the MTC in Provo, Utah. I remember so vividly feeling a surge of emotion as the crowded room there watched videos and sang songs about serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons-like the Mormon Helping Hands in these pictures). I was so thrilled that this young man with me was joining this army of wonderful people whose mission is to serve the Lord finding others who want to do the same thing but may not know how. None of the members of this army are perfect as an example to follow in everything they do- but they are trying. I am proud to be a part of this army and look forward to the day when I can spend all my time, at least for a couple of years, on a mission to teach those who want to hear, like this part of the army- now including my oldest grandson.

Who's the judge?

     I just attended a "Talent Search" here in Sun City. As you can imagine, since you have to be over 55 to live here, the contestants were, shall we say- "not young"? There was a group of 22 women, former cheerleaders maybe, aged 57-80 that did a pom pom routine. The contestants had been pre-screened by previous auditions so this group of 12 semi-finalists were to be judged to continue on to the finals. There were two "official" judges, both connected to the entertainment industry, and the audience all had ballots to fill in. The pom pom girls were pretty good for their age but I don't think they would be as impressive if not for their advanced years. Since all the other acts were single individuals, there were more audience members to vote for the pom pom girls than for any other act. I seriously doubt they would have been voted on to the next round in comparison to the other acts if not for the audience vote.
     This has gotten me thinking about judging. I can't understand, for instance, why some movie star is interviewed on a tv show to give advice on raising children, or a sports star to give advice on dating, or a music star to show how to cook. Would it be appropriate for an expert equestrian to audition opera singers? Should a knowledgeable architect rate a heart surgeon's work? How is it determined who should act as a fair judge in anything? How is it determined who is an expert in anything enough to act as a judge? There are many different aspects of every category and generally there is ample room for widely varying opinions on how well something works, how it looks, how much effort is required to use each method to accomplish the task at hand, etc. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, and that is also true of nearly every aspect of anything. How about character? Who has a legitimate right to judge whether a person's character is "good" or "bad"? Even in what could be considered extreme situations, there can be differing opinions. For instance, most people would judge that killing a child is bad. What about abortion? What about war? We humans are all constantly viewing the world around us and trying to decide what we agree with. We "judge" all day every day.
     The scriptures say, "with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall be judged". Most people are quick to remind others to simply not judge. That really doesn't work. When anyone adopts a "herd mentality" and goes along with what people around them are doing rather than think things out for himself, really bad things can happen. We have all seen images of riots and there are way too many examples of genocide in the history of the world. Such people have no self-confidence in determining for themselves what should or should not be done. They are trusting too much that others are choosing what is best. On the other hand, a person who claims to be a rebel can be just as unthinking. To choose a path simply because others are NOT choosing it is just as foolish. A rebel has too much self-pride and trusts very few others. Neither way is going to work to judge what is right (good) or wrong (bad). So, who is to define what makes "good" character? God? By whose definition would that be? I certainly would not agree with the judgments of the god chosen by radical extremists in ANY religion. For me, that would even include those who make "God" someone who is so totally forgiving and loving that He doesn't care what you do as long as you say you believe in him. Simple vocal declaration of belief means very little. The way you live is more of a declaration that means something. When can you believe a hypocrite or a liar?
     The bottom line is, we each choose/judge. God will for sure have the ultimate word on everything and when we all face the ultimate judgment, we'll find out. In the meantime, until we die or the Second Coming occurs (whichever happens first), we will continue to judge all day every day. We judge for ourselves how important it is to be honest, to be helpful, kind, forgiving, willing to sacrifice our time or energy to benefit others, to make the effort to learn, to spend endless hours in self-entertainment and self-indulgence. In essence, we are our own judges. God is not going to force anyone to Heaven. He only wants to spend eternity with those of His children who want to spend eternity with Him because we want what He wants. If you want to destroy the lives of those who don't believe as you do, you will spend eternity with beings who want to do that, too. If you want to work hard so you aren't a burden to others, you will spend eternity with those who are also willing to work hard. If you want peace, you will spend eternity with peaceful beings. YOU are the judge.

Don't blame God

     No matter how many times I talk about choices/agency, I still wonder how many people actually understand the ramifications of this incredible blessing. God is all-powerful and all-wise, but He does NOT want to be a puppeteer. People often complain about all the tragedies in the world and question the very existence, much less the wisdom, of God. This mortal experience isn't really a "test" in the way most people think. It's not a "pass or fail" kind of test, given by a superior being who is hoping to somehow give us trick questions or make it really hard. It's an opportunity to be totally on our own, away from His presence, to experience good, bad, pain, pleasure, happiness, sorrow, and develop our own character based on what we decide we like or don't like. The choice isn't simply to make a statement and figure we'll get what we said we want, like asking for chocolate chip ice cream at the ice cream shoppe. We choose what we want by the way we choose to live our life, the everyday choices of what we do, think, and say. You can't claim to prefer honesty if you are in the habit of telling lies. You can't say you like things neat and clean if you live like a slob.
     Everybody has challenges to overcome. There are major issues that come with having a physical, imperfect body, for instance: Downs syndrome, Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, autism, even pyromaniac tendencies, obsessive-compulsive disorder, kleptomania, etc. God didn't put the imperfect genes purposely in bodies for these problems to develop to make it hard for some, more than others. However, He does ALLOW them, knowing that ultimately we gain by struggling. Even more prevalent are: pride, laziness, anger, cynicism, self-centeredness, greed, etc. The scriptures are full of advice on how to be the way God would prefer us to be, the way we HAVE to be if we want to live in His society. He would prefer us to choose to be like Him, and our Savior, but He leaves it up to us to make that choice. If we think being hard-working is uncomfortable, we don't have to be that way. However, we don't get to sit around and "let" others who choose to work hard do all the heavy lifting simply because we "like" other things. If we find it difficult to be totally honest in all things, we can choose to tell stories the way we want. But we don't get to live with people we know we can trust all the time and try to color the world just to be however it suits us. We can't hold grudges or feelings of smugness and expect others to forgive US our trespasses or love US the way we are or encourage US with compliments and pats on the back. It just wouldn't work. The universe will never revolve around one individual.
      But we need to remember, whatever weakness we have, from mental illness to laziness, does NOT define who we are. We are not "bad" because we tell a lie. We become "bad" when we habitually avoid the truth then justify the lies. We are not "bad" because we feel anger. We become "bad" when we refuse to repent and continue to hold the anger all the while blaming someone else's choice rather than recognizing that no one can make us be angry. We are not "bad" for feeling pride in our abilities or accomplishments. We become "bad" when we look down at everyone else and criticize them for not being as good as we are along with refusing to see the things they do well, even things that we may do poorly ourselves.
     The very worst thing anyone can do is give up. That doesn't mean we can't get tired and want a break. That doesn't mean we can't just rest a bit. We just can't give in to the impulse to think that wherever we are is far enough. We can't think that it's just not possible for us to keep going. Once we stop believing that we are capable of being what God thinks we are capable of being, then we quit trying. Then we are stuck. That's where we will stay because nobody, not even God, is going to force us to get up and keep going. We will get nudges and nagging, but not force. We will be who we decide to be. We can't blame anyone else- not even God.

What can we expect?

I enjoy laughing, I really do. It's nice to feel at ease enough to laugh- not the kind of awkward laughter when someone is embarrassed or the constant chuckle of those who are mentally "on the edge"- but the relaxed chuckle that starts deep down inside. I have a hard time with people who are so anxious to laugh that they try to make nearly everything into a joke. They often end up being crude or insulting in some way. It should come naturally- not forced.  Humor is one of our human emotions, and it's a good one when appropriate.
Women tend to be more emotional than men- in general. Because we are often the trusted caregivers to children, the sick and afflicted, and the elderly, we tend to think sympathetically and are more careful of humor that might cause pain. "Teasing" can be all in good fun but, often, it goes too far, too deep, or on for too long. When dealing with the innocence of children or those who may have the innocence of a child, I have never appreciated telling lies just to be able to laugh at their gullibility. I have a hard time with doing physical things that can endanger a child just to get a laugh from the look of fear or horror on their face. I don't care whether it's done by men or women, it's just not fair or nice.
Recently there was a list on Facebook which was mostly funny about the rules men have. They're quite true to life and pretty amusing. However, I have to take issue with the sixth #1 which is: "Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for." I could laugh at that if it weren't so sad that it's all too true. There are many difficult issues in life that simply can NOT be "solved". However, they may still be hard to deal with. I think it's entirely appropriate for spouses to consider one another as their "best friend". When my heart is breaking over something, I want to be able to share my sorrow/concern/pain with someone who cares about me, even if it's a man. What about "mourning with those that mourn"?? What about helping to carry one another's burdens? If I am frustrated with dealing with a difficult child, I realize that there isn't always a "solution" other than to hang in there in hopes they will mature enough to no longer be such a concern. If I am sad about a loved one's cancer and they are getting proper treatment but will never be cured, I don't expect someone to magically fix them. It does me no help whatsoever when I get a reaction of frustration/anger when I explain how difficult it is to deal with my aging mother who has dementia. I know the prognosis is a continual decline until death. There is no hope for improvement. I know that. Is it wrong to just want to "vent"? Is it unreasonable to want sympathy?
I have noticed that people who don't like to sympathetically listen to someone else's problems (I'm not talking about the chronic everlasting whiners), manage to justify themselves when getting angry. They are often the same people who want to force others to laugh and are annoyed when you don't find them amusing. Why is it that laughing and anger are the only "appropriate" emotions? Can women not expect men to listen with concern? Is it not possible to live with the fact that sometimes you are sad and just need a hug or a chance to express your grief? Can only women show empathy?
There is one man who shows a great deal of empathy. He has encouraged others, men and women, to lift one another's burden. He has counseled us to love one another. He has offered us encouragement and support without a "fix" for our problems. He cheers us on rather than always helping us find a way to avoid the obstacles. It is my understanding that He expects ALL of us- men and women- to treat each other the way we would want to be treated. He has shown us the example and hopes we will follow. The world would be a nicer place if everyone did that. We can't make everyone act better but we can start with ourselves and not just seek justification for "natural" behaviors.

Lesson from Father

It can be unsatisfying sometimes to try to "study" the scriptures. Maybe it would help to liken it to studying a foreign language. When you first start, you can spend a whole week only learning how to count to 20 or say the days of the week. It hardly seems worth the effort when you know you can't actually speak to someone in that language. But given enough time, you gradually pick up more vocabulary until suddenly you can read a page or understand a conversation. Reading the scriptures is similar in that, just picking them up and reading a chapter or page isn't always a really "spiritual" experience where you feel like you have connected with God. Persistence pays off when you are just going about your day and suddenly you "get it"- something about something you hear or read fits a gospel principle you have studied and it's just like a light bulb goes on in your head, or your soul. Light! Understanding! The Spirit of truth "will guide you into all truth" (John 16:13). "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth...." (D&C 88:40) It's really neat when it happens.
There is much in the news lately about the troubles in Syria and the threat of the US attempting to influence the powers that be in that nation by air strikes. On network news, there was given a list of the times that has been tried and it usually fails. The conclusion was that bombing Syria won't stop the revolt or civil war or whatever you want to call the violence going on there. Sometimes, force can actually cause someone to stop something they have been doing. For instance, spanking a child will often stop the child from pulling the cat's tail or touching a hot stove. But the major reaction to the use of superior force is fear and that can result in either of two things: simple fear or anger. (They are very closely related in case you hadn't noticed.) When someone feels fear, they are sometimes in a better position to listen humbly, as in the case of a spanked child. The child, humble as they sometimes can be, just might think "Gee, I don't like getting spanked so maybe I should do what Mommy/Daddy tells me". In the scriptures it mentions that we should "show forth an increase of love lest he esteem thee to be his enemy". When you truly love someone, you aren't into just showing your superior force. You really want them to learn a little wisdom and change their behavior. They will eventually understand that.
However, when the reaction to force is anger, there is usually either a slow simmering resentment, or an immediate attempt to seek revenge, thereby escalating the behavior and/or redirecting it. You really can't hit a child while saying, "Don't hit!" It just doesn't make sense. So, I began to understand the Savior's emphasis on being understanding, patient, long-suffering, and forgiving. In other words, because there are as many versions of how to do things as there are people, and that's a LOT, how can we ever come to agreements? The Savior has admonished us to "be one" even as He and the Father are one. I really don't think we are expected to gradually morph into clones. We all have different personalities, strengths, weaknesses, talents, etc. That's a really good thing. Variety is the spice of life and it works to well when we all bring our different offerings to the table. So, how do we manage to get along, like the people of Enoch did in Zion and like the Savior wants us to?
Satan thought all of God's children should be coerced into compliance so that all could return to be with Heavenly Father again. (Then he wanted to credit for doing it.) But God was quite clear about wanting all of His children to have their own choice. We each get to choose what kind of individual we want to be. Because we make a lot of mistakes in the process of figuring out what works and what doesn't, we often end up regretting our choices. That's what the atonement is for. As long as we are truly sorry and don't just keep making the same mistakes (that's called repenting), we will be forgiven to the point that Heavenly Father will not even remember what we did wrong! I'm sure He actually remembers because He is omniscient after all, but He won't hold it against us as we try to improve. Those who totally insist on things being their way will end someone else's life to get the power, money, revenge, or whatever it is they want. They are what God calls "sons of perdition". He has said they will not be covered by the atonement. If they decide they want to, they will have to work out their own salvation, even if it takes eternity.
So, what I realized is that force really doesn't work well and God doesn't very often resort to it because He knows that. He wants to stand back and let us figure things out for ourselves, making our own choices. We sometimes cry because we feel we don't "deserve" the pain we're receiving. Sometimes that pain is the result of someone else's use of their freedom to choose, and sometimes it's simply the consequences of our own choice. That choice includes the choice before we were born to come to the earth and receive a body so we could experience mortality. Mortality includes opposition in ALL things: joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, light and darkness. Can we ever manage to overcome the discouragement and frustration of improving ourselves and dealing with other imperfect beings? Can we ever truly change the "natural man" enough to live in peace and harmony with all of the other children of God who may have different ideas of how best to do things? Can we ever be forgiving enough to not hold grudges? Can we ever be patient enough to talk things out until we come to a consensus or compromise? God seems to think we are capable. But the change will have to occur inside us, not by any outside force or influence. It is our own choice to make.

Being alone

I really love my family. We may not always agree on everything but I so appreciate that my siblings, my parents, my children (even "adopted" ones), and grandchildren are all basically really good people. They are all honest, hardworking, dependable, and helpful. They focus more on other people for what they can possibly do to help than for fear of how they are being judged. There isn't a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. We are spread all over the globe, but when we have a chance to get together, we enjoy it. We recognize that none of us is perfect but that's okay. We love each other and feel secure in each other's love, anyway.
Having said that, I am also okay with being alone. When I was younger, my greatest fear was being alone. Even during my teenage years, I had nightmares about being left alone. I realize now that the fear I had stemmed from insecurities about myself, not knowing exactly who I was or even wanted to be. I'm not referring to being a teacher or ballerina. I mean, I wasn't sure what or who I believed in, whose example I wanted to follow, or what direction I wanted to go in my development. There are as many voices in the world to give advice as there are people. What a mess! But now I know that I need to have my own inner voice, guided occasionally by sought-out information from sources I have determined are to be trusted. I am better now at knowing when an "urge" I feel is one I want to follow, or to resist. I have learned that the urge to yell obscenities or get angry and throw things does NOT ultimately make me feel better. Therefore, that is an urge I seek to suppress no matter how irritated I may feel. I have learned that helping others or finishing a job, no matter how tired I feel or how unpleasant the task, makes me feel better afterwards for having done it. I have learned that I can't determine a worthy example to follow simply by appearance. You truly can NOT judge a book by its cover. There are some outwardly beautiful people who are pretty hollow or even scummy on the inside. On the other hand, there are some people who are wonderfully attractive inside and out (some of them I am fortunate enough to call family). I'm glad to be at a point in my life when I can feel more secure in who I am and what direction I want to continue going. I am no longer confused by all the voices in the world. I'm not afraid of being judgmental or bad, because I keep seeking knowledge about how to avoid that since that isn't the kind of person I want to be. I recognize that there are people in the world who are confused and they will often call evil good and good evil. I know now that the still, small voice within me will help me identify what is truly evil and what is truly good. I know people can be fairly decent in nature but still make bad choices that I don't want to make along with them. I just have to stay on the path I have chosen and let them make their own choices, too. I'm okay with who I am. And I know I am never absolutely alone. Especially when I continue to try to make good choices, I will always have a companion. I was given that companion when I chose to enter the waters of baptism and accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost from someone who had the authority to give it to me. I would rather be alone than to be amid contention. But I would rather be with others who are trying to be good than to be alone.

Travel in New York

Recently Russ and I have been doing a considerable amount of traveling. Over mostly the months of June and July we covered nearly 14,000 miles, only 1650 of which were in an airplane. At the end of July we were driving along Seneca Lake in New York State, totally disobeying the GPS which wanted us to head way out of our way just so we could drive on a more major road. We are so glad we chose the road we took! It took us through several small towns with little businesses like "Vince and Ed's Auto Shop", an ice cream stand in every town, a hot dog stand advertising a daily special of "Garbage Plate $6". There were dozens of wineries, fields of grape vines, GREEN everywhere! There were roads like "Lower Farm Road" and "Upper Mountain Road" as we continued driving south along the Susquehanna River and through the Appalachian Mountains.
 We made a stop for lunch in a little town at a local Oriental restaurant that offered a pretty small buffet but the food was prepared not knowing if they would have 2 or 12 or no patrons. As we walked in the door, a young Chinese girl in her early teens immediately got up from a table and came to greet us and sit us at a table. A woman, I'm guessing her mother, came out from the kitchen and spoke to her rapidly in Chinese and smiled at us. After pointing us to the plates for the buffet, the girl sat back down at her table with a younger boy, I'm guessing her brother. There were only 3 other customers in the place. One of them looked over at the boy's book and asked what he was reading. He apparently was very interested in archeology. The boy and girl spoke unaccented English but the mother spoke very little English. When I went in the ladies' rest room, the walls were decorated with pictures carefully drawn by children of dragons and flowers. When we were nearly done eating, a couple of people came in to look over the buffet and said they were checking it out before bringing in the rest of their group. They said they would be right back before stepping out the door and, sure enough, in just a few minutes a group of about 10 people of varying ages came tumbling in headed for the sparsely filled dishes in the buffet. The Chinese lady tried in her broken English to explain that more food was being prepared in the kitchen and would be out shortly. Russ and I both spoke up to tell them the food was good, hoping they wouldn't leave again. We were relieved when they opted to stay. America is really a wonderful place where an immigrant family with very little more than the willingness to work can manage to provide for their family. I hope no health dept. official ever goes in there and gives them a hard time for having the "children" participating in the family business. I'm sure that when school is in session, both of them attend. They will probably both some day earn more money than their parents ever will and they'll have great careers.
Russ and I enjoyed the beauty of the land and the feel of small-town America. We would return to live in New York State if it weren't for the moral and political atmosphere there. There are lots of good people there but there are also a lot of people who are either silent or in agreement with having "Big Brother" government that interfere with everyday life a little too much and "tolerance" in the form of accepting alternative philosophies to the extent that people with traditional moral standards on religion, sexual relations, marriage, family, chastity, and dressing modestly are considered prejudiced. I guess the tolerance only includes what some might call deviance. It spoils the beauty that would otherwise be there, kind of like a beautiful tree that's rotten in the core.

Perspective

Picture a t-shirt. It's purple with lovely pink and blue flowers, green leaves and a hummingbird. I was given it as a gift and it became one of my best shirts to wear when I wanted to look nice. As I recently got it out of the dryer and folded it, I realized that I'm going to have to change my category for it. I have had it for a couple of decades. The neckline is fraying, there is a small hole in the belly area, and the once vibrant colors are fading. I will now wear it for exercising and working.
Sometimes we assign someone or something a category at a certain point in our life and forget that maybe it's time to change our perspective. I remember having not-too-pleasant thoughts about my mother when I was younger. I disagreed with her on so many fronts, I just didn't see how I could have an eternal relationship with her or even desire to spend eternity with her. As I prayed to find peace about how to unconditionally love my mother, and her eccentricities, I received an answer that has caused me to see so many things with a different perspective. I needed to "allow her to change". For all of us, change comes a little at a time and sometimes takes awhile. It's fun for young children to have someone they haven't seen in a long time comment on how "grown up" they look. Or it's nice when someone has been exercising and dieting to have someone who hasn't seen them in awhile compliment them on how good they're looking. We don't always clearly see our own changes- good ones or bad ones. We can be startled to see a picture or video of ourselves from decades earlier and compare it to what we see in the mirror today. What we can't see is our character.
I want to be a pleasant, helpful, forgiving person. I try to emulate what I learn about the nature of Jesus Christ. I know I have a long way to go. There are people in my life that have chosen that same journey. We are all advancing at different rates. Sometimes we may plateau for awhile or even backslide a little bit. But I like to know that a loving Heavenly Father and a self-sacrificing Elder Brother look at my potential, my eternal worth. They may shake their heads occasionally as they see me do something foolish or even destructive, but they continue to cheer me on. I want to keep adjusting my perspective so I can maintain a focus that allows people, including myself, to change. My skin may be sagging and wrinkling and my energy fading, but I still have value. In fact, I'm even more comfortable now than when I was younger. I don't have to be showy for special occasions.
So I try to be willing to see others with a fresh perspective occasionally so I can allow them to change as I hope they will allow me to do. I just hope we can be working at being a better version of ourselves, not just worn out.

Unto whom much is given

I am a "Christian" by choice. I have read, studied, pondered, and prayed about religions and religious concepts. Along with personal experiences I have had, the information I have considered has caused me to feel that I would prefer to follow the example of Jesus Christ and accept the doctrine of His atoning sacrifice. The other choices are simply not appealing nor logical to me. I believe that every human being has the right to choose for themselves, even if they don't agree with what I choose to believe. Sometimes people can get hung up on semantics like what a sin is or who God is and what we should call Him. I don't think that's nearly as important as reaching out to know who He is. Since He doesn't communicate by cell phone or computer, we must take the time and make the effort to read His messages to us (that comes through prophets- but not everybody recognizes the same prophets, hmmmm) as well as prayer. When I was younger, I thought prayer was basically a one-way conversation where I could tell God what I was grateful for, praise Him in my childish and primitive way, and ask Him for whatever I felt I needed. But, why would a God just want His followers (or children) to join in a cacophony of pleas and praises? Is He so vain He just wants to hear countless expressions that reaffirm His superiority? I don't think so. Nearly everybody acknowledges that God has some expectations and when we don't live up to them, it's called sin. He is not pleased when we sin. So, how do we know if we are sinning? Would God be so unfair as to punish us for doing bad things that we didn't know were bad or even neglecting to do things He wanted us to do when we weren't aware that He wanted us to? I don't think so.
So, how can we, in all fairness, know who the "real" prophets of God are or what God expects of us? Would God not give us access to that information? From what I have been able to gather, most religious beliefs (not including radical or hateful ones) include some form of loving, being kind, and helping others. I think God wants us to know Him but He's not going to force Himself on anyone. I think we all get to choose to identify our heroes. We all get to set our own goals. We all get to make whatever level of effort we decide is worth whatever we want to achieve or receive.
When my children were young in my home, I gradually expected more of them as they grew older, had more experience, and were taught more. That seemed fair. A ten-year old should be able to pick up a roomful of toys without help better than a two-year old. A twelve-year old should be more averse to telling lies than a 6-year old. I think that same principle applies to God's children. In the scriptures (words of those I believe to be prophets) it says that much is expected of those to whom much is given. It also says that God wants to give His children ALL that He has. It also says, "Lay not up for yourselves treasures where moth and rust doth corrupt." So, what is it we're after? We get to choose. But if we want what God would give us, we have to be willing to accept whatever covenant obligations require of us. We can't say we want God to love us and take care of us and help us or give things to us then ignore everything He says to us. Just like with children, the more responsible we are, the more responsibilities and privileges He can give us. It's not about whether He likes us or not. He wants us ALL to be happy. We are the ones who choose what that means. You wouldn't give a child who loves horses a book on sharks. You wouldn't prevent a child who loves gardening the chance to work in the garden.
We need to really ponder what kind of people we want to be. It doesn't matter whether you choose to be a doctor or an accountant or have 2 kids or no kids or live in a city or on an island. Those things are just unimportant details of how we spend our years as mortal beings. What matters is whether you want to be the kind of person who would be comfortable in the company of those who are loving, forgiving, helpful, and honest- ALWAYS. If we feel totally justified in telling occasional lies or being mean to some people who we feel have been mean to us or prefer to sit on the couch watching others work, we wouldn't feel comfortable living with the kind of expectations a God would have for us. He isn't there to be our servant, responding to whatever whims we may have as we bump along doing our own thing totally ignoring Him until we want Him. There is a plan for more than the birth to death Earth life of each person. We each get to choose how we want our plan to unfold. We have already started on that choice.

A modern stripling warrior

Russ and I are in Minot, North Dakota for the graduation of our eldest grandson from high school.

In our stake (area of the church) in Arizona, Russ was introduced to the idea of awarding a genuine sword to young men who prove themselves valiant servants of the Lord by accomplishing good works. We decided that we could, on our own as grandparents, give Tanis a sword as an award for :
*graduating from seminary (a daily scripture study for teenagers that lasts through 4 years of high school and requires a great sacrifice of time spent early in the mornings before school)
*achieving the rank of Eagle in Boy Scouts (Russ flew up to help with Tanis's final project doing repair work on a building at the zoo which had been flooded 2 years ago)
*receiving his On My Honor (a church sponsored merit badge for scouting)
*graduating from high school (Tanis graduates with high honors even in accomplishing several advanced courses of study, some of which are for early college credit)
*and preparing/applying for serving a 2-year full time mission for the church.
 Russ and I are really proud of this grandson, but I can't refrain from putting in a plug for our daughter, the mother of this wonderful young man. Tanis has reached a point in life when he is mature enough to be pretty self-motivated but there have been times in the past 18 years when, like all children as they grow, he needed a bit of prodding. Angela has gotten up early in the mornings to drive him to seminary no matter what the weather or how she was feeling. Angela has taught her boys to respect their baptismal covenants by regular church attendance, prayer, and reading scriptures. Angela has taught her boys how to clean, cook, and generally be responsible human beings.  Angela has dealt with having a husband who is frequently absent, sometimes for long periods of time. Angela has struggled with rowdy groups of boys to support the Boy Scout program year after year, keeping them occupied, driving them to meetings and activities, seeing to it they have needed supplies, uniforms, etc. Scott (our son-in-law) has been a great example in keeping his commitments to the Air Force, tenacity in achieving his college degrees while being a husband and father, and being generally honest and hardworking. He has been a loving father. But Angela was the mom, as well as the dad when Scott was absent. There is a saying that says something like "behind every good man there is a good woman". Well, behind this tall, handsome young man is a diminutive ball of fire he calls "Mom". I am so pleased with the person my daughter has chosen to be.

Much anticipated news!

We were all on pins and needles awaiting Tanis's mission call's arrival. He showed great restraint in not opening it until we were all gathered at the church when we went to set up for the graduation open house. 

 He was happy and excited to read that he is to arrive at the LDS Mission Training Center in Argentina on Oct. 10 to prepare to serve a 2-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the Montevideo, Uruguay West Mission.

 There were hugs all around- from his Mom, his Dad, brother Joshua, grandparents, Aunt Michelle, brother Martin (not in the picture), as well as all the friends who were there setting up, too.

He  even had the excited congratulations from Aunt Victoria over Skype, along with cousins Jeremy, Kadon, and Brooklyn. Now he will be busy watching training videos on the church websited and listening to Spanish language tapes from the library. He'll be grabbing everyone he knows who speaks Spanish so he can practice as much as possible before he gets totally immersed in a language he currently doesn't speak!

Proud but humble

In the gym (also called cultural hall) at church there was an open house for several of the graduating LDS seniors in Monot, ND. These are pictures of Tanis's display table. He wanted to mainly highlight the 3 major elements of his life right now. He has spent all of his life attending church and is worthy to serve a mission. The sword we gave him was definitely a hit among the other young men at the open house.

 For many of the past several years, Tanis has been active in the Junior ROTC. He was offered more than one scholarship but the best one, valued at $180,000, was from the ROTC. He plans to use it to attend BYU for 4 years then go to medical school. It will be a long haul but he has proven himself capable of working hard and achieving his goals. (Note the heavy array of medals he has received!) He also displayed his Scout uniform since he has worked hard for many years going up through the ranks and acquiring many medals in Scouts, too.

 Being the first born grandson on both sides of the family has its benefits. Tanis was able to enjoy the presence and praise from all 4 of his grandparents (this is Ruth Orme and me helping with decorations for the open house) as well as his Aunt Michelle Orme for the whole weekend.

Covenants

At church our group of women were talking about the importance of marriage and how society is losing sight of its significance. The evidence of that is shown in examples of people living together without marriage, even to the extent of having children. Reasons for this practice include not being able to "afford the kind of wedding" they want, basically wanting it to just be a big party rather than a serious covenant between two people, in the presence of God and witnesses. Further evidence is an item in the paper where someone had written into an advice column. She and her husband had decided after 10 years of marriage to have an "open marriage". (I remember several decades ago there was a fad called "wife swapping". I guess this is a liberated women's term for the same thing.) Her concern was that she was getting more "dates" than her husband was and she didn't want him to feel bad. What should she do to "help" him?? Also, I know of a young couple who are separated and have decided, mostly for economic reasons, to not finalize a divorce right now. They will just live as if they weren't married, despite the existence of children who have always lived in their home with their "parents", mother and father, altogether.
As I pondered this trend toward trivializing what was previously considered a serious covenant, I realized that it extends to other areas of society as well. As we become more transient, family relationships in general are often neglected to the point of near non-existence. Siblings go for years without any contact. Parents and grown children actually lose track of each other to the point that when someone dies, it's difficult to locate a family member to notify.
Along with familial weakened relationships, there is a major trend toward what I would call "pop religion". Anyone can easily get "ordained a minister" in order to perform "marriages". You don't even need to believe in God, much less know anything about Him! People consider themselves "religious" but don't belong to any specific church. I guess that's all well and good, but why consider themselves religious? If you're not even sure there IS a God and have no intention of finding out anything about Him, why bother "considering yourself religious"? I can remember being shocked at the results of a study that showed how many students in seminaries- people actually intending to become some form of religious leader- who weren't sure they believed in God and more who weren't sure of the divinity of Jesus Christ, which means they weren't sure of the truthfulness of the Bible which has been considered by millions of people for centuries to be the written witness of people who taught about and communicated with God. I guess the advantage for these doubters is that they don't have to worry about accountability. Their relationship with God is totally self-centered and one-way. They feel free to assign to God whatever attributes they choose: He will always forgive no matter what, He is so mighty that He doesn't need me for anything but I need Him- but only when I'm desperate. They seem to feel He is at their beck and call to take away burdens, ease pain, give guidance, or what-have-you. But He doesn't require payment of any kind back. If you can claim that you're not sure about the Bible, you can ignore "If you love me, keep my commandments." After all, who knows who God really is? He becomes whatever is handy for you at the time. Isn't that like the ignored parent who suddenly becomes so loved and fawned over when the "independent" son or daughter desperately needs help/money? I think that if anyone was truly honest about it, they would WANT to know who God is. They would make the effort to search, ponder, and pray. God is NOT mysterious, although we don't always understand all He does. Those who say God loves them no matter what are right. He does. However, if we want to let Him know that we love Him back and don't just want Him to be our occasional instant source of money/help/comfort when we selfishly remember Him and desperately call on Him, we need to work harder at figuring out how to let Him know we appreciate Him ALL the time. He is not going to whip us if we don't. But He will justifiably be disappointed. And we are going to want to hide under the rocks for shame when we realize how we treated Him.
Jesus Christ suffered beyond our comprehension all for love of us. He wasn't forced to do it. It wasn't just some pointless ceremonial rite. Our Father has given us the opportunity to make our own choice, too. Don't we owe Him something?

????

I wonder what he's doing right now....

Payment

What's in it for me? That is a frequently asked or implied question. Whenever we offer something we value: time, money, effort, etc.- we expect something back. My husband hears from me, "It's not always about the money!", all the time. I started pondering what forms of "payment" we might receive one day when I was feeling somewhat put upon for what I felt was a waste of time.
A young mother spends countless hours caring for children starting with physical discomforts throughout pregnancy and body changes that, each time, make it more impossible to have the shape she had before bearing children. Her immediate "rewards" are sleepless nights, leaking breasts, endless diaper changing and cleaning spit-up. But the warmth and total trust of a sleeping baby in her arms more than makes up for all those inconveniences. That first big smile with open eyes looking at you with naked honesty, and maybe even a little giggle, are also payments.
Hours spent playing boring scales and stumbling through simple songs are what a budding musician sacrifices in hopes of the payment of enjoying listening to himself play something pleasant. Payment can also come in the form of applause, first by proud parents as he plays "Mary Had a Little Lamb", then maybe if he works long and hard enough he will enjoy the wholehearted applause when he plays Mozart.
Cash in the form of a paycheck isn't truly the best part of payment for a doctor that heals a sick or injured patient, or for a builder who has created a beautiful and useful dwelling, or for a law enforcement officer who stops a "bad guy" from further harming innocent people, or for a teacher who watches the lights come on in a student's eyes when she finally gets it. I have chosen to believe in God and Jesus Christ. I try to understand commandments given for my benefit to help me be a better being. Sometimes people don't admire my efforts. Others have questioned why I try so hard to obey commandments. Am I afraid God will punish me? Some have ridiculed me, preferring to hold the opinion that God will forgive everybody for everything all the time so it doesn't really matter if I resist temptations. Some have even disliked me when they feel I am being self-righteous because I avoid doing things that others may do (smoke, swear, cheat just  a little) or go "out of my way" to do things others don't  feel are worth it (attend church every week, visit the sick or lonely, give service whenever I can to whoever I can). I have pondered what I might say if asked, "What's in it for you?" I don't expect money or popularity. I guess I would have to say I am trying to achieve a conscience devoid of regret. I want to feel I can be totally honest in saying, "I did my very best", no matter what the circumstances. When I leave this life, I want to know that people really miss having me around because their lives were made better by me in some little way. I want to look forward to eternity spent with people who also made the effort to try to make the world just a little better. I don't want to feel unworthy or ashamed to be in the presence of good people. I don't want to spend eternity with people who made excuses, trying to justify being rude, inconsiderate, lazy, or even downright mean. My payment is the hope I have of peace and good will toward all... forever.

Death is not the worst

Living here in Sun City I see people all around me who are nearing the end of life. It's sobering to see the end results of people's choices through their life. Some are permanently attached to a canister of oxygen which they drag around everywhere they go. I have even seen people who unhook themselves from oxygen so they can smoke a cigarette. (Addiction is so sad.) Some walk around with pieces of their face and bodies carved out to try to stop the spread of melanoma. There are power scooters everywhere. Most people using them are definitely overweight. You can't help but wonder if they are obese because they don't walk or they have reached a point where they can't walk because they're obese. Maybe a little of both. I recognize that not all health problems are a result of a conscious choice. Probably most are simply due to genetics and/or old age. It's heart-rending to watch a frail white-haired lady open the back of an SUV to remove a wheelchair for her husband who is just a little more feeble than she is. It's sad to watch someone wearing thick glasses have to us a lighted magnifying glass to read. I hear the grief in the voice of someone calling to ask for a ride to the doctor or pharmacy because they can no longer drive. Every day as Russ and I visit Mom in a care facility I see people who have permanent and sometimes drastic limitations, physically and mentally. Sometimes they aren't aware of their loss, and that's actually a blessing. Some people live quite a long time with problems that curtail their full enjoyment of so many of life's opportunities and experiences that most people take for granted- like seeing a field of flowers, walking hand in hand with a loved one, hearing or singing a song, or feeding themselves and being able to wipe their own mouth. Many people fear death because they're not sure what happens when someone dies. That fear is part of the reason people react the way they do to death. But really, death is NOT the worst thing that can happen to a person. Sure, you can mourn the "lost opportunities" in life and those who remain alive mourn the loss of the company of a loved one who has left this life.  It is certainly very final, at least for now. But a much heavier burden is living every day with the knowledge that, not only are you never going to get better, you will continue to deteriorate as all human bodies do.
I am so glad to know about resurrection. I'm glad to know there is more to me than this slowly decaying mass of clay I am currently inhabiting. I am grateful to know that those who suffer through this life will have a much more glorious existence some day.

Higher motivation

I firmly believe that what we choose to do is only secondary in importance to why we choose to do it. I realized early on in my child-rearing days that when kids did a task simply because they were told, coerced, or even bribed to do it, they didn't often do it as well as they could have. When I could manage to figure out how to have them find their own inner motivation, they worked more diligently resulting in a better outcome. I recall visiting the home of a family with many children. Prominently displayed on a wall in each room was a sign which announced to all "This room maintained by....." and a child's name, or sometimes two children's names, were listed. The house seemed fairly neat for having such a large family living in it. I hoped these signs did the job of creating a sense of pride in one's work that precluded having to have a parent watching over their shoulders or inspecting their work.
Simple obedience will result in a task being accomplished but a better, higher motivation will result in the task being done well, to the performer's best ability. Unfortunately, due to our independent natures, very few human beings allow an outside influence to instill that kind of desire in us. We have to find it for ourselves. Hence, sometimes a house is only cleaned when an important visitor will be arriving. Or a job is well done when there is a possibility of promotion. Or a uniform is clean and boots polished before an inspection. (Not everything we do every day requires a herculean effort. When I butter my toast for breakfast I may not get it evenly spread. When I fold my underwear, it may not be done well. That is all okay.)
This same principle applies to the sum of our life in general. We may arrive at our death bed feeling that we aren't ready to "face our Maker", but it's a little late to do a whirlwind cleaning job. Too often I hear people (especially men) express regret for not having spent much time with their children before they have grown and left home. The movie "Bucket List" made an entertaining statement about deciding before you die what it is that you want to be able to say you accomplished. It's fun to set goals like sky-diving or seeing the Great Wall of China. But, when we "meet our Maker", is it really going to matter if we did anything like that? The part of us that goes on for eternity is not going to be enriched as much by movies we have seen or even pictures we have painted as it will be by decisions we have made. Did we go to the movies because we wanted to spend time with someone we love and maybe learn something, or because we wanted to be entertained? Did we sky-dive because we wanted to overcome a fear and show courage and enjoy an experience, or was it to impress others? We are truly masters of our own destiny. It's a good idea to ponder early in our journey where we want to end up, before it's over and we aren't where we wanted to be.

When "bad" things happen

I have watched loved ones deal with adversities of all kinds. My heart ached for them and I did whatever I could to help. Sometimes all I could do was hold them and cry with them. When things are tough we all have a tendency to cry in anguish, "Why?" or plead with God to remove the trial ASAP.
I have also watched some young women I love struggle to prepare to  run a race. They would have days when they really didn't feel like running. As they ran they would have to cheer themselves on. The result of fighting to win this battle was greater physical strength and endurance. My husband always used to say, "I hate running but I love having run." He enjoyed the confidence and pleasure gained by accomplishing something difficult.
Hebrews 12:11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Every time we overcome feelings of despair, discouragement, or self-doubt, we feel relief when the trial is over but, more importantly, we have the opportunity to recognize a strength we may not have believed we had. We are God's children and have the potential to be like Him. He has even admonished us to do that. Jesus said, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." I don't know whether there is anyone alive who truly feels capable of doing that, especially when faced with challenges or trials. But once we have made it to the other side of a hardship, we can say, "I made it." We can acknowledge help from our Father in accomplishing the journey, but we still had to pick up each foot and take the steps. If we never have our strength challenged, how can we build it? If we live a pleasant, easy life centered only on the minimum effort to survive and focus on being comfortable and well-entertained, how can we ever be capable of taking on the responsibility of inheriting all our Father has, as He has promised the valiantly obedient? The only way we can know how strong we are and how much we can rely on the Lord to share the yoke is to be tested. As strange as it may seem, the more our Father loves us, the more He wants to share with us, the more we have to strain and struggle. Ultimately, being soft and pampered will NOT benefit us. Quite the opposite, it will destroy us. He has given us the opportunity to choose. We can choose captivity (enslavement to our appetites) and death, or righteousness and eternal life with God, Jesus, and all those who would be valiant in defending truth and righteousness. I pray we can all comprehend the benefits of learning and experiencing so we can grow in strength and  wisdom and, ultimately, live forever with others who would choose the same. For now, that would make THIS world a much better place to live.

What we can learn-

In the New Testament, Book of Luke chapter 24, the story is told of 2 of Jesus' disciples walking along the road to Emmaus. A man joined them in walking and they began telling him about why they were sad. He started expounding scripture to them to the point that, when they reached the village, they wanted him to stay with them. When the man blessed and broke bread with them, they suddenly realized who it was, "And their eyes were opened", and he "vanished out of their sight".
In the Book of Mormon, Book of Ether, the brother of Jared was working on a problem (having light in a closed up boat crossing the ocean). He had an idea which would require an ability beyond his own. So he went to the Lord to request that the Lord touch stones he had collected to make them glow. He said, "Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which looks small unto the understanding of men." Then the Lord reached forth his finger to touch the stones. When he did so, "the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared, and he saw the finger of the Lord". The man's faith was such that the Lord said, "Because of thy faith thou hast seen that I shall take upon me flesh and blood; and never has man come before me with such exceeding faith as thou hast; for were it not so ye could not have seen my finger."
In the Pearl of Great Price, in the Book of Moses, Moses records his experience with the Lord at a time when he was caught up to an exceedingly high mountain. Moses was in the presence of God who showed him the creation of the world. After some time spent with God, Moses fell upon the ground, lacking his natural strength. When he finally recovered, he said, "Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed. But now mine own eyes have beheld God; but not my natural but my spiritual eyes, for my natural eyes could not have beheld; for I should have withered and died in his presence; but his glory was upon me; and I beheld his face, for I was transfigured before him."
In the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 131 says, "There is no such thing as immaterial matter. All spirit is matter, but it is more fine or pure, and can only be discerned by purer eyes; We cannot see it; but when our bodies are purified we shall see that it is all matter."
The structure and processes in the brain are so fine that the length of a wave of naturally visible light is too blunt to probe it. It has only been since the invention of the electron microscope and other advanced devices that men have been able to discover exactly what goes on in the brain. It has been there the whole time, we just haven't had the ability to discern it. There has even been a section of the brain determined as the location of spiritual thought or process or experience.
Recently there have been many books published by people who have had "near-death experiences" and other opportunities to "visit" an unseen world. These are not like novels or ghost stories. They are actual experiences describing conversations and things seen and felt NOT in the world we see and feel every day. These people did not have it in mind to publish a book in hopes of making a lot of money. Quite the opposite according to what they all claim.
I think it's exciting to have access to so many testimonies that there IS a God, that Jesus did live on this earth then die and was resurrected, and that there is life beyond what our primitive eyes, ears, and other senses can detect. It's also exciting to know that God wants us to understand it, but He won't just hand it to us without any effort on our part. As a parent and teacher in general, I know that the most effective, indeed the ONLY real learning takes place when someone WANTS to know. The door to understanding must be opened from inside, otherwise everything thrown at the door from the outside just bounces off and has no long-term effect. God desires to give us everything He has and He has promised to do so. We just have to have a sincere desire to receive it, and be willing to accept it line upon line, precept upon precept as we are capable of understanding.

What do you know?

I have always found it a major discrepancy that the federal government and even state governments spend money on anti-smoking ads while tobacco farmers are subsidized to continue to raise tobacco. It's also ironic that government sponsored gambling (Lotto) is on the rise while there are so many programs to help with gambling addiction. If something has been determined to do real harm to people, why promote it? Abortion is labelled a "woman's choice" as a form of birth control yet if a pregnant woman is killed, the law can allot the perpetrator 2 counts of murder, one for the mother and one for the unborn child. So is it just a mass of tissue like a tumor to be removed on demand or is it a human being? We all have a US Constitutional right, as well as a God-given right, to freedom. But how far does that go? I once had a little poster that said, "Your right to swing your fist ends at my nose." It's a trite little saying but it still doesn't exactly explain the limits of freedom.
The most recent issue that really scares me is a result of research on PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). It has been noted that some soldiers return from war badly scarred emotionally and mentally. Others, no matter what physical scars they may have, manage to get on with their lives with very little problem. So the suggestion is to look for the genetic make-up that causes the ones who cope with death and destruction and earmark them for going into battle. On the surface, that seems somewhat logical. After all, war among human beings seems unfortunately unavoidable. So what we need is a "master race" of soldiers? During the Viet Nam era, Arlo Guthrie was well known for his "Alice's Restaurant" which talked about getting drafted. He figured at one point in the narration that if he talked and acted like he wanted to maim and kill he might be turned away as a lunatic. There is a really fine line between being able to recognize someone who can kill others without remorse and someone who looks forward to killing.
All of these issues are the source of much heated political discussion. Since we are all different, there are proponents of both sides and everywhere in between. Personally, I figure that alcohol and tobacco do lots of harm and, other than use as a drug to calm or excite, they aren't worth having around. We ought to uncover the strength within us to find self-motivation. And I wish people would take the ability to make more humans seriously rather than just as a form of entertainment that sometimes has undesirable consequences. (I'm not talking about the innocent who are accosted by an angry rapist or immoral relative. And, of course, there is the issue of possible danger to a woman's life but that should be determined solely by the individuals involved- mother, father, doctor.)As for the "good soldiers" issue, I certainly wish we could get along without weapons and destruction. Since we can't, I think our natural abhorrence toward ending another human life should not be genetically encouraged to disappear. A good friend has repeatedly mentioned that it's not WHO is right, but WHAT is right. It isn't just a matter of who has the better lawyer with the better argument. Fortunately, there is a higher intelligence that we can access. Each of us is born with the light of Christ in us, no matter what country or religion or gender. And we have been encouraged over the millenia to seek God's counsel through prayer.
Centuries ago, the prophet Isaiah was warning of the results of thinking we know it all and ignoring God. "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter." (Is 5:20) When any man, or woman, lacks wisdom, they should ask God who gives liberally. He wants us to be wiser and is more than willing to teach us. But we have to want to learn. Then when we all learn what God knows, we won't have war, or abortion, or rape, or drugs.......

What a way to live!

Russ and I just returned from Ohio. It was a bittersweet journey. We were so happy to attend the baptism of Ammon's middle son, Kadon, and it was wonderful to be able to spend time with Victoria, Kevin, and the kids. Then we spent a few days with the terHorsts which was also wonderful. We couldn't love their family more if they were blood-relatives. Those were the sweet parts.
The bitter part was driving up to Dayton from Cincinnati. Memories of Ammon's death flooded us while in that area. Then when we got to the house we had struggled to rehabilitate and left in the most immaculate condition possible was a real downer. There weren't a lot of holes in the walls but the house was filthy. I realize that I am considered an obsessive cleaner but I'm really not! I only clean enough to maintain well. I spent two long days just trying to get the kitchen reasonably clean. I was beset with frustrated thoughts of people who excuse poor housecleaning habits with everything from, "It's just not something I like to do" to " I don't have time". For any males that would question the need to clean regularly and thoroughly, I would have to ask, "If you had a vehicle, would you avoid cleaning it except when you want to show it off to someone or sell it?" What condition would it be in if you did that? The stove in the house was obviously not cleaned regularly. I had to use a razor blade to scrape the heavy layers of grease off the burners that had built up over the last 2 years and even at that, I didn't get them totally clean. I went through 3 steel wool pads and sprayed the oven twice. When I first opened it, I saw that it had been sprayed with oven cleaner but never wiped. There was a black line of thick, hard goo around the edges of the floor at the bottom of the cove base. I'm only giving a few details to make it easier to imagine what I was dealing with. I just don't understand how anyone can live with such filth. It can't be possible to NOT see it! Is it the renter's mentality of, "It will just need to be replaced rather than my having to work at keeping it clean"?? But the woman living there was SUPPOSED to be buying the house! Is it a "union" mentality of, "It's not my job"?? How dirty does a place have to be to justify cleaning it? Once it is a certain level of filthy, it almost CAN'T be cleaned because it is simply ruined and so caked on that it's impossible to get it clean.
I realize I am ranting. I don't know if anyone will ever read this anyway so I guess I'm just getting some frustration off my chest. I'm reminded of the Lord's advice to the early Latter-Day Saints in May of 1831. They were just arriving to Ohio and He said to them, "I consecrate unto them this land for a little season, until I, the Lord, shall provide for them otherwise and command them to go hence: And the hour and the day is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good." (D&C 51:16-17) I can understand some reasons why the Lord would have told them that. First of all, it's a good thing to take care of property no matter how long you're going to inhabit it. It's just being responsible. Adults should be responsible in taking care of property. Second of all, it's good to learn how to take care of property, inside and out. Some day, even people who move a lot, will live in one place for long enough for the filth to accumulate if not removed regularly. Every living creature creates filth. If we don't take responsibility to remove it, it builds up. That means it is being left for someone else to deal with. It's hard not to resent being one of the "someone elses"! I don't like to work any harder than necessary. If you don't clean a little bit on a regular basis, then you have to work hard at it eventually, OR leave it expecting someone else to do it. That goes for trimming a lawn and pulling weeds as well as cleaning the edges and corners in rooms.
I am truly proud of my children. They know how to clean and they do it. They don't leave filth for someone else to have to clean up after them. When they were young they complained like kids do but I taught them anyway and expected them to help all the while I explained to them why it just works better and is easier to keep up regular cleaning maintenance than to try to leave it for a gigantic chore on a rare occasion. Even my "adopted" son, John, cleans up after himself and knows how to clean thoroughly. It's always pleasant to go into my kids' homes because I don't have to be afraid to eat off surfaces or walk barefoot on floors or worry about where to sit to avoid getting my clothes dirty. Isn't it just nicer to live that way?????

Sometimes

It's really a relief when you can share a sorrow or worry with someone you can trust- trust to keep it confidential, trust that they are strong enough to help carry your burden, trust that they will be honest with you enough to tell you when you're over-reacting, trust that they will offer you encouragement when you need it- to do what is right even if it's hard. That person can be a friend, or spouse, or any family member you feel comfortable with. They are truly a blessing in life. It can be a great relief just to speak out loud the weight you feel on your soul or the whirlwind of worry in your mind. Even if your confidante can't really help in any concrete way, it feels good to just "get it off your chest", being the heavy weight that it is.
But sometimes, there really isn't anyone you can share with- either the issue is too close to you or you fear the burden may be too much for anyone else, or you are at a time and place devoid of a close friend. Others who care about you may notice your pain to the degree that they comment that you don't laugh like you used to or you seem preoccupied. It is tempting to just blurt out what's bothering you, but sometimes it could do more harm than good. Sometimes you can fear opening a Pandora's box, so to speak. Sometimes you may want to avoid "spreading the battle" so others are forced to take sides.
I am truly grateful for prayer. I am grateful to know there is someone bigger, smarter, and more powerful than I am who knows EVERYTHING. I am grateful to know there is someone who can see in my heart and mind to know me as I am, to know what my sincere intentions are, without prejudice or misunderstanding. I am grateful for the opportunity to seek greater insight and wisdom that I lack. I am grateful for the peace and comfort I can receive when I am lonely and cry desperately in the night. I am grateful for God.

What is "normal"??

I have been struggling lately to understand how to define "normal". For ages if people acted strangely enough in public, they were eventually taken, by force if necessary, to live in institutions where they were sometimes caged like animals. Over time, mental illness came to be better understood so unusual behavior was determined to require treatment rather than simply separation from society. In the very recent past, it seems that more and more people are being diagnosed with everything from schizophrenia to OCD (obsessive-comulsive disorder) to autistic spectrum to dementia spectrum to manic depressive or bipolar. Most people with these diagnoses are people you see every day and may not know it. On brief, casual observance, they appear "normal" but if you spent more time with them you may observe how they count everything or repeatedly wash their hands or have mood swings like a teenager. We're all different. That's actually pretty amazing when you consider the number of people living at any one time on the earth. We may share hair color, color preferences, talents, or intellectual abilities but no two people- not even identical twins!- are completely exactly alike. So, how many times can you wash your hands each day and still be considered "normal"? I guess it could depend on your occupation or the activities you pursue in a day. Even taking that into consideration, I have seen laborers eat their lunch with much dirtier hands than I would want to have when handling my food. So does that make me OCD? I see children acting up in public places and, now that I have very personal experience with autism, I wonder if they are autistic or just spoiled or rebellious. Mental health professionals have issued basic guidelines to help determine if you are clinically depressed or just sad. Even basic guidelines really can't give you totally accurate definitive diagnoses. When you have a teenager that shows rebellion, how can you know if they are going to get a gun and enter a school or theater and kill a lot of people? If someone seems to have a negative personality (anger at self or others, constant criticism of self or others,etc.) how do you know when they need professional counseling or even some form of chemical medication to alter their thinking patterns? When is it just their personality? If a person speeds in their car, the police stop them and they get a ticket to pay a fine for breaking a civil law. If a person rants and raves at people, how bad does it have to get before they are breaking some kind of law so there needs to be intervention and possible "punishment"? When are we correcting others and when are we abusing others? What standards apply when we are all different? Some people are more tolerant and understanding toward other people so their standards as to what is normal or okay would be different from someone who demands that everyone live by their standards.
On a deeper, or higher, level- what are we accountable for? The scriptures are guidelines to live by in order to comply with God's laws. God is perfect and cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance. Yet He loves us so He provided a Savior to balance judgement by atoning for the things we repent of but can't possibly pay full retribution for. If you are schizophrenic and you kill someone, I don't think God will judge you the way other "normal" people would be judged. We are to follow God's commandments if we want to be with Him eternally. I get that. How can a perfect society work if the members are not perfect, or at least striving to be so? When we are done with these imperfect tabernacles of clay, we will be resurrected with perfect bodies. Not a hair of our heads will be lost. If you are blind in mortality, you will see. If you are crippled, you will be whole. If you are crazy, you will be able to think clearly. So, as a mortal, if you are depressed and can't seem to get out of it enough to serve others, how much "sin of omission" are you accountable for? If you have sexual inclinations outside a marriage between a man and a woman married to each other, when are you considered "sinful" in the eyes of the Lord? (In that case, I personally feel it has to do with performing sex acts not just holding hands or even hugging or kissing someone with whom you are not married- but I know there are lots of people who don't agree with me. For them, God would not condemn people who had same-sex attraction or indulged in sex without formality of marriage when the involved parties "really love" each other and are "faithful" to each other.) It seems that more and more people are being judged as somehow not in the mainstream- even to the point that many think the mainstream should be enlarged to include behaviors formerly outside the spectrum. In the scriptures it warns of one of the aspects of the last days being "calling evil good and good evil". We know that Satan is really wanting us to fail at being able to return to Heavenly Father's kingdom. Satan is hoping that he will be successful in gaining a larger army of followers so things will go the way he wants rather than the way God wants. He uses deception very well to lead away those who might otherwise be repulsed by his principles. (In the scriptures it's called a flaxen thread to carefully lead us down to hell.)
I guess the best answer I can come up with is personal revelation and making sure we don't judge others. We may not be able to know in this lifetime if someone we know is off-balance mentally enough to not be fully accountable for their behavior. God knows. He will be able to look them in the eye and they will know that they COULD have behaved differently. They just didn't want to make the effort. It won't matter what other people think. I won't be anybody else's judge and, boy!, am I glad of that! As for how to behave ourselves, we can communicate directly with God. After all, He did promise that all we have to do is seek and we shall find or knock and the door will be opened to us. There are as many interpretations of religious belief as there are people, with some large areas of overlap. But we can each, as individuals, know what is sin (omission or commission) by asking God. A good friend once defined sin as anything that interferes with the eternal progress of ourselves or others. If you are doing, or neglecting, something that interferes with your development of God-like qualities, you are sinning. You can know that for yourself but not always for others because you don't know what others are capable of accomplishing or avoiding.
I'm continuing to learn. I want to be as loving, compassionate, merciful, patient, and kind as Jesus. I've got a long way to go but at least I'm on the right path. I'll get there eventually. I have eternity to work on it!

Are families important?

Recently I read an article about the trend toward the single lifestyle, as a parent or just solo. Here are a few statistics: in 1950 there were about 22% of adults single, today that's up to 50%, in 1950 four million Americans were single, today that is 32 million, in Sweden 47% of households are single people with Stockholm in particular standing at 60%, in Taiwan 30% of women between 30 and 34 are single while just 30 years ago it was 2%. There are, of course, endless opinions as to why this is happening and whether it is a good trend or a bad one. I remember back in the 1960's there was serious concern about zero population growth because we couldn't sustain life for an endlessly growing population. Russ and I were, at first, determined not to have any more than 2 children.
My perspective has changed as I have gained more knowledge and experience. (thank goodness- it would be a shame if we DIDN'T mature from what we were in our teens and early twenties!) I read an article, several years ago, about the increasing problem in Japan with less than zero population growth. As our medical awareness increases, our lifespan increases. Japan has senior centers full of people too old to work and needing support by others. At the other end of the spectrum, young people are feeling the pinch of having to support the older generation, either through taxes or personally, so they feel they can't afford to have children. The result is a "top-heavy" population where there are fewer and fewer wage earners needing to support a larger aging population. I suppose in the long run it could work itself out. Eventually all the old folks will die off. So in the meantime, we have buildings being built to house those who are choosing to live, increasingly, alone. As the population ultimately dwindles, there may be fewer aged people to support but the buildings will gradually become vacant. That will include stores because there are fewer people shopping, as well as every other type of business that supports humans. Don't get me wrong. I'm not proposing that the solution is to all just jump in and have as many children as we possibly can. That would be disastrous. Besides, not everyone is really effective at parenting and we don't want a surge of untaught, un-nurtured citizens to ransack the world.
Actually, my biggest concern isn't even about the economics. I am worried about the increase in self-centeredness. I know that, as a mother, I learned pretty quickly that I could NOT put myself first. When there is a helpless infant that requires food or a diaper change or some other kind of attention, it didn't matter what I had been planning to do or how I was feeling. But that is not a bad thing. Self-sacrifice truly does build character. You are a better world citizen if you are capable of recognizing the suffering of others, especially when compared to your own. Sometimes we can look at ourselves and think, "I really need attention right now". For instance, when you have been in an accident and are bleeding profusely or if you are lost and need help finding your way or if you are intensely grieving over an unexpected loss. But sometimes we get carried away worrying about how our hair looks or how well our car runs or whether we can afford the vacation we want to take when there are people in the world who have lost their hair due to chemo treatments or don't own a car or have a home, much less a chance to go on vacation. Families are a little microcosm of society in general. In your family you can learn how to get along with people who have different ideas from yours. Your life can be really miserable if those closest to you are unhappy or suffering. You learn that the world doesn't revolve around you. You experience the reward of sacrifice for others and seeing how important you are to others. I guess we would all get along alright if we all lived alone. But I think it would, in the end, create less tolerance. If you are accustomed to only being concerned about yourself, why should you make the effort to understand or help others? I'm sure single people spend time doing good work, volunteering at places and making donations. But you always have the choice to do that on your own terms. If you are alone, you never HAVE to get up in the night for a child who has had a nightmare or stomach ache. You never HAVE to give up the new dress or concert tickets because your child needs braces. You end up having more sympathy, even empathy, and yes- tolerance. You learn that you can love a really obnoxious human who throws tantrums while they're learning to be more pleasant. You learn that rules are the only way things can work effectively. If everyone lives with different rules, there is constant resentment, anger, frustration, and misery. It's hard to learn to live with others. But it's a good kind of hard. Opposition is required to build any kind of strength. When we avoid opposition, we become weaker. That doesn't mean we have to go out looking for a fight. It just means that the more we avoid sacrifice, learning to compromise to get along, and responsibility, the more hollow we are. Any strength we exhibit on the outside is shallow and eventually we'll break.
Nope. I can't condone the trend toward being single. I really don't think it's good for us.