Being alone

I really love my family. We may not always agree on everything but I so appreciate that my siblings, my parents, my children (even "adopted" ones), and grandchildren are all basically really good people. They are all honest, hardworking, dependable, and helpful. They focus more on other people for what they can possibly do to help than for fear of how they are being judged. There isn't a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. We are spread all over the globe, but when we have a chance to get together, we enjoy it. We recognize that none of us is perfect but that's okay. We love each other and feel secure in each other's love, anyway.
Having said that, I am also okay with being alone. When I was younger, my greatest fear was being alone. Even during my teenage years, I had nightmares about being left alone. I realize now that the fear I had stemmed from insecurities about myself, not knowing exactly who I was or even wanted to be. I'm not referring to being a teacher or ballerina. I mean, I wasn't sure what or who I believed in, whose example I wanted to follow, or what direction I wanted to go in my development. There are as many voices in the world to give advice as there are people. What a mess! But now I know that I need to have my own inner voice, guided occasionally by sought-out information from sources I have determined are to be trusted. I am better now at knowing when an "urge" I feel is one I want to follow, or to resist. I have learned that the urge to yell obscenities or get angry and throw things does NOT ultimately make me feel better. Therefore, that is an urge I seek to suppress no matter how irritated I may feel. I have learned that helping others or finishing a job, no matter how tired I feel or how unpleasant the task, makes me feel better afterwards for having done it. I have learned that I can't determine a worthy example to follow simply by appearance. You truly can NOT judge a book by its cover. There are some outwardly beautiful people who are pretty hollow or even scummy on the inside. On the other hand, there are some people who are wonderfully attractive inside and out (some of them I am fortunate enough to call family). I'm glad to be at a point in my life when I can feel more secure in who I am and what direction I want to continue going. I am no longer confused by all the voices in the world. I'm not afraid of being judgmental or bad, because I keep seeking knowledge about how to avoid that since that isn't the kind of person I want to be. I recognize that there are people in the world who are confused and they will often call evil good and good evil. I know now that the still, small voice within me will help me identify what is truly evil and what is truly good. I know people can be fairly decent in nature but still make bad choices that I don't want to make along with them. I just have to stay on the path I have chosen and let them make their own choices, too. I'm okay with who I am. And I know I am never absolutely alone. Especially when I continue to try to make good choices, I will always have a companion. I was given that companion when I chose to enter the waters of baptism and accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost from someone who had the authority to give it to me. I would rather be alone than to be amid contention. But I would rather be with others who are trying to be good than to be alone.