It's just the end of February so in most of the northern hemisphere, it's still winter. By this time of the season, most people are looking forward to spring and are tired of the cold with the inherent dead looking plants and trees. Maybe we're just all grumpy. I know the current political rantings in the United States aren't helping. I just have to wonder- are people never grateful? I mean, just plain grateful without exceptions for things they wish were different?
Recently I was talking to someone about ironing. I really don't mind ironing. In fact, several decades ago, I earned a little boost to our young family's income by "taking in ironing" for people who disliked doing it. The woman I was talking to mentioned that she was feeling a little annoyed that the steam feature for her iron wasn't working properly then she stopped to realize that ironing used to involve a very heavy cast iron that was heated on a wood stove- no steam and extra time needed to reheat it regularly to say nothing of the fact that nearly ALL clothing and home furnishings needed to be ironed in order to look decent. There wasn't any perma-press or polyester fabric choice.
I was also talking about chores for kids these days. When I was young, chores included washing and drying dishes. Today all kids have to do is rinse the dishes, load the dishwasher, then unload it when it's done. But that is a reason to complain. We probably would have complained as kids even if we had enjoyed the luxury of a dishwasher. Kids no longer need to keep the wood box full to heat the house, the iron, or cook food.
We bought a pineapple, a melon, and some strawberries a few days ago. As we tasted them after getting them home, we weren't really pleased with the quality. This is February! This is winter and we're buying fruits that are certainly not in season, in fact maybe not even available at all locally even if it were the right season! Our complaints even include wishing we could afford the calories to further indulge our gluttony. We lick our lips at pictures or videos of all kinds of food. We even have critics who decide which foods are really up to par, just so we can be sure to only indulge in the very best.
People in "Western countries" spend lots of time reading books, magazines, and watching movies. This is truly a luxury which many people in the world never enjoy. Do we appreciate it? There are plenty of complaints about wishing there was even more time to indulge in self-entertainment and wishing there were even more choices and perhaps better quality according to our own particular standards. Did we write a book or make a movie to contribute to the selection? Why do we feel these things are such an essential element in our lives that we deserve more of what we personally want?
Not so long ago, people died even at a very early age from all kinds of diseases which no longer exist in more developed countries. We can see tragic photos of malformed children in Third World countries. Our hearts go out to them and many people are willing to donate money so somebody can learn enough about medicine then be willing to travel to those primitive places to treat those suffering people. Meanwhile, we complain there isn't yet a cure for cancer. (Cancer is tragic when in children or even young adults.) Death is inevitable so something is going to cause it. We complain that the doctor isn't giving us something to completely eradicate our discomfort from whatever our particular ailment may be, even if only small and troublesome. Do we really expect to NEVER suffer discomfort? Is it realistic to think we can have an earthly body and never require surgery or never experience illness? Should we live forever in these deteriorating tabernacles and never die because dying is tragic? True it is that dissatisfaction at some level is the catalyst for discovering advancements in medicine and technology. Is our search for more or better an excited exploration or a desperation to achieve nirvana?
It seems that no matter how our civilization "advances" technologically, our transportation is never fast or efficient enough, our medicine is never thorough or satisfying enough, we never have enough of the foods we most want in the quality we want and we can't afford to fully satisfy our greed for food. At what point will we be grateful for what we have? When is it enough or good enough? Can we resist expecting the government or richer people or parents or whoever to share with us because we don't yet have ENOUGH??
Friday, February 26, 2016
Wednesday, February 03, 2016
Assessing motivation
It has occurred to me that determining motivation is essential to understanding others as well as ourselves. Motivation is identifies what drives you and what you really want. There are many scriptures (I would be more than happy to give you specific references if you want.) that warn us about having the correct motive. If we give a gift grudgingly, it's like not giving it at all. If we pray or mourn to impress others, it means nothing. I think it's a well-known universal truth that all humans are different- even identical twins! There is no-one like you, or me. In order to take even the tiniest step, you need a motivation. Even lesser creatures (animals) can be caused to react when given motivation: positive motivation in the form of a treat or praise, negative motivation in the form of a threat or punishment. What motivates us is a window to our hearts.
For instance, I am often motivated by not wanting to be a bother or be in someone's way. I would prefer to wedge myself in a corner, no matter how uncomfortable, than to be in the way of people trying to get through to somewhere. It stems from my desire to help others. I do my best to be aware of others' needs and do what I can to supply those needs, if they are what I can determine would be in their best interest. (I will not go to a store to buy cigarettes or alcohol for someone because I do not consider that a "need" nor do I think it's in their best interest to supply it for them.) If someone were to misinterpret my actions as avoiding someone, they would misunderstand me. A similar thing happens all the time when someone is shy and is misunderstood as cold and aloof. It's easy to misinterpret fear, especially in children, as insolence, anger, or disobedience. It's so important to recognize that we need to do our best to understand why others do or say what they do or say. Until we do, we can't understand them as individuals. We simply ascribe to them what our own motives might be or label them according to our own perspective, however inaccurate that may be. (A reckless driver might be drunk or might be having a heart attack.)Very shortly after the tragic death of his father (our son), one of my grandsons was shockingly insistent on trying to control his younger brother despite my repeated admonitions to leave him alone and reassurances that I was aware of the situation. It all resulted in a major meltdown when I held him on my lap so he couldn't go after his brother. He wanted his dad. He felt that because his dad was gone, he was responsible to take care of his younger siblings and he was trying to do that. He was not just being "naughty". He was being a very young child trying to take on a grown-up job. I'm glad I didn't punish him without finding out what his motivation was.
It takes time to discover others' motives. It's often easier to just make a quick judgement and go with it. We have to be willing to ask questions without pre-determined expectations and listen openly. It also requires honesty on the part of those who explain their motives. It's a common thing for kids who want to stay up longer to claim they want a drink of water or have to go to the bathroom. Sometimes it's difficult to identify our own motives. We may be annoyed by something or someone but not be able to put our finger on why. We may be reluctant to do something but can't really explain why. If we cannot explain our motives honestly, it's impossible for others to understand us when we don't even understand ourselves. Being misinterpreted is the inevitable result.
One who is most commonly misunderstood is God. So often people have an idea how they think things should be and when it's not, they think God is punishing them or unfair. He would prefer that we get to know Him by reading His word and praying for the Spirit to help us understand. When we don't take the time to do that, misinterpretation is inevitable. We resent it when others misunderstand us. It's uncomfortable when someone ascribes a false motivation to our actions. We can make an effort to turn that around and try harder to understand others rather than just judge them on our gut reaction. There could be fewer arguments or even wars. I really don't see peace as a possibility if we cannot each have the personal motivation to understand what motivates others. Sometimes their motives may actually be evil, but sometimes we may be very wrong. I hope I can manage to keep an open dialogue with those I contact each day and "give them the benefit of the doubt". It's important to be aware in order to avoid harm but, so far, those who truly mean to harm others are still a minority.
For instance, I am often motivated by not wanting to be a bother or be in someone's way. I would prefer to wedge myself in a corner, no matter how uncomfortable, than to be in the way of people trying to get through to somewhere. It stems from my desire to help others. I do my best to be aware of others' needs and do what I can to supply those needs, if they are what I can determine would be in their best interest. (I will not go to a store to buy cigarettes or alcohol for someone because I do not consider that a "need" nor do I think it's in their best interest to supply it for them.) If someone were to misinterpret my actions as avoiding someone, they would misunderstand me. A similar thing happens all the time when someone is shy and is misunderstood as cold and aloof. It's easy to misinterpret fear, especially in children, as insolence, anger, or disobedience. It's so important to recognize that we need to do our best to understand why others do or say what they do or say. Until we do, we can't understand them as individuals. We simply ascribe to them what our own motives might be or label them according to our own perspective, however inaccurate that may be. (A reckless driver might be drunk or might be having a heart attack.)Very shortly after the tragic death of his father (our son), one of my grandsons was shockingly insistent on trying to control his younger brother despite my repeated admonitions to leave him alone and reassurances that I was aware of the situation. It all resulted in a major meltdown when I held him on my lap so he couldn't go after his brother. He wanted his dad. He felt that because his dad was gone, he was responsible to take care of his younger siblings and he was trying to do that. He was not just being "naughty". He was being a very young child trying to take on a grown-up job. I'm glad I didn't punish him without finding out what his motivation was.
It takes time to discover others' motives. It's often easier to just make a quick judgement and go with it. We have to be willing to ask questions without pre-determined expectations and listen openly. It also requires honesty on the part of those who explain their motives. It's a common thing for kids who want to stay up longer to claim they want a drink of water or have to go to the bathroom. Sometimes it's difficult to identify our own motives. We may be annoyed by something or someone but not be able to put our finger on why. We may be reluctant to do something but can't really explain why. If we cannot explain our motives honestly, it's impossible for others to understand us when we don't even understand ourselves. Being misinterpreted is the inevitable result.
One who is most commonly misunderstood is God. So often people have an idea how they think things should be and when it's not, they think God is punishing them or unfair. He would prefer that we get to know Him by reading His word and praying for the Spirit to help us understand. When we don't take the time to do that, misinterpretation is inevitable. We resent it when others misunderstand us. It's uncomfortable when someone ascribes a false motivation to our actions. We can make an effort to turn that around and try harder to understand others rather than just judge them on our gut reaction. There could be fewer arguments or even wars. I really don't see peace as a possibility if we cannot each have the personal motivation to understand what motivates others. Sometimes their motives may actually be evil, but sometimes we may be very wrong. I hope I can manage to keep an open dialogue with those I contact each day and "give them the benefit of the doubt". It's important to be aware in order to avoid harm but, so far, those who truly mean to harm others are still a minority.
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