Lesson from Father

It can be unsatisfying sometimes to try to "study" the scriptures. Maybe it would help to liken it to studying a foreign language. When you first start, you can spend a whole week only learning how to count to 20 or say the days of the week. It hardly seems worth the effort when you know you can't actually speak to someone in that language. But given enough time, you gradually pick up more vocabulary until suddenly you can read a page or understand a conversation. Reading the scriptures is similar in that, just picking them up and reading a chapter or page isn't always a really "spiritual" experience where you feel like you have connected with God. Persistence pays off when you are just going about your day and suddenly you "get it"- something about something you hear or read fits a gospel principle you have studied and it's just like a light bulb goes on in your head, or your soul. Light! Understanding! The Spirit of truth "will guide you into all truth" (John 16:13). "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth...." (D&C 88:40) It's really neat when it happens.
There is much in the news lately about the troubles in Syria and the threat of the US attempting to influence the powers that be in that nation by air strikes. On network news, there was given a list of the times that has been tried and it usually fails. The conclusion was that bombing Syria won't stop the revolt or civil war or whatever you want to call the violence going on there. Sometimes, force can actually cause someone to stop something they have been doing. For instance, spanking a child will often stop the child from pulling the cat's tail or touching a hot stove. But the major reaction to the use of superior force is fear and that can result in either of two things: simple fear or anger. (They are very closely related in case you hadn't noticed.) When someone feels fear, they are sometimes in a better position to listen humbly, as in the case of a spanked child. The child, humble as they sometimes can be, just might think "Gee, I don't like getting spanked so maybe I should do what Mommy/Daddy tells me". In the scriptures it mentions that we should "show forth an increase of love lest he esteem thee to be his enemy". When you truly love someone, you aren't into just showing your superior force. You really want them to learn a little wisdom and change their behavior. They will eventually understand that.
However, when the reaction to force is anger, there is usually either a slow simmering resentment, or an immediate attempt to seek revenge, thereby escalating the behavior and/or redirecting it. You really can't hit a child while saying, "Don't hit!" It just doesn't make sense. So, I began to understand the Savior's emphasis on being understanding, patient, long-suffering, and forgiving. In other words, because there are as many versions of how to do things as there are people, and that's a LOT, how can we ever come to agreements? The Savior has admonished us to "be one" even as He and the Father are one. I really don't think we are expected to gradually morph into clones. We all have different personalities, strengths, weaknesses, talents, etc. That's a really good thing. Variety is the spice of life and it works to well when we all bring our different offerings to the table. So, how do we manage to get along, like the people of Enoch did in Zion and like the Savior wants us to?
Satan thought all of God's children should be coerced into compliance so that all could return to be with Heavenly Father again. (Then he wanted to credit for doing it.) But God was quite clear about wanting all of His children to have their own choice. We each get to choose what kind of individual we want to be. Because we make a lot of mistakes in the process of figuring out what works and what doesn't, we often end up regretting our choices. That's what the atonement is for. As long as we are truly sorry and don't just keep making the same mistakes (that's called repenting), we will be forgiven to the point that Heavenly Father will not even remember what we did wrong! I'm sure He actually remembers because He is omniscient after all, but He won't hold it against us as we try to improve. Those who totally insist on things being their way will end someone else's life to get the power, money, revenge, or whatever it is they want. They are what God calls "sons of perdition". He has said they will not be covered by the atonement. If they decide they want to, they will have to work out their own salvation, even if it takes eternity.
So, what I realized is that force really doesn't work well and God doesn't very often resort to it because He knows that. He wants to stand back and let us figure things out for ourselves, making our own choices. We sometimes cry because we feel we don't "deserve" the pain we're receiving. Sometimes that pain is the result of someone else's use of their freedom to choose, and sometimes it's simply the consequences of our own choice. That choice includes the choice before we were born to come to the earth and receive a body so we could experience mortality. Mortality includes opposition in ALL things: joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, light and darkness. Can we ever manage to overcome the discouragement and frustration of improving ourselves and dealing with other imperfect beings? Can we ever truly change the "natural man" enough to live in peace and harmony with all of the other children of God who may have different ideas of how best to do things? Can we ever be forgiving enough to not hold grudges? Can we ever be patient enough to talk things out until we come to a consensus or compromise? God seems to think we are capable. But the change will have to occur inside us, not by any outside force or influence. It is our own choice to make.

Being alone

I really love my family. We may not always agree on everything but I so appreciate that my siblings, my parents, my children (even "adopted" ones), and grandchildren are all basically really good people. They are all honest, hardworking, dependable, and helpful. They focus more on other people for what they can possibly do to help than for fear of how they are being judged. There isn't a lot of "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. We are spread all over the globe, but when we have a chance to get together, we enjoy it. We recognize that none of us is perfect but that's okay. We love each other and feel secure in each other's love, anyway.
Having said that, I am also okay with being alone. When I was younger, my greatest fear was being alone. Even during my teenage years, I had nightmares about being left alone. I realize now that the fear I had stemmed from insecurities about myself, not knowing exactly who I was or even wanted to be. I'm not referring to being a teacher or ballerina. I mean, I wasn't sure what or who I believed in, whose example I wanted to follow, or what direction I wanted to go in my development. There are as many voices in the world to give advice as there are people. What a mess! But now I know that I need to have my own inner voice, guided occasionally by sought-out information from sources I have determined are to be trusted. I am better now at knowing when an "urge" I feel is one I want to follow, or to resist. I have learned that the urge to yell obscenities or get angry and throw things does NOT ultimately make me feel better. Therefore, that is an urge I seek to suppress no matter how irritated I may feel. I have learned that helping others or finishing a job, no matter how tired I feel or how unpleasant the task, makes me feel better afterwards for having done it. I have learned that I can't determine a worthy example to follow simply by appearance. You truly can NOT judge a book by its cover. There are some outwardly beautiful people who are pretty hollow or even scummy on the inside. On the other hand, there are some people who are wonderfully attractive inside and out (some of them I am fortunate enough to call family). I'm glad to be at a point in my life when I can feel more secure in who I am and what direction I want to continue going. I am no longer confused by all the voices in the world. I'm not afraid of being judgmental or bad, because I keep seeking knowledge about how to avoid that since that isn't the kind of person I want to be. I recognize that there are people in the world who are confused and they will often call evil good and good evil. I know now that the still, small voice within me will help me identify what is truly evil and what is truly good. I know people can be fairly decent in nature but still make bad choices that I don't want to make along with them. I just have to stay on the path I have chosen and let them make their own choices, too. I'm okay with who I am. And I know I am never absolutely alone. Especially when I continue to try to make good choices, I will always have a companion. I was given that companion when I chose to enter the waters of baptism and accepted the gift of the Holy Ghost from someone who had the authority to give it to me. I would rather be alone than to be amid contention. But I would rather be with others who are trying to be good than to be alone.

Travel in New York

Recently Russ and I have been doing a considerable amount of traveling. Over mostly the months of June and July we covered nearly 14,000 miles, only 1650 of which were in an airplane. At the end of July we were driving along Seneca Lake in New York State, totally disobeying the GPS which wanted us to head way out of our way just so we could drive on a more major road. We are so glad we chose the road we took! It took us through several small towns with little businesses like "Vince and Ed's Auto Shop", an ice cream stand in every town, a hot dog stand advertising a daily special of "Garbage Plate $6". There were dozens of wineries, fields of grape vines, GREEN everywhere! There were roads like "Lower Farm Road" and "Upper Mountain Road" as we continued driving south along the Susquehanna River and through the Appalachian Mountains.
 We made a stop for lunch in a little town at a local Oriental restaurant that offered a pretty small buffet but the food was prepared not knowing if they would have 2 or 12 or no patrons. As we walked in the door, a young Chinese girl in her early teens immediately got up from a table and came to greet us and sit us at a table. A woman, I'm guessing her mother, came out from the kitchen and spoke to her rapidly in Chinese and smiled at us. After pointing us to the plates for the buffet, the girl sat back down at her table with a younger boy, I'm guessing her brother. There were only 3 other customers in the place. One of them looked over at the boy's book and asked what he was reading. He apparently was very interested in archeology. The boy and girl spoke unaccented English but the mother spoke very little English. When I went in the ladies' rest room, the walls were decorated with pictures carefully drawn by children of dragons and flowers. When we were nearly done eating, a couple of people came in to look over the buffet and said they were checking it out before bringing in the rest of their group. They said they would be right back before stepping out the door and, sure enough, in just a few minutes a group of about 10 people of varying ages came tumbling in headed for the sparsely filled dishes in the buffet. The Chinese lady tried in her broken English to explain that more food was being prepared in the kitchen and would be out shortly. Russ and I both spoke up to tell them the food was good, hoping they wouldn't leave again. We were relieved when they opted to stay. America is really a wonderful place where an immigrant family with very little more than the willingness to work can manage to provide for their family. I hope no health dept. official ever goes in there and gives them a hard time for having the "children" participating in the family business. I'm sure that when school is in session, both of them attend. They will probably both some day earn more money than their parents ever will and they'll have great careers.
Russ and I enjoyed the beauty of the land and the feel of small-town America. We would return to live in New York State if it weren't for the moral and political atmosphere there. There are lots of good people there but there are also a lot of people who are either silent or in agreement with having "Big Brother" government that interfere with everyday life a little too much and "tolerance" in the form of accepting alternative philosophies to the extent that people with traditional moral standards on religion, sexual relations, marriage, family, chastity, and dressing modestly are considered prejudiced. I guess the tolerance only includes what some might call deviance. It spoils the beauty that would otherwise be there, kind of like a beautiful tree that's rotten in the core.