Balancing act

     At the end of life, each of us will die separately and feel accountable separately for how we spent our mortal years. Throughout our life we may "join" groups like Scouts, PTA, church groups, armed forces, work groups, unions, or even more casual book clubs or bowling teams. We are separate from each other but "no man is an island, no man stands alone" as the song goes. The challenge can sometimes be for us to balance time with groups or alone. Fathers who spend too much time with work and social groups will lose the relationship of their wife and children. Mothers who spend too much time with their children will lose the opportunity to nourishing friendships or the continued growth of intimacy with their husband. Time spent alone can be relaxing and refreshing but spending too much time alone makes it more difficult to know how to relate to other people.
     For those who have made the decision to become a follower of Christ, made baptismal covenants and keep them, there is still a constant need to balance group and personal activities. I am troubled by the potential hazards of personal electronic devices. It's wonderful that we can access words of prophets or church calendars on them. But it's a continuing temptation to avoid social media or other distractions when sitting in church meetings with a phone or other device. Even if the chosen activity is "good", like reading scriptures or conference talks, doing family history, or writing in journals, it can be detrimental to use an electronic device too much during meetings. How can a group be unified spiritually if there is a talk or lesson (that someone worked hard to prepare) being given to a roomful of people who are all reading or doing something else, even if they're quiet? It's one thing for young children to have "quiet books" to occupy them during meetings. Often the things said or taught are not easily understood by young children. But once a child is old enough to sit still and listen, it should be expected. A teenager or older playing games on their phone is just not cool during church meetings. It's not quite the same thing as "multi-tasking" because the goal in striving for the guidance of the Holy Ghost is that you focus on hearing the still, small voice- not just to accomplish finding out the gist of the message (What was the lesson/talk about??) while checking on upcoming activities or preparing your own talk or lesson to be given later. It's being alone in a crowd.
     On the other hand, there are those who rely totally on their church meetings to learn what's in the scriptures. There are those who may join family, companion, or group prayers but rarely, if ever, communicate directly with God themselves. Our relationship with God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost is an individual, personal thing. I have long had the idea of writing a spiritual-type song with the lyrics beginning "You can't get to heaven on your brother's coat tails. You gotta get there by yourself." It's not appropriate nor will it be effective to develop a relationship with our Father by simply sitting in on a group session. Even in the temple, where we do most things as a group, our individual focus is still a personal thing. The scriptures say that when Jesus comes we will know Him but we can't know Him if we don't make the individual effort.
     It's just another principle to learn- another step in gaining wisdom or spiritual maturity. I guess it matters what your goal is. What is going to matter to you on your death bed? Once we figure that out, we need to work our way back to where we are right now and use it to guide us in the use of our time and efforts.

For me, and for Angela, and anyone else who worries

     I have been so sore and tired since moving to our house in Ohio that I haven't even considered writing a blog. But conversations with my daughters and husband and thoughts and scriptures have impressed me to comment on our individual accountability. In the book of Ether (Book of Mormon section), Chapter 12, Moroni inserts some comments about faith and a  conversation he had with the Lord. He worries about how his writings as well as those of other prophets will be received in the latter days. He feels they were not made "mighty in writing" to enable the Spirit to work through their words to inspire those who read. The Lord patiently explains that men's weaknesses are placed in them purposely to cause them to be humble, knowing that's the only way they will listen, have faith to repent and improve. Then they talk about charity, which is the love the Lord has for us and wants us to develop toward each other. Then Moroni, still concerned about people in the latter days, prays that the Lord will give them grace so they will have this charity.  Then the Lord says,
If they have not charity it mattereth not unto thee, thou hast been faithful; wherefore, thy garments shall be made clean. And because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong, even unto the sitting down in the place which I have prepared in the mansions of my Father.
This is good news for Moroni so he goes on to say, for the benefit of those reading his words:
And now I, Moroni, bid farewell unto the Gentiles, yea, and also unto my brethren whom I love, until we shall meet before the judgment-seat of Christ, where all men shall know that my garments are not spotted with your blood.
     This conversation between the Lord and a prophet is clear and can be helpful to those who are striving to live as He would have them live but are surrounded by those who may not be making that same effort. When I combine this excerpt with what I learned in the temple in Nauvoo about everyone having a responsibility to assist in the work of the Lord but each individual needing to do only their small part and that is enough, what results is:
1- We each need to be willing to perform and seek to know what our small part is although it also includes our own willingness and ideas "for it is not meet that I should command in all things". So if we are doing everything, or mostly everything, He has already told us about- praying, reading scriptures, holding a temple recommend, serving others, etc.- then we are doing our small part.
2- We need to call others to repentance- not in any self-righteous way condemning others and holding ourselves up as a perfect example. Just be willing to share the "good news" that Jesus has atoned for us and all we need to do is show our gratitude and love for Him by telling others about it and obeying Him. Whether they listen or not is up to them.
3- Beyond that, it is not our responsibility! If a child or spouse or friend does not live up to their covenants or responsibilities, our garments are not spotted by their blood- we are not accountable for their choices. We love them, just as Moroni loved even his rebellious people. We continue to try to share our testimony and be an example. But there is no point in or need to fret over someone else's choices. If they neglect a calling or don't go to church or seminary when we have offered them a ride or don't live the commandments and we have at least once reminded them, that's it..... We have done our small part and the rest is up to them.
     This is how we enter the Lord's rest. We don't have to agonize over the weaknesses or faults or rebelliousness of even those we are closest to. We can love them but we can't change them. That is okay.

Differing perspectives

     When drawing or painting a still life in art class, the results will differ slightly among the students. Depending on the angle of sight, one may not depict the grapes hidden from view by a bowl. One may show the handle of a pitcher that is unseen by another. Because humans are each unique and different from each other in various aspects, our perspectives are different. This can be enriching, giving us insights we wouldn't otherwise have, but it can also be frustrating as we try to communicate or work together. It somehow still surprises me when a conversation with someone close to me is less than clear and smooth because words can mean different things to different people and what we picture or remember can be so varied. Sometimes it seems like one of us is painting the bowl of fruit and pitcher while the other is painting the table it sits on, or the tablecloth on the table or even the window in the wall behind it! The struggle to understand each other is so frustrating!
     I tend to be a "hide my head in the sand" type of reactor. It seems the only answer is to avoid the whole situation/conversation/relationship. But that doesn't really work, especially if the other person is someone living in the same house or having regular contact with me. I used to try to explain my reasoning but I have found that others can interpret that as uninteresting or even annoying and accuse me of merely justifying a seemingly erroneous thought or action or trying to "convert" them to my way of thinking. That's not really my goal. I only seek to understand why we can't seem to agree or even have a peaceful discussion. I hope that by explaining my thinking, they can figure out how I got where I am or see where our paths might coincide. My greatest desire is to be able to see where others "are coming from" to better understand or have empathy for them.
     The Lord has said, "Be one even as the Father and I are one" and "If ye are not one, ye are not mine". So I really, really want to be one with others who are seeking peace and harmony, even if we are not the same. I want to love and be loved even though we are different. I really don't mean to be annoying and I don't want to make anyone else a clone of me. I tried to teach my children the truth to the very best that I could find or understand it: The world is round, not flat. Smoking is bad for you. You need to eat fruits and vegetables because cookies and chicken don't give you the vitamins your body needs. Watching endless tv or playing endless video games gives you a warped view of other people and the world around you. It's easier to find things in an orderly room than in a messy room. -
The list goes on and on. I have wanted to leave any place I have been in better shape than when I arrived. I pick up litter, even if it's not mine. I wash dishes when needed. I try to comfort those who stand in need of comfort or give guidance to those who are lost.
     I just can't figure out how to relate to someone who sees the tablecloth when I am looking at the fruit bowl. I don't know how to be able to carry on a conversation about meaningful things when I have only my perspective to go on and others are so different. 

Serving and being served

     Every one of us, as human beings, have been served at some point in our lives. As a helpless infant, our survival depends on someone else caring for us and we certainly don't "pay" them for it. (Although, some parents would argue that a baby's smile or giggle or hug is a huge reward.) As we grow in size and increase in awareness, we increase in our ability to give service to others- anything from a toddler who lovingly gives a dandelion to his mother to a child who helps pick up and clean the house. Often the desire to do good things is rewarded by the satisfaction of having done something nice along with a little gratitude and/or praise. Unfortunately, not everyone continues to increase service to others as they increase in age. Just as bad, in my opinion, is that there are some who decrease in their willingness to accept service. We all smile at the child learning to eat with a utensil or tie shoes or ride a bike when they say, "I do it myself!" It's worthy of applause to be capable of being self-reliant and independent. However, there can be no service given if there is no-one willing to receive service. Whether it's the overburdened mother being offered a hand carrying her groceries or the proud old man, grumpy at being ill and needing care, it's important to be capable of receiving service. You can tip someone carrying your groceries and thereby not feel "beholden" for their service. You can figure the doctors and nurses are making a good wage thereby not feeling grateful for their tender attention. There are lots of ways to cheapen the service others can give us. It cheapens the service when we brush it off saying something like, "You really didn't have to do that" or " I was about to do that myself". However it's done, it demeans the person giving the service and hardens pride in the person refusing to humbly and gratefully accept the service.
     We cheapen God's service and love to us when we refuse to acknowledge His hand in all things. We may think that He really doesn't notice us, much less be involved in our life. We can think He's so much more important than we are that He doesn't take the time or make the effort to bless us on a daily basis. We may think He is better than we are so we don't deserve His attention. All of those attitudes cause us to neglect or avoid gratitude for His love and concern. We don't notice the beauty of the roses He places in front of us because we only see the painful thorns or we figure the roses aren't there to please us since everyone can see and smell them. We grumble about the rain without consideration for the life that exists only because of that moisture. We even hate the resistance of trials in our life without recognizing the strength and wisdom we gain as a result of it. We don't have to be falsely cheerful about pain or even masochistic or thinking ourselves as martyrs. What we have to do is trust and be grateful. We trust that the person offering to give us a hand is being kind without a hidden agenda. We trust our Father that He truly does want what is best for us even if we don't always understand. We swallow pride and cheerfully accept another person's loving service. We look at our life and the world around us with gratitude toward the Creator. It will help us to feel better. It really will.