Mom and Dad

     There are things I have learned from my parents, some positive, some negative, and some very different one parent from another. Both of my parents were honest and generous. Both were loving and willing to help anyone. I don't really consider myself a judge of them, or of anyone. I can't know what goes on in someone else's head or have accurate insights as to their motivations. I also know I have a different perspective than any of my siblings or anyone else who knew them simply because I am a different person, just as everyone else is a distinct person having a separate and distinct perspective. Because I spend so much time typing my dad's journals into the computer, I have my parents on my mind a LOT. It causes me to ponder just what my own children think about me and my motivations. So I'm going to just consider a few aspects of each of my parents.
     My dad: Probably the one aspect of my dad that is memorable to just about anybody who ever knew him is his love of work. From what my grandmother told me long ago, he has loved to work all his life. Even as a teenager- an age often associated with ravenous hunger and self-centeredness- he would be out working in the fields and miss meals because he didn't want to stop. Later, as a husband and father and prior to cell phones, he often missed family meals because he was "who knows where?" working. My mom and siblings all appreciate that he worked so hard and was a good "provider" but we all have varying levels of admiration for the degree to which he worked. I know there were many times that my mother was frustrated that he was always away and she rarely knew when to expect him home. As for me, I spent a great deal of my childhood- especially the teenage years- resenting that he seemed to value work over family. He rarely attended kids' games, concerts, recitals, or what-have-you. He was an excellent example of working until the very end. He was never lazy or anything even close to it. However, it would have been nice if he had spent more time just being with his family. He was also a very pleasant man to get along with. He rarely got angry and managed to be able to identify with nearly anyone regardless of social or intellectual standing. However, I know my mother was sometimes surprised at what could only be called hypocrisy and I personally witnessed it more than once. In his efforts to "get along", he would sometimes say or do things very different from what he claimed he knew was right. He never stole or murdered or was unfaithful- it wasn't that extreme. However, he did make covenants with God that he often ignored. In fact, he would make it a point of contention with Mom or others by overtly disrespecting the Sabbath or refusing to do things he knew he should be doing. He would make it seem unreasonable to follow such restrictions. I don't think that was fair to my mother's efforts to respect God's commandments.
     My mom: I think it's usually easier for kids to criticize mothers because they are more familiar with so many aspects of them since they spend so much more time with mothers as opposed to time with fathers. Probably the major complaint any of us kids had with mom was hoarding. She just crammed spaces full of stuff and continued to collect more. I won't go into dramatic details but it was definitely as much a problem, if not more so, than my dad's tendency to work. However, my mother was not wrong when it came to faith. She made covenants with God and Jesus Christ and earnestly sought to keep those covenants. She believed God was real and put effort and sincerity into developing a relationship with Him. She may have been ridiculed or at least barely tolerated for her desire to do what God would want her to do: pray, read scriptures, attend church and the temple, keep the Sabbath and all the other major commandments. I know she was considered eccentric if not over-zealous in wanting to spend Sundays in a way God would want by His declarations of it in the scriptures (generally unread by those who would question her interpretations of appropriate Sabbath activities). She loved our Savior but was not necessarily recognized for the goodness and rightness of her feelings toward Him.
     Everyone has weaknesses and temptations and makes mistakes. That's part of being mortal. In the scriptures we are told that "this life is the time to prepare" to meet God and determine exactly what kind of person we want to be. We will continue to learn and progress through eternity but it's apparently easier to "get it" through our experiences here with the opposition provided by the influence of Satan. Once we're back in the presence of only good again (God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost) we won't always see just exactly why rules are the way they are. We will be more likely to have the rebellious child attitude of "why?" and "I have my own ideas about how to do it". I know both of my parents were as good and kind as nearly anyone who has or does live on Earth. I know they will continue to progress just as I hope to. I hope I am being a good example and influence now, despite my shortcomings. I'm glad to know what I know so far and am anxious to learn more.

Maintaining a healthy diet

     I read an article about people who have lost a considerable number of pounds, like those on the show "Biggest Loser". It's not easy to lose weight. They have to make major changes in their diet with the help of a nutritional coach, and it's essential that they do constant, strenuous exercise with the help of a physical trainer. They all manage to shed pounds admirably. However, it's most often only temporary. It's a rare person who succeeds in keeping the excess weight off. Most of the time,the people go back to their more normal way of life with poor eating habits and minimal exercise. As a result, their weight goes back up. They have only temporarily won their battle.
     Spiritual conversion is similar. Often in the face of a significant trial (loss of loved one through death or divorce, diagnosis of potentially fatal disease or serious accident, even being arrested for crimes and incarcerated), people will "find God". They often will have admitted to knowing God was always there, they just didn't acknowledge Him in their life. Sometimes people will be "born again" and enjoy the euphoria of feeling the love of God. Acknowledging the existence of God and accepting the incredible gift of the atonement of Jesus Christ is definitely an essential step in spiritual development. It's not the same as true "conversion". Faith, repentance, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost do not bring about total conversion. To be really effective, we must "endure to the end" in our desires, actions, and thoughts to truly change our lives thereby changing our hearts. Just as the overweight must change permanently their lifestyle if they want to avoid returning to their heavy poundage, the penitent sinner must permanently change their lifestyle in order to maintain their connection with God. It's not that God turns away from anyone. He is always there, wanting us to want Him just as a loving parent may sit by the phone waiting for a call from a beloved child. No, it is we who turn from Him. We decide we enjoy Babylon too much to reach for Heaven. God wants all of His children to be happy. He will let us choose what makes us happy. If we consider obeying His commandments, even the "hard" ones, to be an unpleasant chore, He will not force us to obey. He may make an effort to get our attention occasionally but He will force no man to heaven. 

shirking

     This word does not appear in scripture though it is in a familiar hymn, "We all have work, let no one shirk." I have been thinking about the concept of shirking and even had a dream about it last night. I don't very often remember my dreams but I was truly troubled, even angry (which I also don't often indulge in as I find it too depleting) toward people in my dream who evade or neglect a duty or responsibility. (dictionary definition of shirk- can be a noun or a verb apparently) Most people have probably experienced or witnessed shirking a duty or responsibility. Having to go to the bathroom (who can deny someone that?) at a moment when one is hoping to avoid something or returning from somewhere purposely late hoping to avoid a task or pretending to be asleep or sick- these are all examples of "shirking". People who shirk often feel clever or relieved when their shirk is successful. On the other hand, people who are shirked often resent the person who left them holding the bag. It can be so thrilling to be a part of a group of people with the same goal in mind and the willingness to achieve that goal. It can be demoralizing to have in our midst those who shirk.
     I am thrilled when I hear people testify of Jesus Christ. He performed a unique service for every single human being who is, was, or ever will be even if they don't acknowledge it. His atonement allows every one of us the opportunity to be resurrected and forgiven and to potentially live with Him and our Heavenly Father forever. Anyone can know the truth of this if they have a desire to know.  Quoting from a talk in the LDS Conference Oct. 2017 by Elder David F. Evans,
    To know the truth, we need to live the gospel and experiment on the word. We are cautioned to not resist the Spirit of the Lord. Repentance, coupled with a determination to keep the commandments, is an important part of each individual's search for truth. In fact, we may need to be willing to "give away all" our sins in order to know the truth.
Once we know the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ for ourselves, most people are willing to be obedient to His teachings, including the Ten Commandments along with the admonition to be baptized. When we are baptized we can be reminded once a week by partaking of the sacrament of our willingness to take His name upon us and be obedient. Part of this covenant to follow Him is to "mourn with those that mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort". It isn't simply a willingness to believe in the Atonement or resurrection or the existence of God. It entails a duty or responsibility on our part. We are to do what Christ would do if He were here. That can be overwhelming! Most of us would readily admit we are FAR from being like Him despite our earnest intentions. Fortunately for us, His Atonement was just for the purpose of helping us do our duty despite our weaknesses. Forgiveness if freely and infinitely offered. However, we still have a duty that only each of us individually can perform. He cannot choose for us. He cannot perform for us. We are not going to change the world as He did by any huge action. We each have only a small part but it's OUR part and if we neglect or refuse to do our small part, we are shirking. Our small part may be attending church or being kind to our neighbors or seeking out our kindred dead or teaching and testifying of eternal truths. However small our part, we each must do it and endure well to the end of this mortal probation. God, please help me to never shirk. I want to be an effective part of the team.

The nature of God

     I want so badly to share anything and everything I understand with others and thrill to absorb good and helpful information others might offer me in return. I recently shared, in a testimony meeting at church, insights I have received concerning the nature of God. I never know if my insights are of any benefit to others or if I am just rattling on. I guess I can make a record of my insights, if only to later read over them and remember them for myself.
     My most recent awareness of God's relationship with His children came as I prayed to have guidance in our hunt for the next dwelling place, which we hope to be our last. We have no desire to move again and look forward to establishing connections more permanently than we have been for the past couple of decades. It has been my observation (personal as well as anecdotal from others) that God's guidance often comes "last-minute". I guess He wants us to make all the effort we can on our own because that causes us to stretch and learn. As I whined at God about how difficult it was to try to plan, not knowing ahead of time what was going to happen, I realized that He deals with the very same thing in working with us! Because He wants us to learn and grow and decide for ourselves, we have the agency to choose. His plan is for us to make choices that will lead us back to Him but we don't always take a direct path. He has promised that He will turn even uncomfortable situations to our good if we look to Him and trust Him. He has to be really fast and flexible as all of His billions of children make choices that endanger ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. He will force no man to Heaven but He does sometimes intervene to prevent our foolish destruction. I'm grateful.
     I have also long admired His ability to allow us to harm ourselves and others in order to suffer our own consequences in learning. Priorities must be chosen as to how far to let us go in heading toward destruction. He sometimes allows the evil intentions of others to be carried out, even at the expense of pain suffered by innocents, in order to justly and fully condemn the wicked. He had to watch His only Perfect Son be mocked, spit upon, abused, and eventually grievously and unjustly crucified in order to atone for so many of His children who are not even remotely deserving of such a sacrifice. I have a hard time watching my children suffer much less pain even when they actually deserve it! God is a perfect parent and, in His wisdom, He knows suffering is an essential part of our existence. He wants us to be eternally joyful and serene, but getting there will require some sorrow. I don't know how He watches it but I can only pray for some of His wisdom as I try to hold the hands of those who suffer and encourage them through their trials.
     There is much for us to learn in order to inherit all that God would give us. I can only continue to pray for strength and insights to more fully love Him even a portion of the magnitude with which He loves me.

Is it really fair?

      A wise father once said to one of his sons, "And now, my son, I perceive there is somewhat more which doth worry your mind, which ye cannot understand- which is concerning the justice of God in the punishment of the sinner; for ye do try to suppose that it is injustice that the sinner should be consigned to a state of misery." (Alma 42:1) This is a problem for many people. They feel more like it should be "God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God." That would be more unjust. If there are children of God who, using their agency to choose, decide to prefer living with their own versions of law and refuse to acknowledge a superior wisdom, or in other words, the glory of God, why would they be content to live after this life in a world based on God's law? And why would it be fair for those who strive to be humble and obedient to have to endure eternal rebels who question and challenge rather than live peacefully? Our purpose here in mortality is to choose what kind of eternal life we would prefer. We do that without force from God who definitely has the power to make anyone do whatever He would want. He doesn't work that way. He lives according to eternal law, natural law. We may not understand it as well as He does, but that doesn't mean we are exempt from the consequences of that law. In fact, that is why He allowed His precious Firstborn Son to suffer so undeservedly as He was spat on, derided, insulted, whipped, mocked, and finally nailed to a cross. Jesus Christ paid the price of justice for those who accept His atonement- who acknowledge His gift, their sins, and desire to fully repent. This whole plan was discussed and decided on before the earth was created. It is called the plan of salvation or the plan of mercy or the plan of redemption of the plan of happiness. We are shown mercy and can acquire salvation and redemption because God wants us to be happy and "wickedness never was happiness". It doesn't matter what mortals may call "political correctness". We lack wisdom and spiritual maturity to judge what God has decreed. It would be so much easier for everyone if we could just be humble, pray to know what God wants us to know, then listen.

Being sober

     My main purpose in being zealous about understanding our purpose and our relationship to God is to be a "watchman on the tower". I only want to warn of the pitfalls that will result in pain, sorrow, or regret. I have had plenty of those and don't relish having more, although I acknowledge that some are unavoidable. So my latest thoughts are about "being sober".
     Here is Alma talking to one of his sons (Alma 38:15) And may the Lord bless your soul, and receive you at the last day into his kingdom, to sit down in peace. Now go, my son,...Be sober.
     Peter says something similar in his first epistle (1Peter 5:8) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
     To those who aren't in the habit of reading scripture, the reference to the devil and a roaring lion devouring may sound a bit extreme. However, if you pause and consider the experience of either of these men, you can understand why they are so adamant. They both experienced and saw the extremes of joy in the Lord and the agony of remorse over sin. They are not referring to being without influence of drugs or alcohol, although that is certainly a means of being sober. They are not referring to being only serious and without humor, though there are certainly moments to be more reverent and contemplative. Through the prophet Joseph Smith, the Lord said (D&C 88:69) Cast away your idle thoughts and your excess of laughter far from you. Also He said (D&C 59:15) And inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance... There is important counsel here for anyone striving to follow the Savior and be like Him, as He commanded. He wants us to happy- enough that He fulfilled His mission to the end, enduring pain both physical and spiritual that none of us could ever comprehend, so that we might not have to feel such pain ourselves. (D&C 19:16-19)
     For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit- and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink- Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.
     And further clarification of this characteristic is in more of the words of Alma to his son (Alma 38:12) See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.
     If we want to feel God's love for us and feel as He feels toward others, our own passions must be bridled. If we are focused on "having a good time" with loud laughter and idle thoughts, we are focused on the "pleasures of Babylon" which will provide their own reward---- if that's what we want. If our deepest desire is to laugh hysterically or have our minds altered to be out of our control due to a potential addiction to any mortal experience or substance (sex, food, money, power) or simply "recreational" chemicals in alcohol or drugs- then the resulting "high" is the reward we can expect. We won't be any closer to ability to deal with watching a loved one suffer in pain or dealing with a rebellious child who yells at us that they hate us or endure the death of a loved one or loss of marriage through divorce. The temporary high is what we'll have- then it will be gone. We must be vigilant in realizing that Satan's counterfeit offerings to deal with the inevitable trials of mortality- instant gratification- will never be enough. They simply don't work. All they do is distract us from the source of true healing- our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. So, I would repeat and repeat, obey the commandments, especially to pray, search the scriptures and love others as you want them to love you.

Watch yourselves

     I have recently gone through a harrowing experience with a dishonest person having nefarious intentions, also known as an internet scammer. Within the ensuing couple of days, while still trying to recover, I witnessed an incident which was not obviously related. Upon further analysis, I have identified a similar motivation. The guy who lied to me about wanting to "fix" my computer and representing a known anti-virus company was basically just trying to get money using a technical knowledge greater than mine (which doesn't take much). The second incident was just a guy getting gas for his car. He basically inconvenienced several people who were at the same station, all wanting to get gas, too. I guess he thought he had justification for budging in ahead to fill up his car, despite causing other people to have to make adjustments and be further delayed. As I tried to figure out why anyone would want to do such things, it was obviously greed. But how could they justify what is so glaringly inconsiderate, rude, and even cruel to others? The gas-line budger thought he was more clever in the way he maneuvered around others who patiently waited. He figured that if he thought of a way to avoid waiting in line even when causing unsuspecting people to move out of the way thereby prolonging their own wait, so much the better. If the others wanted to get ahead, they should just be smarter. (A similar thing happens on the highway in traffic tie-ups when someone drives along the shoulder or uses an exit lane then relies on the goodness of people to let him in further up the line.) The attitude of someone using his technical knowledge to take advantage of others with less knowledge is similar. They justify their use of "superiority" by saying that if others were just as smart or smarter, they wouldn't be victims. I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them. But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God...... ye must perish. (Mosiah 4:29-30) The point of this scripture is that not all sins can be specifically listed. "Being clever" is not recognized as a sin, but what you may justify in your thoughts, words, or deeds because you consider yourself clever can be a serious sin. Members of the mafia are often very focused on "loyalty". Loyalty is certainly not a sin, depending on what or to whom you are loyal. Any time we feel our chest puffed out because we beat someone else in some game, or stayed true to a promise even if that promise leads to a sin, we are headed for trouble. I don't think anybody starts thinking they will steal from someone (whether as small as a place in line or as large as a person's savings or even mortal life). They get to that action by taking small steps in that direction. What keeps us on that path? Pride. Pride is a great sin. Sin is identified by interfering with any person's eternal progress whether one's own or someone else's. If you kill someone, they no longer have an opportunity to learn or accomplish whatever they might have in their mortal life. If you steal from someone, you cause them to disrupt their ongoing life to recoup enough to carry on to say nothing of the mental, emotional, spiritual damage. When you can justify such damage because you consider yourself somehow superior, that's pride. I have never been a fan of practical jokes because, to me, they are taking advantage of someone's trust or even lack of awareness to provide someone else with a chance to laugh, to feel superior even for just a minute. I suppose there are truly "harmless" practical jokes, but that would only be if the person on the receiving end of the joke gets the same chuckle out of it as the one perpetrating the joke.
     Basically, we do need to watch ourselves; we need to catch ourselves at the beginning of the path to prevent heading in a direction that can lead us to a place we didn't really intend to go. The time to be concerned about who we are becoming is not when we are sitting in a prison cell or standing at the bar of God. We need to be concerned every single day. It doesn't have to be a source of constant fear and trembling- unless you are truly tempted to hurt others and/or yourself ALL the time. Once you decide where you want to end up, it's a simple matter of deciding what steps to take and in what direction.