Relationships even covenants

     Coming of age in the wild and loose 60's, there was a moving away from fidelity in marriage or even the decision to get married at all. Having multiple sex partners was easier to deal with if there was no official contract of marriage. Living together "out of wedlock" as it used to be called, has become more and accepted and even prevalent. Weddings have become simply another excuse to have a big party rather than a symbol of a major change in the lives of two people and their surrounding friends and family. Marriage covenants have gradually dimmed in significance.
     I remember a time when one of my children, as a "rebellious teenager" threatened to become an "emancipated minor" in order to loosen the ties from parents whose rules were considered unpleasant. As the legal profession has gained a foothold in personal relationships, there has been an increase in disowning and disinheriting when there are difficulties between parents and offspring. Granted, these relationships differ from marriage in that they came about without personal choice. You can choose who you decide to marry but a child is created without any idea of their personality ahead of time. There is simply an unspoken commitment on the part of the two adults who participated in the child's creation that there would be a responsibility to uphold once the child was born. On the part of the child, there is simply an unspoken acknowledgment of a debt owed to respect and appreciate the two adults who created and nurtured the child.
     In both cases, there is an ongoing risk that one or more people involved in the relationship will change or choose to behave in ways that will disrupt the peace and comfort of the relationship: a spouse is unfaithful or abusive, a parent is irresponsible or abusive, a child is rebellious to the point of cruelty and impossibility of continuing a peaceful relationship. Often there is a mutual agreement that it's not worth hanging on to the relationship. There is always the possibility of forgiveness and a reversal in adverse behavior. If even one of the parties involved is willing to persist in working things out, it's possible to heal the relationship.
     Relationships with God can be a little more vague. We can treat it like the sex outside of marriage relationship. We enjoy the blessings without making a commitment. We acknowledge God's existence and maybe even express gratitude for His love and the gift of His son. But we don't make a commitment. When we choose to be baptized by someone who has the authority from God, we are making a covenant. God ALWAYS keeps His end of the covenant. It is ALWAYS the child of God who breaks the covenant. He covenants to bless us and watch over us. We covenant to obey Him and serve Him. There are further covenants made in temples where there is authority to seal children to Heavenly Father. There are promises that His children make that are essential to keep the covenant intact. It's one thing to never make those promises and go "a-whoring after other Gods", but it's not a good thing to make covenants with God then turn our backs on Him as we choose to ignore those promises we voluntarily made. It's a disappointment to Him but, even worse, it doesn't speak well as to our trustworthiness. God can manage without us but we cannot manage well if we choose to be the kind of individual who is unfaithful. It can be totally change the direction we are headed in our progression.

How far would you go?

     Several decades ago, after I had made covenants with God to obey His commandments but my dad had not yet done so, I was at my parents' home on a Sunday after church. My dad was getting ready to go into a wooded area to cut firewood- alone. I would have preferred he go on a day other than the Sabbath but understood that, as a self-employed builder, Sunday was a day he could afford to do something for himself/own family. I know the Sabbath is important to the Lord but I also knew having my dad in the woods alone with a chain saw (way before the cell phone) was potentially dangerous. Hence, I made the decision to go into the woods with him. I went home to change my clothes, climbed into my dad's old truck, and trudged through the woods to help him gather firewood.
     The covenants I have made are between me and God. Each of His children is responsible for his/her own choices. However, we cannot choose the consequences of our choices. Recently I heard a snippet from an item on lung cancer in which a young woman was saying something like, "So if I have spent years smoking, does that mean I deserve to die from this disease?!" To which I would say, it doesn't matter if you "deserve" it or not, it is a consequence of your own voluntary action. We cannot expect to jump off a bridge and not drown even if someone else jumps off a bridge and manages to swim to safety or get rescued. We cannot expect to have unlimited, unprotected sex and not expect to avoid unwanted pregnancy or STD's, even if that happens for others. Admittedly, there are accidents which seem very unfair. Excellent drivers get into their vehicles headed somewhere and end up getting killed on the road every day, through no personal fault. Also, we can't just sit in a bubble, afraid of catastrophe, never doing anything or going anywhere. There is risk in every breath we take and it's unavoidable. However, it is not only possible but very wise to do what we can to make sensible choices and that includes eternally significant choices. Not every choice is about how long we will spend as mortal beings. Lots of choices are about how we will spend, not only our time here on earth, but eternity; who we want to be.
     God is aware of the constant complexity of choices to made here. He is very patient and forgiving. It's not even a possibility that He might not love us anymore if we make bad choices. The risk is how we will feel about ourselves. The risk is spending eternity with those who want to make the same choices we do. How far we are willing to go in justifying our choices will have a consequence, especially if we do it over and over and over. It will form our character...... for a very long time.

Why you need it

     There have always been con artists and manipulators. For a very long time in the history of mankind they were rare. People generally didn't run into such people very often. As the world population has increased in numbers and opened in communication, our chances of encountering someone who wants to relieve of us our life savings, or at least a buck or two, have increased dramatically. My father was cheated by a voice on the phone telling him he had "won" a trip and all he had to do was pay certain fees by sending in a money order. It could have gone on to even more than he lost but, fortunately, he talked about it enough that he realized it was a scam and stopped it before he lost too much. Russ and I were taken in by a con man resulting in our being forced into bankruptcy. It could have been "worse"; we no longer have life insurance but the man is now in prison for murder. I was manipulated by a computer scammer who called on the phone to tell us we had a refund coming from a well-known anti-virus provider we had used in the past. Fortunately, like my dad, I talked to people about it and they were able to help me figure out how to get out of it before he was able to reap from our account. It's a really insecure feeling to question the honesty of everyone with whom you come in contact. I received a text from our credit card company and wondered if it was really them. We received a notice of a need for a signature for a federal form from out bank and wondered if it was legitimate. You just don't know who to believe!
     The responsibility to seek learning by faith rests upon each of us individually, and this obligation will become increasingly important as the world in which we live grows more confused and troubled. (David A. Bednar "Seek Learning by Faith", Sept 2007 Ensign)
     You do not have to wonder about what is true. You do not have to wonder whom you can safely trust. Through personal revelation, you can receive your own witness... (Russell M. Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives, April 2018 Ensign)
     This is the grand privilege of every Latter-Day Saint.. that it is our right to have the manifestations of the Spirit every day of our lives. (Lorenzo Snow)
     And it's not just Latter-Day Saints that can receive direct information from God and it's certainly NOT people who have a human institution's certificate stating that they are qualified and educated by other humans that can receive direct information from God. Every person walking the Earth is a child of God and has the right and privilege of communication directly to and from our Father in Heaven. These days, more than ever before, we need to take the time to pray, ponder, seek, and LISTEN to what God will tell us. As the days progress toward the Return to the Earth of Jesus Christ we will hear more and more from God's prophets that it is essential that each one of us develop our own line of direct communication, not relying on anyone else although we will have the support and encouragement of those who are doing the same thing. People may be unstable but God is not. But He will not force Himself into our lives. We have to seek Him. He's just waiting for us to call on Him so He can help and guide us. We need to each do that for ourselves.

Encouragement

     I wish I could hold up arms like Joshua did for Moses, to help win battles. Every one of us has a daily battle, some longer, some shorter. I am so grateful for the little notes I have gotten in the mail or emails or even Facebook posts that help me to remember that others think about me with fondness. As I have typed and typed and typed my dad's words from his journals into the computer, I spend countless hours picturing/remembering people and places. It's interesting to see it all through my dad's eyes. He's rarely effusive with emotion but once in awhile he expresses a feeling about someone. It has caused me to think about myself as a parent. I can honestly say I have tried to teach my children and grandchildren things that I think will benefit them as they experience the ups and downs of mortal life. I can also honestly say I'm sure none of them think of me as perfect because I'm certainly NOT! I don't seek adulation. In fact, I remember a time when my mother actually thought I was worth emulation so she tried to copy me in various ways. It made me feel uncomfortable to the point of tears of frustration. I don't want anyone to want to be just like me. I am so grateful for the differences between me and others that so enrich my awareness and understanding and, eventually, hopefully, wisdom. However, I do want to be liked and appreciated. I especially hope to be thought well of by the people closest to me, the people with whom I expect to spend eternity.
     Some day we will speak as spirits speak, heart to heart, mind to mind- without sound waves sent from vocal cords to auditory nerves. I guess it's a good thing we can't do that right now. Since we are all working on learning and growing into Christlike people and we're not there yet, we probably have thoughts that we can be really grateful nobody else can "hear". For now, I hope we can learn how to control our tongues so we can, not only avoid hurting others, but speak in ways that encourage others and let them know someone appreciates them. That would certainly make the world more pleasant.

Just to bring a smile

All of these pictures are at least 8 years old, some older. They are just random combinations of the people that are my family. I could post hundreds of pictures that evoke warm feelings to me because they are faces of people I love. As is true of everyone everywhere, pictures usually show smiles but family is not always about smiling and being happy with each other. Sometimes there is anger or hurt or disappointment or worry or fear or rebelliousness or frustration.

North Logan, Utah L to R- Mary, Victoria (daughter in law), Ammon (son), Jeremy (grandson), Lisa (daughter)

Dayton, OH Angela (daughter) and Louisa (granddaughter and niece to Angela)

Cincinnati, OH James (son) and Brooklyn (granddaughter and niece to James)

San Diego, CA L to R Jenny Neuendorff (sister in law to our son James), one of her daughters, John terHorst (our unofficially adopted son), another of Jenny's daughters, Tyler Ruuspakka (my sister's son)
Sometimes it can just bring a smile to see the smiles of people you love. These pictures do that for me.

Forgive us our debt/trespasses.......

     It's really difficult to see yourself objectively. There have been many times I wish I could get a glimpse of myself through someone else's eyes. On the other hand, sometimes I'm glad I can't. It hurts when someone chooses to color you with a perspective which is contrary to what you think you are or are trying to be. I am "trying to be like Jesus" as the children's song goes. However, I don't always communicate or show that well. Hence, I have been seen as self-righteous or judgmental toward others. Also, sometimes others have something going on in their lives or minds that colors their view of me. That's okay but it's nice when they can be open and honest to admit that maybe their view of me is skewed. I prefer the principle of "guilty until proven innocent" but often, when someone chooses to interpret a person in a negative way, they will take the perspective of "guilty until proven innocent". That is nearly impossible! How can you EVER prove to someone that you are kind if they twist every thing you do and say to make you look cruel? How can you EVER prove to someone who considers you careless that you are trying hard to be considerate and thoughtful?
     I have talked a lot about forgiveness. It really is essential to forming relationships. It must occur over and over and over again until 70 times 7 and more! Someone else just may intentionally slight you or insult you. But you don't know what's going on in their life. If you take the position to take offense much of the time, others (even those close to you) will build a wall of protection to keep you from hurting them. That wall may never be surmountable, hence a potential relationship is stymied. The other person may forgive you, but out of the need to survive, they will keep a distance from you. This business of interpersonal relationships is so complicated! "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face:now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I also am known." (1 Cor. 13) I sincerely look forward to a day when we will communicate in a way that is more clear. I am grateful for God's ability to look at my heart and see my true intentions. I pray for His help in trying to see the good in others and react appropriately.  

Courage takes confidence and vice versa

     The Lord talks a lot about being meek. In fact He promises that the meek shall inherit the earth. This morning in 3 Nephi 12, we read His words "But I say unto you, that ye shall not resist evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also..." This can be a bit hard. Not too many of us enjoy having someone hurt us, physically or emotionally. So, why does God want us to take it? Are we expected to be a door mat for others? Somehow, I don't think that's the image He wants us to portray. After all, He has also told us to "be of good courage" and "let your light shine" and "be valiant" and other such words.
     I appreciate anyone, but especially women, who stand strong for righteous principles. I enjoy reading, or listening to, the words of Sheri Dew. In her book No One Can Take Your Place, she says "None of us come to this earth to gain our worth; we brought it with us." I find that really encouraging. Also, "We too need unflinching moral courage." She is certainly an excellent example as someone once remarked to her, "Sister Dew, every morning when you wake up I'll bet the adversary says to himself, 'Oh heck, she's awake again.'" Not at all surprising! She also went on to say, "May we have the courage to do what we were elected to do and what we agreed to do..." (referring to our participation in the pre-mortal council in Heaven where we chose to follow Jesus Christ rather than Satan)
     So how do we reconcile these two seemingly opposite characteristics? First of all, I think it's important to always remember that "Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord" so we don't succumb to the concept that we need to mete out punishment to be a guardian of Justice. That tends to make people pompous and eventually cruel. Whatever path we start on will determine where we end up. We don't want to end up like the Hitlers of mankind, judging who deserves what kind of treatment. Yet, it's also important that we don't become so wishy-washy that we don't stand for anything. The Lord has also spoken of being "lukewarm so I shall spew thee out of my mouth". We don't want to be salt that has lost its savor.
     Recently I passed through a bit of an emotional/spiritual crisis. I never doubt my testimony of the existence and love of God and Jesus Christ but I do doubt my own abilities and wisdom. That's okay, but only to the extent that it doesn't limit my progress. As I prayed to know how to deal with loved ones who question/challenge me, I was reassured that I know what I know. I may not be an influence for good even though I try. I may not ever be a light that guides someone to Christ. But I can be confident that I know God loves me. I know I can play a part, no matter how small, in preparing for the return of Jesus Christ to rule and reign. I have to just keep going with the confidence that I know what I know, no matter what others think. I can have the courage to testify, whether or not others believe me. I can do this.