Entertaining boys

This is the face of a young man happy to be driving even though he is legally too young to do so! Here in Sun City, golf carts are a common sight. They are used by many people for all the things they would use a car for and sometimes they are the only vehicle they own. When our daughter Angela and family came at Thanksgiving time, our neighbor kindly let us borrow his golf cart for a little recreational time for the boys. We had used the cart when James's family was here over the summer, too, and it was a big hit then. The photo above is Joshua, who will probably have a drivers license in a few more years and will be a good driver.

 

The second photo is Martin. He did pretty well driving. (They both only drove in an empty parking lot.) But due to autism, we don't know if or when Martin, who will be 16 all too soon, will be able to drive. This was a big event for both of them. Here in Sun City, there is very little entertainment available for young people. James's family found that out when they were here for an extended visit. The kids were really pleasant about the horribly hot temperatures and recreational venue limits set on them (because they are not yet 55), but it required some real creativity.  The photo below shows the creativity of the boys here at Thanksgiving time.  My sister Gloria's 3 boys were added to Angela's 3 boys. Since they were not allowed on the golf course and didn't want to just sit in front of a tv or even read all the time, they got out what "building materials" were available to them (they all have lots of Legos at home) and they created something. This is a combination of chess pieces, dominos, and Jenga blocks. Pretty interesting.......

My best Christmas gift!

I have been struggling over what I could possibly give to my mother for a gift. It's not that I am insistent on giving gifts at Christmas-- or any other occasion. But Mom is now on hospice care and no longer able to swallow very well and losing weight so it looks like she won't be around TOO much longer. She really doesn't need anything. I can't giver her candy because she can't eat it. There are very few clothing items she could possibly use and the practical part of me just feels that anything extra she has will just have to be disposed of eventually.  But Mom loves music and church. We had a Christmas "sing-a-long" today at church. I decided to ask the people in attendance if anyone would be willing to drive over to the care center afterwards to sing to my mother. Some of the people remember her but some never really knew her. She has been in the care center for over 5 years now. Up until over 2 years ago I rolled her over to church on Sundays but there was a time when she could no longer manage going. She used to sing faithfully in the ward choir. The sing-a-long wasn't really super well attended. This is a busy time of year and people had other things to do. So I wasn't really expecting very many people to come. But the number of hands held up at the question of who might be able to go sing took me by surprise. On the spur of the moment, about 20 people were willing to convene at the care center and sing a cappela to my mother.

It was so touching to see her mouth the words along with the familiar Christmas songs and she just beamed! The people who came were touched, too. A few times we struggled to keep singing due to the tears in our eyes and the constricted throats. A few other residents heard the singing and came to listen. Mom felt like the star of the show when everyone greeted her, hugged and kissed her and wished her a Merry Christmas.

At the end of our singing, a manager came out to talk to us and was not at all surprised to find out we were LDS. He said, "I could tell you were LDS before I even came out and was told."  He was delighted to have us there.I know there are people who are a bit put-off at the attitude of Latter-Day Saints. We don't mean to be at all exclusionary but there is truly a spirit about active  Latter-Day Saints. We strive to follow the Savior in our everyday lives. Sometimes that is recognized. Being a part of a good group of people, especially in this increasingly self-centered, troubled world, feels really good. The instantaneous willingness to take time to do something nice like this just filled my heart to overflowing!

I wish I had more pictures for this blog but these are the only two I have. These are pictures of an army. This army is worldwide and includes millions of people- some you might know and some that might surprise you. Yesterday in Yarnell, AZ ( most of the town citizens were burned out or touched in some major way by a major wildfire there several months ago), we numbered well over 100 from all ages and occupations, everything from young children to older people who are physically disabled. We worked hard and most of us got pretty dirty and sweaty but, everyone had a job they could do and they did it with joy and enthusiasm.

The second picture is from longer ago and includes some of my grandchildren. My oldest son recently served as a part of this army but I don't have a picture. He was helping with clean-up after Hurricane Sandy. My older daughter and her family also have served in this army. They helped awhile ago with evacuation then clean-up after flooding in Minot, ND.
Many more years ago, I gave a ride to a friend to the MTC in Provo, Utah. I remember so vividly feeling a surge of emotion as the crowded room there watched videos and sang songs about serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons-like the Mormon Helping Hands in these pictures). I was so thrilled that this young man with me was joining this army of wonderful people whose mission is to serve the Lord finding others who want to do the same thing but may not know how. None of the members of this army are perfect as an example to follow in everything they do- but they are trying. I am proud to be a part of this army and look forward to the day when I can spend all my time, at least for a couple of years, on a mission to teach those who want to hear, like this part of the army- now including my oldest grandson.

Who's the judge?

     I just attended a "Talent Search" here in Sun City. As you can imagine, since you have to be over 55 to live here, the contestants were, shall we say- "not young"? There was a group of 22 women, former cheerleaders maybe, aged 57-80 that did a pom pom routine. The contestants had been pre-screened by previous auditions so this group of 12 semi-finalists were to be judged to continue on to the finals. There were two "official" judges, both connected to the entertainment industry, and the audience all had ballots to fill in. The pom pom girls were pretty good for their age but I don't think they would be as impressive if not for their advanced years. Since all the other acts were single individuals, there were more audience members to vote for the pom pom girls than for any other act. I seriously doubt they would have been voted on to the next round in comparison to the other acts if not for the audience vote.
     This has gotten me thinking about judging. I can't understand, for instance, why some movie star is interviewed on a tv show to give advice on raising children, or a sports star to give advice on dating, or a music star to show how to cook. Would it be appropriate for an expert equestrian to audition opera singers? Should a knowledgeable architect rate a heart surgeon's work? How is it determined who should act as a fair judge in anything? How is it determined who is an expert in anything enough to act as a judge? There are many different aspects of every category and generally there is ample room for widely varying opinions on how well something works, how it looks, how much effort is required to use each method to accomplish the task at hand, etc. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, and that is also true of nearly every aspect of anything. How about character? Who has a legitimate right to judge whether a person's character is "good" or "bad"? Even in what could be considered extreme situations, there can be differing opinions. For instance, most people would judge that killing a child is bad. What about abortion? What about war? We humans are all constantly viewing the world around us and trying to decide what we agree with. We "judge" all day every day.
     The scriptures say, "with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall be judged". Most people are quick to remind others to simply not judge. That really doesn't work. When anyone adopts a "herd mentality" and goes along with what people around them are doing rather than think things out for himself, really bad things can happen. We have all seen images of riots and there are way too many examples of genocide in the history of the world. Such people have no self-confidence in determining for themselves what should or should not be done. They are trusting too much that others are choosing what is best. On the other hand, a person who claims to be a rebel can be just as unthinking. To choose a path simply because others are NOT choosing it is just as foolish. A rebel has too much self-pride and trusts very few others. Neither way is going to work to judge what is right (good) or wrong (bad). So, who is to define what makes "good" character? God? By whose definition would that be? I certainly would not agree with the judgments of the god chosen by radical extremists in ANY religion. For me, that would even include those who make "God" someone who is so totally forgiving and loving that He doesn't care what you do as long as you say you believe in him. Simple vocal declaration of belief means very little. The way you live is more of a declaration that means something. When can you believe a hypocrite or a liar?
     The bottom line is, we each choose/judge. God will for sure have the ultimate word on everything and when we all face the ultimate judgment, we'll find out. In the meantime, until we die or the Second Coming occurs (whichever happens first), we will continue to judge all day every day. We judge for ourselves how important it is to be honest, to be helpful, kind, forgiving, willing to sacrifice our time or energy to benefit others, to make the effort to learn, to spend endless hours in self-entertainment and self-indulgence. In essence, we are our own judges. God is not going to force anyone to Heaven. He only wants to spend eternity with those of His children who want to spend eternity with Him because we want what He wants. If you want to destroy the lives of those who don't believe as you do, you will spend eternity with beings who want to do that, too. If you want to work hard so you aren't a burden to others, you will spend eternity with those who are also willing to work hard. If you want peace, you will spend eternity with peaceful beings. YOU are the judge.

Don't blame God

     No matter how many times I talk about choices/agency, I still wonder how many people actually understand the ramifications of this incredible blessing. God is all-powerful and all-wise, but He does NOT want to be a puppeteer. People often complain about all the tragedies in the world and question the very existence, much less the wisdom, of God. This mortal experience isn't really a "test" in the way most people think. It's not a "pass or fail" kind of test, given by a superior being who is hoping to somehow give us trick questions or make it really hard. It's an opportunity to be totally on our own, away from His presence, to experience good, bad, pain, pleasure, happiness, sorrow, and develop our own character based on what we decide we like or don't like. The choice isn't simply to make a statement and figure we'll get what we said we want, like asking for chocolate chip ice cream at the ice cream shoppe. We choose what we want by the way we choose to live our life, the everyday choices of what we do, think, and say. You can't claim to prefer honesty if you are in the habit of telling lies. You can't say you like things neat and clean if you live like a slob.
     Everybody has challenges to overcome. There are major issues that come with having a physical, imperfect body, for instance: Downs syndrome, Parkinson's disease, multiple sclerosis, autism, even pyromaniac tendencies, obsessive-compulsive disorder, kleptomania, etc. God didn't put the imperfect genes purposely in bodies for these problems to develop to make it hard for some, more than others. However, He does ALLOW them, knowing that ultimately we gain by struggling. Even more prevalent are: pride, laziness, anger, cynicism, self-centeredness, greed, etc. The scriptures are full of advice on how to be the way God would prefer us to be, the way we HAVE to be if we want to live in His society. He would prefer us to choose to be like Him, and our Savior, but He leaves it up to us to make that choice. If we think being hard-working is uncomfortable, we don't have to be that way. However, we don't get to sit around and "let" others who choose to work hard do all the heavy lifting simply because we "like" other things. If we find it difficult to be totally honest in all things, we can choose to tell stories the way we want. But we don't get to live with people we know we can trust all the time and try to color the world just to be however it suits us. We can't hold grudges or feelings of smugness and expect others to forgive US our trespasses or love US the way we are or encourage US with compliments and pats on the back. It just wouldn't work. The universe will never revolve around one individual.
      But we need to remember, whatever weakness we have, from mental illness to laziness, does NOT define who we are. We are not "bad" because we tell a lie. We become "bad" when we habitually avoid the truth then justify the lies. We are not "bad" because we feel anger. We become "bad" when we refuse to repent and continue to hold the anger all the while blaming someone else's choice rather than recognizing that no one can make us be angry. We are not "bad" for feeling pride in our abilities or accomplishments. We become "bad" when we look down at everyone else and criticize them for not being as good as we are along with refusing to see the things they do well, even things that we may do poorly ourselves.
     The very worst thing anyone can do is give up. That doesn't mean we can't get tired and want a break. That doesn't mean we can't just rest a bit. We just can't give in to the impulse to think that wherever we are is far enough. We can't think that it's just not possible for us to keep going. Once we stop believing that we are capable of being what God thinks we are capable of being, then we quit trying. Then we are stuck. That's where we will stay because nobody, not even God, is going to force us to get up and keep going. We will get nudges and nagging, but not force. We will be who we decide to be. We can't blame anyone else- not even God.

What can we expect?

I enjoy laughing, I really do. It's nice to feel at ease enough to laugh- not the kind of awkward laughter when someone is embarrassed or the constant chuckle of those who are mentally "on the edge"- but the relaxed chuckle that starts deep down inside. I have a hard time with people who are so anxious to laugh that they try to make nearly everything into a joke. They often end up being crude or insulting in some way. It should come naturally- not forced.  Humor is one of our human emotions, and it's a good one when appropriate.
Women tend to be more emotional than men- in general. Because we are often the trusted caregivers to children, the sick and afflicted, and the elderly, we tend to think sympathetically and are more careful of humor that might cause pain. "Teasing" can be all in good fun but, often, it goes too far, too deep, or on for too long. When dealing with the innocence of children or those who may have the innocence of a child, I have never appreciated telling lies just to be able to laugh at their gullibility. I have a hard time with doing physical things that can endanger a child just to get a laugh from the look of fear or horror on their face. I don't care whether it's done by men or women, it's just not fair or nice.
Recently there was a list on Facebook which was mostly funny about the rules men have. They're quite true to life and pretty amusing. However, I have to take issue with the sixth #1 which is: "Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for." I could laugh at that if it weren't so sad that it's all too true. There are many difficult issues in life that simply can NOT be "solved". However, they may still be hard to deal with. I think it's entirely appropriate for spouses to consider one another as their "best friend". When my heart is breaking over something, I want to be able to share my sorrow/concern/pain with someone who cares about me, even if it's a man. What about "mourning with those that mourn"?? What about helping to carry one another's burdens? If I am frustrated with dealing with a difficult child, I realize that there isn't always a "solution" other than to hang in there in hopes they will mature enough to no longer be such a concern. If I am sad about a loved one's cancer and they are getting proper treatment but will never be cured, I don't expect someone to magically fix them. It does me no help whatsoever when I get a reaction of frustration/anger when I explain how difficult it is to deal with my aging mother who has dementia. I know the prognosis is a continual decline until death. There is no hope for improvement. I know that. Is it wrong to just want to "vent"? Is it unreasonable to want sympathy?
I have noticed that people who don't like to sympathetically listen to someone else's problems (I'm not talking about the chronic everlasting whiners), manage to justify themselves when getting angry. They are often the same people who want to force others to laugh and are annoyed when you don't find them amusing. Why is it that laughing and anger are the only "appropriate" emotions? Can women not expect men to listen with concern? Is it not possible to live with the fact that sometimes you are sad and just need a hug or a chance to express your grief? Can only women show empathy?
There is one man who shows a great deal of empathy. He has encouraged others, men and women, to lift one another's burden. He has counseled us to love one another. He has offered us encouragement and support without a "fix" for our problems. He cheers us on rather than always helping us find a way to avoid the obstacles. It is my understanding that He expects ALL of us- men and women- to treat each other the way we would want to be treated. He has shown us the example and hopes we will follow. The world would be a nicer place if everyone did that. We can't make everyone act better but we can start with ourselves and not just seek justification for "natural" behaviors.

Lesson from Father

It can be unsatisfying sometimes to try to "study" the scriptures. Maybe it would help to liken it to studying a foreign language. When you first start, you can spend a whole week only learning how to count to 20 or say the days of the week. It hardly seems worth the effort when you know you can't actually speak to someone in that language. But given enough time, you gradually pick up more vocabulary until suddenly you can read a page or understand a conversation. Reading the scriptures is similar in that, just picking them up and reading a chapter or page isn't always a really "spiritual" experience where you feel like you have connected with God. Persistence pays off when you are just going about your day and suddenly you "get it"- something about something you hear or read fits a gospel principle you have studied and it's just like a light bulb goes on in your head, or your soul. Light! Understanding! The Spirit of truth "will guide you into all truth" (John 16:13). "For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth...." (D&C 88:40) It's really neat when it happens.
There is much in the news lately about the troubles in Syria and the threat of the US attempting to influence the powers that be in that nation by air strikes. On network news, there was given a list of the times that has been tried and it usually fails. The conclusion was that bombing Syria won't stop the revolt or civil war or whatever you want to call the violence going on there. Sometimes, force can actually cause someone to stop something they have been doing. For instance, spanking a child will often stop the child from pulling the cat's tail or touching a hot stove. But the major reaction to the use of superior force is fear and that can result in either of two things: simple fear or anger. (They are very closely related in case you hadn't noticed.) When someone feels fear, they are sometimes in a better position to listen humbly, as in the case of a spanked child. The child, humble as they sometimes can be, just might think "Gee, I don't like getting spanked so maybe I should do what Mommy/Daddy tells me". In the scriptures it mentions that we should "show forth an increase of love lest he esteem thee to be his enemy". When you truly love someone, you aren't into just showing your superior force. You really want them to learn a little wisdom and change their behavior. They will eventually understand that.
However, when the reaction to force is anger, there is usually either a slow simmering resentment, or an immediate attempt to seek revenge, thereby escalating the behavior and/or redirecting it. You really can't hit a child while saying, "Don't hit!" It just doesn't make sense. So, I began to understand the Savior's emphasis on being understanding, patient, long-suffering, and forgiving. In other words, because there are as many versions of how to do things as there are people, and that's a LOT, how can we ever come to agreements? The Savior has admonished us to "be one" even as He and the Father are one. I really don't think we are expected to gradually morph into clones. We all have different personalities, strengths, weaknesses, talents, etc. That's a really good thing. Variety is the spice of life and it works to well when we all bring our different offerings to the table. So, how do we manage to get along, like the people of Enoch did in Zion and like the Savior wants us to?
Satan thought all of God's children should be coerced into compliance so that all could return to be with Heavenly Father again. (Then he wanted to credit for doing it.) But God was quite clear about wanting all of His children to have their own choice. We each get to choose what kind of individual we want to be. Because we make a lot of mistakes in the process of figuring out what works and what doesn't, we often end up regretting our choices. That's what the atonement is for. As long as we are truly sorry and don't just keep making the same mistakes (that's called repenting), we will be forgiven to the point that Heavenly Father will not even remember what we did wrong! I'm sure He actually remembers because He is omniscient after all, but He won't hold it against us as we try to improve. Those who totally insist on things being their way will end someone else's life to get the power, money, revenge, or whatever it is they want. They are what God calls "sons of perdition". He has said they will not be covered by the atonement. If they decide they want to, they will have to work out their own salvation, even if it takes eternity.
So, what I realized is that force really doesn't work well and God doesn't very often resort to it because He knows that. He wants to stand back and let us figure things out for ourselves, making our own choices. We sometimes cry because we feel we don't "deserve" the pain we're receiving. Sometimes that pain is the result of someone else's use of their freedom to choose, and sometimes it's simply the consequences of our own choice. That choice includes the choice before we were born to come to the earth and receive a body so we could experience mortality. Mortality includes opposition in ALL things: joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, light and darkness. Can we ever manage to overcome the discouragement and frustration of improving ourselves and dealing with other imperfect beings? Can we ever truly change the "natural man" enough to live in peace and harmony with all of the other children of God who may have different ideas of how best to do things? Can we ever be forgiving enough to not hold grudges? Can we ever be patient enough to talk things out until we come to a consensus or compromise? God seems to think we are capable. But the change will have to occur inside us, not by any outside force or influence. It is our own choice to make.