The art of conversation

     I have said it before and I reiterate- we're all different. So, how do we manage to treat each other with respect, maybe even kindness? Starting with the act of conversation, there are ways to encourage the progression of it and ways to create turmoil in either or both parties. An essential aspect of healthy, beneficial conversation is LISTENING. ( Ecclesiastes 3:7 a time to keep silence, and a time to speak) By that, I don't just mean pausing in your speech to let the other person mention another thing about which you can either prove them wrong or use as a springboard to a long monologue to display your enviable knowledge and experience.
     I think a good way to explore conversation is to first find commonalities. When someone brings up something, if you first let them know you actually heard what they meant (unless you need to ask a question to clarify) then encourage them by finding something in the subject that you can relate to. There are some who feel that disagreeing will somehow "spark" conversation. I think that what it does is create tension and, ultimately, destroy further peaceful conversation. There are some who feel compelled to constantly try to impress others by never-ending tales of their own accomplishments and great knowledge. That can only cause others to feel inadequate or, at best, envying which certainly isn't uplifting.
     I'm sure there are plenty of books and articles containing suggestions as to how to carry on meaningful conversations. For me, I look to the One who has all wisdom and knowledge:
Cease to contend one with another; cease to speak evil one of another. (D&C 136:23)
Agree with thine adversary quickly.. (Matt 5:25)
Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. (D&C 108:7)
And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek out of the best books words of wisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith..(D&C 109:7)
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees....Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord .. (Hebrews 12:12,14)
Do all things without murmurings and disputings. (Philippians 2:14)
Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. (Romans 14:19)
     That's probably enough to get the point across. I look forward to Zion, here or in the eternities. I look forward to spending forever with good people where we all love, edify, and instruct each other, sharing encouragement and wisdom without competition. I love to learn and I love to teach. I love to encourage others and I love to feel encouragement from others.

Relationships even covenants

     Coming of age in the wild and loose 60's, there was a moving away from fidelity in marriage or even the decision to get married at all. Having multiple sex partners was easier to deal with if there was no official contract of marriage. Living together "out of wedlock" as it used to be called, has become more and accepted and even prevalent. Weddings have become simply another excuse to have a big party rather than a symbol of a major change in the lives of two people and their surrounding friends and family. Marriage covenants have gradually dimmed in significance.
     I remember a time when one of my children, as a "rebellious teenager" threatened to become an "emancipated minor" in order to loosen the ties from parents whose rules were considered unpleasant. As the legal profession has gained a foothold in personal relationships, there has been an increase in disowning and disinheriting when there are difficulties between parents and offspring. Granted, these relationships differ from marriage in that they came about without personal choice. You can choose who you decide to marry but a child is created without any idea of their personality ahead of time. There is simply an unspoken commitment on the part of the two adults who participated in the child's creation that there would be a responsibility to uphold once the child was born. On the part of the child, there is simply an unspoken acknowledgment of a debt owed to respect and appreciate the two adults who created and nurtured the child.
     In both cases, there is an ongoing risk that one or more people involved in the relationship will change or choose to behave in ways that will disrupt the peace and comfort of the relationship: a spouse is unfaithful or abusive, a parent is irresponsible or abusive, a child is rebellious to the point of cruelty and impossibility of continuing a peaceful relationship. Often there is a mutual agreement that it's not worth hanging on to the relationship. There is always the possibility of forgiveness and a reversal in adverse behavior. If even one of the parties involved is willing to persist in working things out, it's possible to heal the relationship.
     Relationships with God can be a little more vague. We can treat it like the sex outside of marriage relationship. We enjoy the blessings without making a commitment. We acknowledge God's existence and maybe even express gratitude for His love and the gift of His son. But we don't make a commitment. When we choose to be baptized by someone who has the authority from God, we are making a covenant. God ALWAYS keeps His end of the covenant. It is ALWAYS the child of God who breaks the covenant. He covenants to bless us and watch over us. We covenant to obey Him and serve Him. There are further covenants made in temples where there is authority to seal children to Heavenly Father. There are promises that His children make that are essential to keep the covenant intact. It's one thing to never make those promises and go "a-whoring after other Gods", but it's not a good thing to make covenants with God then turn our backs on Him as we choose to ignore those promises we voluntarily made. It's a disappointment to Him but, even worse, it doesn't speak well as to our trustworthiness. God can manage without us but we cannot manage well if we choose to be the kind of individual who is unfaithful. It can be totally change the direction we are headed in our progression.

How far would you go?

     Several decades ago, after I had made covenants with God to obey His commandments but my dad had not yet done so, I was at my parents' home on a Sunday after church. My dad was getting ready to go into a wooded area to cut firewood- alone. I would have preferred he go on a day other than the Sabbath but understood that, as a self-employed builder, Sunday was a day he could afford to do something for himself/own family. I know the Sabbath is important to the Lord but I also knew having my dad in the woods alone with a chain saw (way before the cell phone) was potentially dangerous. Hence, I made the decision to go into the woods with him. I went home to change my clothes, climbed into my dad's old truck, and trudged through the woods to help him gather firewood.
     The covenants I have made are between me and God. Each of His children is responsible for his/her own choices. However, we cannot choose the consequences of our choices. Recently I heard a snippet from an item on lung cancer in which a young woman was saying something like, "So if I have spent years smoking, does that mean I deserve to die from this disease?!" To which I would say, it doesn't matter if you "deserve" it or not, it is a consequence of your own voluntary action. We cannot expect to jump off a bridge and not drown even if someone else jumps off a bridge and manages to swim to safety or get rescued. We cannot expect to have unlimited, unprotected sex and not expect to avoid unwanted pregnancy or STD's, even if that happens for others. Admittedly, there are accidents which seem very unfair. Excellent drivers get into their vehicles headed somewhere and end up getting killed on the road every day, through no personal fault. Also, we can't just sit in a bubble, afraid of catastrophe, never doing anything or going anywhere. There is risk in every breath we take and it's unavoidable. However, it is not only possible but very wise to do what we can to make sensible choices and that includes eternally significant choices. Not every choice is about how long we will spend as mortal beings. Lots of choices are about how we will spend, not only our time here on earth, but eternity; who we want to be.
     God is aware of the constant complexity of choices to made here. He is very patient and forgiving. It's not even a possibility that He might not love us anymore if we make bad choices. The risk is how we will feel about ourselves. The risk is spending eternity with those who want to make the same choices we do. How far we are willing to go in justifying our choices will have a consequence, especially if we do it over and over and over. It will form our character...... for a very long time.

Why you need it

     There have always been con artists and manipulators. For a very long time in the history of mankind they were rare. People generally didn't run into such people very often. As the world population has increased in numbers and opened in communication, our chances of encountering someone who wants to relieve of us our life savings, or at least a buck or two, have increased dramatically. My father was cheated by a voice on the phone telling him he had "won" a trip and all he had to do was pay certain fees by sending in a money order. It could have gone on to even more than he lost but, fortunately, he talked about it enough that he realized it was a scam and stopped it before he lost too much. Russ and I were taken in by a con man resulting in our being forced into bankruptcy. It could have been "worse"; we no longer have life insurance but the man is now in prison for murder. I was manipulated by a computer scammer who called on the phone to tell us we had a refund coming from a well-known anti-virus provider we had used in the past. Fortunately, like my dad, I talked to people about it and they were able to help me figure out how to get out of it before he was able to reap from our account. It's a really insecure feeling to question the honesty of everyone with whom you come in contact. I received a text from our credit card company and wondered if it was really them. We received a notice of a need for a signature for a federal form from out bank and wondered if it was legitimate. You just don't know who to believe!
     The responsibility to seek learning by faith rests upon each of us individually, and this obligation will become increasingly important as the world in which we live grows more confused and troubled. (David A. Bednar "Seek Learning by Faith", Sept 2007 Ensign)
     You do not have to wonder about what is true. You do not have to wonder whom you can safely trust. Through personal revelation, you can receive your own witness... (Russell M. Nelson, Revelation for the Church, Revelation for our Lives, April 2018 Ensign)
     This is the grand privilege of every Latter-Day Saint.. that it is our right to have the manifestations of the Spirit every day of our lives. (Lorenzo Snow)
     And it's not just Latter-Day Saints that can receive direct information from God and it's certainly NOT people who have a human institution's certificate stating that they are qualified and educated by other humans that can receive direct information from God. Every person walking the Earth is a child of God and has the right and privilege of communication directly to and from our Father in Heaven. These days, more than ever before, we need to take the time to pray, ponder, seek, and LISTEN to what God will tell us. As the days progress toward the Return to the Earth of Jesus Christ we will hear more and more from God's prophets that it is essential that each one of us develop our own line of direct communication, not relying on anyone else although we will have the support and encouragement of those who are doing the same thing. People may be unstable but God is not. But He will not force Himself into our lives. We have to seek Him. He's just waiting for us to call on Him so He can help and guide us. We need to each do that for ourselves.

Encouragement

     I wish I could hold up arms like Joshua did for Moses, to help win battles. Every one of us has a daily battle, some longer, some shorter. I am so grateful for the little notes I have gotten in the mail or emails or even Facebook posts that help me to remember that others think about me with fondness. As I have typed and typed and typed my dad's words from his journals into the computer, I spend countless hours picturing/remembering people and places. It's interesting to see it all through my dad's eyes. He's rarely effusive with emotion but once in awhile he expresses a feeling about someone. It has caused me to think about myself as a parent. I can honestly say I have tried to teach my children and grandchildren things that I think will benefit them as they experience the ups and downs of mortal life. I can also honestly say I'm sure none of them think of me as perfect because I'm certainly NOT! I don't seek adulation. In fact, I remember a time when my mother actually thought I was worth emulation so she tried to copy me in various ways. It made me feel uncomfortable to the point of tears of frustration. I don't want anyone to want to be just like me. I am so grateful for the differences between me and others that so enrich my awareness and understanding and, eventually, hopefully, wisdom. However, I do want to be liked and appreciated. I especially hope to be thought well of by the people closest to me, the people with whom I expect to spend eternity.
     Some day we will speak as spirits speak, heart to heart, mind to mind- without sound waves sent from vocal cords to auditory nerves. I guess it's a good thing we can't do that right now. Since we are all working on learning and growing into Christlike people and we're not there yet, we probably have thoughts that we can be really grateful nobody else can "hear". For now, I hope we can learn how to control our tongues so we can, not only avoid hurting others, but speak in ways that encourage others and let them know someone appreciates them. That would certainly make the world more pleasant.

Just to bring a smile

All of these pictures are at least 8 years old, some older. They are just random combinations of the people that are my family. I could post hundreds of pictures that evoke warm feelings to me because they are faces of people I love. As is true of everyone everywhere, pictures usually show smiles but family is not always about smiling and being happy with each other. Sometimes there is anger or hurt or disappointment or worry or fear or rebelliousness or frustration.

North Logan, Utah L to R- Mary, Victoria (daughter in law), Ammon (son), Jeremy (grandson), Lisa (daughter)

Dayton, OH Angela (daughter) and Louisa (granddaughter and niece to Angela)

Cincinnati, OH James (son) and Brooklyn (granddaughter and niece to James)

San Diego, CA L to R Jenny Neuendorff (sister in law to our son James), one of her daughters, John terHorst (our unofficially adopted son), another of Jenny's daughters, Tyler Ruuspakka (my sister's son)
Sometimes it can just bring a smile to see the smiles of people you love. These pictures do that for me.

Forgive us our debt/trespasses.......

     It's really difficult to see yourself objectively. There have been many times I wish I could get a glimpse of myself through someone else's eyes. On the other hand, sometimes I'm glad I can't. It hurts when someone chooses to color you with a perspective which is contrary to what you think you are or are trying to be. I am "trying to be like Jesus" as the children's song goes. However, I don't always communicate or show that well. Hence, I have been seen as self-righteous or judgmental toward others. Also, sometimes others have something going on in their lives or minds that colors their view of me. That's okay but it's nice when they can be open and honest to admit that maybe their view of me is skewed. I prefer the principle of "guilty until proven innocent" but often, when someone chooses to interpret a person in a negative way, they will take the perspective of "guilty until proven innocent". That is nearly impossible! How can you EVER prove to someone that you are kind if they twist every thing you do and say to make you look cruel? How can you EVER prove to someone who considers you careless that you are trying hard to be considerate and thoughtful?
     I have talked a lot about forgiveness. It really is essential to forming relationships. It must occur over and over and over again until 70 times 7 and more! Someone else just may intentionally slight you or insult you. But you don't know what's going on in their life. If you take the position to take offense much of the time, others (even those close to you) will build a wall of protection to keep you from hurting them. That wall may never be surmountable, hence a potential relationship is stymied. The other person may forgive you, but out of the need to survive, they will keep a distance from you. This business of interpersonal relationships is so complicated! "For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face:now I know in part; but then shall I know even as I also am known." (1 Cor. 13) I sincerely look forward to a day when we will communicate in a way that is more clear. I am grateful for God's ability to look at my heart and see my true intentions. I pray for His help in trying to see the good in others and react appropriately.