I don't know if anyone reads this blog anymore but it's a place for me to express myself. I am so grateful to know God is real and Jesus Christ came to the earth to make it possible for us to totally screw up yet be forgiven when we choose to repent. I can understand the basic concept of needing to be free to make our own choices to decide, once and for all, eternally, just what we want to expect of ourselves. Do we feel that perfection is just too hard? Are we absolutely comfortable with a little lying, resentment, greed, laziness? Are we honestly comfortable with the concept of spending eternity with others who are also like that? If so, that's our choice. I love the "stories of Jesus" and I genuinely want to spend eternity with someone who is kind, forgiving, never lazy, never selfish, never dishonest, and just totally dependable. I am willing to work hard at being that way, too, so I can be worthy to spend eternity in that kind of society. I understand that I haven't reached any level of perfection in any thing. I am ready for higher expectations. I am not discouraged by a never-ending quest to improve, especially when I am surrounded by love, encouragement, and others who are also willing to make a sincere effort to continue to improve.
My problem right now, today, is wanting to continue to live with the anger, resentment, prideful justifications, greed, lust, and laziness in this world. I definitely have hope for a better world. The problem is, we're not there yet and I don't know when we will be. I have hope for a BETTER world, but not this world. I have a real hard time comprehending how God refrains from just bringing down another flood to wipe us all out. Even people who want what's "right" can get pretty angry and nasty. I can't understand anyone justifying a protest at a funeral where people are grieving over the loss of a loved one. I can't understand people wanting to "blow up" people who may not agree with them. I am satisfied with the need for prisons but I am sorrowful for the people who need to be caged up because they haven't sufficient compassion and self-motivation to live in society and take care of themselves in an honest way. I feel like I just want to sit in a corner and cry and cry and cry until I can no longer breathe.
I know it's important to not be wishy-washy. We need to decide our opinion on things. But isn't it possible to have opinions yet be willing to discuss, learn from others, and genuinely seek compromise or ultimate truth? Jesus and Heavenly Father are "one" and they want us to be that way with them. If we can only insist we are right to the point that we get angry and even start to "hate" those who don't agree with us, how can we ever expect to live in a peaceful society? I don't know about you (whoever might ever read this) but I,personally, do NOT want the responsibility to make all the rules. I don't expect a society that will be totally the way I want it to be because I don't consider myself an expert in everything enough to decide the best way to live under all circumstances. Consequently, I acknowledge that I may need to consider the need to change. I may need to listen and learn. I may need to have my heart, mind, and eyes opened to some very different ideas.
In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to learn from what I can determine are the best resources- namely the writings of prophets. I have decided for myself who are "real prophets" by their fruits. If their writings encourage kindness, love, forgiveness, a strong work ethic, and integrity, I will make an effort to learn from them. Any promotion of elitism, segregation, vengeance, unrighteous dominion, self-pity, or greed will be avoided. I can only pray to the God I worship that I can have the strength needed to endure to the end of whatever is left of my time in mortality. I have no temptation to "give in" to the previously mentioned sins. I just want to have the strength to keep going with a smile on my face and the wear-withal to encourage others to do the same. It's pretty tough to live celestial principles in a telestial world.
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