Becoming "civilized"????

My daughters and daughters-in-law have been trying to keep me more current and stylish by generously and lovingly introducing me to salons and pedicures. I enjoyed the bonding experience of going with Angela and Susanne to get pedicures. I even enjoyed sitting in Victoria's living room, watching a movie after the kids were asleep, doing our own pedicures. But I went to a Wal-Mart to get a pedicure just before leaving Arizona. I was less than impressed. I paid $25 for basically a chair massage (which I enjoyed) and a foot bath followed by polish on my toe nails, done about as well or less than when I do it myself. I guess if I were willing to pay more money, I could get a really good foot massage with callous removal and artistic polish on my toenails. I can't help but remember an article in the newspaper in Dayton about the cost of having nails done. The article was about the state of the economy and they had interviewed some nail salon employees, I can't remember what they're called. One of the comments given was the incredulity they feel when a customer complains at them about how close they are to bankruptcy or having their mortgage foreclosed- all in an attempt to excuse giving a cheap tip. The comment was something like, "If your finances are in such bad shape, what are you doing paying $40 to have your nails polished or more to have artificial nails applied?"

I just had my hair cut in a salon. I enjoyed going with Victoria here in Toledo and watching some of the interesting procedures done there. I have known about coloring hair, permanents, and hair cut, dried, and set. I had never seen "feathers" put in hair, or eyebrow waxing. I am once again perplexed about the state of the economy and what people are spending money on. I guess it's important to spend money in order to keep people employed. But I just don't know if I can justify to people in the world- who are living in refugee camps, trying to salvage belongings out of flooded or burned or earthquake-shattered home, or trying to subsist on a bowl of rice and a fish a day- the way we in the "civilized world" spend our money. How can they fully appreciate the importance of highlighted hair, waxed body parts, health spa toned bodies, and totally impractical nails that stick out from the finger an inch and have fancy colors and designs? I would feel ashamed of anyone in a poverty level existence wanting to emulate this society. I would not want them to feel that vanity is such a priority. I felt like I had to explain to the girl who cut my hair why I have been cutting my own hair most of the time for many years now. I was basically implying I didn't support her occupation. I mostly emphasized that we have been moving and traveling but, in all honesty, it has been the unjustifiable expense even more than the inconvenience. She did a wonderful job on my hair- much better than I do. But I certainly won't be putting any extra little pieces of artificial hair (pink, white, blue, etc.) or having wax applied anywhere. If I were younger and felt it more important to "look good" maybe I might have a different opinion. But right now I just can't justify that use of money.

I didn't know!

This morning when we went to visit Mom at the care center, many of the residents were trying to tolerate a woman who frequently spends time yelling, not usually any specific message, just almost cawing like a very large bird- over and over and over. There is also a man there who has lost his sight and mobility but not his voice. He does yell specific messages and they are often not at all nice. He has been banned from the dining hall because he is too disturbing to other residents. I left the care center in a very troubled state of mind. Mom has always loved going to the temple, where it is quiet and peaceful. She can't do that anymore. She has loved sitting, early in the morning, and looking out the window and reading scriptures. We got her the Book of Mormon on tape so she can listen to that but can't open the curtains on her window.
She is apprehensive about our impending absence. This will be the first time she has been "alone", that is, at the care center without anyone in the family nearby. I have done all that I can to ensure that church members visit her. Two of my sisters will be coming for short periods of time during our absence. We have gotten her several books on tape to listen to. I have made arrangements for her laundry to be done there at the care center, where most residents' laundry is done. I am way too excited to see my children and grandchildren to have Mom's "fears" come even close to dissuading me to leave. As I have pondered how uncomfortable living in the care center probably is for her, I keep coming back to CHOICES! I know Mom has been physically active off and on through her life. I know she has osteoporosis. I know she has had a hip replacement and a couple of bad falls. I know she is nearly 85. Nevertheless, she has had good medical care and has had the opportunity to recover mobility. She has chosen fear of falling and dislike of pain and effort over therapy, hard work, and trust. Those who love Mom have done all we can, short of lifting her and carrying her everywhere she wants to go, to make her life as pleasant as possible. I'm sure that, years ago when the gradual decline began, Mom had no idea she would end up in a wheelchair, unable to see or hear very well, and unable to wheel herself around, therefore "alone" in a care facility because that's the only way she can be adequately cared for. I'm sure there have been so many times in my life that I have made choices, then later mourned "But I didn't know it would be like this!" I hope I can maintain the good graces to realize that I am where I am because of my choices, whether I knew the outcome in advance or not. I can't expect others to endlessly feel sorry for me or offer me help. It's nice to have people lovingly give a hand on occasion and to lend a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. But at some point, I need to just buck up and deal with the consequences. Nobody put a gun to my head.

I sang for Chuck Norris today.

Funerals here in Sun City, AZ are a common occurrence. Residents here must be 55 or older so it's not surprising. Last week I played the piano for a funeral. Today Russ and I sang in the ward choir for a funeral. None of us knew the woman. I guess she had come only occasionally and not for a long time because she had serious health problems and she travelled quite a bit. In the course of the funeral, we found out that she had been a martial arts master and traveled with her husband teaching. The method she taught was developed by Chuck Norris and she knew him quite well. He came to her funeral and even served as a pallbearer today. I know that these days casual dress is the rule. There are many women who don't even own a dress and men who don't own a suit or tie. I'm sure Chuck Norris owns at least one suit and one tie. He was the only pallbearer dressed in a Hawaiian print shirt and slacks. I guess it was pretty nice for the family that he took the time and made the effort to come. I would have been more impressed if he had made a little more effort and dressed more appropriately. Maybe he was on a tight schedule and didn't have anything dressier with him.............

Surprise me

It has been quite awhile since I took the time to compose a blogspot. I don't even know if anyone is reading it anymore. But I have been thinking about something so I thought I would verbalize my thoughts.
I love giving gifts. I think most people do. Some people are really good at managing to give the "perfect gift" to someone without being told what to get. I try to log into my brain an idea for a gift when someone happens to mention it. I'm always afraid I'm going to spend the money and the time acquiring something that won't be wanted. Then the recipient feels obligated to thank me and try to figure out what to do with a gift they don't really want.
I have sometimes heard a similar thing in reference to food. "I'm going to ____, do you want something?" Sure. "What do you want?" Oh, I don't know....surprise me. Oooh that can be a loaded request. Is it really going to work to guess what someone feels in the mood for?
Actually, I think the real issue is that, we don't need anything. Most gifts are unnecessary extravagances, not like the orange in the stocking on Christmas morning during the Depression. Does any child really need the latest electronic whiz-thingy? I know I don't really need a blizzard from Dairy Queen. If I were really hungry, I would probably have no problem requesting something, although I would be very happy to eat just about anything.
A similar thing can happen in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We want Him to "surprise" us with something that will light up our life. We just don't know what that might be. Granted, He knows so much more than any of us. He may even be "surprising" us on a regular basis with blessings we don't recognize because we just think it's a happy coincidence or maybe we just have no idea how it might have turned out without His watchful care. I am, indeed, trying to be "perfect even as Father in heaven is perfect", but I have a very long way to go. I'm glad I don't yet have the power to grant or refuse prayers because I don't have the wisdom to know the best way to respond.

Guidance?

I see many opportunities for learning in every day occurrences. I hope I'm gaining wisdom through all my observations. I was thinking about how we ask for things- from other people or God- with the hope and even expectation that we'll get them. I'm not talking about wrapped gifts or money or even major miracles. For instance, my mother has developped the idea that when she stands (which isn't very often), she wants whoever is helping her to "move her feet" for her. It doesn't work very well. I'm not sure if her feet frozen in place is due to fear or muscle inability, or maybe a combination. She is disappointed when someone else cannot make her feet move. Since I cannot actually put myself into her place, I cannot truly determine how hard she is trying. From the outside, it doesn't appear that she's trying at all. I am willing to "guide" her footsteps but I cannot take the steps for her.
I wonder how often I have asked God to "guide" me when I was really hoping he would put me in a position where I basically had only one choice so I was somewhat forced into movement. Have I taken the time, made the effort to truly "study it out in my mind" before expecting results? Am I just waiting for someone, even God, to do something when I should be making more effort on my own? Do I expect other people to do more than meet me halfway? Am I afraid, of failure, rejection, ridicule, or hurt to the point that I hesitate in doing things that I should do and maybe want to do? Am I more comfortable where I am so I just sit and wait- wait for a decision to be made for me, an incident to occur around me, so I don't have to take as much responsibility for the outcome?
Just wondering...........................

What are blessings?

It seems nearly every day there is someone in the news falling from a "high" place- a politician, banker, movie/sports/music star. They seem to "have it all" but apparently it isn't enough. They have to cheat on their spouse, be dishonest, cheat to win, or anything to get even more- more attention, more money, more of everything.
When my children were young, buying them something was in their eyes a way to express love and approval. As they got older, the amount of money needed to "prove" how much they were "loved" continued to increase.
As adults, we often equate fame and fortune with success and approval- from other people and from God. We idolize people who have several houses all over the world. We are willing to listen to the opinions and advice of someone who is famous (for ANY reason) on any topic however unrelated it may be to that person's training or expertise, simply because they have so much. We often refer to someone who is lucky as receiving many "blessings" from God.
God doesn't prove His love by giving anyone good looks, riches, talents, or worldly success. As a matter of fact, He warns us over and over again about "laying up treasures where moth and rust doth corrupt". All of those things are not blessings, but they are not curses either- necessarily. What they are is whatever we decide to make of them.
-If we use wealth to hoard belongings from jewels to cars to houses, the wealth becomes a curse. We end up having to use all our efforts to protect and maintain those things. They become our "gods" because they are the object of our attention and efforts. If we use wealth to benefit others, not in a way to receive attention, but in a sincere desire to help, the wealth can be a blessing, to others and ourselves. That doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away every penny and live as homeless paupers. We can use money to provide necessities for our loved ones so they are not a burden to anyone else. We can use money to acquire an education and increase our talents.
-If we use our talents to gain the attention of people so we can revel in the applause, those talents become a curse. We increase in pride and self-centeredness. If we use our talents to provide for our loved ones and to gain ways to influence the world in good ways, the talents can be a blessing.
-Even a healthy body can be a curse if we spend excessive time and attention on exercise to "sculpt" our beautiful body. We can spend money on cosmetic surgery, make-up, tattoos, clothing, tanning booths.......... Our body becomes an object of worship. But if we do all we can to serve others and ensure we continue to be healthy by avoiding any kind of overindulgence, then our body can be a blessing.
We would do well to imagine our own funeral. How would our epitath be worded? How would people feel about our departure? How would they remember our example, how we lived our life? Now would be a good time to decide whether we will make our life a blessing or a curse, to ourselves and the world in general.

Being who I really am

I wrote a song a few years ago entitled "Blind to the Blessings". The gist of the words is that we have so many good things in our life yet we tend to focus on what we wish we had. Madison Avenue has done well in their efforts to figure out how to attract consumers. I think of the way most children are on Christmas morning or their birthdays when they have piles of gifts. They rip through all the wrappings then look up asking, "Is that all?"
This morning I read to Mom out of the book of Revelations in the New Testament. There were warnings about "Babylon", which is basically a symbol of the wealth and desires of the world. Too many people think of all the things John listed, e.g. gold, silver, precious stones, pearls, fine linen, purple, silk, scarlet, all manner vessels of ivory, vessels of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble, and cinnamon, and odours, and ointments, and frankincense, and wine, and oil, and fine flour, and wheat, and beasts, and sheep, and horses, and chariots, and slaves, and souls of men (whew- that about covers it!), anyway, people think of these things as their highest priority. You need money to make money. Money buys you anything. The one who dies with the most toys wins. People justify breaking God's commandments every day, mostly for satisfying their "lusts".
I have been really impressed by some of the people who have been interviewed in disaster areas lately. They are standing in the rubble that was their home, or in a shelter out of the flood, and they say something like, "We still have each other. All the rest is just 'things' and they can be replaced." I don't know whether they were being insincere because they were on camera and thought that was an impressive thing to say. It's always easy to say good things when we think we have an audience. Integrity is genuinely believing what you say and being who you are no matter who is watching or listening, or if you're alone.
Over the span of my life, I have had occasions to look at myself and analyze who I really am. Usually it takes a pretty traumatic event to cause us to show our true colors. When we're stressed or tired, we don't do such a good job hiding our feelings. Ironically, people sometimes justify drugs or alcohol on the grounds that it helps them "relax" so they can feel comfortable. So who do they think they REALLY are? Are you kind, patient, understanding, helpful? Or are you afraid of others' opinions, self-loathing, lazy, angry?
When I became a mother, I realized that I had to be the "grown up". I had always had a little fear of the dark- unknown things and places. I was afraid of storms and house fires. I had to look at myself and decide whether I wanted to embrace those fears, or overcome them so I could help my children to overcome their fears.
When my son died a couple years ago, I had to decide whether I truly believed that I would see him again and be able to spend time with him. Was my faith just something I displayed to impress others or was it real? If it wasn't real, it certainly wasn't going to provide much comfort.
When we were forced into bankruptcy, I had to analyze whether I could forgive others as I would want to be forgiven. I had to decide if my pride was more important to me than humility and hope.
Solomon (he is thought to be the author) appropriately said, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity." The title of a play is also true, "You Can't Take it With You". Another scripture says, "What man by thought can add to his stature?" (meaning, what can we really change even about our own appearance?)
I believe people can change. When I'm discouraged I sometimes question it. But if I couldn't believe people could change, what hope would there be for the world? We teach our children to share because we don't want them to always be greedy. We teach our children to help others because we don't want them to always be self-centered. We encourage our teenagers to avoid gossip and evil speaking of others because we don't want them to hurt people. We believe they can improve. We don't ever get done improving, or at least we shouldn't stop improving. How do we react to the slob with the big belly who scolds his wife about her appearance? How do we feel when we see someone budge ahead in a line then glare at someone else who does the same thing further ahead?
Gold, silver, beasts, and linens don't matter. They won't last and they don't signify anything meaningful about us. What matters is how we make others feel by the way we treat them. What matters is the example we set, avoiding hypocrisy. We aren't done improving..... ever!