Everybody talks to themselves, some out loud, some just in their heads. Whatever we say to ourselves is OUR CHOICE- nobody else can tell us what to say to ourselves. So, why is it that so many people speak so rudely or cruelly to themselves? Wouldn't it make sense to cheer ourselves on rather than make ourselves feel discouraged? Wouldn't it be more helpful to create hope than hopelessness? There are different ways we can actually be our own worst enemy. I think the most common is criticizing ourselves. We say things like, "You dummy! Why did you do/say/forget that?!" We could be much nicer. It's not necessary to be phony. After all, who are we trying to impress? But we could say something like, "That wasn't a very good idea. I need to fix it/do it differently next time/apologize...."- whatever is appropriate.
Or how about, "You look so disgusting. It doesn't matter what you wear or how you do your hair." Why would you want to say that to yourself? Would you say that to someone else? NO! You wouldn't want to make them feel bad. Why do you want to make YOURSELF feel bad? It might be more helpful to say, "This hairstyle doesn't flatter my face." Or you could remind yourself that you don't scrutinize every detail of other people's skin, hair, form, or voice- why would you think someone else might do that to you? And if they do, isn't that THEIR hang-up?
Maybe you say, "You never do it right! Why do you always have to screw it up?" Now, that's simply not true. Why lie to yourself just to make yourself feel bad? NOBODY always screws up. You need to remember that EVERYBODY makes mistakes once in awhile. I don't think you could avoid ever doing things right even if you purposely tried. Besides, it's quite often the case that we didn't intentionally break, spill, or forget something. Give yourself a break! You could try to be more careful but you don't want to become paranoid to move or speak or get obsessed with making lists for every single thing.
The other way we can be our own worse enemy is when we try to justify things to ourselves falsely. That can happen when you say things like, "It's okay if I eat 6 cookies in a row. I didn't eat any cookies last week. I don't always have to eat healthy." You know very well it's not just the calories, or the sugar content. You'll end up feeling guilty and suffer needlessly because you lied to yourself. If you already ate the 6 cookies so it's too late to talk yourself out of it, you could say, "Oops- that was not a good thing to do. Now the kids/spouse will wonder why the cookies are all gone. You'll need to do an extra exercise session for that blip in willpower."
Or if you tell yourself that you don't need to apologize to the person you budged in front of because you'll never see them again and they don't know you, you KNOW that will remain in your mind at least for a little while. If it doesn't bother you, maybe it should. Maybe you need to say to yourself, "You know you hate that when other people do that to you. You need to apologize/move behind them- or something to try to fix it." Or maybe you just need to remind yourself to notice better next time so you can avoid seeming rude.
There are plenty of reasons to get discouraged and plenty of people to help you feel that way. When you know someone that makes you feel bad a lot, you probably avoid them. You really have a problem if you prefer hanging out with people who never say a kind word to you. But, it's a little difficult to avoid YOURSELF! So maybe we should all try harder to be the kind of friend to ourselves that we try to be to others. It's kind of the "golden rule" backwards.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Thursday, September 04, 2014
Can we learn from the wisdom of those gone before us?
I have long been a fan of Benjamin Franklin. Recently I read yet another book, a fairly long one, which included a basic biography and a LOT of quotes straight from the man himself. I love to learn, especially from someone for whom I have a great deal of respect. I saddens me that there are people who want to remove some of his wisdom from history books, preferring to harrow up faults of our past in order to avoid the appearance of "whitewashing". Future generations, unless they make a personal, concerted effort to read about him, will never know what a great asset he was to American history. I will try to limit how much I share of his words. I want others to have some idea what a great man he was and would encourage everyone to research him- not what others may think of him, necessarily, but his own words.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"It is with great sincerity I join you in acknowledging and admiring the dispensations of Providence (a common name for God at the time) in our favor. America has only to be thankful, and to persevere. God will finish his work, and establish their freedom; and the lovers of liberty will flock from all parts of Europe with their fortunes to participate with us of that freedom, as soon as peace is restored." (From a letter, 1779)
"If any form of government is capable of making a nation happy, ours I think bids fair now for producing that effect. But, after all, much depends upon people who are to be governed. We have been guarding against an evil that old states are most liable to, excess of power in the rulers; but our present danger seems to be defect of obedience in the subjects." (1789)
"The people seldom continue long in the wrong, when it is nobody's interest to mislead them." (1772)
"There are two passions which have a powerful influence in the affairs of men. These are ambition and avarice; the love of power and the love of money. Separately, each of these has great force in prompting men to action; but when united in view of the same object, they have in many minds the most violent effects. Place before the eyes of such men a post of honor that shall at the same time be a place of profit, and they will move heaven and earth to obtain it.....And of what kind are the men that will strive for this profitable preeminence, through all the bustle of cabal, the heat of contention, the infinite mutual abuse of parties, tearing to pieces the best of characters? It will not be the wise and moderate, the lovers of peace and good order, the men fittest for trust. It will be the bold and the violent, the men of strong passions and indefatigable activity in their selfish pursuits. These will thrust themselves into your government and be your rulers. And these, too, will be mistaken in the expected happiness of their situation, for their vanquished competitors, of the same spirit, and from the same motives, will perpetually be endeavoring to distress their administration, thwart their measures, and render them odious to the people....I am apprehensive, therefore- perhaps too apprehensive- that the government of these states may in future times end in a monarchy. But this catastrophe, I think, may be long delayed, if in our proposed system we do not sow the seeds of contention, faction, and tumult by making our posts of honor places of profit. If we do, I fear that, though we employ at first a number and not a single person, the number will in time be set aside; it will only nourish the fetus of a king, and a king will soon be set over us." (1787)
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"It is with great sincerity I join you in acknowledging and admiring the dispensations of Providence (a common name for God at the time) in our favor. America has only to be thankful, and to persevere. God will finish his work, and establish their freedom; and the lovers of liberty will flock from all parts of Europe with their fortunes to participate with us of that freedom, as soon as peace is restored." (From a letter, 1779)
"If any form of government is capable of making a nation happy, ours I think bids fair now for producing that effect. But, after all, much depends upon people who are to be governed. We have been guarding against an evil that old states are most liable to, excess of power in the rulers; but our present danger seems to be defect of obedience in the subjects." (1789)
"The people seldom continue long in the wrong, when it is nobody's interest to mislead them." (1772)
"There are two passions which have a powerful influence in the affairs of men. These are ambition and avarice; the love of power and the love of money. Separately, each of these has great force in prompting men to action; but when united in view of the same object, they have in many minds the most violent effects. Place before the eyes of such men a post of honor that shall at the same time be a place of profit, and they will move heaven and earth to obtain it.....And of what kind are the men that will strive for this profitable preeminence, through all the bustle of cabal, the heat of contention, the infinite mutual abuse of parties, tearing to pieces the best of characters? It will not be the wise and moderate, the lovers of peace and good order, the men fittest for trust. It will be the bold and the violent, the men of strong passions and indefatigable activity in their selfish pursuits. These will thrust themselves into your government and be your rulers. And these, too, will be mistaken in the expected happiness of their situation, for their vanquished competitors, of the same spirit, and from the same motives, will perpetually be endeavoring to distress their administration, thwart their measures, and render them odious to the people....I am apprehensive, therefore- perhaps too apprehensive- that the government of these states may in future times end in a monarchy. But this catastrophe, I think, may be long delayed, if in our proposed system we do not sow the seeds of contention, faction, and tumult by making our posts of honor places of profit. If we do, I fear that, though we employ at first a number and not a single person, the number will in time be set aside; it will only nourish the fetus of a king, and a king will soon be set over us." (1787)
Sunday, August 31, 2014
In case you didn't know-
Apparently there are resorts around which are under-utilized. As we headed from northern Utah back to Sun City, AZ, we decided to take a break in Las Vegas. Russ did an internet search and found a resort open to single night stays for considerably less than $100. We looked at the pictures but were aware that they could have been taken anytime from any angle to look good. When we got there we were thrilled!
It's all in what you want......
As I have traveled around the world and most of the states in the US, I have learned that not all Americans are perfect. In fact, not even all Americans are good. Not all Americans are American by "choice"- some by birth. However, I have read enough about the formation of this country and the documents related to it to know that the principles upon which it was founded are really good- maybe not perfect, but at least really good. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness are about as lofty goals as humans can aspire to. An ideal, no matter how difficult to attain, is nevertheless worthy to pursue.
Early in the 1800's, a young man in NY was confused by all the Christian churches and their teachings. He read in the Bible that God would "give liberally and upbraideth not" to all who sincerely sought His wisdom. He got a unique response just as promised to his honest prayer. Within a few years, he had obeyed God and re-established a church on the earth in the pattern Jesus Christ had first set centuries before. That church has apostles, teachers, and a living prophet and has been designated by the Lord as "the only church with which [He is] well pleased", referring to the church collectively, NOT the individual members.
Being American does not make me, or any American citizen, superior to any other person on the planet. I may have great blessings due to being born here. I did not have to sacrifice anything to get to this "land of opportunity". It must be my choice to use my efforts to make the best of the opportunities available and to be grateful for what others have provided me. By the same token, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints does not make me superior to any other of God's children. Unlike my citizenship by birth, I was not born into the LDS Church. Just as hordes of people have struggled and sacrificed to arrive in a land with great opportunities, I have spent many hours searching for who God is and what He would have me do. Just as it grieves me to know so many Americans take the blessings and opportunities available here for granted, I am greatly saddened by many Latter Day Saints who were born into the Church and have never made the effort to appreciate what they have. I can't understand people who would join foreign militia for the purpose of killing Americans. I can't understand people who claim to be ashamed of this country. I can't understand people who have been given the fulness of the gospel and are willing to throw it away because they find the world and its teachings more attractive. I understand the citizens as well as Church members are not perfect. There have been mistakes made. But that is NOT the fault of the basic government or the gospel principles.. We do NOT need a new constitution to fix problems here. We also do NOT need to keep looking for a better religion. If we sincerely want to be free, succeed in being happy, and know all that God knows, it is available to us. But we have to be willing to pay the price then make good use of what is available to us.
Early in the 1800's, a young man in NY was confused by all the Christian churches and their teachings. He read in the Bible that God would "give liberally and upbraideth not" to all who sincerely sought His wisdom. He got a unique response just as promised to his honest prayer. Within a few years, he had obeyed God and re-established a church on the earth in the pattern Jesus Christ had first set centuries before. That church has apostles, teachers, and a living prophet and has been designated by the Lord as "the only church with which [He is] well pleased", referring to the church collectively, NOT the individual members.
Being American does not make me, or any American citizen, superior to any other person on the planet. I may have great blessings due to being born here. I did not have to sacrifice anything to get to this "land of opportunity". It must be my choice to use my efforts to make the best of the opportunities available and to be grateful for what others have provided me. By the same token, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints does not make me superior to any other of God's children. Unlike my citizenship by birth, I was not born into the LDS Church. Just as hordes of people have struggled and sacrificed to arrive in a land with great opportunities, I have spent many hours searching for who God is and what He would have me do. Just as it grieves me to know so many Americans take the blessings and opportunities available here for granted, I am greatly saddened by many Latter Day Saints who were born into the Church and have never made the effort to appreciate what they have. I can't understand people who would join foreign militia for the purpose of killing Americans. I can't understand people who claim to be ashamed of this country. I can't understand people who have been given the fulness of the gospel and are willing to throw it away because they find the world and its teachings more attractive. I understand the citizens as well as Church members are not perfect. There have been mistakes made. But that is NOT the fault of the basic government or the gospel principles.. We do NOT need a new constitution to fix problems here. We also do NOT need to keep looking for a better religion. If we sincerely want to be free, succeed in being happy, and know all that God knows, it is available to us. But we have to be willing to pay the price then make good use of what is available to us.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Dear friends
During the past couple of months, we have traveled around the country and been welcomed in so many places with loving open arms. We have been so been so bad about taking pictures. We have visited and stayed with friends who are like family and family who are some of our best friends. This is the only picture I have of friends we were fortunate to spend time with. This is Sue and Jim Simmerman, brother and sister of a family that we have loved for decades! They are the only remaining members of their immediate family. We miss their parents and brothers.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Family
The catalyst for this trip Russ and I are taking around the country was the death of my mother. Lest you feel you need to feel sorrowful, it was not an untimely death. Mom had been fading away for years before her body finally quit. It was truly a relief. A Sun City neighbor made the lovely ceramic urns in the picture below. Now Dad and Mom are together in their final earthly resting place in cemetery in McLean, NY. The weather cooperated and we were able to gather a sizable intimate group of family members at the gravesite.
Did you know?
Agency involves more than just the freedom to make choices. If offered without explanation the choice between a bar of chocolate or a bar of Ex-lax, an innocent, unsuspecting person could easily choose the Ex-lax. The person doing the offering may find it funny to deceive someone in that way but the recipient of the Ex-lax would be pretty unhappy about the choice made without having a full knowledge of the consequences.
With a concern to avoid making any kids feel bad, school have expanded award ceremonies to the point that the student who has barely managed to simply show up for class gets acknowledged for something as well as the diligent student who put forth his best effort. Lack of effort is rewarded as much as effort.
Either due to the well-meaning generosity of hard-working parents or enforced socialistic government programs, an able-bodied couple can have children, a house, car, and food supported by very little employment by their choice to not work (I'm not referring to someone who has been unable to find a job) while next door may be a couple who both work full-time and have little more than their neighbors. There is no accountability for lack of effort.
I am grateful to live in a country where I am free to enjoy my God-given agency to the fullest. Nearly every day I make choices to speak and do things that would not be allowed in some places, even though I always do my best to make considerate, helpful choices. I have chosen where to live and how to live without government interference. But the freedom to make choices is not all that matters. If I don't have knowledge of the consequences of my choices or I am not accountable for the consequences of those choices, my greatest enemy has scored another point. According to the scriptures, Satan's goal is to take away our agency. The devil is not a red-skinned evil demon with pointy horns and a pitchfork to prod us to do wicked things. He is a son of God who has the desire to have God's power and hopes to win the "war" by enticing us to join him. He does not rely exclusively on coaxing people to murder, steal, or rape. He is very good at deception to pacify us into thinking that things are just fine. "All is well." He lulls us into ignoring our conscience until we are willing to accept just about anything as long as it doesn't interfere with our own little happy world. He scores points when people look the other way while saying, "There are worse things than this" or "I would certainly never do that but I wouldn't interfere with someone else's choice". I don't claim we have to picket or demand laws or force people to do what our conscience would say is a better choice. By simply being willing to keep still.... to not speak up for fear of offending someone our silence is a vote. Does anyone truly think that the violence (sexual or otherwise) on tv, video games, or movies has nothing to do with the increase of looting (we have a right to be angry!), loosened sexual morals (there is no such thing as ultimate right and wrong, I can have sex with whoever I want), or disrespect of others (how dare you say what I like or do is unhealthy or immoral?). Does it really not matter if the entertainment figure or politician we support lives an immoral life? Do we really think someone could lead well if they are dishonest in their personal life? Do we idolize those who don't care about standards to the point that we help make them millionaires and more?
We have intelligence and freedom to choose. We don't have to be ignorant of consequences nor do we need to refuse to demand accountability. If we are seeing the world decay around us, maybe we need to recognize that if we are not thinking about it enough to care, if we are not striving to be a voice of reason, if we are not working at a solution,
then we are part of the problem.
With a concern to avoid making any kids feel bad, school have expanded award ceremonies to the point that the student who has barely managed to simply show up for class gets acknowledged for something as well as the diligent student who put forth his best effort. Lack of effort is rewarded as much as effort.
Either due to the well-meaning generosity of hard-working parents or enforced socialistic government programs, an able-bodied couple can have children, a house, car, and food supported by very little employment by their choice to not work (I'm not referring to someone who has been unable to find a job) while next door may be a couple who both work full-time and have little more than their neighbors. There is no accountability for lack of effort.
I am grateful to live in a country where I am free to enjoy my God-given agency to the fullest. Nearly every day I make choices to speak and do things that would not be allowed in some places, even though I always do my best to make considerate, helpful choices. I have chosen where to live and how to live without government interference. But the freedom to make choices is not all that matters. If I don't have knowledge of the consequences of my choices or I am not accountable for the consequences of those choices, my greatest enemy has scored another point. According to the scriptures, Satan's goal is to take away our agency. The devil is not a red-skinned evil demon with pointy horns and a pitchfork to prod us to do wicked things. He is a son of God who has the desire to have God's power and hopes to win the "war" by enticing us to join him. He does not rely exclusively on coaxing people to murder, steal, or rape. He is very good at deception to pacify us into thinking that things are just fine. "All is well." He lulls us into ignoring our conscience until we are willing to accept just about anything as long as it doesn't interfere with our own little happy world. He scores points when people look the other way while saying, "There are worse things than this" or "I would certainly never do that but I wouldn't interfere with someone else's choice". I don't claim we have to picket or demand laws or force people to do what our conscience would say is a better choice. By simply being willing to keep still.... to not speak up for fear of offending someone our silence is a vote. Does anyone truly think that the violence (sexual or otherwise) on tv, video games, or movies has nothing to do with the increase of looting (we have a right to be angry!), loosened sexual morals (there is no such thing as ultimate right and wrong, I can have sex with whoever I want), or disrespect of others (how dare you say what I like or do is unhealthy or immoral?). Does it really not matter if the entertainment figure or politician we support lives an immoral life? Do we really think someone could lead well if they are dishonest in their personal life? Do we idolize those who don't care about standards to the point that we help make them millionaires and more?
We have intelligence and freedom to choose. We don't have to be ignorant of consequences nor do we need to refuse to demand accountability. If we are seeing the world decay around us, maybe we need to recognize that if we are not thinking about it enough to care, if we are not striving to be a voice of reason, if we are not working at a solution,
then we are part of the problem.
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