Dependability

     I am so proud of my children because of who they have chosen to be in that they are the kind of people on whom others can depend. This is no small thing. I love a song called "Inscription of Hope" the words of which were found inscribed on the walls of a cellar in Cologne, Germany where Jews hid from Nazis during WWII.
     I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
     I believe in love even when there's no one there.
     I believe in God even when he is silent.
     I believe through any trial there is always a way.
     I have been pondering why it is that some people are reliable and some aren't- meaning how you can identify those on whom you can rely. Employers are usually looking for such people. How are they different? I think it comes from a willingness to sacrifice.
     I was blessed with parents willing to sacrifice. They would do all they could to help others, even though it was a cost to them: of time, energy, money, etc. I have tried to be like that, too, because I personally believe in the principle of sacrifice. I believe in serving others before serving myself. I believe in getting the job done even if it takes longer and is harder than I expected it to be. I believe in following through on my word, no matter what. It's not pride in "reputation". It's a basic principle that I think people should just do what they said they were going to do. But sometimes people will break a commitment because it's not convenient or comfortable for them. I recently was sick with a fever and cold symptoms for a couple of days. It was very hard to back out of plans I had made because I don't want to be the kind of person others have to question a dependence on. My reluctance to expose others to germs that could make them ill superseded the plans that had been made. It wasn't that I was too tired or weak. At the dinner table, I always served everyone else before serving myself- not to impress anyone but because I truly had a greater desire for the comfort and needs of others than for my own. I don't say that to brag, only to define. My parents never had much in the way of worldly materials. They could have had more but chose instead to constantly give to others. Money that could have been spent on a finer house was spent assisting their children. Time that could have been spent on their own entertainment or property improvement was spent to assist others in their family, friends, or community.
     I think that when a person puts themselves first they cannot be relied on by others because there is no way of knowing when that person will have something come up they consider to be more important to them: unpleasant weather (not including drastic weather, of course), lack of sufficient sleep, minor health issues, an invitation or even just a hope for something more desirable, a reaction to an opinion in opposition to their promise to help (like- why should you help them? Let them do it themselves. What's in it for you, anyway?), or any other possibility. When an employer knows an employee will always make their very best effort to be on time, put in an honest work effort, and stay to the bitter end, then the employer will do all in their power to retain that employee because in the long run it will profit the business. Other people may not always recognize or appreciate a person who is willing to sacrifice, even ridiculing them as being "masochistic". And it isn't necessary to be willing to be walked over by everyone and anyone. The change of heart to being willing to sacrifice involves a humility- an awareness that your own needs are not more important than anyone else's true needs (not just whims). A young parent constantly sacrifices sleep and comfort to tend to an infant who cannot do things for himself. Many parents sacrifice sleep and comfort to stay up late talking to a teenager who suddenly opens their hearts at one AM and wants to share feelings and concerns.
     One of my adult children once expressed to me that there wasn't anyone she knew who was truly dependable among her friends. I felt sad about that. On the one hand, I'm glad she can cling to a higher moral standard and remain reliable despite opposing influences. On the other hand, I feel sad that she surrounds herself with only those who have not yet understood the greater goodness of being willing to self-sacrifice. "I'll always be there for you", is a phrase too often uttered these days without real intent. A friend who is "there" because it happens to fit in their schedule is not really there for you. In like manner, you can truly better identify the moral fiber of a person in the midst of tragedy or at least discomfort than you can when everything is going well.
     I love those words I quoted above because they're expressed by someone who remained true, was willing to sacrifice everything including their own will, in their choice to believe in a higher power- no matter what.

Boundaries

     Recently a television show we have watched for quite awhile stepped over a line I felt uncomfortable crossing. Whether watching television, a movie, reading a book, or even listening to a song or radio station, we have no control over what is coming next and can be taken by surprise. The same could even be said about topics of conversation. We used to be able to rely on movie ratings to let us know if there might be something "objectionable" to an age group. We used to be able to trust that anything on television during the early evening would be acceptable for family members. We no longer expect women to wear skirts down to the ankle (except in certain cultures) which allows a more relaxed dress standard. However, there is definitely a "slippery slope" when it comes to social morality. I was a child of the 60's, "peace, love, dope" and "if it feels good, do it". There was a concerted effort to do away with social boundaries and work toward accepting anyone and anything. That was an important step for allowing women to receive the same wages as men for the same work. It was an important message to anyone who felt that a person's skin color determined their character or intelligence. It was a good thing to try to do away with causing people to feel like social outcasts if they didn't fit a certain mold. HOWEVER, once the pendulum started swinging in the direction of avoiding moral standards, it continues to gain distance from having any awareness of what might be right and healthy for humans. Addiction is being labeled as a disease rather than a choice. True, once you have an addiction, in order to escape it must be treated as a disease but initially, IT IS A CHOICE that can be avoided. It shouldn't be a "bad" thing to discourage alcohol consumption, smoking of any kind, the use of drugs to "feel good", or sex outside of marriage (including porn which is a kind of mental sexual activity). This should not be considered a restriction to someone's freedom to be what they want to be. We can see the standards slipping farther and farther down the slope. But how do we know where and when to put on our own personal brakes and decide we're not going to go to certain movies rather than risk offensive images or language or themes? How do we decide what books might be worth reading and what might just put garbage into our heads?
We have made it a habit to avoid watching network tv. We don't bother paying to receive any kind of satellite or cable availability. That is partly because there is so little in programming that we want to see and partly because the commercials are as objectionable as the objectionable programs! However, even through the internet and other methods, commercials are unavoidable. We are really weary of hearing about erectile dysfunction. So, I have no idea how to remain living in the world, aware enough to be a participating citizen yet remain distant from undesirable influences. I don't want to resort to only reading or watching things my church puts out. That will certainly put major limits on my education and awareness of the world more than I would want. I want to remain hopeful, positive, pleasant, and try to be Christlike. It's just about impossible to do that if you expose yourself to the world very much. I have had all I want (and then some!) of cynicism, hate, violence, greed, pride, and selfishness. I rely on the Holy Ghost to guide me. That's about the only real help there is. But the only way I can maintain a connection to the Holy Ghost is to be a worthy vessel. That means staying away from the cynicism, hatred, violence, etc. It's a constant battle.

Judging and being judged

     Along with a fascination about how the human brain works, I have had an interest in near death experiences. I have read a few books, including recently "Glimpses Beyond Death's Doors". I have been pondering, for the umpteenth time, judging. I looked back through my old posts and found one from October 2013 entitled "Who's the judge?" so I know I have thought about this before. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 4 and 5, talks quite a bit about judging. He mentions that we will ultimately be judged of the Lord but also that we are not to fellowship sinners. Obviously, in order to determine who we should be fellowshipping or following, we must make some kind of judgment. "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are." (1 Cor 3:17)
     During most near-death experiences, people report having a "life review" which is like the saying about seeing your life flash before your eyes when in a life-threatening situation. I have not actually read the book myself but within the book I just read, the authors frequently quote from an eighteenth century Swedish scientist named Emmanuel Swedenborg:
     There were people who denied crimes and disgraceful things they had committed in the world. So lest people believe them innocent, all things were uncovered and reviewed out of their memory, in sequence, from their earliest age to the end. Foremost were matters of adultery and whoredom.
     There were some people who had taken others in by evil devices and who had stolen. Their wiles and thefts were recounted one after another- many of them things hardly anyone in the world had known other than the thieves themselves. They admitted them, too (since they were made clear as daylight), together with every thought, intent, pleasure, and fear which had then combined to agitate their spirits......
     There was one person who thought nothing of disparaging others. I heard his disparaging remarks repeated in their sequence, his defamations as well, in the actual words- whom they were about, whom they were addressed to. All these elements were set forth and presented together in wholly life-like fashion; yet the details had been studiously covered up by him while he had lived in the world...
     Let no one then believe that there is anything a person has thought within himself or done in secret that remains hidden after death. Let him rather believe that each and everything will then be visible as in broad daylight. (Heaven and Hell)
     Another book, Reflections on Life After Life by Raymond Moody, is often quoted:
     However, in the moments around the time of death all such masks are necessarily dropped. Suddenly the person finds his every thought and dded portrayed in a three-dimensional, full-color panorama. If he meets other beings he reports that they know his every thought and vice-versa.
     This situation can be regarded as being most unpleasant indeed, and it is no wonder that quite frequently people may come back from this feeling that they need to make a change in their lives.
     There is SOOO much more about this subject but I'm always concerned about making blogs so long that people don't want to read them. Let it suffice that, although we will truly undergo a final judgment only by God, there will be a recognition/judgement of all we have thought and done prior to that. We cannot seek to hide, justify, excuse, or avoid any sin- which could be defined as anything that widens the distance between us and the perfection of God, which is certainly a LOT! On the other hand, included in these near-death experiences is a feeling of total love and acceptance. God is not judging us at the time we leave mortality. God, as a good, loving parent, knew before we came to earth that we would mess up a lot. He gave us the freedom to choose, even knowing we would make mistakes. THAT IS WHY WE NEED the atonement of Jesus Christ. But it will only work for us if we accept it. We must repent of our sins, admit our need to be redeemed, and gratefully accept the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ as ordained by our Heavenly Father on our behalf. So we need to start judging ourselves and what we think and do right now. This life is the time to prepare to meet God. We can avoid some of the heartache if we do prepare so we don't have to fear.

Remaining positive

     Today in Relief Society, we talked about optimism. Most of my life I have considered myself an optimist. I think that, generally, things work out okay even when it doesn't feel very pleasant at any given moment. I also look for the best in people because I firmly believe that even the worst of us has some redeeming quality and most people are generally pretty decent. While visiting our daughter's family we watched a movie about people playing a game on their phones/devices where they would select to be a watcher or player then participate accordingly. The players have to perform "dares" for which they receive money directly to their accounts. The dares escalate to the point of a face-off between the top two winners where one kills the other. The "watchers" vote on whether they should actually shoot each other. It was similar to "Hunger Games" in that people are watching challenges to the death of people they may or may not know but are distant and anonymous in their participation or even just observation. It's certainly troubling to think about other human beings placing only the value of their own entertainment on the life or death of another human being. This is only fictional at this point. However, there have been examples of this same hardened lust: Roman forums where gladiators fought each other or wild beasts, French guillotines in public squares, beheadings in Muslim areas of the world where observers approve of the "punishment", public rapes or muggings or even murders where the observers are "afraid" to get involved in trying to stop the event, even black market videos where spectators can watch an actual murder.  I must say, these examples cause some consternation when analyzing my fellow citizens of Earth. However, I still say that we are all children of God and thereby we have good in us. I also believe God gave each one of us the freedom to choose exactly what kind of person we want to be and He won't interfere with our choice. When He deems it appropriate, like in parting the Red Sea for the Israelites leaving Egypt or sending an angel to stop Abraham from slaying his son, God will intervene. Also, His intervention doesn't always prevent death. There have been instances of His causing a plague or flood or some other disaster in order to get His children's attention. In the end, we all die somehow, sometime. Death is not the end.
     What really, truly matters is who we choose to be. If we live a life of selfishness and evil, it doesn't matter if we die young or old, we will still face a judgement. If we live a life of goodness and sincere effort for a long time or short time, we will still be able to hold our head high knowing we have done right. I can't control what my loved ones do or what they think. God doesn't either. He doesn't want puppets. He could make us do things or prevent us from carrying out our choices, but He won't because He wants us to make our own choice as to whether we want to obey Him, or not. He will not bully us despite the fact that He's bigger and stronger. He may, however, try to get our attention once in awhile. I really dislike seeing anyone suffer in this life. But I would hate even more to see someone suffer for eternity because they were slowly led by an evil influence to make worse and worse choices- to follow the crowd- to become spectators of the death or suffering of others as a means of entertainment. So, I am actually grateful for any small discomfort I, or my loved ones, may need to go through in order to realize who they are and what they are choosing- BEFORE it gets to the point of being totally heartless and evil.
     The bottom line: I will continue to pray for strength to remain positive. I will continue to have hope despite the despair in the world. I will continue to believe in the basic goodness that every human being has in them. I will continue to beg my Father to help me through times of discouragement so I can be the encouraging, helpful, pleasant person I want to be... no matter what.

You're not stuck....

     This morning as I was on my walk, I noticed a box at the curb with a child's drawing taped inside. Today is garbage and recycling pickup so the box was headed for destruction. It got me thinking about all the childhood "treasure" that are cleaned out on a regular basis by parents who are older and wiser enough to know that we really can't keep everything. Those "treasures" (rock collection, favorite drawings, ticket stubs, posters,etc.) that once meant so much to us will soon be forgotten in the face of more important and longer lasting "treasures".
     As a Latter Day Saint, I have access to and a belief in the opportunity to be married for time and all eternity. A civil marriage or one done in a different church is "until death do you part". We even perform these eternal ordinances for the dead that didn't have the opportunity for them while alive. Lest there be any misunderstanding, these ordinances are binding covenants only so long as ALL parties involved keep their covenants. When we sign a legal contract, there are always provisions spelled out for all parties and, if not kept, the contract becomes null and void. God always keeps His word and will never filch on a contract. We, on the other hand, have lots of ways to back out. A temple marriage involves a man, a woman, and God. God will always honor the promises given. The man or the woman has all eternity to back out. All they have to do is refuse to keep the Lord's commandments and/or decide not to treasure their spouse anymore. At that point, the covenant is broken. But God is never the one who breaks it- WE are.
     The same is true for children sealed to parents. If any one of the children chooses to break their covenant with God and their parents, they will be released. If the child does their best to maintain all provisions spelled out in the contract, they will still be connected to God and to one or both of their parents, depending on the actions of the parents. The only way we can have family connections for time and all eternity is if and when we choose to keep our covenants with God, who is the only one with authority to determine if the contract is still valid. He would prefer that to always be the case but has authorized each of His children to choose for themselves. He won't force anyone to stay with Him. "God will force no man to heaven."
     As a side line, it can be sad to think about someone you love who does not want to make and keep the covenant along with you. It's hard to think of "losing" someone who has chosen to spend eternity elsewhere. However, God will not allow any unclean thing to enter His presence. It's not that He's cruelly limiting, it's that He's merciful in knowing how difficult it is for someone to live with laws they don't like with people who want a different lifestyle. What He has promised is that we will have joy beyond anything we can understand as mortals. Right now, the people in my family are people I love a lot and want to be able to be with them. But, if they choose something different from what I choose, it would only mean eternal conflict and I certainly wouldn't look forward to that. Loving someone who is difficult and contentious is endless torment. If I want peace, love, and unity, it won't work to try to stay with someone who is rebellious and proud and grumpy. So there will be much greater joy without them than with them. The same is true in the other direction, of course. I need to strive to be the kind of person with whom I want to spend eternity. The Lord has prepared many mansions (or kingdoms) and He will allow us to inhabit, for eternity, whichever one we choose. So no one is ever stuck with anything but what they choose to be stuck with.

Keeping my mouth shut!

     I read a scripture this morning that gave me a reminder: Make not thy gift known unto any save it be those who are of they faith. Trifle not with sacred things. (D&C 6:12) In this case I think "of thy faith" does not refer to a specific man-categorized religious group. Some of the words recorded during Christ's mortal ministry can help us to understand: And the mysteries of the kingdom ye shall keep within yourselves; for it is not meet to give that which is holy unto dogs; neither cast ye your pearls unto swine, lest they trample them under their feet. For the world cannot receive that which ye, yourselves, are not able to bear; wherefore ye shall not give your pearls unto them, lest they turn again and rend you. (JST Matthew 7:10-11) I am not really good at pretense. I don't hide things well. I have made it a goal to be the most kind, loving person I can be to avoid unintentional damage when I am perhaps too blunt. Being without guile is commendable but being painfully honest should be reigned in a bit. As a result, as I have sought guidance from God and received personal spiritual responses, I have been eager to share. I have been gently reminded that I need to sometimes keep my mouth shut. I am intellectually aware that "signs" do not convert. Sharing miracles or revelations will not cause anyone to feel faith. Faith must be a personal choice for each of God's children. When I have been with those who have faith in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the workings of the Holy Ghost, I have been thrilled at any opportunity to appropriately share personal experiences. I am even more excited to hear theirs! It's a great blessing to be able to encourage each other as we dwell in the mortal world where so much emphasis is put on tangible, temporary things. We have been promised that any intelligence that we gain here will remain with us after we leave this earth. As we continue on through eternity, we will continue to learn. We learn most and best when it's something we want to learn. My husband, who is an amazing mechanic/engineer, is frequently wanting to teach me things about this physical world. I'm afraid it mostly goes in one ear and out the other. I'm happy that he is enthusiastic about some new gadget or chemical process, but I am frankly not really interested. I didn't enjoy Chemistry when I had to take it in high school and I even passed up the chance to get a degree in fashion design because it would have required me to take too many college-level science courses to understand the characteristics of chemicals and processes related to fabrics. I guess God knows a lot about chemistry because He knows everything. Maybe in some far, future eon I will be ready to better appreciate ions and bonding and physics. But at that point, I will learn at a level man has not yet achieved so I won't have to learn one thing then put it aside to learn a more correct version. Anyway, for now I just need to remember to share my testimony but not necessarily every spiritual experience with everybody.

Defining and encouraging our goal

     Continuing on with the thoughts of the last blog, how is it that we work to perfect ourselves? We have been given suggestions of methods to use, but what exactly is it that we are trying to perfect ourselves in doing or being? What is the greatest commandment upon which hangs all the law and the prophets? It has been said, "God is love." Russ and I have done quite a bit of reading on near death experiences. Most people who have clinically died and recount their experiences "on the other side of the veil" will describe a feeling of intense love and acceptance, often with a desire to improve themselves once returned to mortal life. Here among worldly people, love can often have many connotations. How is it that God loves and wants us to love?
     We can start by figuring out what God's love isn't. It is not the "love" that causes shivering or squealing: the love of chocolate, the Beatles, George Clooney, sports cars, sports teams, or sports or entertainment in general! It is not the possessive love that feeds our pride: dressing up our child or pet so others can ooh and aah and remark how beautiful they are, the winning of an award or promotion by someone close to us that reflects a bit of success on our behalf as well, the attention and "ownership" of anyone or anything. It is not the love that causes a surge of adrenalin: riding a motorcycle or roller coaster or going through a haunted house or reading or watching a thriller, the climax or stimulation related to sex, the anticipation of excitement about an event like a trip or party.
     When we feel a gentle satisfaction watching a beautiful sunset/sunrise, or the sweet feeling that brings a little smile when gazing at an innocent, pure child, or the glow from having just completed a good work even if no one else knows- then we are getting close to the kind of love God feels and wants us to feel. In the scriptures it says that charity is the pure love of Christ and without charity we are nothing. None of us will ever have the opportunity to atone for anyone else as Christ did by giving up our life. But we can sacrifice or at least be truly willing to do so when given the opportunity. Mothers sacrifice all the time: they sacrifice sleep to care for an infant or sick child or teenager not yet in at curfew, they sacrifice eating by serving others first, they sacrifice time all day every day when they perform household duties with no pay expected (but gratitude yearned for and appreciated when it comes). Fathers sacrifice: they may also give up sleep to care for children and to rise early to go to work even if the rest of the household is still warm in bed, they suffer miserable work conditions or the demeaning feelings of having to prove themselves to someone else in order to earn money that is used to feed, clothe, shelter, transport, and please their family, they sacrifice time to coach Little League or go on Scout camping trips or run other errands. Neighbors sacrifice if they tolerate without complaining when they miss sleep because there is a wedding or graduation party going on next door that stays a little too loud a little too late, or they notice the lawn next door hasn't been mowed because of old age or illness and they go over and mow, or they offer childcare when there is an emergency in the family next door. Any time we perform a service simply because we see a need and/or want to help, that is evidence of sacrificial love- only as we expect nothing in return. Any time we decide to be patient when the person in line ahead of us is searching for their credit card or counting their money and we feel understanding of their plight, we are feeling love. Any time we withstand the mockery or criticism of someone else without getting angry or holding a grudge, we are feeling love. "Love your enemy, pray for those who despitefully use you." We may not have that as our instant reaction.............yet. But what matters is that we acknowledge that things are more pleasant when we are more pleasant. We repent- meaning being aware of a need to change and a determination to make that change even if we have to resolve over and over again- and bite our tongue, keep our mouth shut, ponder in our hearts how to react peacefully, and pray for help to be kinder. We can strive to be perfect in love and thereby become more Christlike. We can do this!