Dependability

     I am so proud of my children because of who they have chosen to be in that they are the kind of people on whom others can depend. This is no small thing. I love a song called "Inscription of Hope" the words of which were found inscribed on the walls of a cellar in Cologne, Germany where Jews hid from Nazis during WWII.
     I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
     I believe in love even when there's no one there.
     I believe in God even when he is silent.
     I believe through any trial there is always a way.
     I have been pondering why it is that some people are reliable and some aren't- meaning how you can identify those on whom you can rely. Employers are usually looking for such people. How are they different? I think it comes from a willingness to sacrifice.
     I was blessed with parents willing to sacrifice. They would do all they could to help others, even though it was a cost to them: of time, energy, money, etc. I have tried to be like that, too, because I personally believe in the principle of sacrifice. I believe in serving others before serving myself. I believe in getting the job done even if it takes longer and is harder than I expected it to be. I believe in following through on my word, no matter what. It's not pride in "reputation". It's a basic principle that I think people should just do what they said they were going to do. But sometimes people will break a commitment because it's not convenient or comfortable for them. I recently was sick with a fever and cold symptoms for a couple of days. It was very hard to back out of plans I had made because I don't want to be the kind of person others have to question a dependence on. My reluctance to expose others to germs that could make them ill superseded the plans that had been made. It wasn't that I was too tired or weak. At the dinner table, I always served everyone else before serving myself- not to impress anyone but because I truly had a greater desire for the comfort and needs of others than for my own. I don't say that to brag, only to define. My parents never had much in the way of worldly materials. They could have had more but chose instead to constantly give to others. Money that could have been spent on a finer house was spent assisting their children. Time that could have been spent on their own entertainment or property improvement was spent to assist others in their family, friends, or community.
     I think that when a person puts themselves first they cannot be relied on by others because there is no way of knowing when that person will have something come up they consider to be more important to them: unpleasant weather (not including drastic weather, of course), lack of sufficient sleep, minor health issues, an invitation or even just a hope for something more desirable, a reaction to an opinion in opposition to their promise to help (like- why should you help them? Let them do it themselves. What's in it for you, anyway?), or any other possibility. When an employer knows an employee will always make their very best effort to be on time, put in an honest work effort, and stay to the bitter end, then the employer will do all in their power to retain that employee because in the long run it will profit the business. Other people may not always recognize or appreciate a person who is willing to sacrifice, even ridiculing them as being "masochistic". And it isn't necessary to be willing to be walked over by everyone and anyone. The change of heart to being willing to sacrifice involves a humility- an awareness that your own needs are not more important than anyone else's true needs (not just whims). A young parent constantly sacrifices sleep and comfort to tend to an infant who cannot do things for himself. Many parents sacrifice sleep and comfort to stay up late talking to a teenager who suddenly opens their hearts at one AM and wants to share feelings and concerns.
     One of my adult children once expressed to me that there wasn't anyone she knew who was truly dependable among her friends. I felt sad about that. On the one hand, I'm glad she can cling to a higher moral standard and remain reliable despite opposing influences. On the other hand, I feel sad that she surrounds herself with only those who have not yet understood the greater goodness of being willing to self-sacrifice. "I'll always be there for you", is a phrase too often uttered these days without real intent. A friend who is "there" because it happens to fit in their schedule is not really there for you. In like manner, you can truly better identify the moral fiber of a person in the midst of tragedy or at least discomfort than you can when everything is going well.
     I love those words I quoted above because they're expressed by someone who remained true, was willing to sacrifice everything including their own will, in their choice to believe in a higher power- no matter what.