What if??????

     I recently had a conversation with a very nice woman, active in her community concerns and a loving wife and mother. She has several adult children still living at home and said she likes it that way. In fact, she doesn't want them to ever leave. They help a little around the house and are pleasant company. I have been pondering why that troubles me. I'm so glad she gets along well with her children. I have always had a desire to develop a good friendship with my adult children (and their spouses). But I have also looked forward to their continued development as independent contributors to the planet, in their chosen work place and their neighborhood or community. There are many options for young people now to easily enable them to avoid establishing full independence from the parents who bore them. I grew up thinking staying at home was a "less desirable" outcome, reserved for offspring with special needs or due to lack of a living wage or because of the need to care for aged, infirmed parents. How would it be if this choice became more and more frequent? Might it be a good thing, or a bad thing? Previously the motivations to move out included wanting to do things on a different schedule or in a different way, a desire to prove oneself capable of independent success, a desire to bear and raise children, or even a desire for regular, socially proper sex! Obviously, the sex part is no longer relevant. Birth control is available in many forms. (Not that I am against birth control. It's only the convenience of unlimited sex with whomever that bothers me.) One night stands are no longer unacceptable and even long-term relationships without the confinement of a legitimate commitment are more common than not. As people view troubles in the world, the desire to bring children into it becomes a reluctance. As the societal focus is more and more on individuals and fulfilling your own desires, children are simply an expensive burden. You can strive to succeed in a chosen career but the urgency to pay rent/mortgage and other expenses is gone when you can continue to live with parents. In fact, it's easier to expend greater time and energy in a job to ensure "success". Fewer and fewer families ever have meals together. Microwaves, convenience foods and the plethora of restaurants have made eating together totally unnecessary. Many families share a house but not their lives. They each have their own electronic devices for entertainment and communication. They each have their own schedules and even transportation. It's easier. So what's wrong with it?
     I was reading the words of a very wise man and recognized what may be wrong with living so independent of one another, including and especially in generations of family. He was talking about ancestors and pioneers. We have all heard or read the stories of sacrifice, suffering, and determination characteristic of what could be called "pioneers". Whether it's the desperation of traveling on the ocean in a makeshift raft to reach a free country or fleeing the fear of chaos and death of a war or the search for a better life, often the source of courage has been the thought of future generations and how they could benefit from the suffering, sacrifice and determination. Sure, there are those who simply want to selfishly profit by having a more luxurious lifestyle. But most will go a little further and try a little harder if they have children or plan to have children. Gordon B. Hinckley's words: "It is good to look to the past to gain appreciation for the present and perspective for the future. It is good to look upon the virtues of those who have gone before, to gain strength for whatever lies ahead. It is good to reflect upon the work of those who labored so hard and gained so little in this world, but out of whose dreams and early plans, so well nurtured, has come a great harvest of which we are the beneficiaries. Their tremendous example can become a compelling motivation for us all.......We have so much more, with an overwhelming challenge to go on..."
     Whether it's looking back to our ancestors or forward to the hopes of posterity, generations provide an essential link for progress. If our grandparents and great-grandparents went through all they went through with fewer advantages than we have, we can feel more motivation and courage. If we consider the desire to give advantages to our children, we are more careful in the legacy we give them of our good character and works. If we have only our own lusts for possessions, entertainment, power, fame, or whatever to live for, they will only follow us into the grave and be gone.