Being sober

     My main purpose in being zealous about understanding our purpose and our relationship to God is to be a "watchman on the tower". I only want to warn of the pitfalls that will result in pain, sorrow, or regret. I have had plenty of those and don't relish having more, although I acknowledge that some are unavoidable. So my latest thoughts are about "being sober".
     Here is Alma talking to one of his sons (Alma 38:15) And may the Lord bless your soul, and receive you at the last day into his kingdom, to sit down in peace. Now go, my son,...Be sober.
     Peter says something similar in his first epistle (1Peter 5:8) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
     To those who aren't in the habit of reading scripture, the reference to the devil and a roaring lion devouring may sound a bit extreme. However, if you pause and consider the experience of either of these men, you can understand why they are so adamant. They both experienced and saw the extremes of joy in the Lord and the agony of remorse over sin. They are not referring to being without influence of drugs or alcohol, although that is certainly a means of being sober. They are not referring to being only serious and without humor, though there are certainly moments to be more reverent and contemplative. Through the prophet Joseph Smith, the Lord said (D&C 88:69) Cast away your idle thoughts and your excess of laughter far from you. Also He said (D&C 59:15) And inasmuch as ye do these things with thanksgiving, with cheerful hearts and countenances, not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance... There is important counsel here for anyone striving to follow the Savior and be like Him, as He commanded. He wants us to happy- enough that He fulfilled His mission to the end, enduring pain both physical and spiritual that none of us could ever comprehend, so that we might not have to feel such pain ourselves. (D&C 19:16-19)
     For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I; Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit- and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink- Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men.
     And further clarification of this characteristic is in more of the words of Alma to his son (Alma 38:12) See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.
     If we want to feel God's love for us and feel as He feels toward others, our own passions must be bridled. If we are focused on "having a good time" with loud laughter and idle thoughts, we are focused on the "pleasures of Babylon" which will provide their own reward---- if that's what we want. If our deepest desire is to laugh hysterically or have our minds altered to be out of our control due to a potential addiction to any mortal experience or substance (sex, food, money, power) or simply "recreational" chemicals in alcohol or drugs- then the resulting "high" is the reward we can expect. We won't be any closer to ability to deal with watching a loved one suffer in pain or dealing with a rebellious child who yells at us that they hate us or endure the death of a loved one or loss of marriage through divorce. The temporary high is what we'll have- then it will be gone. We must be vigilant in realizing that Satan's counterfeit offerings to deal with the inevitable trials of mortality- instant gratification- will never be enough. They simply don't work. All they do is distract us from the source of true healing- our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. So, I would repeat and repeat, obey the commandments, especially to pray, search the scriptures and love others as you want them to love you.

Watch yourselves

     I have recently gone through a harrowing experience with a dishonest person having nefarious intentions, also known as an internet scammer. Within the ensuing couple of days, while still trying to recover, I witnessed an incident which was not obviously related. Upon further analysis, I have identified a similar motivation. The guy who lied to me about wanting to "fix" my computer and representing a known anti-virus company was basically just trying to get money using a technical knowledge greater than mine (which doesn't take much). The second incident was just a guy getting gas for his car. He basically inconvenienced several people who were at the same station, all wanting to get gas, too. I guess he thought he had justification for budging in ahead to fill up his car, despite causing other people to have to make adjustments and be further delayed. As I tried to figure out why anyone would want to do such things, it was obviously greed. But how could they justify what is so glaringly inconsiderate, rude, and even cruel to others? The gas-line budger thought he was more clever in the way he maneuvered around others who patiently waited. He figured that if he thought of a way to avoid waiting in line even when causing unsuspecting people to move out of the way thereby prolonging their own wait, so much the better. If the others wanted to get ahead, they should just be smarter. (A similar thing happens on the highway in traffic tie-ups when someone drives along the shoulder or uses an exit lane then relies on the goodness of people to let him in further up the line.) The attitude of someone using his technical knowledge to take advantage of others with less knowledge is similar. They justify their use of "superiority" by saying that if others were just as smart or smarter, they wouldn't be victims. I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them. But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God...... ye must perish. (Mosiah 4:29-30) The point of this scripture is that not all sins can be specifically listed. "Being clever" is not recognized as a sin, but what you may justify in your thoughts, words, or deeds because you consider yourself clever can be a serious sin. Members of the mafia are often very focused on "loyalty". Loyalty is certainly not a sin, depending on what or to whom you are loyal. Any time we feel our chest puffed out because we beat someone else in some game, or stayed true to a promise even if that promise leads to a sin, we are headed for trouble. I don't think anybody starts thinking they will steal from someone (whether as small as a place in line or as large as a person's savings or even mortal life). They get to that action by taking small steps in that direction. What keeps us on that path? Pride. Pride is a great sin. Sin is identified by interfering with any person's eternal progress whether one's own or someone else's. If you kill someone, they no longer have an opportunity to learn or accomplish whatever they might have in their mortal life. If you steal from someone, you cause them to disrupt their ongoing life to recoup enough to carry on to say nothing of the mental, emotional, spiritual damage. When you can justify such damage because you consider yourself somehow superior, that's pride. I have never been a fan of practical jokes because, to me, they are taking advantage of someone's trust or even lack of awareness to provide someone else with a chance to laugh, to feel superior even for just a minute. I suppose there are truly "harmless" practical jokes, but that would only be if the person on the receiving end of the joke gets the same chuckle out of it as the one perpetrating the joke.
     Basically, we do need to watch ourselves; we need to catch ourselves at the beginning of the path to prevent heading in a direction that can lead us to a place we didn't really intend to go. The time to be concerned about who we are becoming is not when we are sitting in a prison cell or standing at the bar of God. We need to be concerned every single day. It doesn't have to be a source of constant fear and trembling- unless you are truly tempted to hurt others and/or yourself ALL the time. Once you decide where you want to end up, it's a simple matter of deciding what steps to take and in what direction.

Being a friend

     Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I command you. (John 15:13,14) I doubt I will ever actually be faced with the choice of becoming a martyr to defend a friend or even Jesus. If Jesus would consider me a friend if I do what He commands, I want to do that! But can we than say that we can be a friend to anyone simply by doing whatever they want us to do? Doing what Jesus would ask us to do is very different from what another person as imperfect as ourselves would want us to do. So, how do we become a true friend as opposed to a lackey, simply doing someone's bidding in order to gain favor?
     Marvin J. Ashton once gave a really good talk "What is a Friend?". I would highly recommend taking the time to read all of his 1972 Semi-Annual Conference address but I will include a bit of it:
Someone has said, “A friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am.” Accepting this as one definition of the word, may I quickly suggest that we are something less than a real friend if we leave a person the same way we find him.There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."
     As I quoted in the blog "Encouragement", simply being positive will not be the result in the ideal. Just as the euphoric leaping child will never reach the moon simply by his enthusiasm, a friend will not necessarily be a benefit simply by supporting you in your choices. For instance, drug addicts are comfortable around other addicts. It makes them feel good to have someone who will share their stash or needle or help them acquire their desires. But is that the kind of friend who is really, ultimately going to help the addict to achieve long-term success and happiness? Are Mafia members truly "family"- loving and loyal to the ultimate benefit of each person belonging to their group? I suppose some could argue that, if someone helps you to feel happiness at the moment, then that is "love" in helping you to feel good right then. Even if you are trying to lose weight so you don't have a heart attack or stroke and your "friend" gives you a dozen yummy donuts for you to enjoy endulging yourself in??
     As I have mentioned over and over again, everybody has agency- the right and ability to choose which comes unavoidably with the responsibility and inevitability of living with consequences of choices made. There is the "rub" as Shakespeare would say. Because someone chastises or disagrees with us, it is not an absolute indication they don't love us completely. On the other hand, someone who agrees with us and is willing to support everything and anything we choose may not be our best friend.

Labeling the elephant

    Decades ago (and probably still in re-runs) thousands of people enjoyed watching Archie Bunker- a character in the sitcom All in the Family. Some watched and loved Archie because they could identify with his feelings, quite readily expressed and often softened by his hidden tenderness. Others might have enjoyed seeing his brash prejudices called out by his son-in-law "Meathead" or even very innocently put in his place by his wife, Edith. I have been thinking this morning of the "elephant in the room" as the saying goes- the glaring differences between people that are very carefully tiptoed around in order to avoid contention. Contention comes about whenever there are differences of opinion which is always inevitable between any 2 human beings. It starts with the newborn who cries for attention when a loving but frustrated parent wants to sleep. It continues with the stubborn youngster who doesn't want to clean up their room or take a shower despite the parents' insistence. Two people romantically fall in love, maybe even considering themselves to be "soul mates" because of a myriad of things they have in common. After the honeymoon phase, they discover that they don't actually agree on everything. There arise issues on finances, raising children, cleanliness of the house, sex and politics, among others. What to do??? If you try to "talk it out" you risk constant contention as each one feels their view is valid. No amount of talking is going to result in both liking blue rather than green or pork rather than chicken or mint gel as opposed to toothpaste or both voting Democrat or Republican or being liberal or conservative.
     Throughout the history of mankind, differences have existed.Between two individuals this has resulted in divorce, estrangement, or disowning of a family member. Between families it has become feuds. Between countries is has come to war. It starts with derisive animosity and labels. People of the Roman Empire called citizens of conquered countries "heathens" and felt they were inferior. For many years people from Africa and some island nations were treated as less than human and used as slaves. They were called "nigger" ( a term which blacks are now allowed to use on each other but is a grave insult if used by others) then but the term has evolved from "black" to "African-American"- which only works if a black person lives in America. Starting from when people poured into the wild western United States from Asia through the time of the Viet Nam era, Asian people were referred to as "chinks" whether they came from China, Japan, Korea, or Viet Nam. The terms "wop" and "kraut" arose during animosity toward Axis nations in WWII. I was surprised that there are still people in the United States that consider those living in northern states to be "yanks" and those living in the south "rebels". Somehow we have found it easier to label people, grouping them according to the feeling we want to justify. It always becomes a bit more awkward if you actually personally become acquainted with "one of those" people. We tend to hesitate to use derisive labels toward someone married to a member of our own family. It's uncomfortable to think of a nice neighbor or your boss using such a term to refer to their color, nationality, religion, or political view.
     I don't think it works to ignore the elephant in the room. I see that effort all the time and it only results in strained silence, an almost invisible wall between people who might otherwise be sharing love and respect. I also don't think we should attempt to fight it out until we are all of one opinion. That isn't EVER going to happen! However, there is a desire for peace. During the 60's it showed in attempts at "communes" which weren't very successful because not everybody thought of "sharing" in the same way. There were too many who felt "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine", whether about material possessions or, on the flip side, work to be done. Ages ago, a prophet named Enoch managed to teach a city of people who were willing to "be of one heart and one mind". I'm sure they were far from what you might call clones of each other. But they had no poor among them because they were willing to share. They had no sloth among them because everyone did their share of the work without leaving it to others. They didn't judge or compare or steal or have to be forced. Zion is not a place to journey to and find all perfect when we finally arrive and they let us in. Zion is created by individuals who want to live in peace and harmony, willingly sharing their belongings but even more importantly their hearts and minds. To be able to discuss issues calmly due to the respect they feel toward each other and without fear of reprisal- that is Zion. To be able to feel comfortable, loved, and worthy because you know you are sincerely doing your best and others recognize it- that is Zion.
     I can only do my small part in contributing to the formation of such a dream. I can selflessly serve, indiscriminately love, and especially, work at overcoming my own flaws. It will take time but it will be worth it.

Encouragement

     O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people!
I can so identify with Alma (the younger) in the Book of Mormon. Like Saul/Paul, he started out really rebellious then realized the love of God and how essential our relationship to Him is and became a really valiant disciple of Christ. That's what I want to be. But all I have is this blog, for whoever chances to read it, where I can share my testimony and the things I learn. This particular blog post is for those who are intimidated by the admonition to "Be ye therefore perfect" and probably misunderstand just what the Lord means by that. We don't have to do everything without errors nor do we have to be amazing scriptorians able to quote prophets with exact references. What we have to do is keep trying and be sincere in our desire to understand- enough to make a diligent search for information and a diligent effort to repent/change.
     Lately I'm reading the book by Terryl and Fiona Givens entitled "The God Who Weeps". I want to share a quote:
"Holiness is found in how we treat others, not in how we contemplate the cosmos. The lovely paradox of compliance with what an ancient prophet called "the great plan of happiness" is that conformity to laws breeds both freedom and individualism. We may think a leaping child, in the euphoria of his imagination, enjoys unfettered freedom when he tells us he is going to land on the moon. But the rocket scientist hard at work in the laboratory, enmeshed in formulae and equations she has labored to master, and slaving away in perfect conformity with the laws of physics, is the one with true freedom; for she will land on the moon; the boy will not..... (William Law said)' All kinds of holy living and all kinds of virtue lie open to those who are masters of themselves.' In that freedom, we escape the conformity born of weakness, the bondage born of ignorance."
     More and more, through prophets and students of eternal principles, we are being reminded that what we need most to do in preparing ourselves to meet the Lord- either at our own individual death or when He returns to the earth- is to gain self-mastery, or at least have the sincere intent to do so. Just as a drug addict cannot overcome an addiction simply by saying he wants to, we cannot be true followers of Christ simply by declaring that is our desire. Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." The hardest part of that is being Christ-like around others. When we're alone it's easy to be peaceful and feel kind. It's when faced with rambunctious children or nasty adults or impatient teens that we show our true mettle. It certainly is NOT easy, but if, by merely humbling ourselves enough to listen and motivating ourselves enough to try, we can look forward to spending eternity with others who are like Jesus Christ---- it will certainly be worth it.

Weighed down..........

     I copied this from an LDS Living article but neglected to write down the author- sorry-
"We do wrong because we make a decision to do so, and we feel guilty because we know we could have acted differently. That means we know we had other options than the one we chose. If we could have acted differently then we are free to act differently at that moment of choice.... Guilt is how we know we are free to choose. Nothing else we can say about our identity is as certain or fundamental. We are not born good or evil. We are born free."
     Then this from "The God Who Weeps" by Terryl and Fiona Givens:
"We can treat guilt as an emotional inconvenience and tolerate or rationalize it until we grow spiritual calluses to deaden the pain. Or, we can treat guilt as a healthy prod to action, as a pain that signifies deeper injury in need of remedy- and actual injury signifying real spiritual harm. Guilt is what we feel when we have positioned ourselves in opposition to laws and principles that exist eternally and independent of the mind." (In other words, not just opinions) "Every moment of every day our choices enact our loves, our desires, and our aspirations. And we are molding ourselves into the God or gods we thereby worship."
     I think about guilt a lot, probably because I feel it a lot. I feel guilt when I do or say something clumsy or incorrect. I feel guilty when I feel hurt or disappointed in someone I love because I don't know if I have a right to do that. Who am I to determine how someone else should use their agency to choose? On the other hand, I recognize that guilt can be an unjustifiable weight that impedes our forward progress or rise to happiness. The primary issue seems to be how to determine when our guilt is that "healthy prod to action" and when it is discouragement or self-loathing. Human emotions are so complex! I am truly grateful for words like, "let your hearts be comforted" and "I am with you unto the end" and "Therefore, dearly beloved.., let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." One of my very favorites- "Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me; And none of them that my
Father hath given me shall be lost." I know we have been admonished to "Be ye therefore perfect even as our Father in Heaven is perfect"- but that's not today and now. It's a direction to head.

Stick with the program!

     "Can you imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse, having a remembrance of all your guilt, yea, a remembrance of all your wickedness, yea, a remembrance that ye have set at defiance the commandments of God" (Alma 5:18)
     This is the kind of self-lashing many of us think of when we consider the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Those of us who have made the choice to believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived on this earth and suffered for our benefit, generally struggle to be humble and obedient as we strive to follow His example. It can be pretty discouraging to beat ourselves up about how wicked we are and how much we owe for our evil thoughts, words, and deeds. Maybe we should think instead of these elements of Christ's sacrifice:
     And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. (Alma 7:11,12)
     True, He paid the price for wrongdoings we can never undo or pay for ourselves. He also lived as a mortal so He could know what we go through. He suffered pain so He can understand our pain. He suffered trials so He could understand our trials. He suffered grief so He could understand our grief. And so on and so on... Maybe we could think in terms of enrolling in a college degree program. We may really struggle with some of the required courses. We may do better than some people in some areas and not as good in others. We may even fail a course and have to re-take it. But as long as we keep working at it, we are still enrolled in the program. Maybe we can feel discouraged and want to quit trying to do good things even though we have no desire to do bad things. Maybe we can feel tired or worried about rejection which keeps us from making much progress. Jesus Christ understands those feelings. He told the Father, "If thou wilt, let this cup pass from me." We are not even close to suffering for the sins of mankind, but if He felt pain and sorrow, He understands what pain and sorrow feels like. If we take our sorrows to Him and pray for His encouragement, forgiveness, and whatever help is appropriate, He will be there for us. He has promised us that. He's not going to take away our needed growing experiences. He's not going to interfere in our education. But He is able to have empathy and will love us through. He cannot take the steps for us but He will walk beside us. There are days when it feels like we're just barely staying in the program. But there will be times when we ace a course! We just need to stay with it- endure to the end.