Being a friend

     Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I command you. (John 15:13,14) I doubt I will ever actually be faced with the choice of becoming a martyr to defend a friend or even Jesus. If Jesus would consider me a friend if I do what He commands, I want to do that! But can we than say that we can be a friend to anyone simply by doing whatever they want us to do? Doing what Jesus would ask us to do is very different from what another person as imperfect as ourselves would want us to do. So, how do we become a true friend as opposed to a lackey, simply doing someone's bidding in order to gain favor?
     Marvin J. Ashton once gave a really good talk "What is a Friend?". I would highly recommend taking the time to read all of his 1972 Semi-Annual Conference address but I will include a bit of it:
Someone has said, “A friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am.” Accepting this as one definition of the word, may I quickly suggest that we are something less than a real friend if we leave a person the same way we find him.There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."
     As I quoted in the blog "Encouragement", simply being positive will not be the result in the ideal. Just as the euphoric leaping child will never reach the moon simply by his enthusiasm, a friend will not necessarily be a benefit simply by supporting you in your choices. For instance, drug addicts are comfortable around other addicts. It makes them feel good to have someone who will share their stash or needle or help them acquire their desires. But is that the kind of friend who is really, ultimately going to help the addict to achieve long-term success and happiness? Are Mafia members truly "family"- loving and loyal to the ultimate benefit of each person belonging to their group? I suppose some could argue that, if someone helps you to feel happiness at the moment, then that is "love" in helping you to feel good right then. Even if you are trying to lose weight so you don't have a heart attack or stroke and your "friend" gives you a dozen yummy donuts for you to enjoy endulging yourself in??
     As I have mentioned over and over again, everybody has agency- the right and ability to choose which comes unavoidably with the responsibility and inevitability of living with consequences of choices made. There is the "rub" as Shakespeare would say. Because someone chastises or disagrees with us, it is not an absolute indication they don't love us completely. On the other hand, someone who agrees with us and is willing to support everything and anything we choose may not be our best friend.