Lord, is it I?

The title of this blog comes from the book of Matthew in the Bible. Christ said to his twelve apostles, "Verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me." Then, "they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?" I know full well that I am not "yet perfected". I know that I have aspects of the "natural man", who is an enemy to God, that I have not yet overcome. As I read scriptures, the only source of absolute truth for determining what qualifies a person as "good" or "evil", I constantly try to self-analyze in an attempt to search out aspects of myself I need to work on. When the Lord mentions hypocrites (praying, giving alms, fasting- all things that I do) and warns us to NOT be as the hypocrites, I try to discover my own motivations. Am I a hypocrite? When the Lord talks about people in the last days, "Therefore shall all hands be faint, and every man's heart shall melt: and they shall be afrain: pangs and sorrows shall take hold of them", I wonder if I will be afraid. The Lord has said, "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear", and lots of people use that as a reason to have money and food saved up. That's all well and good- unless, of course, we happen to be one of the ones living where the "wars and rumors of wars" or "earthquakes in diverse places" are going on. I think the preparation that will help us the most is spiritual so we won't have to succumb to emotional and mental overload. I guess all I can do is continue to pray, search my heart, seek greater understanding and wisdom, and trust that the Lord will let me know what I need to work on, at a pace I am capable of. "It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength."So I don't have to be what everybody wants me to be. I don't have to worry so much that I may be annoying to some or less than fashionable to others. I'm following my leader and trying to emulate Him. I'll just keep trudging on.