it's so hard to know

I'm looking forward to my activity for the day- cleaning. Cleaning is a pretty mindless task. For the past- I can't remember how long- I have spent my days having to make decisions. It's really exhausting. Before I left Ohio I was trying to do all I could to prepare ahead in case we were able to sell the house. I spent time going through closets, drawers, and cupboards- rooms full of stuff- deciding what Russ might need for the immediate future, what I could pack that wouldn't make the house look TOO bare, what I should just throw out, and what to give to Goodwill. Since I arrived here in Arizona, I have been doing similar things. I have been going through lots and lots of stuff to find what Dad will need in the immediate future, what is good to have on hand, what to get rid of and how to get rid of it. I remember when Russ and I were dating, ages ago, he used to laugh at me because I always had a hard time making decisions: where I wanted to go, what I wanted to wear, what flavor of ice cream to get, what meal to order..... Making decisions is really taxing and requires a certain amount of courage and confidence. I have learned that you need to just think it through (sometimes only for a second!), then choose and not waste time looking back. Look at what happened to Lot's wife.
The thing I have the most difficult time deciding concerns how MUCH to do. My heart reaches out to both of my parents and I want to do EVERYTHING for them. However, I know that it's important for them to get up (in the case of Dad, anyway) and move around as much as possible. I definitely don't want my father to end up as incapable of moving as my mother. So I have to sometimes wake him when he falls asleep in his chair for hours on end and try to get him to eat or ask him about something. When Mom verrryy ssllooowwlllyy reaches for something, I have to resist the impulse to just grab it for her. I just tensely watch her painstakingly reach for something. She seems to move as little as she possibly can! I sometimes have to restrain Dad from doing things for her that she should do herself. So, how long do I let Dad sleep? How much do I urge Mom to do? How hard do I work at trying to get Dad to eat more? How much time do I spend trying to think of ways to entertain my mother? It's just really hard to know.