Hand-me-downs

I took a day last week to go through my dad's clothing, what was left of it. Awhile before he died, I went through his clothes with him and he got rid of most of it. He was realistic, for the most part, about what he was going to be using. He saved some work clothes because that was what he lived for, what was the highest priority for use of his energy. Some of his clothes went to the garbage because nobody would ever want to use such beat-up things. Lots of his clothes went to a thrift store. Of the clothes that were left after he died, most went to the thrift store. Some, Russ chose to have me alter so he could wear them- mostly work clothes. As I shortened shirt sleeves and pant legs, I thought about Russ's relationship to my father. Russ loved and admired Dad. For many years he worked with him doing building and remodeling. He learned a lot from him- about building and about life. Russ spent some time working for his own father years ago. I'm sure he learned some things from him, too. But Russ always felt much closer to my father than his own. That was probably because my father happened to be more pleasant to be with than Russ's own father. (My father was certainly not without faults. Growing up, I constantly resented his absence. He was always working or doing things for other people or community organizations. He was admired by many people for the good things he did but his children would all have liked more time with him.) I realized that Russ has inherited more hand-me-downs than the shirts and pants. He received basic philosophies of hard work, getting along with people, being affectionate especially to family, and as much patience/ can-do stick-to-itiveness as he was willing to adopt. They have all helped to make Russ a better person. We all learn from other people during our life. I have frequently reminded my kids and grandkids that the people they choose as "heroes" will influence what kind of person they become. As I have thought about and discussed people's memories of my father, I wonder what my eulogy will be like. How will I be remembered? It's always easy to pick out faults in others that we want to avoid. But in order to do that, we have to be truly honestly introspective enough to see whether we are guilty of the faults we notice in others. We also have to be pro-active in identifying what characteristics we want to develop. Then comes the really hard part- making those characteristics an everyday, natural, automatic part of our personality. Wistfully stating that we wish we were more patient, more ambitious, more reliable....... is pointless if we do nothing to adopt those features in our daily activities and conversation. Sometimes we may even need help. There is some wise saying from somebody that has to do with the best kind of friend being someone who helps you to be your best self when you're with them. That "friend" can be a member of your family or someone not related. God can help, too. Change is hard, though. We have to have a really strong, deep desire for it because it takes persistent effort, sometimes for a long time. I hope when I die, I can look back on my life with some degree of satisfaction that I truly made a good, continual effort.