Accepting myself

     "I am what I am" as Popeye was fond of saying, although that doesn't come out quite the same written down. You'll just have to imagine it in Popeye's voice. In my life I have been known to make the mistake of comparing myself to others, usually detrimentally to my self-image. I always wished I could be delicate and petite but never have been. Recently I saw a woman whose hips measure 99 inches and I realized I have been blessed with a sturdy body but not unusually so. I thought all cosmetic surgery was vain and would never spend the money, but a year or so ago, I had my eyelids "done". (I posted pictures if you go back through old posts.) The lids were just so heavy I had to constantly raise my eyebrows to be able to see well. My front teeth, tops and bottoms, don't come together. When I eat certain foods, it can be embarrassing to not be able to properly bite off pieces. I have to either use my side teeth or my tongue against my upper teeth and tear pieces off. Or I cut it up into small pieces. As I age, I get more weird issues with my skin- the expected sagging and wrinkles but also growths called skin tags in totally random places! I feel like a witch with warts! I try to exercise to keep my weight from going TOO high. I try to keep my hair fairly neat and dress maybe not the highest fashion but at least clean and pleasant. I'm grateful to be at a point in my life when the outward flaws are not such a priority for me. I hope not to disgust people who look at me but I don't worry so much about achieving  anything like a "wow" reaction.
     My body may be deteriorating but I'm hoping my efforts to improve my inner characteristics are gaining. After all, I won't be dealing with this physical condition eternally but I will be, on the other side of the veil we call death, the same person inside. I want to be the kind of person who makes others feel comfortable, loved, and encouraged. I don't want to be someone who saps the strength of others by needing constant praise. I don't have many of the talents I see in others but I realize that most other people don't have all the talents of everyone around them, either. I am appreciating more and more how wonderful it is to be able to see and appreciate talents in others without feeling somehow inferior. I pity those who resent the success or talents of others. It only makes them smaller to scorn a person who has managed to master a skill or worked hard to excel. When I finally reach the end of my mortal life ready to depart from my skin, I hope I have reached feeling comfortable in it. I hope to minimize my inhibitions about my appearance to the point that I don't feel the need to "hide". I hope to be happy and outgoing enough to firmly but peacefully withstand any gale of negative outbursts from even people I love most. I hope to be able to witness another's suffering while able to speak words of comfort and encouragement or even just hold their hand rather than need to walk away because I can't stand the seeing the pain especially when I know I can't make it go away. I hope to be have faith, in myself as well as God, strong and steady enough that I will not be swayed by any doubts or criticism of others. I hope to gain all of these abilities and share what I learn with others. Eternity just might be long enough to do that.