Most people feel loved- by someone. Married people usually admit their spouse loves them. Parents generally feel that their children love them. Children are loved by parents. Friends love friends, etc. As wonderful as love is, sometimes it isn't really "validating". For instance, a mother can know their child loves them but not feel valued by them. Mothers generally hear more complaints than anything else from children: why didn't you get the laundry done? Do we have to have this for dinner? You only want me to clean the bathroom so you don't have to do it! Likewise, spouses can often feel more tolerated than valued: my husband is such a slob but I love him anyway. My wife nags me all the time; it's a good thing I love her so much. Anyway- you get the idea. We are all different so what one person thinks is important or good, another may not value at all.
I am really grateful for the opportunity I had to serve for 18 months in the temple with so many really good people. I not only felt loved, I felt truly valued. Good people make a genuine effort to let other people know what they appreciate about them without any expectation of something in return. They don't compliment others hoping to get complimented back. They don't do something nice for someone else to earn favors. I was so uplifted by so many people telling me what good qualities they observed in me with no hidden agendas or expectations. It felt so good to have others recognize my efforts to be kind, loving, helpful, and willing to listen. It felt really validating to have others recognize and value my efforts to be orderly and do a job well. I have had such experiences with some in my family on occasion which I am grateful for as well. I have had a sister express her admiration at my "strength" in the face of adversity. I have had a daughter demand my supervision loading and unloading household belongings knowing that I would organize it well. I have had a daughter express to others that she felt she was raised about as well as anyone could be raised by a wonderful mother. I have had a son compliment, with even a touch of awe in his voice, my creative efforts in speaking and writing songs.
I think when we take the time and make the effort to recognize the accomplishments and good qualities of someone we love, then be sure to express that awareness, it goes a long way in making them feel good about themselves. It's essential to express that we love others but it sure is nice to not just tolerate their "idiosynchroses" but notice and express what we admire about them.
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