Anyone who has raised teenagers has experienced embarrassment. Teenagers tend to be very blunt and more outspoken even than younger children. Sometimes they challenge their parents "outdated" principles publicly. They can be concerned enough about the impression of someone as closely associated as parents that they don't want to acknowledge who they are. There can be similar issues with siblings. When remaining long-term in one town, teachers and administrators can either look forward to a student coming up a grade or dread it, depending on their experience with an older sibling.
Years ago, I was at a church meeting where we had a female police officer as a guest speaker. Our primary interest was advice on how to keep kids away from gangs and drugs. Her primary counsel has stayed with me over the 20 years or so since then. She said that the one thing we could do to best insure our kids would not be involved in gangs was to eat dinner together as a family. She said that kids ended up in gangs due to a desire to "belong". If they didn't have a strong sense of belonging to a family, they were more likely to be prey to joining gangs.
It can be totally unfair when someone has to "live up to" a high standard set by a parent, older sibling, or other family member. On the other hand, it is also unfair when someone has to "prove" themselves to be different than a relative who has had a bad reputation. No matter how unfair we think it is, it's the way it is. If we have had strong feelings, good or bad, toward someone and later encounter someone related to them that we have had little or no prior contact with, we will use our experience as a basis for what to anticipate.
I guess where I'm going is to reinforce the song/poem line; "No man is an island." We all want to be unique, some more than others. But we do not stand alone. Friendships may be sought or avoided based on an impression given by a close relative. How we behave has a greater affect beyond ourselves. Thinking it is unfair doesn't change that fact. If someone is considered obnoxious, their spouse will be looked upon with apprehension. If someone is known to be kind and honest, their other family members will likely be more easily welcomed than a total stranger.
I love the reaction I get from people who may not know me well when they have known my parents. I also love the reaction I get when meeting people who know my children. I don't have to work so hard to make friends because people already expect good things of me. I certainly hope that works the same way from the other direction. I'm sure there were times in my youth when my parents may have cringed when someone discovered I was their daughter, but I hope that was rare and would never be the case if they were alive today. And I don't think this is a negative thing. We all need help occasionally in trying to be the kind of person who contributes well to society. Being aware that we are setting a standard or precedent can give us a little boost in the right direction. I guess this is especially on my mind because for the past 18 months I have been wearing a label- a tag announcing my name and my identity as a representative for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In only a couple weeks, I will remove that name tag when my mission is over. Wearing it has made me more conscious than ever of my behavior. I like to think that I am determined enough to continue exhibiting good behavior sufficient that when anyone anywhere learns my name or my religious affiliation, there gut reaction will be positive. I want to be an example to encourage others to be good people as I strive to be like my Savior.
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