Several years ago in a church meeting I was talking about "tough love" and made the comment that mothers who give their children junk food ad infinitum, just because they beg for it, are not really loving their children. A woman in the class disagreed and said she thought they probably really did love their children, they were just ignorant of the consequences. I picture a young child living on chips, soda, and candy developing all sorts of health issues, including obesity, which will linger throughout their life and be a constant battle. In addition, there is the mental/emotional issue of thinking you should just receive whatever it is you desire when you desire it. That just doesn't happen in the "real world". So, is that really the best way to show love to a child?
I have known parents, especially men, who love practical jokes. They play them on their family members as well as friends, thinking it's really funny. They tease their children and scoff when met with tears. They may even encourage their children to do the same mocking, sarcastic interplay with others or invite them to participate in a practical joke. As one of my children pointed out to me, when children are young, they don't yet have the maturity to recognize appropriate limits on such humor. As a result, children who imitate their parents in this way often end up in trouble when their siblings or friends protest. Is that a good way to love a child?
Years ago I saw a news segment about a current fad in a South American country of "giving" plastic surgery to young people. One girl, whose parents were obviously fairly well off, said that she was given the choice between a car or breast implants for a graduation gift and she chose the implants. Many mothers will spend time and money teaching their daughters how to re-make their faces with all sorts of make-up and color, perm, and style their hair to say nothing of buying clothes that often accentuate their "feminine shape" along with flashy jewelry. To me, the implication is that the child is not beautiful the way they are so they need improvement. It's not the same as making sure they brush their teeth and hair before going to school, or wearing clean clothes. Is that really how to love a child?
I have known parents who strive to be their teenage children's "friends" by allowing them to have alcohol and even to have other teenagers over to imbibe in it (illegally) as well as other intoxicants. They may also give their sons condoms and start their daughters on the pill with the excuse that they know they're going to pursue sexual intercourse and this will at least avoid pregnancy. What about STD's? What about the emotional turmoil in developing youth who become passionately involved then break up and feel worthless? Is that really in their best interest?
As I continue to pursue a better understanding of God and try to "be perfect even as Father in Heaven is perfect", I have pondered how to love others. Loving, even unconditionally, does NOT mean having no expectations. There is a story in the New Testament of a woman taken in adultery. Jesus didn't say to her that it was alright because He had already paid the price for her sins. He said, "Neither do I condemn thee. Go thy way and SIN NO MORE." His expectation is that although He has saved her from being stoned and isn't giving up on her, He does expect her to make changes in her behavior. Hebrews 12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. In our childish way, we often think that getting what we want when we want it is an indication of love. Is it? Is it really always in the best interest of someone we love to NOT die? They may be afraid of dying or we may be averse to the thought of living without them but release from earthly trials may be the best solution for them. On the other hand, many a human who has had to endure suffering has become much more compassionate and generous toward others and more at peace within themselves. Giving His children everything they want when they want it will only make us spoiled, self-centered, demanding, and ultimately very unhappy because our appetites are NEVER satisfied.
God loves all of His children, the sinners as well as the sinless. He causes it to rain on the just and the unjust. He wants to give every opportunity to those making bad choices to recognize their faults. Alma 60:13 For the Lord suffereth the righteous to be slain that his justice and judgement may come upon the wicked; therefore ye need not suppose that the righteous are lost because they are slain; but behold, they do enter into the rest of the Lord their God. It is so painful to see a child abused or a homeless person or a refugee from their war-torn home. We may have the tendency to cry, "Can't God see this suffering? Why does He allow it? If He is all-knowing and all-powerful, shouldn't He stop the suffering?" The answer is a resounding NO and the reason is because He loves us. He will always love us no matter what we do. He will love us even as He chastens us. He loves us even as He allows us to suffer consequences of our own actions.
There is an old song with lyrics like, "If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of spring, every heart would have a new song to sing..." It's a good thing that God is in charge, not us. we would stop every trial and give never-ending gifts and not have expectations. That would be disastrous.
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