Last night Russ and I went to a concert of the Air Force Band of Flight. It was wonderful! The quality of entertainment was vastly superior to the "civilian" form of in-your-face entertainment along the lines of American Idol or other money-making productions involving people who take a God-given gift and glitz it up with bright lights, immodest costumes, and loud electric amplification. I had to wonder if any of the musicians, including the wonderful singer, will ever attempt to enter the flashy world of Hollywood or Las Vegas. I imagine they might make more money- maybe. Who knows what the fickle approval of fans might support? I felt very grateful for people who take their God-given gifts and try to increase their talent aside from the pushiness of an agent or the screams of the crowd. It made me miss the talent available in Utah. I so drank up the abounding sharing of talent available there! From the Cache County Fair to the Tabernacle Choir performances, there were people who were not desperately selling themselves for gain; people who offered what they had succeeded in developing their own abilities. I realize that there was some of the "wanting to make money" attitude there. But, in general, it was secondary to just working to improve and wanting to share. I am not a great pianist and my voice is far gone from what it was 30 years ago, but I try to improve what I have now and am willing to play, even the organ, for church meetings. I enjoy the accomplishments of others. I enjoyed attending the 7th and 8th grades string orchestra concert for one of the terHorst girls on Thursday night. (The 7th grade violas were somewhat out of tune.) The kids were all sincerely making an effort to work together to produce music. It really is our motivation that counts.

Friends

I have finally figured out how to crop scanned photos. Sorry about the previous pictures that I didn't get right. While scanning pictures from Ammon's birth, I came across other loved ones who have left the earth. This first picture is my Grandma Bowker (in the front center) with her siblings. This was taken at the funeral for my grandfather. These are all good, loving people. This was a man who had been given too much oxygen in an incubator at birth with blindness resulting. Steve Chaney became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Ithaca, NY and a good friend. His blindness didn't prevent him from trying things. He accepted a calling to work with the Boy Scouts, went skating, threw basketballs better than I can, and studied at the Cornell University Industrial Labor Relations school. He also ran a magazine stand in the post office to support himself. He was good at chess.

The woman in this picture was my resource for scriptural information. She was a patient mother, a loving wife and a wonderful friend. Vickie Randall's oldest son was killed not too long after she died. I think they're both doing awesome work for Heavenly Father these days.

Sam Weber came into our lives for all too short a time. He had a degenerative lung disease and lived for awhile after a transplant but wasn't particularly comfortable. He enriched the lives of Russ, me and our children. He was cheerful, encouraging, artistic, and a valuable friend.

This sweet woman became one of my loved friends despite the difference in our ages. She was just enough older than I am that her children became babysitters for my children. She was a cook that made anyone feel like they were "home" just eating whatever she made. She gave such loving hugs and listened sympathetically to others even when she had her own problems to deal with.

Russ and I truly love so many friends and have felt so blessed to have them in our life. There are people we knew in NY, people in UT, and those who have known us as we have travelled around. These are a few of the people that we can't visit for now but look forward to a very happy reunion some day- after we have hugged Ammon, of course.

Opposition

Okay- I'm going to get philosophical again. I guess as a grandmother of 15 I can be entitled to think I'm learning a little wisdom. Despite the fear of running out of fossil fuel and the volatile prices of gas, Russ and I have been doing a lot of driving lately. He has started a business with a friend, chauffeuring. It's mostly runs to and from the airports in the area. That, along with the many trips to Cincinnati, and occasionally up to Huber Heights, requires a constant refilling of our gas tanks. As I got a little excited recently by being able to fill our tank for under $20, I thought about how much more grateful I am for $1.44 a gallon now than I might have been a couple of years ago. Why? Because, knowing how bad it feels to pay nearly $4 a gallon, the $1.44 feels pretty good! I thought about how my children, and now my grandchildren, have not always appreciated the meals I have tried to make taking into consideration their likes and dislikes, what money we had, what time I had for preparation, and what nutritional value they needed. They have not always appreciated the time spent gathering, sorting, loading into the washing machine, then either hanging out or loading into the dryer, their clothes so I could fold them and deliver them to their rooms so they could have clean, attractive clothes to wear. Why? Because they didn't experience the opposite. In the Carole King song, she repeats the old saying, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone". It's actually good for parents to NOT do everything nice for their kids. It's good for the kids to experience what is involved in getting a house clean, a meal prepared, planning a family home evening lesson or other activity involving several people. How can they really appreciate the sun coming up in the morning if they never experience a totally cloudy day? What is there that I don't appreciate because I take it for granted? I know I am really grateful for friends that love and support me because I can't always be with them so I miss them when the years go by without the opportunity to be in their company. I'm grateful for loved ones who speak encouraging words and praise me because I have felt the sting of criticism (expecially from teenagers who seem to always know more than anyone else) and the discouragement of feeling alone in my labors. I sometimes wish I could help loved ones out of all of their difficulties. But then I realize that if they never go through hard times, they will never realize how wonderful it is when someone DOES help. They would be like the people who are 3rd or 4th generation welfare recipients and feel they're "entitled". I remember reading things about being grateful for trials and not being able to comprehend it. Now I can. I know that wisdom truly does come AFTER the experience of opposition in all things- good and bad, easy and difficult, pain and happiness, love and hate. I feel I can make a better choice now. This is why I have lived here on earth.

Celebrating Ammon's birthday

For several months we have been discussing the impending date of Ammon's birthday. We felt we wanted to acknowledge it but were trying to decide exactly how. I didn't want it to be a sad occasion. I want his children to be reminded of him but not in a way that would cause them to dread the "ceremony". I suggested going to the cemetery and releasing balloons. Victoria elaborated on it and had the children draw pictures and dictate messages for her to write to place in the balloons. Unfortunately, the weight of the paper caused a couple of the balloons to sink and pop. But most of them got caught by the wind and carried up into the overcast sky. I thought of the scripture in the New Testament describing Christ ascending into the clouds- "And in like manner will he return".

It wasn't exactly a wildly happy birthday celebration, but the kids caught the symbol of it and Jeremy later prayed that his daddy would get the messages we sent. Russ and I have never grieved for a child before. We are forging our own path through the stages of his absence. We miss him but try not to be just permanently sad. We wish he hadn't left but just as fighting physical pain makes it hurt more, fighting the reality of a loved one's death only makes it more frustrating. We will go on. And we will see him again some day and smile and feel greatly relieved.

December 3, 1979-We loved him then......

and we love him still. We celebrate the birth of Ammon David Fellows to our family and look forward to being reunited for eternity.

Just one more

I love food- even preparing it. I have had a recipe for a yule log cake for several years and have been waiting for an appropriate opportunity to make it. Monday night we are going to have an "empty nesters" group here for a family home evening. I decided this would be a good time to try the cake. Russ thought I was a little crazy for doing this first-time experiment for company. I told him that is the only time it is worth all the time and effort! I started the candy poinsettias two days ago then baked the cake, then made the filling and coated it with the ganache tonight. I hope people come to see it! If not, I hope blog-readers will be at least a little impressed with my efforts- even if you don't get to taste it.

Thanksgiving

I guess we all have our own images of Thanksgiving. Russ and I were happy to share the day this year with Victoria, her three children, and Angela and Scott and their 3 children. As usual, I was too caught up in living to take pictures. So these will be my picture memories of Thanksgiving 2008. Jeremy and Kadon loved running a remote control car in the driveway. And I think they liked the doughnuts we had for breakfast even better than the turkey.