As I thought about the blog I posted, I worried a little that in my wording I may have left the impression that my children are among those who live with a "renter's mentality". I realize I may just sound like an overly proud parent but I must say that all of my children are very responsible in taking care of their homes. Maybe for the girls it may have been a little forced on them due to military base housing inspections. Whatever has brought them to their current level of cleaning and maintenance, they all do a wonderful job. My reference to visiting my children was more about people around them.
I guess my last two blogs sound like complaining. I'm sorry. I try to avoid being negative most of the time. I guess taking care of 3 busy children at my age is taking its toll and wearing me out. I do love them.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
More philosophy- a renter's mentality
Through my experience at the homes of my children as well as time spent cleaning professionally and just as service to others, I have observed different attitudes about maintaining a dwelling. I guess some of it may be due to youth and inexperience. I only knew how to clean an oven when I was newly married because my mother never liked to clean ovens and I didn't like the smoke that billowed out when I tried to use it. So I learned how to get an oven clean enough that it didn't stink or smoke up the house. I also remember listening to conversations of women who had been married a little longer than I as they discussed having to clean out the floor vents that filled up with toys, food, and general household dirt. I hadn't even noticed the vents that much. Not wanting to sound ignorant, I didn't comment but I did look in my floor vents when I got home and learned I needed to lift out the grates, retrieve larger objects, then vacuum out the spider webs and dust. Russ and I always tried to fix or clean things, even if we were renting, because it was our home, even though we didn't actually own it. It was where we lived and we liked things clean and in working order. I have noticed that some people, especially those who more recently left home where their parents took care of everything, either don't notice things that need cleaning or repair, or they somehow have that union-type attitude of "it's not in my job description". Who is it that they think should clean or fix it? Even things that should rightfully be the landlord's responsibility require someone to notice them. The very most conscientious landlord can't possibly be aware of every faucet drip, broken window shade, or noisy refrigerator. You can either fix it yourself or report it to the landlord, not in a complaining or demanding manner, but just as information with the assumption that they are a responsible landlord and need to know the condition of their property. I have found that things left in need of repair always cause additional problems down the line. Things left dirty never clean themselves. They smell unpleasant and encourage mildew, all kinds of bugs, and generally deteriorate until they are nearly impossible to get clean. There is an old Dutch proverb that I don't remember word for word (I never heard an original Dutch person quote it) that says something like "if everyone cleans their own doorstep, the whole village will be clean". It works for cleanliness, cheerfulness, politeness, trustworthiness, and a whole slew of very nice things.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A "new" morality
I don't know whether it's the world or me. I guess you could say I'm having an "Andy Rooney" moment, except that I'm probably not as cleverly amusing. In the world I grew up in, it was a desirable trait to help without having to be asked. I'm taken aback when I do what I think is a good thing and it is interpreted somehow as criticism. So, it's not good to help without being asked? Is it better to sit idly by until someone feels angry at you for doing nothing or until they get frustrated at trying to keep up with all they have to do without any assistance?
Growing up, I thought making your bed every morning was just a brief chore that helped to keep the house tidy. I guess that's wrong, too...? You shouldn't teach it to your children because they are too busy with their computer games or videos or just sleeping in until the very last minute so they have to rush to get ready for school. Then maybe they're late so Mom has to drive them to school when they miss the bus....?
When I was growing up, it was considered rude to interrupt someone who was talking, on the phone or in person. When someone was on the phone, you needed to wait until they were done to speak to them unless the house was on fire or your little sister was drowning in the bathtub. Now, you will have grey hair and arthritis by the time you can get in a word with someone because phones can go EVERYWHERE! That includes places where no decent person would normally be carrying on a conversation with someone. It used to be that you could run into someone at the store and have a pleasant conversation with them. Most of the conversations going on in stores these days are people talking into cell phones. They probably aren't even aware of other people who may be in the store.
It used to be that tattoos were something that drunken sailors got in foreign ports or decorations on primitive people whose photographs you could see in National Geographic. Now it seems that graffiti is an "art form" everywhere, even on human beings. There is even a competition for some people to see how little of their original, God-given skin color is still visible.
I just don't seem to be able to get it. Why is it better to just accept someone who chooses to overeat and underexercise to eventually have bad knees, a bad heart and diabetes rather than having it considered a sad choice that others need to discourage? Why is it better to just accept the choice of sexual activities outside of marriage between a man and a woman (whether it's fornication, adultery, or homosexuality) than to discourage it due to AIDS, other STD's, unwanted pregnancy, or violation of trust?
I just don't get it and I don't think I ever will. I guess I just don't fit in the "new morality". I guess I had better just get used to being frowned at.
Growing up, I thought making your bed every morning was just a brief chore that helped to keep the house tidy. I guess that's wrong, too...? You shouldn't teach it to your children because they are too busy with their computer games or videos or just sleeping in until the very last minute so they have to rush to get ready for school. Then maybe they're late so Mom has to drive them to school when they miss the bus....?
When I was growing up, it was considered rude to interrupt someone who was talking, on the phone or in person. When someone was on the phone, you needed to wait until they were done to speak to them unless the house was on fire or your little sister was drowning in the bathtub. Now, you will have grey hair and arthritis by the time you can get in a word with someone because phones can go EVERYWHERE! That includes places where no decent person would normally be carrying on a conversation with someone. It used to be that you could run into someone at the store and have a pleasant conversation with them. Most of the conversations going on in stores these days are people talking into cell phones. They probably aren't even aware of other people who may be in the store.
It used to be that tattoos were something that drunken sailors got in foreign ports or decorations on primitive people whose photographs you could see in National Geographic. Now it seems that graffiti is an "art form" everywhere, even on human beings. There is even a competition for some people to see how little of their original, God-given skin color is still visible.
I just don't seem to be able to get it. Why is it better to just accept someone who chooses to overeat and underexercise to eventually have bad knees, a bad heart and diabetes rather than having it considered a sad choice that others need to discourage? Why is it better to just accept the choice of sexual activities outside of marriage between a man and a woman (whether it's fornication, adultery, or homosexuality) than to discourage it due to AIDS, other STD's, unwanted pregnancy, or violation of trust?
I just don't get it and I don't think I ever will. I guess I just don't fit in the "new morality". I guess I had better just get used to being frowned at.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
My prayer
I'm currently staying with my three grandchildren in Toledo. I have spent a lot of time with these three kids in the past 2 years. Their mother's wedding a couple of days ago was beautiful. I had a hard time not crying. I tend to cry at lots of things- parades, weddings, award ceremonies, etc. I was surprised at the tears that sprang to my eyes when I first spotted the three kids arriving at the site of the wedding (held outdoors at lovely home of a friend of Victoria's). They were all beautifully dressed and I was just hit hard by how much I love them. Russ and I had been talking about our mixed feelings about this whole change in their life. We are thrilled that Victoria will have a partner and that the kids will have a father influence as they grow up. We know that nobody would ever "cut us out" of their life but we also know that circumstances will just cause a widening gap. I am moving to Phoenix to care for my parents with Russ to follow as soon as our house sells (if ever!). Victoria and the kids have moved to Toledo but it will only be temporary until Kevin finishes his research study and gets a job somewhere. They will now have 3 sets of grandparents, 3 families, to try to stay in contact with. Russ and I will no longer be quite as essential to their life. As I have pondered how much I love my children and grandchildren and wondered where we will be spending the remaining decades of our life, I have reached out to my Heavenly Father in prayer:
I am so grateful for goodly parents who taught me well and were good examples to me that I could grow up to be a person who can look in the mirror and say, "I'm honestly doing the best I can to be a good person to know." I am grateful for 4 (and one informally adopted) wonderful children who are helpful, kind, pleasant, honest, hardworking people as are my sisters and brother. I am grateful that I have been blessed with talents and abilities as well as the good health to use them and the opportunity of living in a free country that allows me the liberty to use them that I can serve others and grow and improve. From here, I ask for wisdom to know how best to use my time, talents, and resources in the future. I pray that I can be forgiving (of others as well as myself) and not hold on to the pain caused by others' criticism of me. I pray that I can find the joys in life that are sprinkled in among the sorrows and trials. I pray that I can have the strength and determination to keep going when the balance seems weighted toward sorrows and trials. I pray that I can provide for others the shoulder to cry on, the helping hand up, the encouragement that have been given to me. I pray that I can be helpful to those who are trying to improve or achieve without seeming critical or pushy. I pray that I can have the strength and wisdom to stand by when others need to exercise their agency to make choices even if they aren't the best. Then I pray I can deal with the pain of watching them hurt from their choices just as my parents (earthly and heavenly) have had to watch me. I have the love part- I love others so much it seems to melt me inside. It's the strength to witness their pain that I sometimes lack. In short, I pray that I can become perfect in love just as my Father in heaven is.
I am so grateful for goodly parents who taught me well and were good examples to me that I could grow up to be a person who can look in the mirror and say, "I'm honestly doing the best I can to be a good person to know." I am grateful for 4 (and one informally adopted) wonderful children who are helpful, kind, pleasant, honest, hardworking people as are my sisters and brother. I am grateful that I have been blessed with talents and abilities as well as the good health to use them and the opportunity of living in a free country that allows me the liberty to use them that I can serve others and grow and improve. From here, I ask for wisdom to know how best to use my time, talents, and resources in the future. I pray that I can be forgiving (of others as well as myself) and not hold on to the pain caused by others' criticism of me. I pray that I can find the joys in life that are sprinkled in among the sorrows and trials. I pray that I can have the strength and determination to keep going when the balance seems weighted toward sorrows and trials. I pray that I can provide for others the shoulder to cry on, the helping hand up, the encouragement that have been given to me. I pray that I can be helpful to those who are trying to improve or achieve without seeming critical or pushy. I pray that I can have the strength and wisdom to stand by when others need to exercise their agency to make choices even if they aren't the best. Then I pray I can deal with the pain of watching them hurt from their choices just as my parents (earthly and heavenly) have had to watch me. I have the love part- I love others so much it seems to melt me inside. It's the strength to witness their pain that I sometimes lack. In short, I pray that I can become perfect in love just as my Father in heaven is.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Big and Little
The weather here in Ohio has been unusually hot and dry. We planted a bit of a garden but most of it didn't survive. This picture shows Russ reaching up to pick some cherry tomatoes on the four plants of all we planted that did survive and produce. These tomato plants didn't bush out like tomatoes usually do but they sure reached for the sky! We have gotten enough ripe tomatoes to snack occasionally but that's about it. We have watered them every couple of days but I guess they needed more.
We have been delighted by the news that our son's widow has found someone, after 2 years of loneliness, that she is totally excited about. What's even better is that he feels the same way about her- and the instant family of 3 kids that comes with the package! Recently we helped Victoria move up to Toledo to where she will be living as a wife of Kevin. Jeremy, Kadon, and Brooklyn were all incredibly helpful. I had the camera but was so busy all day lugging items, scrubbing the old place they were leaving, and trying to help them get set up enough to sleep for the night in their new place, that I neglected to use the camera. At one point, I really wished I had the camera in my hand. This picture (below) is just after the incident I wish I had gotten a shot of. The step onto the back stoop is a high one; it comes up to about Brooklyn's waist. I can't imagine how well I would have lasted the day if every load I carried in the house required I step up to the level of my waist! Anyway, about two-thirds of the way through unloading, Brooklyn came out of the truck with a heavy backpack on her back. To get up the step into the house she basically laid forward onto the stoop, wriggled the backpack over the edge, rolled onto the stoop, got up on her knees then stood up then managed to get up the final step into the house. So here she is, her load successfully carried into the house.
This next picture is the way nearly all of us felt at this point. Nevertheless, after a few minutes laying on the floor for a break, she was up and at it again. All three kids worked like crazy all day. Russ and I could not be more proud of our grandkids. All of them, in all of our kids' families, are capable of working pretty hard and, for the most part, are willing when the need is there.
This next picture is the way nearly all of us felt at this point. Nevertheless, after a few minutes laying on the floor for a break, she was up and at it again. All three kids worked like crazy all day. Russ and I could not be more proud of our grandkids. All of them, in all of our kids' families, are capable of working pretty hard and, for the most part, are willing when the need is there.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Work is a blessing
Despite the moans and groans they express, children really do get a sense of pride and accomplishment from working. Recently, we had the help of our grandchildren currently stationed in Germany doing some yard work here. They are getting old enough that they can learn to use tools and work pretty steadily for an hour or so. We didn't get any photos of them but we do have these pictures of our somewhat younger grandchildren when they stayed with us for a weekend about a week ago. We went to a couple of water parks, had a picnic, saw some movies, but we also got some work done. Our basement has not been a high priority as we have worked on the house. It has been back on the market for over a week now and we have not had even one person come to look at it. But JUST IN CASE, we have been improving the basement.This first picture was Jeremy and Kadon helping Grandpa chip loose paint and cement off the wall.
Brooklyn is not quite three but was eager to help, too. Her little hands got tired from hitting the wall with a tool and I'm not sure she really understood what we were doing, anyway. So I showed her the shop vac and she was quite happy to clean up after us. She did a good job!
Jeremy, aged 7, helped Grandpa dig out the plugged drain pipe at the base of the wall.Kadon, who is 5, helped me fill in some large holes with plaster, then we gave each child a paint brush and a container of white paint. I had warned their mother ahead of time to be sure to pack some clothes that could be disposable. The kids worked diligently for several hours and were not as messy as they could have been.
Even little Brookly managed to get more paint on the wall than she did on herself or the floor. It was a successful project.
Brooklyn is not quite three but was eager to help, too. Her little hands got tired from hitting the wall with a tool and I'm not sure she really understood what we were doing, anyway. So I showed her the shop vac and she was quite happy to clean up after us. She did a good job!
Jeremy, aged 7, helped Grandpa dig out the plugged drain pipe at the base of the wall.Kadon, who is 5, helped me fill in some large holes with plaster, then we gave each child a paint brush and a container of white paint. I had warned their mother ahead of time to be sure to pack some clothes that could be disposable. The kids worked diligently for several hours and were not as messy as they could have been.
Even little Brookly managed to get more paint on the wall than she did on herself or the floor. It was a successful project.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sometimes I feel old
I enjoyed going back to my "roots" recently but a comment by a relative has caused me to ponder. He said that probably a lot of us at the reunion will never see each other again. I know that my father's generation is getting older and traveling is difficult. Also, many of our extended family live far away from each other. As I have thought about it, I wonder if I ever will return to Dryden again. I chose not to attend my 40th high school class reunion because I have not stayed in contact with anyone so it wasn't going to be worth the expense and hassle of planning the trip. I chose to attend my family reunion because "family is, well,.... family"; somehow there is a closeness even if you don't have much communication over long periods of time. There are some really good people back in my hometown area. We didn't get to see as many as we might have wanted to. It appears that other people are just as busy with their lives as Russ and I are.
Russ hurt his back a few days ago. We don't really know how because he wasn't doing anything unusual or strenuous at the time. He has had back trouble in the past but it hasn't been a problem for many years. There are a few impending projects/occasions for which having an extremely painful back are not going to work out. He is frustrated and so am I. We can't help but wonder when it's going to get better- or if it will require some sort of major medical intervention. Russ has been incredibly healthy most of his life. Is that going to change now or in the near future? It has caused me to ponder our upcoming plans to move. We haven't had even one person come to look at the house in the week we have had it back on the market. It's looking like I will be flying to Phoenix alone- one way. Then we have no idea when we'll see each other. The bankruptcy has left our finances pretty slim- nothing extra for travel. If we sell the house, we will have the money to put our furniture in storage and have Russ move down to join me. If we don't.................I don't know. Do we get a doctor down in Arizona? When do we "disconnect" here?
I'm not going to miss living in Dayton or going to the Dayton Branch. It has never really felt like home here, although I have enjoyed the times I have spent with family and the few friends who have visited. We have not had our usual experience with making friends here despite our best efforts. It has taken us 3 years to get close enough to our neighbors for them to give us their names and phone numbers. We even invited one couple over for dinner but they have just put us off. I have no idea how long we'll live in Arizona. I already know a few people there from the time I have spent there with my parents. Mom and Dad have some very nice neighbors and it almost goes without saying, Latter Day Saints just about everywhere are pleasant people. Russ and I will be among the younger ones in the community and the church there. Right now I don't feel very young. I just feel tired and old. I guess it's due in part to just not knowing what to look forward to. I'm not stressed or worried. I just have no idea what to expect.
Russ hurt his back a few days ago. We don't really know how because he wasn't doing anything unusual or strenuous at the time. He has had back trouble in the past but it hasn't been a problem for many years. There are a few impending projects/occasions for which having an extremely painful back are not going to work out. He is frustrated and so am I. We can't help but wonder when it's going to get better- or if it will require some sort of major medical intervention. Russ has been incredibly healthy most of his life. Is that going to change now or in the near future? It has caused me to ponder our upcoming plans to move. We haven't had even one person come to look at the house in the week we have had it back on the market. It's looking like I will be flying to Phoenix alone- one way. Then we have no idea when we'll see each other. The bankruptcy has left our finances pretty slim- nothing extra for travel. If we sell the house, we will have the money to put our furniture in storage and have Russ move down to join me. If we don't.................I don't know. Do we get a doctor down in Arizona? When do we "disconnect" here?
I'm not going to miss living in Dayton or going to the Dayton Branch. It has never really felt like home here, although I have enjoyed the times I have spent with family and the few friends who have visited. We have not had our usual experience with making friends here despite our best efforts. It has taken us 3 years to get close enough to our neighbors for them to give us their names and phone numbers. We even invited one couple over for dinner but they have just put us off. I have no idea how long we'll live in Arizona. I already know a few people there from the time I have spent there with my parents. Mom and Dad have some very nice neighbors and it almost goes without saying, Latter Day Saints just about everywhere are pleasant people. Russ and I will be among the younger ones in the community and the church there. Right now I don't feel very young. I just feel tired and old. I guess it's due in part to just not knowing what to look forward to. I'm not stressed or worried. I just have no idea what to expect.
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