What are blessings?

It seems nearly every day there is someone in the news falling from a "high" place- a politician, banker, movie/sports/music star. They seem to "have it all" but apparently it isn't enough. They have to cheat on their spouse, be dishonest, cheat to win, or anything to get even more- more attention, more money, more of everything.
When my children were young, buying them something was in their eyes a way to express love and approval. As they got older, the amount of money needed to "prove" how much they were "loved" continued to increase.
As adults, we often equate fame and fortune with success and approval- from other people and from God. We idolize people who have several houses all over the world. We are willing to listen to the opinions and advice of someone who is famous (for ANY reason) on any topic however unrelated it may be to that person's training or expertise, simply because they have so much. We often refer to someone who is lucky as receiving many "blessings" from God.
God doesn't prove His love by giving anyone good looks, riches, talents, or worldly success. As a matter of fact, He warns us over and over again about "laying up treasures where moth and rust doth corrupt". All of those things are not blessings, but they are not curses either- necessarily. What they are is whatever we decide to make of them.
-If we use wealth to hoard belongings from jewels to cars to houses, the wealth becomes a curse. We end up having to use all our efforts to protect and maintain those things. They become our "gods" because they are the object of our attention and efforts. If we use wealth to benefit others, not in a way to receive attention, but in a sincere desire to help, the wealth can be a blessing, to others and ourselves. That doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away every penny and live as homeless paupers. We can use money to provide necessities for our loved ones so they are not a burden to anyone else. We can use money to acquire an education and increase our talents.
-If we use our talents to gain the attention of people so we can revel in the applause, those talents become a curse. We increase in pride and self-centeredness. If we use our talents to provide for our loved ones and to gain ways to influence the world in good ways, the talents can be a blessing.
-Even a healthy body can be a curse if we spend excessive time and attention on exercise to "sculpt" our beautiful body. We can spend money on cosmetic surgery, make-up, tattoos, clothing, tanning booths.......... Our body becomes an object of worship. But if we do all we can to serve others and ensure we continue to be healthy by avoiding any kind of overindulgence, then our body can be a blessing.
We would do well to imagine our own funeral. How would our epitath be worded? How would people feel about our departure? How would they remember our example, how we lived our life? Now would be a good time to decide whether we will make our life a blessing or a curse, to ourselves and the world in general.

Being who I really am

I wrote a song a few years ago entitled "Blind to the Blessings". The gist of the words is that we have so many good things in our life yet we tend to focus on what we wish we had. Madison Avenue has done well in their efforts to figure out how to attract consumers. I think of the way most children are on Christmas morning or their birthdays when they have piles of gifts. They rip through all the wrappings then look up asking, "Is that all?"
This morning I read to Mom out of the book of Revelations in the New Testament. There were warnings about "Babylon", which is basically a symbol of the wealth and desires of the world. Too many people think of all the things John listed, e.g. gold, silver, precious stones, pearls, fine linen, purple, silk, scarlet, all manner vessels of ivory, vessels of most precious wood, and of brass, and iron, and marble, and cinnamon, and odours, and ointments, and frankincense, and wine, and oil, and fine flour, and wheat, and beasts, and sheep, and horses, and chariots, and slaves, and souls of men (whew- that about covers it!), anyway, people think of these things as their highest priority. You need money to make money. Money buys you anything. The one who dies with the most toys wins. People justify breaking God's commandments every day, mostly for satisfying their "lusts".
I have been really impressed by some of the people who have been interviewed in disaster areas lately. They are standing in the rubble that was their home, or in a shelter out of the flood, and they say something like, "We still have each other. All the rest is just 'things' and they can be replaced." I don't know whether they were being insincere because they were on camera and thought that was an impressive thing to say. It's always easy to say good things when we think we have an audience. Integrity is genuinely believing what you say and being who you are no matter who is watching or listening, or if you're alone.
Over the span of my life, I have had occasions to look at myself and analyze who I really am. Usually it takes a pretty traumatic event to cause us to show our true colors. When we're stressed or tired, we don't do such a good job hiding our feelings. Ironically, people sometimes justify drugs or alcohol on the grounds that it helps them "relax" so they can feel comfortable. So who do they think they REALLY are? Are you kind, patient, understanding, helpful? Or are you afraid of others' opinions, self-loathing, lazy, angry?
When I became a mother, I realized that I had to be the "grown up". I had always had a little fear of the dark- unknown things and places. I was afraid of storms and house fires. I had to look at myself and decide whether I wanted to embrace those fears, or overcome them so I could help my children to overcome their fears.
When my son died a couple years ago, I had to decide whether I truly believed that I would see him again and be able to spend time with him. Was my faith just something I displayed to impress others or was it real? If it wasn't real, it certainly wasn't going to provide much comfort.
When we were forced into bankruptcy, I had to analyze whether I could forgive others as I would want to be forgiven. I had to decide if my pride was more important to me than humility and hope.
Solomon (he is thought to be the author) appropriately said, "Vanity, Vanity, all is vanity." The title of a play is also true, "You Can't Take it With You". Another scripture says, "What man by thought can add to his stature?" (meaning, what can we really change even about our own appearance?)
I believe people can change. When I'm discouraged I sometimes question it. But if I couldn't believe people could change, what hope would there be for the world? We teach our children to share because we don't want them to always be greedy. We teach our children to help others because we don't want them to always be self-centered. We encourage our teenagers to avoid gossip and evil speaking of others because we don't want them to hurt people. We believe they can improve. We don't ever get done improving, or at least we shouldn't stop improving. How do we react to the slob with the big belly who scolds his wife about her appearance? How do we feel when we see someone budge ahead in a line then glare at someone else who does the same thing further ahead?
Gold, silver, beasts, and linens don't matter. They won't last and they don't signify anything meaningful about us. What matters is how we make others feel by the way we treat them. What matters is the example we set, avoiding hypocrisy. We aren't done improving..... ever!

Mother's Day

Every Sunday , we wheel my mother home for church then to spend the day with us at home. Yesterday was Mother's Day and Mom spent the day at "her original home", as usual. (We have to call the care center her home now because she really would prefer being at this home but there just isn't any way we can manage it. She is very weak and heavy- like trying to deal with a 200 pound newborn. Since she has nothing major wrong with her, she may live for many years yet.) Happily, my niece, Cindy Nash, joined us for the afternoon. After a pleasant lunch, we spent the rest of the afternoon in front of the tv. But we weren't watching a show or movie. We were spending time with family members who live far away. You can see our happy faces. (I'm taking the picture so you can't see my face.)

From the back, you can see what we were looking at. We have been able to hook up our computer to the tv and, thanks to wireless internet and Skype, we can have video calls to loved ones and Mom can see them. (We enjoy getting to see the detail in such a big picture, too.) This particular call was with my brother in NY. Before this we spoke to my sister in PA. After this we spoke with my daughter in North Dakots, my sister in Alabama, my sister in California, my other daughter in Florida, and my daughter-in-law (Ammon's widow, now remarried to a great guy) in Ohio.
Sometimes I reflect on how ungrateful I have been at times in my life. There are so many millions of people living now and in the past who have suffered so much through mortal life. I have never experienced the fear, deprivations, and chaos of war. I have never experienced the devastation of a tornado or earthquake or flood or fire. I live in an age of miraculous medical technology where we can now avoid so many horrible illnesses that used to cripple and even kill people, especially children. I have always lived in a house where I was out of the rain and snow, could adjust the temperature to what was desired, and always had a comfortable place to sit or sleep. Except for a short time while building our "underground house", I have always enjoyed indoor plumbing. I have access to modern transportation and technology. When I miss them so much I can't stand it, I can get on an airplane or climb in a car and go to them. I complain about loved ones being far away but I can pick up a phone or hook up a computer and talk to them just as if they were in the same room! I am trying to be better at "counting my blessings". It seems so easy to pine away for something to be different but I know I can be happier when I consider all that I already have. If I am busy wishing I were somewhere else, I can't enjoy where I am. It's like always wishing it were tomorrow prevents my enjoying today. So I am going to try harder to remember to notice what I like where I am right now.

And the truth shall make you free.....

As I read Christ's words in John 8 today, I began to think about what ways truth can "make you free". I have always been grateful to live in a country and in an age of the world when we are not hemmed in by ignorance. It is so limiting when you don't know how anything works or what there is in the world. You may as well be stuck in a playpen like a little child. It's wonderful that I don't have to cower in fear if I break a mirror thinking that I will now have 7 years of bad luck. It's wonderful that I never had to watch my children suffer through various "ordinary" childhood problems like ear infections without antibiotics or high fevers without aspirin/acetominophen/ibuprofen or crippled feet without corrective surgery. It's wonderful that I don't fear people who look different from me, different skin color or eye shape or size. I am aware that there are people in the world who are very different from me in appearance as well as traditions and lifestyles, and that's okay. I don't have to be afraid when the sun or moon darkens because I have been taught about eclipses. When you have a greater understanding of how things work, you have a better idea what to expect and maybe even how to change something if it doesn't work. When Christ taught about truth making them free, there were many who had "ears but could not hear". They thought he was talking about slavery or a free government. There is a truth available to all human beings that too many people who have ears, don't hear. God exists. Jesus Christ was not just a nice man and a charismatic teacher. He wanted people to understand that if they could just learn about Him, His Father, and His plan of happiness, they could be free. We CAN be free- to hope despite the hopelessnes in the world, to be the kind of people we want to be despite environments or influences around us, to love others even if they may not show us much love. We can be free from fear despite crimes, terrorists, diseases, and natural disasters. The freedom and rest that is offered to us is not the lazy laying around on clouds, playing harps, and eating grapes that is often pictured. Those who have ears and really WANT to hear and understand can do so. Our Father in Heaven and our Savior want us to be free and they want us to have rest. The freedom and rest are not from labor, which is a wonderful way to feel validated in our very existence. When we serve other people, accomplish good things, clean up our yards and houses- we feel a sense of having justified whatever air we breathe or space we take up. The freedom and rest offered us is a deeper, more long-lasting state of happiness as we know we are loved. We know we have a Father who is far wiser than we are and has promised to share with us "all that He has". We won't need money because we won't need to buy anything. We won't need to be stingy or greedy because there will be nothing that is not available to us. We don't need to fear because He is aware of us and what we need. If He clothed the lilies of the field and fed the sparrows of the air, how much more will He give to us, His children. We don't need to fear because if Christ was able to suffer through incomprehensible suffering then give up His life and be resurrected, we can suffer our minor afflictions, thank Him for His gift, and go on in resurrection, too. Isn't it wonderful to be free?!

Family

Our recent whirlwind trip through many states included a stop near Houston, staying with Russ's brother and wife. We managed to get a picture of Russ with his mother and brother and sister. Families are still family even if we get together rarely and live miles apart. There is just a comfortable feeling being with people who could shut you out but usually you know they never would. I guess there are families in the world where members don't accept each other unconditionally and sometimes go for great lengths of time without communication, sometimes even to the grave. How sad.

The circumstance for me being with my sisters recently was not the happiest, but we still enjoyed being together. I am eternally grateful to have had the blessing of being a part of a loving, caring, helpful family through my earthly sojourn. I can only hope they will choose to be my family forever. The fact that I want them to be with me forever will not make it happen, though. Each individual has been given, by our Father in Heaven, the right and responsibility to choose where they want to spend eternity. If we choose to accept the incredible gift of Christ's atonement and have a desire to be like Him and follow all the celestial rules to be worthy of citizenship in His kingdom, we have the possibility of being with our loved ones forever. But that will only happen if each one of them makes the same choice and effort. I hope for that.

It hurts.

I have wondered what my life might have been like had I made very different choices. What if I had completed my education and chosen a career instead of getting married? What if Russ and I had decided to not try to have any more children after James and Angela? What if we had stayed in Dryden instead of moving around? What if I had been born in Japan and had to experience the recent earthquake and tsunami? What if I had been born in the Middle Ages and had to live through the Plague, in ignorance of the world around me? I am without a doubt greatly blessed. I have never known true hunger. I have never been without shelter or a comfortable bed (except by choice when camping!). I have never experienced war, or pestilence, or natural disasters in which I lost things important to me. But I have hurt. I hurt every day as I see my mother CHOOSE to not move. She has eliminated so many possibilities from her life and there is nothing I can do about it. I hurt whenever a loved one wants something different in their life but cannot seem to be motivated sufficiently to make necessary changes. I hurt every time a loved one is afraid or disappointed. I hurt every time I hear from one of my children and one of the grandchildren is sick or a spouse is going to be away for extended periods, especially if in harm's way. I am slowly comprehending the need for life to not just go along smoothly with everything working out exactly as we would want. We really do need opposition in order to grow. How does our loving Father in Heaven hear our constant cries, ache for us, know what's best for us even if we doubt, and withstand the pain of it? I struggle with the desire to rush to the side of someone I love when they are hurt, sick, or sad. I want to do everything in my power to alleviate their suffering. I know God loves us more than we can even comprehend. I am amazed that He allowed Jesus to suffer, even if He did know it was necessary. How do you have that kind of wisdom and self-control? How do you maintain a peaceful nature while witnessing the suffering of loved ones? How do you comfort, reassure, and encourage while staying back and letting the necessary growth and experience continue without interfering? I can appreciate the wisdom of doing it. I just can't understand how to endure the pain of doing it. Loving really hurts. But I think loneliness, never experiencing love, would be worse.

Hand-me-downs

I took a day last week to go through my dad's clothing, what was left of it. Awhile before he died, I went through his clothes with him and he got rid of most of it. He was realistic, for the most part, about what he was going to be using. He saved some work clothes because that was what he lived for, what was the highest priority for use of his energy. Some of his clothes went to the garbage because nobody would ever want to use such beat-up things. Lots of his clothes went to a thrift store. Of the clothes that were left after he died, most went to the thrift store. Some, Russ chose to have me alter so he could wear them- mostly work clothes. As I shortened shirt sleeves and pant legs, I thought about Russ's relationship to my father. Russ loved and admired Dad. For many years he worked with him doing building and remodeling. He learned a lot from him- about building and about life. Russ spent some time working for his own father years ago. I'm sure he learned some things from him, too. But Russ always felt much closer to my father than his own. That was probably because my father happened to be more pleasant to be with than Russ's own father. (My father was certainly not without faults. Growing up, I constantly resented his absence. He was always working or doing things for other people or community organizations. He was admired by many people for the good things he did but his children would all have liked more time with him.) I realized that Russ has inherited more hand-me-downs than the shirts and pants. He received basic philosophies of hard work, getting along with people, being affectionate especially to family, and as much patience/ can-do stick-to-itiveness as he was willing to adopt. They have all helped to make Russ a better person. We all learn from other people during our life. I have frequently reminded my kids and grandkids that the people they choose as "heroes" will influence what kind of person they become. As I have thought about and discussed people's memories of my father, I wonder what my eulogy will be like. How will I be remembered? It's always easy to pick out faults in others that we want to avoid. But in order to do that, we have to be truly honestly introspective enough to see whether we are guilty of the faults we notice in others. We also have to be pro-active in identifying what characteristics we want to develop. Then comes the really hard part- making those characteristics an everyday, natural, automatic part of our personality. Wistfully stating that we wish we were more patient, more ambitious, more reliable....... is pointless if we do nothing to adopt those features in our daily activities and conversation. Sometimes we may even need help. There is some wise saying from somebody that has to do with the best kind of friend being someone who helps you to be your best self when you're with them. That "friend" can be a member of your family or someone not related. God can help, too. Change is hard, though. We have to have a really strong, deep desire for it because it takes persistent effort, sometimes for a long time. I hope when I die, I can look back on my life with some degree of satisfaction that I truly made a good, continual effort.