Blessed are the peacemakers...... I really prefer peace to contention. It's not that I think everybody should be mindless clones. Different ideas can enrich life tremendously. The difficulty comes in figuring out how to handle differences. You can either try to just ignore them, find a middle ground to agree on (compromise), or have a battle to determine the winner. The method is determined by the seriousness of the issue, the personalities of the parties involved, and sometimes the situation or timing.
I tend to be like an ostrich who puts their head in the sand (from what I understand, that is actually a myth- ostriches don't do that) or a kid who hides their head under the covers. I try to avoid conflict hoping it will just go away. However, I realize that may help to prevent all-out war but it does not create a lasting peace. When we become acquainted with people who have very different opinions from our way of thinking, on many issues or very crucial issues, we tend to decide not to encourage much of a relationship with them. We just don't have enough in common to become good friends. It becomes more difficult when the person is someone we have regular contact with: a neighbor, a co-worker, a family member. Avoiding discussion of contended issues will avoid outright arguments but it also slowly develops walls. In the effort to avoid topics, you put up a caution sign, "Don't go there!" Over time, that can grow. You find it's easier to avoid talking altogether rather than risk treading into what could become troubled waters. Hence, walls are formed and relationships weaken. With fewer common experiences and less frequent heartfelt conversations, you grow in different directions, apart from each other.
Compromise can be effective, but it only works when both parties are willing to respect the other enough to discuss the issue in a civil enough manner to avoid bad feelings. It requires acknowledging some validity of the other's point of view enough to concede a point here or there so that a middle ground can be reached. When you expect a relationship to be continuing (you aren't quitting a job nor is your co-worker, your neighbor isn't moving right away nor are you, family members... well, that's obvious) you have to be able to forgive endlessly because there are often deep emotions involved. One can get angry and say something harsh. One can feel hurt and want to hurt back. If you want the relationship to continue, you must be willing to recognize the hurt, apologize when you are the one that caused it (apologizing for the hurt the other feels but not necessarily the opinion or idea you expressed if it was valid), and have a sincere desire to work things out. It would be easier if we all liked the same color/flavor/style of furniture or wanted to work things out the same way, but the truth is that conflict is unavoidable. Pain is unavoidable. However, all-out war should not ever be unavoidable. It is a choice. We may have shaky truces at times, but we don't have to have vicious attacks and powerful defenses. That should be a very last resort gone into with the full knowledge that damage will be done, some of which may take a very long time to recover from, if ever.
This way of reasoning doesn't come easily. Children don't recognize it. Many adults don't even think deeply enough to work out differences. We too often feel that whatever way we think or do things is the best way, or we may simply not want to make the effort to listen to another idea and think about it. Sometimes someone else's idea is one we have already tried or at least considered so we feel it unnecessary to entertain the idea. (Then the only effective method to avoid contention is to communicate; explain that you have already considered the idea or, on the other side, listen to someone else's explanation realizing they are not putting down your idea. On the contrary, they thought enough of it to have considered it already! )
All this is just desperate ramblings. I keep praying to have more of the wisdom that Heavenly Father has. I truly want to see people in the loving, hopeful way that God and Jesus Christ see them. I don't have any problem loving people but I don't know how to deal with destructive behavior whether toward self or others. I continue to love people even if they're mean, but I prefer avoiding them. I continue to love people who indulge in self-destructive behaviors, but it hurts to be around them so I would rather avoid them. I just need to know how to act and react. I want to be loving and encouraging but I don't want to be patronizing or false in any way. I believe in high moral standards because I truly believe we are all capable of them and we would have a better world with them. I don't want to relax them because they may make someone else uncomfortable. I want to improve, not backslide. I want encouragement to do that, not criticism for my goals and I want to do the same for others. True love doesn't destroy others, it builds them up to be better. That's the kind of world I want.
The last picture in this blog was taken in Vilnius, Lithuania. You can see a tv tower, eerily similar to the one in Berlin. It, too, was erected by Soviets. If you go back through old blogs all the way to 5 or 6 years ago when we went to Lithuania, you can see when I posted the tv tower photo there along with a different Victory statue. War is such a major part of the history of humankind. It's really sad.
