I have been struggling lately to understand how to define "normal". For ages if people acted strangely enough in public, they were eventually taken, by force if necessary, to live in institutions where they were sometimes caged like animals. Over time, mental illness came to be better understood so unusual behavior was determined to require treatment rather than simply separation from society. In the very recent past, it seems that more and more people are being diagnosed with everything from schizophrenia to OCD (obsessive-comulsive disorder) to autistic spectrum to dementia spectrum to manic depressive or bipolar. Most people with these diagnoses are people you see every day and may not know it. On brief, casual observance, they appear "normal" but if you spent more time with them you may observe how they count everything or repeatedly wash their hands or have mood swings like a teenager. We're all different. That's actually pretty amazing when you consider the number of people living at any one time on the earth. We may share hair color, color preferences, talents, or intellectual abilities but no two people- not even identical twins!- are completely exactly alike. So, how many times can you wash your hands each day and still be considered "normal"? I guess it could depend on your occupation or the activities you pursue in a day. Even taking that into consideration, I have seen laborers eat their lunch with much dirtier hands than I would want to have when handling my food. So does that make me OCD? I see children acting up in public places and, now that I have very personal experience with autism, I wonder if they are autistic or just spoiled or rebellious. Mental health professionals have issued basic guidelines to help determine if you are clinically depressed or just sad. Even basic guidelines really can't give you totally accurate definitive diagnoses. When you have a teenager that shows rebellion, how can you know if they are going to get a gun and enter a school or theater and kill a lot of people? If someone seems to have a negative personality (anger at self or others, constant criticism of self or others,etc.) how do you know when they need professional counseling or even some form of chemical medication to alter their thinking patterns? When is it just their personality? If a person speeds in their car, the police stop them and they get a ticket to pay a fine for breaking a civil law. If a person rants and raves at people, how bad does it have to get before they are breaking some kind of law so there needs to be intervention and possible "punishment"? When are we correcting others and when are we abusing others? What standards apply when we are all different? Some people are more tolerant and understanding toward other people so their standards as to what is normal or okay would be different from someone who demands that everyone live by their standards.
On a deeper, or higher, level- what are we accountable for? The scriptures are guidelines to live by in order to comply with God's laws. God is perfect and cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance. Yet He loves us so He provided a Savior to balance judgement by atoning for the things we repent of but can't possibly pay full retribution for. If you are schizophrenic and you kill someone, I don't think God will judge you the way other "normal" people would be judged. We are to follow God's commandments if we want to be with Him eternally. I get that. How can a perfect society work if the members are not perfect, or at least striving to be so? When we are done with these imperfect tabernacles of clay, we will be resurrected with perfect bodies. Not a hair of our heads will be lost. If you are blind in mortality, you will see. If you are crippled, you will be whole. If you are crazy, you will be able to think clearly. So, as a mortal, if you are depressed and can't seem to get out of it enough to serve others, how much "sin of omission" are you accountable for? If you have sexual inclinations outside a marriage between a man and a woman married to each other, when are you considered "sinful" in the eyes of the Lord? (In that case, I personally feel it has to do with performing sex acts not just holding hands or even hugging or kissing someone with whom you are not married- but I know there are lots of people who don't agree with me. For them, God would not condemn people who had same-sex attraction or indulged in sex without formality of marriage when the involved parties "really love" each other and are "faithful" to each other.) It seems that more and more people are being judged as somehow not in the mainstream- even to the point that many think the mainstream should be enlarged to include behaviors formerly outside the spectrum. In the scriptures it warns of one of the aspects of the last days being "calling evil good and good evil". We know that Satan is really wanting us to fail at being able to return to Heavenly Father's kingdom. Satan is hoping that he will be successful in gaining a larger army of followers so things will go the way he wants rather than the way God wants. He uses deception very well to lead away those who might otherwise be repulsed by his principles. (In the scriptures it's called a flaxen thread to carefully lead us down to hell.)
I guess the best answer I can come up with is personal revelation and making sure we don't judge others. We may not be able to know in this lifetime if someone we know is off-balance mentally enough to not be fully accountable for their behavior. God knows. He will be able to look them in the eye and they will know that they COULD have behaved differently. They just didn't want to make the effort. It won't matter what other people think. I won't be anybody else's judge and, boy!, am I glad of that! As for how to behave ourselves, we can communicate directly with God. After all, He did promise that all we have to do is seek and we shall find or knock and the door will be opened to us. There are as many interpretations of religious belief as there are people, with some large areas of overlap. But we can each, as individuals, know what is sin (omission or commission) by asking God. A good friend once defined sin as anything that interferes with the eternal progress of ourselves or others. If you are doing, or neglecting, something that interferes with your development of God-like qualities, you are sinning. You can know that for yourself but not always for others because you don't know what others are capable of accomplishing or avoiding.
I'm continuing to learn. I want to be as loving, compassionate, merciful, patient, and kind as Jesus. I've got a long way to go but at least I'm on the right path. I'll get there eventually. I have eternity to work on it!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Friday, February 01, 2013
Are families important?
Recently I read an article about the trend toward the single lifestyle, as a parent or just solo. Here are a few statistics: in 1950 there were about 22% of adults single, today that's up to 50%, in 1950 four million Americans were single, today that is 32 million, in Sweden 47% of households are single people with Stockholm in particular standing at 60%, in Taiwan 30% of women between 30 and 34 are single while just 30 years ago it was 2%. There are, of course, endless opinions as to why this is happening and whether it is a good trend or a bad one. I remember back in the 1960's there was serious concern about zero population growth because we couldn't sustain life for an endlessly growing population. Russ and I were, at first, determined not to have any more than 2 children.
My perspective has changed as I have gained more knowledge and experience. (thank goodness- it would be a shame if we DIDN'T mature from what we were in our teens and early twenties!) I read an article, several years ago, about the increasing problem in Japan with less than zero population growth. As our medical awareness increases, our lifespan increases. Japan has senior centers full of people too old to work and needing support by others. At the other end of the spectrum, young people are feeling the pinch of having to support the older generation, either through taxes or personally, so they feel they can't afford to have children. The result is a "top-heavy" population where there are fewer and fewer wage earners needing to support a larger aging population. I suppose in the long run it could work itself out. Eventually all the old folks will die off. So in the meantime, we have buildings being built to house those who are choosing to live, increasingly, alone. As the population ultimately dwindles, there may be fewer aged people to support but the buildings will gradually become vacant. That will include stores because there are fewer people shopping, as well as every other type of business that supports humans. Don't get me wrong. I'm not proposing that the solution is to all just jump in and have as many children as we possibly can. That would be disastrous. Besides, not everyone is really effective at parenting and we don't want a surge of untaught, un-nurtured citizens to ransack the world.
Actually, my biggest concern isn't even about the economics. I am worried about the increase in self-centeredness. I know that, as a mother, I learned pretty quickly that I could NOT put myself first. When there is a helpless infant that requires food or a diaper change or some other kind of attention, it didn't matter what I had been planning to do or how I was feeling. But that is not a bad thing. Self-sacrifice truly does build character. You are a better world citizen if you are capable of recognizing the suffering of others, especially when compared to your own. Sometimes we can look at ourselves and think, "I really need attention right now". For instance, when you have been in an accident and are bleeding profusely or if you are lost and need help finding your way or if you are intensely grieving over an unexpected loss. But sometimes we get carried away worrying about how our hair looks or how well our car runs or whether we can afford the vacation we want to take when there are people in the world who have lost their hair due to chemo treatments or don't own a car or have a home, much less a chance to go on vacation. Families are a little microcosm of society in general. In your family you can learn how to get along with people who have different ideas from yours. Your life can be really miserable if those closest to you are unhappy or suffering. You learn that the world doesn't revolve around you. You experience the reward of sacrifice for others and seeing how important you are to others. I guess we would all get along alright if we all lived alone. But I think it would, in the end, create less tolerance. If you are accustomed to only being concerned about yourself, why should you make the effort to understand or help others? I'm sure single people spend time doing good work, volunteering at places and making donations. But you always have the choice to do that on your own terms. If you are alone, you never HAVE to get up in the night for a child who has had a nightmare or stomach ache. You never HAVE to give up the new dress or concert tickets because your child needs braces. You end up having more sympathy, even empathy, and yes- tolerance. You learn that you can love a really obnoxious human who throws tantrums while they're learning to be more pleasant. You learn that rules are the only way things can work effectively. If everyone lives with different rules, there is constant resentment, anger, frustration, and misery. It's hard to learn to live with others. But it's a good kind of hard. Opposition is required to build any kind of strength. When we avoid opposition, we become weaker. That doesn't mean we have to go out looking for a fight. It just means that the more we avoid sacrifice, learning to compromise to get along, and responsibility, the more hollow we are. Any strength we exhibit on the outside is shallow and eventually we'll break.
Nope. I can't condone the trend toward being single. I really don't think it's good for us.
My perspective has changed as I have gained more knowledge and experience. (thank goodness- it would be a shame if we DIDN'T mature from what we were in our teens and early twenties!) I read an article, several years ago, about the increasing problem in Japan with less than zero population growth. As our medical awareness increases, our lifespan increases. Japan has senior centers full of people too old to work and needing support by others. At the other end of the spectrum, young people are feeling the pinch of having to support the older generation, either through taxes or personally, so they feel they can't afford to have children. The result is a "top-heavy" population where there are fewer and fewer wage earners needing to support a larger aging population. I suppose in the long run it could work itself out. Eventually all the old folks will die off. So in the meantime, we have buildings being built to house those who are choosing to live, increasingly, alone. As the population ultimately dwindles, there may be fewer aged people to support but the buildings will gradually become vacant. That will include stores because there are fewer people shopping, as well as every other type of business that supports humans. Don't get me wrong. I'm not proposing that the solution is to all just jump in and have as many children as we possibly can. That would be disastrous. Besides, not everyone is really effective at parenting and we don't want a surge of untaught, un-nurtured citizens to ransack the world.
Actually, my biggest concern isn't even about the economics. I am worried about the increase in self-centeredness. I know that, as a mother, I learned pretty quickly that I could NOT put myself first. When there is a helpless infant that requires food or a diaper change or some other kind of attention, it didn't matter what I had been planning to do or how I was feeling. But that is not a bad thing. Self-sacrifice truly does build character. You are a better world citizen if you are capable of recognizing the suffering of others, especially when compared to your own. Sometimes we can look at ourselves and think, "I really need attention right now". For instance, when you have been in an accident and are bleeding profusely or if you are lost and need help finding your way or if you are intensely grieving over an unexpected loss. But sometimes we get carried away worrying about how our hair looks or how well our car runs or whether we can afford the vacation we want to take when there are people in the world who have lost their hair due to chemo treatments or don't own a car or have a home, much less a chance to go on vacation. Families are a little microcosm of society in general. In your family you can learn how to get along with people who have different ideas from yours. Your life can be really miserable if those closest to you are unhappy or suffering. You learn that the world doesn't revolve around you. You experience the reward of sacrifice for others and seeing how important you are to others. I guess we would all get along alright if we all lived alone. But I think it would, in the end, create less tolerance. If you are accustomed to only being concerned about yourself, why should you make the effort to understand or help others? I'm sure single people spend time doing good work, volunteering at places and making donations. But you always have the choice to do that on your own terms. If you are alone, you never HAVE to get up in the night for a child who has had a nightmare or stomach ache. You never HAVE to give up the new dress or concert tickets because your child needs braces. You end up having more sympathy, even empathy, and yes- tolerance. You learn that you can love a really obnoxious human who throws tantrums while they're learning to be more pleasant. You learn that rules are the only way things can work effectively. If everyone lives with different rules, there is constant resentment, anger, frustration, and misery. It's hard to learn to live with others. But it's a good kind of hard. Opposition is required to build any kind of strength. When we avoid opposition, we become weaker. That doesn't mean we have to go out looking for a fight. It just means that the more we avoid sacrifice, learning to compromise to get along, and responsibility, the more hollow we are. Any strength we exhibit on the outside is shallow and eventually we'll break.
Nope. I can't condone the trend toward being single. I really don't think it's good for us.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Pity
As I watch the numbers on my scale go up and down, I decide what and how much I should eat and do my best to exercise self-restraint since I want to be healthy and I hate shopping. I don't want to have to buy new clothes, especially bigger ones! I enjoy going to church socials. It seems there are lots of good cooks that bring delicious dishes. I love getting edible gifts from friends. I appreciate being taken out to dinner. As I remember my youth, "obesity" wasn't even in the vocabulary for any of us kids. It's a growing concern now. I'm sure every generation feels that things have changed since they were young. But I really do pity kids today. There are too many who think of fruit roll-ups as fruit and will probably never know the difference from a Macintosh apple to a Granny Smith or Delicious. When I grew up, French fries didn't really need to be avoided. We rarely ever had the chance to eat them- only when we went to a "restaurant" which was maybe once a year. We certainly never considered them a regular dietary option. We ate vegetables because they could be grown in our garden. We didn't have little baby already-peeled carrots. We had to peel the carrots, no matter how misshapen they were, and either eat them like Bugs Bunny or cut them up(when we were old enough to be trusted with a knife). Although we sometimes had a large piece of meat, like a roast, it wasn't a regular thing and we certainly didn't just eat as much of it as we wanted. Hamburgers were grilled or fried at home, not a regular drive-through menu choice. It seems that we now have "imitation" food- snacks high in salt, sugar, fats which used to be a minor seasoning, not a major food group.
As I continued to ponder, there are other things that today's kids have to resort to imitations for: we had merry-go-rounds on the playground. It was fun to get them going around so fast you were dizzy and walked funny when you got off. They have vanished, for "safety" reasons. Now kids have to resort to drugs to get that funny feeling in their heads. There are so many theme parks, water parks, and thrilling activities that swings or slides are just not a thrill for anyone over 5. I remember trying to pump higher and higher on a swing in an effort to see if I could get up even with the bar at the top of the swingset. It's getting harder and harder to cause thrills for kids.
I remember spending hours designing, drawing, and cutting out paper dolls. I can't imagine an 8 or 10 year old girl doing that now. They are too concerned with their own wardrobes, hairdos, fingernail polish, and even tattoos. Watching tv was a limited form of entertainment. We spent most of our time "playing", outside with other kids or siblings, inside by ourselves with toys that were much more limited in number than most kids now have and almost none of them required batteries. We actually had to use imagination sometimes! I pity today's kids who don't seem to comprehend pretending. That's too "babyish" for this sophisticated, worldly generation. I can understand how handy Kindles and e-books are, but reading a good book shouldn't have to require electricity, other than a light to see by.
These worldly, sophisticated kids don't have the kind of heroes kids used to have in books or movies. Today's "heroes" are shown in action-packed violent films or in canned-laughter silly sitcoms or reality shows. Instead of learning moral lessons like recognizing the wisdom of parents or the importance of being honest, kids now are learning how important it is to wear the "right" clothes, use the "right" words, and generally be cool and popular. To be a hero now, you have to smash up a city in an effort to save the world rather than simply helping someone out of a tight but realistic spot. Our jaded, worldly youth would not be much impressed with watching a kid who mows a neighbor's lawn or helps Mom carry in groceries, without any expectation of reward. Money used to be a rare treasure for kids. Now most kids expect to get a fairly sizable allowance for not doing any more than putting away their own laundry that someone else already washed and folded. What about the one-on-one time that kids could have with parents while helping to fix dinner (too many don't even have a meal as a family-Hot Pockets in the microwave and away they go!) or repair the lawnmower (many dads don't know how and certainly don't invite their kids to help) or wash the car (drive through the local car wash for five bucks)?
I pity today's kids because they're going to have to learn the hard way. They aren't being taught in many households. They can't live on the convenient pre-made foods so readily available and be healthy. They'll get obese, have diabetes, heart problems, and other issues at a very young age. They'll huff and puff going up stairs when they're still young because they're overweight and unaccustomed to physical exertion. (Parents don't play in the yard with kids. They pay to go to a local gym to work out and just hope the kids are somehow getting physical exercise on their own.) They won't know how to survive if the electricity goes out. (Oh no! I can't charge my phone/Ipad/laptop or watch tv! What am I going to do to entertain myself?) They won't know how to shop because they have had it so good, they'll expect to have new clothes regularly, whatever form of entertainment their little whimsical hearts desire, and whatever they feel like eating no matter what the season is or how much food items cost. I don't think "worldly" is very intelligent or wise.
As I continued to ponder, there are other things that today's kids have to resort to imitations for: we had merry-go-rounds on the playground. It was fun to get them going around so fast you were dizzy and walked funny when you got off. They have vanished, for "safety" reasons. Now kids have to resort to drugs to get that funny feeling in their heads. There are so many theme parks, water parks, and thrilling activities that swings or slides are just not a thrill for anyone over 5. I remember trying to pump higher and higher on a swing in an effort to see if I could get up even with the bar at the top of the swingset. It's getting harder and harder to cause thrills for kids.
I remember spending hours designing, drawing, and cutting out paper dolls. I can't imagine an 8 or 10 year old girl doing that now. They are too concerned with their own wardrobes, hairdos, fingernail polish, and even tattoos. Watching tv was a limited form of entertainment. We spent most of our time "playing", outside with other kids or siblings, inside by ourselves with toys that were much more limited in number than most kids now have and almost none of them required batteries. We actually had to use imagination sometimes! I pity today's kids who don't seem to comprehend pretending. That's too "babyish" for this sophisticated, worldly generation. I can understand how handy Kindles and e-books are, but reading a good book shouldn't have to require electricity, other than a light to see by.
These worldly, sophisticated kids don't have the kind of heroes kids used to have in books or movies. Today's "heroes" are shown in action-packed violent films or in canned-laughter silly sitcoms or reality shows. Instead of learning moral lessons like recognizing the wisdom of parents or the importance of being honest, kids now are learning how important it is to wear the "right" clothes, use the "right" words, and generally be cool and popular. To be a hero now, you have to smash up a city in an effort to save the world rather than simply helping someone out of a tight but realistic spot. Our jaded, worldly youth would not be much impressed with watching a kid who mows a neighbor's lawn or helps Mom carry in groceries, without any expectation of reward. Money used to be a rare treasure for kids. Now most kids expect to get a fairly sizable allowance for not doing any more than putting away their own laundry that someone else already washed and folded. What about the one-on-one time that kids could have with parents while helping to fix dinner (too many don't even have a meal as a family-Hot Pockets in the microwave and away they go!) or repair the lawnmower (many dads don't know how and certainly don't invite their kids to help) or wash the car (drive through the local car wash for five bucks)?
I pity today's kids because they're going to have to learn the hard way. They aren't being taught in many households. They can't live on the convenient pre-made foods so readily available and be healthy. They'll get obese, have diabetes, heart problems, and other issues at a very young age. They'll huff and puff going up stairs when they're still young because they're overweight and unaccustomed to physical exertion. (Parents don't play in the yard with kids. They pay to go to a local gym to work out and just hope the kids are somehow getting physical exercise on their own.) They won't know how to survive if the electricity goes out. (Oh no! I can't charge my phone/Ipad/laptop or watch tv! What am I going to do to entertain myself?) They won't know how to shop because they have had it so good, they'll expect to have new clothes regularly, whatever form of entertainment their little whimsical hearts desire, and whatever they feel like eating no matter what the season is or how much food items cost. I don't think "worldly" is very intelligent or wise.
Friday, January 18, 2013
People can change
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Becoming
Recently I have been frequently having toast (or English muffin or bagel) with peanut butter topped with some kind of fruit along with hot chocolate or milk for breakfast. It is a nutritionally balanced meal and I manage to avoid excess sugar, except for when I have hot chocolate, by having fresh fruit rather than jam. I give full credit for this idea to my sister, Deedie. I had a family member notice my breakfast when we were together this past holiday time. She realized, too, what a good idea it is. So I have been thinking about how we make decisions in life. We tend to emulate others when we respect them. Deedie is in good physical condition so I respect her eating habits and tenacity in exercising. I can't quite keep up with her pace in exercise but I am determined to keep moving and I can learn from her food ideas, because I trust her. Recently a famous tv cook was chastised when she was diagnosed with diabetes and recognized she would have to tone down some of the excess fat in her cooking. (I think that's a fairly accurate account???) Anyway, there are people who LOVE to eat and cook, but I would hesitate to take their advice or copy their recipes because I don't want to look like they do or have the health problems they have, no matter how "yummy" their product may be.
That can carry through all aspects of our life. If I know someone whose marriage is mutually happy, loving, and respectful, I am more likely to want to hear their advice on how to improve MY relationship than I would be to get advice from someone who resents their spouse and is nasty to them, however "clever" their nasty comments may be. I find myself reluctant to take the advice of most people when it comes to entertainment. Most of what is in the media is shallow or gross rather than funny, gratuitously violent and gory rather than intriguing, or inflammatory rather than informing. So I listen to people who seem to me to be thoughtful, desiring of self-improvement, and kind. If that sort of person has read a book or seen a movie they would recommend, I probably will try it and very likely will enjoy it.
Fashion is fickle and I have seen styles come and go. I have realized that it isn't always a good idea to dress like the "masses". Some styles the designers come up with are simply not attractive on everybody. Some of them aren't attractive on ANYBODY! I have seen so many young women who try to "improve" their appearance by putting holes in their noses or eyebrows or lips to dangle ornaments from. Some who wear skimpy clothing that only accentuates whatever rolls of fat they have, even if small. Then there are those who wear skimpy clothing, even if it's cold out, just so everyone can see the tattoo they have had injected under their otherwise beautiful skin. At one point in my life, I was ready to go naked because I felt it was the most honest way to present myself. That's the foolishness of youth. Now I appreciate clothing to keep me warm, and to avoid the accentuation of possible flaws rather than trying to draw attention to my physical body.
As is my general philosophy, I try to apply what I observe in others to my own behavior. If I want others to listen to my opinions and heed my advice, I need to live in such a way as to deserve their respect. That isn't necessarily always easy. Sometimes I am afraid or tired or would rather do something other than what I perceive as the "best" thing. I have to be a bit of a cheerleader inside and get myself going. I like to read better than I like to exercise. Reading is good but if I don't exercise, I will pay the price of an unhealthy body. I am afraid of the dentist. I guess a lot of people are. Sad, really, because most dentists are pretty harmless individuals. I actually admire them for choosing a career that I could never do. But I know if I don't face my fear and go to the dentist, I will pay the price of living in pain and resorting to baby food. Sometimes I am tired of thinking and just wish I could sit and entertain myself with a good book or puzzle until someone else told me what to do. But I don't want to be lazy and uncaring, so I try to open myself up to the pain of knowing other people's pain so I can perhaps be of help to them in some way.
I can't always know exactly how Jesus would act if He were here. But I can guess. I can keep studying the principles He taught and remember the example He set then try to emulate Him. You know, even if I were to find out at some point that He was a myth (which I don't even consider a possibility but I realize there are people who might think that way), I still think I would be further ahead by making choices to be Christlike than by following anyone else's example. When I reach my "death bed", I expect I will be happy with that choice. I will be happy with the person I have become.
That can carry through all aspects of our life. If I know someone whose marriage is mutually happy, loving, and respectful, I am more likely to want to hear their advice on how to improve MY relationship than I would be to get advice from someone who resents their spouse and is nasty to them, however "clever" their nasty comments may be. I find myself reluctant to take the advice of most people when it comes to entertainment. Most of what is in the media is shallow or gross rather than funny, gratuitously violent and gory rather than intriguing, or inflammatory rather than informing. So I listen to people who seem to me to be thoughtful, desiring of self-improvement, and kind. If that sort of person has read a book or seen a movie they would recommend, I probably will try it and very likely will enjoy it.
Fashion is fickle and I have seen styles come and go. I have realized that it isn't always a good idea to dress like the "masses". Some styles the designers come up with are simply not attractive on everybody. Some of them aren't attractive on ANYBODY! I have seen so many young women who try to "improve" their appearance by putting holes in their noses or eyebrows or lips to dangle ornaments from. Some who wear skimpy clothing that only accentuates whatever rolls of fat they have, even if small. Then there are those who wear skimpy clothing, even if it's cold out, just so everyone can see the tattoo they have had injected under their otherwise beautiful skin. At one point in my life, I was ready to go naked because I felt it was the most honest way to present myself. That's the foolishness of youth. Now I appreciate clothing to keep me warm, and to avoid the accentuation of possible flaws rather than trying to draw attention to my physical body.
As is my general philosophy, I try to apply what I observe in others to my own behavior. If I want others to listen to my opinions and heed my advice, I need to live in such a way as to deserve their respect. That isn't necessarily always easy. Sometimes I am afraid or tired or would rather do something other than what I perceive as the "best" thing. I have to be a bit of a cheerleader inside and get myself going. I like to read better than I like to exercise. Reading is good but if I don't exercise, I will pay the price of an unhealthy body. I am afraid of the dentist. I guess a lot of people are. Sad, really, because most dentists are pretty harmless individuals. I actually admire them for choosing a career that I could never do. But I know if I don't face my fear and go to the dentist, I will pay the price of living in pain and resorting to baby food. Sometimes I am tired of thinking and just wish I could sit and entertain myself with a good book or puzzle until someone else told me what to do. But I don't want to be lazy and uncaring, so I try to open myself up to the pain of knowing other people's pain so I can perhaps be of help to them in some way.
I can't always know exactly how Jesus would act if He were here. But I can guess. I can keep studying the principles He taught and remember the example He set then try to emulate Him. You know, even if I were to find out at some point that He was a myth (which I don't even consider a possibility but I realize there are people who might think that way), I still think I would be further ahead by making choices to be Christlike than by following anyone else's example. When I reach my "death bed", I expect I will be happy with that choice. I will be happy with the person I have become.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Benefits
Recently I posted a blog about things I like in Sun City. I realize Russ and I have sometimes complained about living here (as we have done, unfortunately, about nearly every place we have lived at some point). I need, for only myself if no one else, to express gratitude for the benefits we are deriving from living here, now.
Spiritual benefits: These would be similar to what we had in Utah. We live near enough to a temple to go fairly regularly. There are people here willing to help on genealogy and we have a good family history center. I may not have quite as easy access to church materials as I had in Utah but the church is forging ahead with having so much available online that it really isn't a problem getting what I need in a timely manner. Although Russ still struggles with his faith, he is going to the temple pretty willingly.
Financial benefits: This is the area where we are really gaining. The bankruptcy we were forced into before leaving Ohio devastated us. We felt like we had a big "B" on our chests for everyone to see. In all honesty, hardly anybody on the planet knew we had filed for bankruptcy and the proceedings went fairly smoothly and quickly. We lost what we wanted to lose, namely the limousine business assets and debts. We kept what we hoped to keep, namely our house we had worked so hard to rehab and our vehicles (our truck was nothing worth mentioning and we sold it for a couple hundred dollars but our little car has been helpful). Just before he died, my father signed over ownership of his pickup to us so we have been able to lend an adequate vehicle to our son and his family for their use during their time in Washington, DC before going to their next post (in Jerusalem). We haven't yet sold our Dayton house but the woman who plans to buy it has been paying rent regularly so we have had no out-of-pocket expenses. We don't own the house we're living in and we don't even have to pay rent. We are only paying utilities and, here in Sun City, they are extremely affordable. We have had ready access to food at good prices, too. Russ and I have both been able to pick up a little extra money doing part-time work. It's not enough to worry about increasing our tax load, but enough to enable us to travel to see our family which is our highest priority in life.
Medical benefits: We have WONDERFUL medical insurance, thanks to Russ's job in the fire department. We have already benefited from getting a pension and health insurance in the retirement phase for nearly as long as we got an income and insurance while he was working! Being here, with minimal expenses, we have had dental work done for the first time in a long time. We were able to spend nearly $5000 last year. And now, when one of us breaks a tooth or has tooth pain, we don't have to just hope we can wait awhile and get the absolute minimal care done, which has meant pulling a tooth rather than trying to fix it. Our next step will be to get a good eye exam. Our health insurance doesn't cover eyes or dental so we have to pay full price. But we are able to do that right now without having to starve or go without lights and heat!
Cultural benefits: Again, Utah was an excellent place to live if you like concerts, plays, live shows, and decent movies at very good prices. But here in Sun City, we have been able to purchase recreation center tickets which get us into fairly recently released movies with free popcorn available 2 days a week, free outdoor concerts during the spring and fall seasons, and free indoor concerts on occasion. Although we know we don't want to live in a seniors-only community permanently, there are some percs available.
Family benefits: Although we are far from all our family, we have been able to host some family members here and have had the money to travel to see them as well as being able to afford to pay for the cabin where we had our family reunion last summer. We want to be able to see our kids and grandkids more but it's probably not such a bad thing that we are not involved in all the daily trials of raising children. In the end, things work out okay but the day to day struggles can sometimes be stressful. As we get older, we tend to like a little more peace and quiet. We have done our time with the all-day-every-day chaos of school, homework, discipline, squabbling, what to fix for dinner, etc.
So, I guess I have managed to remind myself that I don't need to wish away this time in my life like I have often done in the past. I always look forward to upcoming special events, but sometimes it's nice to just be content where I am.
Spiritual benefits: These would be similar to what we had in Utah. We live near enough to a temple to go fairly regularly. There are people here willing to help on genealogy and we have a good family history center. I may not have quite as easy access to church materials as I had in Utah but the church is forging ahead with having so much available online that it really isn't a problem getting what I need in a timely manner. Although Russ still struggles with his faith, he is going to the temple pretty willingly.
Financial benefits: This is the area where we are really gaining. The bankruptcy we were forced into before leaving Ohio devastated us. We felt like we had a big "B" on our chests for everyone to see. In all honesty, hardly anybody on the planet knew we had filed for bankruptcy and the proceedings went fairly smoothly and quickly. We lost what we wanted to lose, namely the limousine business assets and debts. We kept what we hoped to keep, namely our house we had worked so hard to rehab and our vehicles (our truck was nothing worth mentioning and we sold it for a couple hundred dollars but our little car has been helpful). Just before he died, my father signed over ownership of his pickup to us so we have been able to lend an adequate vehicle to our son and his family for their use during their time in Washington, DC before going to their next post (in Jerusalem). We haven't yet sold our Dayton house but the woman who plans to buy it has been paying rent regularly so we have had no out-of-pocket expenses. We don't own the house we're living in and we don't even have to pay rent. We are only paying utilities and, here in Sun City, they are extremely affordable. We have had ready access to food at good prices, too. Russ and I have both been able to pick up a little extra money doing part-time work. It's not enough to worry about increasing our tax load, but enough to enable us to travel to see our family which is our highest priority in life.
Medical benefits: We have WONDERFUL medical insurance, thanks to Russ's job in the fire department. We have already benefited from getting a pension and health insurance in the retirement phase for nearly as long as we got an income and insurance while he was working! Being here, with minimal expenses, we have had dental work done for the first time in a long time. We were able to spend nearly $5000 last year. And now, when one of us breaks a tooth or has tooth pain, we don't have to just hope we can wait awhile and get the absolute minimal care done, which has meant pulling a tooth rather than trying to fix it. Our next step will be to get a good eye exam. Our health insurance doesn't cover eyes or dental so we have to pay full price. But we are able to do that right now without having to starve or go without lights and heat!
Cultural benefits: Again, Utah was an excellent place to live if you like concerts, plays, live shows, and decent movies at very good prices. But here in Sun City, we have been able to purchase recreation center tickets which get us into fairly recently released movies with free popcorn available 2 days a week, free outdoor concerts during the spring and fall seasons, and free indoor concerts on occasion. Although we know we don't want to live in a seniors-only community permanently, there are some percs available.
Family benefits: Although we are far from all our family, we have been able to host some family members here and have had the money to travel to see them as well as being able to afford to pay for the cabin where we had our family reunion last summer. We want to be able to see our kids and grandkids more but it's probably not such a bad thing that we are not involved in all the daily trials of raising children. In the end, things work out okay but the day to day struggles can sometimes be stressful. As we get older, we tend to like a little more peace and quiet. We have done our time with the all-day-every-day chaos of school, homework, discipline, squabbling, what to fix for dinner, etc.
So, I guess I have managed to remind myself that I don't need to wish away this time in my life like I have often done in the past. I always look forward to upcoming special events, but sometimes it's nice to just be content where I am.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Peace? Here? On this earth?
I don't know if anyone reads this blog anymore but it's a place for me to express myself. I am so grateful to know God is real and Jesus Christ came to the earth to make it possible for us to totally screw up yet be forgiven when we choose to repent. I can understand the basic concept of needing to be free to make our own choices to decide, once and for all, eternally, just what we want to expect of ourselves. Do we feel that perfection is just too hard? Are we absolutely comfortable with a little lying, resentment, greed, laziness? Are we honestly comfortable with the concept of spending eternity with others who are also like that? If so, that's our choice. I love the "stories of Jesus" and I genuinely want to spend eternity with someone who is kind, forgiving, never lazy, never selfish, never dishonest, and just totally dependable. I am willing to work hard at being that way, too, so I can be worthy to spend eternity in that kind of society. I understand that I haven't reached any level of perfection in any thing. I am ready for higher expectations. I am not discouraged by a never-ending quest to improve, especially when I am surrounded by love, encouragement, and others who are also willing to make a sincere effort to continue to improve.
My problem right now, today, is wanting to continue to live with the anger, resentment, prideful justifications, greed, lust, and laziness in this world. I definitely have hope for a better world. The problem is, we're not there yet and I don't know when we will be. I have hope for a BETTER world, but not this world. I have a real hard time comprehending how God refrains from just bringing down another flood to wipe us all out. Even people who want what's "right" can get pretty angry and nasty. I can't understand anyone justifying a protest at a funeral where people are grieving over the loss of a loved one. I can't understand people wanting to "blow up" people who may not agree with them. I am satisfied with the need for prisons but I am sorrowful for the people who need to be caged up because they haven't sufficient compassion and self-motivation to live in society and take care of themselves in an honest way. I feel like I just want to sit in a corner and cry and cry and cry until I can no longer breathe.
I know it's important to not be wishy-washy. We need to decide our opinion on things. But isn't it possible to have opinions yet be willing to discuss, learn from others, and genuinely seek compromise or ultimate truth? Jesus and Heavenly Father are "one" and they want us to be that way with them. If we can only insist we are right to the point that we get angry and even start to "hate" those who don't agree with us, how can we ever expect to live in a peaceful society? I don't know about you (whoever might ever read this) but I,personally, do NOT want the responsibility to make all the rules. I don't expect a society that will be totally the way I want it to be because I don't consider myself an expert in everything enough to decide the best way to live under all circumstances. Consequently, I acknowledge that I may need to consider the need to change. I may need to listen and learn. I may need to have my heart, mind, and eyes opened to some very different ideas.
In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to learn from what I can determine are the best resources- namely the writings of prophets. I have decided for myself who are "real prophets" by their fruits. If their writings encourage kindness, love, forgiveness, a strong work ethic, and integrity, I will make an effort to learn from them. Any promotion of elitism, segregation, vengeance, unrighteous dominion, self-pity, or greed will be avoided. I can only pray to the God I worship that I can have the strength needed to endure to the end of whatever is left of my time in mortality. I have no temptation to "give in" to the previously mentioned sins. I just want to have the strength to keep going with a smile on my face and the wear-withal to encourage others to do the same. It's pretty tough to live celestial principles in a telestial world.
My problem right now, today, is wanting to continue to live with the anger, resentment, prideful justifications, greed, lust, and laziness in this world. I definitely have hope for a better world. The problem is, we're not there yet and I don't know when we will be. I have hope for a BETTER world, but not this world. I have a real hard time comprehending how God refrains from just bringing down another flood to wipe us all out. Even people who want what's "right" can get pretty angry and nasty. I can't understand anyone justifying a protest at a funeral where people are grieving over the loss of a loved one. I can't understand people wanting to "blow up" people who may not agree with them. I am satisfied with the need for prisons but I am sorrowful for the people who need to be caged up because they haven't sufficient compassion and self-motivation to live in society and take care of themselves in an honest way. I feel like I just want to sit in a corner and cry and cry and cry until I can no longer breathe.
I know it's important to not be wishy-washy. We need to decide our opinion on things. But isn't it possible to have opinions yet be willing to discuss, learn from others, and genuinely seek compromise or ultimate truth? Jesus and Heavenly Father are "one" and they want us to be that way with them. If we can only insist we are right to the point that we get angry and even start to "hate" those who don't agree with us, how can we ever expect to live in a peaceful society? I don't know about you (whoever might ever read this) but I,personally, do NOT want the responsibility to make all the rules. I don't expect a society that will be totally the way I want it to be because I don't consider myself an expert in everything enough to decide the best way to live under all circumstances. Consequently, I acknowledge that I may need to consider the need to change. I may need to listen and learn. I may need to have my heart, mind, and eyes opened to some very different ideas.
In the meantime, I will continue to do my best to learn from what I can determine are the best resources- namely the writings of prophets. I have decided for myself who are "real prophets" by their fruits. If their writings encourage kindness, love, forgiveness, a strong work ethic, and integrity, I will make an effort to learn from them. Any promotion of elitism, segregation, vengeance, unrighteous dominion, self-pity, or greed will be avoided. I can only pray to the God I worship that I can have the strength needed to endure to the end of whatever is left of my time in mortality. I have no temptation to "give in" to the previously mentioned sins. I just want to have the strength to keep going with a smile on my face and the wear-withal to encourage others to do the same. It's pretty tough to live celestial principles in a telestial world.
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