Mentality

     I understand that all human beings are different. We come to decisions and develop habits dependent on our individual personality, what we are directly taught at home or in school or church, and what we observe in our surroundings. As the saying goes, "No man is an island" and any decision or habit will have an impact on someone else or even many others. As humans we are inherently members of a community whether we like it or not. The community can be segregated as to household (those with whom we intimately live every day), neighborhood, larger community, nation, and world. We can imagine ourselves in a bubble where we have only ourselves to account to when acting but it's never so. There is a remote possibility that if we were an only child of parents who both died and we have chosen to live as hermit-like a life as we can manage, we may have minimal impact on anyone else. If you are reading this, you obviously don't fit in that category! Like it or not, the fact that we exist comes with a responsibility to consider other humans. I have always found the "golden rule" to be very logical- treat other people the way you would want to be treated. I choose to try to live that way and can only hope others will choose the same.
     But sometimes they don't. I don't want to belabor the point of cruelty, prejudice, abuse, etc. Those choices are obviously anti-social and destructive. I want to bring up a mentality that I have complained about several times in my life. It could be called a welfare mentality or a renters mentality both are basically the same. It involves a decision that, because you find some form of contribution to your community distasteful, you refuse to perform. Renters often care little about the condition of their living space and surrounds because it doesn't "belong" to them. If something needs repair or maintenance, they automatically expect the property owner to take care of it. Indeed, often the property owner would prefer knowing about it and seeing that it's done the way they want it done. However, sometimes the property owner is not local or not physically or financially capable of mowing the lawn, washing windows, shoveling sidewalks, etc. Since we are all different, I suppose there are people who really don't care if the lawn is shoulder high and filled with blown-in trash, or the windows are grimy enough you can barely see through them. But no man is an island. Should it matter if neighbors or people who share the dwelling don't like the appearance of unkempt property?
     Taking it a step further, when there are obvious labors that need to be performed and any one person refuses to participate, the total load becomes larger for everyone who contributes because of the lack of one who doesn't. There are obvious exceptions to the contribution distribution. Very young humans are either incapable or very limited in what they can do to contribute. People with severe limitations, mental and/or physical,  are also very limited in contributing, and that might include the elderly (a different age dependent on the person's genetics). Sometimes people would like to work but cannot find a job as they continue to search and apply. People who have a "welfare mentality" are those who are capable of contributing (to at least some degree) but manage to justify to themselves that their share of the work should be shouldered by others. They may claim they don't care- "What do I care if the lawn is mowed?" or "I actually prefer a messy house." They may claim inability- "I can't work because I'm weak or have asthma or don't do it as well as others....." If they're truly honest, they would simply admit they prefer being indolent. They prefer using their time for more selfish pursuits. Yet they enjoy the results of the labor of others in their community- they walk across the mowed lawn, they buy food with money they did not earn, they more easily find anything they're looking for because someone else put it where it belongs.
     I just don't understand it really. I can analyze it but could never bring myself to act in that way. I try to imagine if I had been raised by other parents or in another culture, could I really just sit by resting or entertaining myself, spending money I didn't earn, letting someone else work without my assistance?? It is simply a foreign concept to me. I don't think I could have been a slave owner. I really don't think I could ever consider my own comfort and wants to be superior enough to those of someone I might allow to work harder than I do on my behalf. We don't all do the same work and actually can't do the same work due to differences in strength and knowledge. But EVERYONE can contribute to the best of their ability and be willing to accept their share of the work load. Everyone is much happier when they feel valued enough by those around them that everyone else is taking at least a similar part of the load.

Don't you want to be better?

     This is a quote I found as I sorted out papers. Unfortunately I don't have much information about it other than it's from Wendell Berry Recollected Essays:
To the virtuous man,... practical and spiritual values are identical; it is only corruption that can see a difference. Morality is a long-term practicality. We have obscured and weakened morality first, by advocating it for its own sake-- that is, by deifying it... and then, as our capacity for reverence has diminished, by allowing it to become merely decorative, a matter of etiquette. What we have forgotten is the origin of morality in fact and circumstance; we have forgotten that the nature of morality is essentially practical. Moderation and restraint, for example, are necessary, not because of any religious commandment or creed or code, but because they are among the assurances of good health and a sufficiency of goods. Likewise, discipline is necessary if the necessary work is to be done... Loyalty, devotion, faith, self-denial, are not ethereal virtues, but the concrete terms upon which the possibility of love is kept alive in this world. Morality is neither ethereal nor arbitrary, it is the definition of what is humanly possible. .. A live and adequate morality is an accurate perception of the order of things, and of humanity's place in it. By clarifying the human limits, morality tells us what we risk when we forsake the human to behave like false gods or like animals.
     This points out, for those who may scoff at religion and its confining rules, that having such limits is for a greater reason than simply obeying a higher authority to avoid punishment. I can add to this logic and truth, that there is a higher power and He can not only give us guidance for a superior way of living, He can also allow us to be forgiven so that all of our mistakes as we bumble along in mortality can be erased- "All thy sins, though they be scarlet, will be white as snow." There truly is a better way than war, abuse, unlimited sexual perversion, greed, pride, covetousness, laziness and all of those things that God calls the natural man who is His enemy.

In case you might want to know.....

     I spent my whole day today sorting papers. It's a tedious task even though I sincerely try to be careful not to save too much. I found a printed off email from 2003, just after Thanksgiving, and wanted to share a portion of its contents, especially considering the upcoming election.
     New York Sen. Hillary Clinton forced U. S. troops stationed at Bagram air base in Afghanistan to wait for their Thanksgiving dinner last Thursday, while she and her entourage arrived late, then cut in line and were served first. A soldier who witnessed the scene tells NewsMax: "Thanksgiving dinner started at 3 p.m. that day, so the line was forming around 2:30 p.m. She didn't show up until around 3:30 p.m. Once she got there," our source maintains, "Clinton and her entourage bumped everyone in line, forcing them to wait almost an extra hour." The brass at Bagram apparently had a hard time rounding up New Yorkers who wanted to have dinner with Mrs. Clinton. Only six G.I.'s responded to an email sent out last week that stated, "Looking for military members from New York and Rhode Island interested in meeting their Senator/Congressman." People Magazine was on hand to cover the event and wanted to interview the troops for the reaction to Mrs. Clinton's visit. "But they were getting declined left and right," our source said. "People were actually telling the reporters 'You don't want to print what I think about her and her visit.'" After Clinton and her entourage departed, the only topics G.I.'s wanted to talk about were "how great the food was and how fantastic they thought George Bush's visit to Iraq was."    Comment: This is the difference between a leader and an ambitious, self-serving political hack. The hack demands the first place in line, while the leader serves the line and eats later.
     Don't get me wrong. I have no intention of supporting Donald Trump either. I really can't believe people are arguing over which is the "lesser of the two evils"! Neither major candidate is a person of moral integrity and I cannot in good conscience select either one. I realize that my vote is only one and I realize that there is a danger of having the "worse" one elected- whichever someone may identify as such. I cannot respect either one. There are spotty "platform issues" I can agree for each major party but I cannot support either candidate enough to cast a vote for him or her. I am grateful for the right to vote and will do so but will not support the purchased corruption of either major party candidate.

Ownership

     Psalms 24:1 and 1 Corinthians 10:26 "The earth is the Lord's and the fulness thereof". God created the earth and everything on it, through His Son. So nothing on this planet truly "belongs" to anyone here. But each of us, His children, has been given our own right to make choices, also called agency. As a result of that we often end up claiming ownership of things that aren't really ours at all: land, plants, animals, even other people. These days, slavery is not as widely practiced as it has been. We tend to be pretty critical of any effort humans make to "own" other humans. Human trafficking is a crime in all civilized societies. However, there are still incidents of spouses acting like they "own" their mates- everything from outright domineering and physical abuse to "trophy wives" or the self-serving attitude of demanding a wealthy, good-looking partner to show off to the world. Child labor, and I'm not referring to having the kids do chores to help around the house, is abolished as well in civilized societies. But once again, there are parents whose primary attitude toward their children is more like an owner. They get angry when their young athlete doesn't play as well as they want to be able to brag about. They're upset when their child chooses something different than they had planned for them. I'm not referring to being a drug-user as opposed to a healthy lifestyle or choosing living on welfare as opposed to a legitimate job to support themselves.
     Having standards for children is not the same as trying to select their life path for them. When my first children were small, I was sincerely concerned about what I was going to teach them. It was essential to me that I never mislead them. In order to teach them truth, I needed to learn it for myself. I read books and sought advice from medical and health professionals about living healthy so I could give them good counsel about eating, exercising, and sleeping. I tried to learn facts from old wives' tales about the world in general so I could tell them scientific truths to the best of my knowledge. I did my best to learn a little about our country and government so I could try to prepare them to be good citizens. I have sought the best moral standards to promote happiness and a healthy society so I could teach my posterity. I have also tried to learn about God, whether He exists and His nature. I know that's a confusing topic in the world so I needed to find what I could for myself, not relying on any single individual or book. I continue to share with my posterity what I have learned but I recognize and respect their right to choose for themselves whether or not I agree. They are "my" children and grandchildren but I do not own them.
     Before leaving the topic, I have some confusion about ownership of animals. I believe God expected His children to care for animals. Animals were created before man and are capable of survival without man's intervention. However, they are no longer capable of survival due to some of the interference of man: poaching for tusks, fur, and other body parts; pollution and destruction of habitats, etc. I think it's good to have zoos for educational purposes and they have done well promoting protection of endangered species. Having pets is a bit of a gray area. I don't think having pets should be outlawed but I'm glad there are laws that create consequences for people who abuse animals. I know pets can be satisfying companions for humans. However, I cringe when I see people try to change the nature of animals by dressing them in human-style clothes to show them off- not the booties to protect their feet or the sweaters to keep them warm. I cringe when I see people stuff their pets with unhealthy treats to encourage the pet to adore them or show off some cute trick. I cringe when I see horses painfully hobbled simply for the purpose of getting them to prance in an unnatural way. Circuses are dying out. I guess a lot of animal trainers treat animals well enough. I just don't know if the animals are intelligent enough to resent humans taking advantage of them- caging them, getting them to do things simply to impress other humans. Is it appropriate to "own" animals? How do you distinguish taking care of them, training them to not be destructive according to human standards, and misusing them? I guess I still have a lot of wisdom to gain because I don't know.

Loving someone is not the same as valuing them.

     Most people feel loved- by someone. Married people usually admit their spouse loves them. Parents generally feel that their children love them. Children are loved by parents. Friends love friends, etc. As wonderful as love is, sometimes it isn't really "validating". For instance, a mother can know their child loves them but not feel valued by them. Mothers generally hear more complaints than anything else from children: why didn't you get the laundry done? Do we have to have this for dinner? You only want me to clean the bathroom so you don't have to do it! Likewise, spouses can often feel more tolerated than valued: my husband is such a slob but I love him anyway. My wife nags me all the time; it's a good thing I love her so much. Anyway- you  get the idea. We are all different so what one person thinks is important or good, another may not value at all.
     I am really grateful for the opportunity I had to serve for 18 months in the temple with so many really good people. I not only felt loved, I felt truly valued. Good people make a genuine effort to let other people know what they appreciate about them without any expectation of something in return. They don't compliment others hoping to get complimented back. They don't do something nice for someone else to earn favors. I was so uplifted by so many people telling me what good qualities they observed in me with no hidden agendas or expectations. It felt so good to have others recognize my efforts to be kind, loving, helpful, and willing to listen. It felt really validating to have others recognize and value my efforts to be orderly and do a job well. I have had such experiences with some in my family on occasion which I am grateful for as well. I have had a sister express her admiration at my "strength" in the face of adversity. I have had a daughter demand my supervision loading and unloading household belongings knowing that I would organize it well. I have had a daughter express to others that she felt she was raised about as well as anyone could be raised by a wonderful mother. I have had a son compliment, with even a touch of awe in his voice, my creative efforts in speaking and writing songs.
     I think when we take the time and make the effort to recognize the accomplishments and good qualities of someone we love, then be sure to express that awareness, it goes a long way in making them feel good about themselves. It's essential to express that we love others but it sure is nice to not just tolerate their "idiosynchroses" but notice and express what we admire about them.

It's ALL relative

          Anyone who has raised teenagers has experienced embarrassment. Teenagers tend to be very blunt and more outspoken even than younger children. Sometimes they challenge their parents "outdated" principles publicly. They can be concerned enough about the impression of someone as closely associated as parents that they don't want to acknowledge who they are. There can be similar issues with siblings. When remaining long-term in one town, teachers and administrators can either look forward to a student coming up a grade or dread it, depending on their experience with an older sibling.
         Years ago, I was at a church meeting where we had a female police officer as a guest speaker. Our primary interest was advice on how to keep kids away from gangs and drugs. Her primary counsel has stayed with me over the 20 years or so since then. She said that the one thing we could do to best insure our kids would not be involved in gangs was to eat dinner together as a family. She said that kids ended up in gangs due to a desire to "belong". If they didn't have a strong sense of belonging to a family, they were more likely to be prey to joining gangs.
         It can be totally unfair when someone has to "live up to" a high standard set by a parent, older sibling, or other family member. On the other hand, it is also unfair when someone has to "prove" themselves to be different than a relative who has had a bad reputation. No matter how unfair we think it is, it's the way it is. If we have had strong feelings, good or bad, toward someone and later encounter someone related to them that we have had little or no prior contact with, we will use our experience as a basis for what to anticipate.
         I guess where I'm going is to reinforce the song/poem line; "No man is an island." We all want to be unique, some more than others. But we do not stand alone. Friendships may be sought or avoided based on an impression given by a close relative. How we behave has a greater affect beyond ourselves. Thinking it is unfair doesn't change that fact. If someone is considered obnoxious, their spouse will be looked upon with apprehension. If someone is known to be kind and honest, their other family members will likely be more easily welcomed than a total stranger.
         I love the reaction I get from people who may not know me well when they have known my parents. I also love the reaction I get when meeting people who know my children. I don't have to work so hard to make friends because people already expect good things of me. I certainly hope that works the same way from the other direction. I'm sure there were times in my youth when my parents may have cringed when someone discovered I was their daughter, but I hope that was rare and would never be the case if they were alive today. And I don't think this is a negative thing. We all need help occasionally in trying to be the kind of person who contributes well to society. Being aware that we are setting a standard or precedent can give us a little boost in the right direction. I guess this is especially on my mind because for the past 18 months I have been wearing a label- a tag announcing my name and my identity as a representative for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In only a couple weeks, I will remove that name tag when my mission is over. Wearing it has made me more conscious than ever of my behavior. I like to think that I am determined enough to continue exhibiting good behavior sufficient that when anyone anywhere learns my name or my religious affiliation, there gut reaction will be positive. I want to be an example to encourage others to be good people as I strive to be like my Savior.

He's real............

     I looked back through a few old posts and couldn't find this specific topic that has been on my mind today so I will press forward attempting to share insights and thoughts I have. I am grateful that I am given understanding of some of God's principles, line upon line, one baby step at a time. I am also grateful that I can attempt to share what I learn. I know one of my posterity reads my efforts. That comforts me. I am willing to offer but I will not work at promoting myself in any way. In fact, recently Russ and I have presented a couple of firesides and Russ sang a song I wrote at a missionary meeting after which several people requested either just the words or a copy of the whole song. I was happily surprised at the enthusiastic response. The problem I have now is that I didn't keep a list of people to whom I promised a copy. I'm just going to hope that if they're really sincere, they'll attempt to remind me before we leave in 5 days.
     It has been my observation, confirmed by others who have had some experience, that Satan exists and is eager to wield his power on his brothers and sisters. Before Earth was created, God wanted His children to have the opportunity to experience having a mortal body then be resurrected with a perfected body to dwell with Him forever. But He didn't want to force us. One of His sons, Lucifer, rebelled against our Father's plan and convinced 1/3 of God's children to follow him. Satan/Lucifer and his followers will never have the opportunity to gain a physical body. As a result, they seek to feel excitement, lust, revenge, and all kinds of feelings through those who have mortal bodies. Plus, Satan would like to convince more of us to follow him and rebel against our Father. One of the most disconcerting issues in these latter days prior to the Second Coming is that mortals, in all their wisdom, have not only challenged and warped the existence and personality of God, they have also begun to doubt the existence of Satan. If they don't believe he exists, he has the leverage of finding ways to influence them to listen to their "natural man" rather than the light of Christ (conscience) given to ALL of us. Once people stop giving heed to a standard of right and wrong, anything goes. I fully remember living in the 60's and 70's when the life motto was "If it feels good, do it!" Lest I give the impression that he has great power, I need to emphasize that Satan only has power if we allow it. If we resist greed, anger, lust, covetousness, dishonesty, and other "natural man" instincts (which always cause pain for SOMEONE), Satan can not get advantage over us.
     Latter Day Saints wear special under garments. Critics have mocked them by calling them "magic underwear" implying they are going to protect us from evil. When serving His mortal ministry, Jesus was quite clear that outward things have almost no power. It's what's inside us, our character, our choices, that determine our quality. The garments we wear are a symbol to help us remember our covenants with the Lord. If we keep our covenants, then we will be obedient to God's principles. THAT will be what protects us. Anyone could murder, rape, or steal even while wearing garments if they wanted. Garments do not guarantee someone doesn't get sick, injured, or cheated. However, I can say from personal experience that any time someone is trying to do GOOD, they will face resistance.
     Back in the fall of 1974, Russ and I were taught by LDS missionaries and had agreed to be baptized. The evening before we were scheduled to be baptized, we were driving to an interview with the local bishop (ecclesiastic leader of the local church unit/ward). Both of us had already read at least some of the Book of Mormon, attended church a couple of times, met with the missionaries several times, and prayed for and received a spiritual confirmation that our choice was right. But as we drove along, we were both feeling "uptight". We talked about it, trying to figure out why we were feeling testy toward each other and the kids and everything in general. There was really nothing wrong in our life at the moment. We realized that Satan probably didn't like our decision. As soon as we realized the source of our anxiety, I immediately bowed my head (while Russ kept driving with his eyes open of course) and said a prayer asking Heavenly Father to make the evil one go away. The relief was  swift and undeniable. Over the years, since learning more and more about good and evil, God, Jesus Christ, and Satan, we have been able to recognize Satan's influence more readily. It got to be an expected circumstance that "all hell broke loose" whenever we planned a trip to the temple. Things would go wrong, often requiring unexpected expenditures to make us question whether we could afford the trip to D.C. Mormons have family home evenings on Monday nights and nearly every Monday afternoon, the kids would be fighting or something would threaten our plans to be together for a family home evening. But we were determined! The trips to the temple would work out just fine and our budget survived. By the end of the evening on Mondays, everyone in the family would be happy and getting along just fine.
     I have a powerful witness that God exists. Jesus atoned for the sins of ALL people on the Earth. I also know that Satan is real and he seeks for all mankind to be miserable and disconnected from our Father. Each person, individually, has to make the choice and "endure to the end" but if we ever feel too weak or confused to fight evil, God will help. All we have to do is decide we WANT the help, and ask.