Needing help

     Yesterday in the temple I had the opportunity to assist a woman in a wheelchair. As temple workers, we are admonished to allow people to do all they can for themselves which acknowledges them as independent persons. However, we are also encouraged to be as helpful as possible. You can see how this can lead to inner conflicts. I was ready and willing to do everything and anything she might need help with but I also admired her efforts to do the best she could. This was poignant to me as I remembered taking care of my mother for several years as she sat in a wheelchair.
     It was also an occasion for reflection because last weekend I somehow injured my leg. I don't remember doing anything drastic and I don't remember thinking "Ouch! That hurt." But at some point the inside of my knee started to hurt. I got progressively more painful over the next couple of days so I decided to ask the mission doctor's advice so I could know how best to allow it to heal while still performing my duties. (I was not interested in "resting" because I could not consider sitting around doing nothing for any length of time.) I was hoping he would say it was somehow sprained and it would heal in a couple of days. However, after examination, he used the dreaded "D" word- degenerative which means this is further evidence that I am not getting any younger. I eat nutritiously but I try hard to limit my intake because I don't want to gain any weight. I exercise as much as time and my own limitations will allow. ( I have sports induced asthma that gets me wheezing if I try to run or anything that gets me breathing really hard.) I have blessed with solid bones and I think I will be able to avoid osteoporosis, although being on Nexium is supposed to affect that. I try to maintain strong, flexible muscles. But I can't do much for joints. There are supplements that are supposed to help a little but basically, a LOT of people I know have gotten replacement joints- hips and knees- because their originals simply wear to the point of "bone-on-bone". Anyway, the doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory prescription and told me to take it a little easy and let the knee heal in a few days. So I have been trying to use the elevator in the temple and we have been driving up the hill and back each day.
     As I sat in the temple watching the woman in the wheelchair for anything I could do, I thought about being in her position. I thought about how she must feel to be unable to do things for herself that she probably used to do without thought. I did not consider it any kind of inconvenience to help her nor did I (or my sisters) feel it an inconvenience to help my mother. My quandary was this: if I ever get to the point that I need a considerable amount of help- and I'm not talking just temporarily like while healing from an injury or surgery but long-term increasing need for help- how will I react? Will I be able to be as tolerant and understanding with myself as I was with this woman? Will my frustration toward myself and my circumstances spill over into any form of unkindness toward others? Will I constantly apologize to the point that I'm downright annoying?
     Most people I know dislike feeling like a burden to anyone, even if only briefly. Most people I know apologize if they have to ask for directions, assistance, or any form of interruption of someone's life for their benefit. I wonder if I can be gracious enough and patient enough to be a pleasant person to help. Can I accept another's awkward attempts to move my body parts or give me something I didn't really want without feeling annoyed? Can I be patient enough to explain over and over what I need? I also work in the office one day a week with a woman who has been in a wheelchair since a car accident 9 years ago. She has no use of her legs but she is so capable in every other way. She has learned to ask for people to do things for her without doing it in a way that says, "I am helpless." I admire that. She just asks like anyone would ask a friend for a simple favor- pass the salt, or hand me my book, etc. We all go on about our lives day after day never expecting something drastic to happen which could change our lives completely. Some people cope with such shocks better than others. So, what's the difference? I don't know but I think that if we believe in ourselves, have learned to forgive ourselves, and recognize our own worth, we can deal better with needing help once in awhile or even longterm if necessary. If we don't feel that way about ourselves, our Savior and Heavenly Father can help. They want us to succeed and be happy so they are willing to assist whenever we need it. All we have to do is ask.