Somehow I always expected that as I got older, gaining experience and (hopefully) wisdom, I would also gain confidence. Russ and I are finding the opposite to be true for us. We have noticed greater anxiety. Whether it's preparing to travel, or working for someone, or attending a meeting- just about anything we have done all of our life, as we get older we tend to worry more. Maybe our greater experience has educated us about more possibilities for failure. As we witness or experience more disasters or simple glitches, it opens our eyes to more ways things can go wrong hence a greater concern about remembering things to do, watching for potential obstacles, and awareness of people who might cause harm.
We both love babies and young children. They are so genuine, often called innocent meaning unaware of and incapable of duplicity. Despite their self-focus, they do respond quickly to another's laugh, smile, or sorrow. Do we perhaps envy them that the world seems so simple to them? If someone smiles or speaks to them kindly, they have no idea whether that person is a criminal or a saint or an atheist or an anarchist or what color their skin is or what country they're from or what political party they support- none of that matters. The longer we live, the more we realize that you truly can't judge a book by its cover, and that goes both directions. We have personally known very pleasant people who are capable of horrific behavior. We have also known people who, due to birth defects or injury, are not pleasant-looking or may be rough-sounding but have hearts of gold. We have attacked jobs that appeared onerous and turned out to be pretty easy. On the other hand, we have started at what we thought would be a quick, easy task which turned out to be very frustrating with much greater time and expense than anticipated.
So, it seems that lack of experience can really allow more confidence, happiness, and motivation. I look back at earlier periods of my life and it seems I was more "free" then. I didn't have as many reasons to worry because I wasn't yet aware of how great the possibility of tragedy was. Every passing year now means someone I know well, if not myself, will be injured, develop a disease, have a great sorrow in their life, or experience unending depression. It's hard to focus on the many people that I know who are NOT experiencing great trials. I can think of a frustration at the very least in the life of every single person I'm closely acquainted with. The result of all this is that motivation is harder to come by. The fear of disaster is a great deterrent to get up and do anything. It seems easier to find excuses to just stay home where its safe- even wanting sometimes to just stay in bed and not even face another day. Ignorance can actually promote a greater feeling of freedom. Ignorance can truly be considered bliss.
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