How to help??

Not long ago in front of a house just down the street a fairly large cactus toppled over. It was just after a good rain- somewhat unusual for this desert climate. I'm sure the cactus had been growing there for several years but the excess rain weakened the soil and roots at the base of it and it simply fell over. My husband has always had a tendency to over-water plants in his well-intended desire to take care of them. I have tried to explain to him that over-watering can be just as bad for plants as insufficient water. You truly can "kill with kindness".
That has caused me to ponder in what ways you can "kill" with kindness. Here in Sun City, there are lots of people on medications for everything from high blood pressure to diabetes. Giving a lovely plate of homemade cookies to a diabetic is not helpful. The same thing applies to someone who is trying to lose weight. I have observed parents who rush in to help their child, giving them comfort for any little thing or doing something the child could and should do for himself. That is also not helpful. When someone is trying to recover from an injury or surgery or working at strengthening muscles, it is not always the best thing to jump up and serve them, not allowing them to make the effort themselves. I see older people here having a harder and harder time getting up out of a seat. Avoiding doing that only makes it worse. The only way they can keep moving is to move.
Don't get me wrong. I am in no way advocating ignoring someone who is struggling or not giving gifts. I just think it's important when we feel motivated to give someone something, that we try to care enough to consider their situation, know them well enough, to be sure that in our kindness we are truly helping. With someone struggling to do things they used to do before a stroke, cheering them on may be more kind than stepping in to do it for them thereby robbing them of the chance to re-gain abilities. With a child struggling to do a chore they deem too difficult, it may be more beneficial to them to give them instructions on how to do it or how to break it up into smaller, less daunting sections rather than to simply do it for them because you could have it done in less than half the time it takes to talk them through it.
I guess what I'm suggesting is that we consider the ultimate goal. Is the most important thing to have a clean room or to have a capable child who can grow up to be independent? Is it more important for us to feel generous in giving a plate of cookies when it may not be healthy or might it be more beneficial to give of our time and friendship? Is it more important for us to feel like we have rescued someone or alleviated our own suffering at watching them struggle, or to have everyone learn patience in continuing to work at something difficult knowing that with the effort it will get easier rather than getting weaker by not working at it?
Too often we want God to take away trials or pave the way for us to more easily accomplish something. God is wiser than that. He knows that every time He "does" something for us, we become weaker and more dependent. We're totally dependent on Him anyway but we often think we're doing it on our own. That reminds me of college-aged kids who think they're "independent" because they're away from home, using Mom and Dad's money. We need to rely on His wisdom and seek it through prayer and scripture reading, but not be disappointed or resentful when things don't work out quite like we want them to at the speed we want them to then crying out to Him that He's not listening or helping. Growing up is hard. But living forever dependent on someone else and incapable of dealing with things is worse. We need to believe in ourselves the way our Heavenly Father believes in us.

What I know- so far

As a child and through my adolescence, I came to know that God exists. I would be happy to share the ways I came to that realization if anyone were ever interested. I attended church fairly regularly, the Methodist Church since that's where my parents went. I didn't read the Bible very much until after I was married. In my late teens and early 20's I studied with members of and attended a couple of different churches, mostly born-again Christians and Jehovah Witnesses. They were good people and I appreciated their time and efforts. However, I felt they were simply voicing opinions they had been taught and using their own convictions achieved by reason to convince me of principles. I knew that since God existed, I needed to figure out how to discover what God's interpretation of principles was. I just didn't know how. After reading for myself various parts of the Bible, I came to understand there were certain principles that God seemed determined to have people know.

•  One, Jesus Christ was His Son and was born of a mortal mother through a miraculous conception. He taught correct principles for righteous living and suffered and died to atone for all of mankind.
•  Two, prayers are not just rote rituals. Prayers are the means with which we communicate with our Father in Heaven who originally created us. They are intended to be a two-way communication. Our task is learning how to receive His answers, not just tell Him what we want to tell Him or ask Him for what we want.
•  Three, faith is not simply saying we believe that God and Jesus Christ are real. Faith is truly a power with which we can perform miracles. If we have sufficient faith we can move mountains but only if there is an important reason for that mountain to be moved, not just to show off our power. That is because the power is through God and Jesus Christ, not of ourselves. That would include healing and finding things that are lost.

That was pretty much all I knew back in the 1970's. Since then, I have become an avid student of the Lord. I have always loved learning. I had originally planned to be a teacher but life got in the way. I especially love to learn things that are true and have relevance to life, not just trivia to show off memory. God has promised in several places in scripture and through prophets that He will give to all who come to Him ALL that He has. Too often people think of that promise in terms of money and worldly goods. Those things have no lasting value. He has told us, "Lay not up for yourselves treasure where moth and rust doth corrupt." His greatest treasure is wisdom born of knowledge of truth. Truth is NOT a relative principle. No matter how many witnesses there are and how many different ways they might interpret something, there is a truth as to what happened or what actually exists. Our challenge is to determine how to incorporate into our personal understanding what the truth is. That is what the Holy Ghost does. His job is to be a testator of truth deep within our souls so that we can understand according to our own experiences and knowledge. I thrill each time I learn something that is eternally significant. I can feel it when I do. I felt that thrill as a confused 15 year old who wanted to die but it was made known to me that I was important to God, despite my being only one of His billions of children. I felt that thrill when I prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true. I have felt that thrill more often as I seek learning, by study and by faith. I am so grateful to know what I know so far and look forward to learning more, even if I battle with discouragement at times. I may not change the world. I may not be able to even "save" those I love. But I know what I know and that changes me.

Recycling

For the benefit of anyone who is concerned about my problem as described in my last blog, here is the finished quilt. My concept was sort of a "rainbow" of colors ROYGBIV. I cut out hundreds, maybe even thousands of "diamond" shapes. The fact that they weren't equal on all four sides was what made it difficult. I think I have figured out what happens and how the shape of each piece impacts the outcome of the whole quilt.

 

 These are some of the piles of the pieces left over- there are really a lot- enough to do at least 2 more quilts the size of the one above, which is 75x90. It would be a bit larger once I actually add edges and make it into a quilt. I have 6 very large bins full of fabric and half a bin full of quilt tops ready to be finished when someone wants one or there is an occasion for such a gift. I'm trying to reduce the quantity of fabric without just throwing it out. There are some pieces which are many decades old and some more recently manufactured. I probably won't do any elaborate quilting. My goal is simply to piece what will hopefully be attractive coverlets for loved ones who may want additional warmth.

I have long been aware of the need to be more conscientious about resources. I started "recycling" before it was called that. There was a metal salvage place in Ithaca that took washed out cans and glass jars if you took the time to deliver them. They didn't pay anything but I wasn't looking for financial gain. I was simply doing what I could to reduce waste and the size of our landfill. I have lots of ideas of color combinations for the fabric I still haven't used: patriotic (red, white, and blue), shades of brown and tan and yellow, pastel colors, denim shades, etc. I have work enough to keep me going until I die.

making mistakes

I don't know whether anyone reads this blog. I don't know whether it is helpful or informative to anyone. As my daughter reminded me, it at least helps me to put down my thoughts on occasion. So, that's what I'm doing.
I have recently spent many hours cutting out what must be at least a thousand squares (actually, more accurately, diamond shapes) of fabric. My intention is to make quilt tops which can some day be made into quilts. The quilt tops are a way to recycle fabric and they take up less room than the bins full of miscellaneous scraps of fabric. As I prepared to sew some of them together, I realized a major design flaw. Now I have the choice of simply discarding the piles of little pieces I spent all those hours cutting out, or figuring out how to make them work. I can't help but wonder whether the time I have spent pondering different design possibilities matter. Am I wasting time that would be better utilized in some other way? If I throw them out, am I a quitter? My biggest problem is lack of spatial orientation comprehension. That is also why I get lost easily. So, I have decided that maybe I can learn something by struggling with these shapes until I can get them to come together.
As I have considered this whole problem, I realize that making mistakes is a part, even a necessary element, of our growth and development. A baby learns by trial and error. It certainly wouldn't get him very far if he quit trying to walk when he fell down. I recently had the opportunity to sing with a group performing an incredible piece of music. The composer/lyricist spoke to us before one of our performances and we were all amazed to find out he has no musical training. When asked how he managed to write such beautiful music, he said basically "trial and error". I have always thought learning by trial and error was the hard way. I prefer being taught by someone who has already worked things out- whether in a classroom or through reading a book. It should save time and heartache. However, I am slowly comprehending that ultimately, most of our learning is trial and error through our own personal experience. You can grasp basic concepts from the teachings of others, but you still have to incorporate the principle into your own thoughts and actions. Making mistakes is not necessarily a thing to be desperately avoided. I'm not advocating careless, riotous living! But I think that we can be a little easier on ourselves when things don't work out the way we intend them to. Roll with the punches.... No use crying over spilt milk....Experience is a great teacher. So, I may be spending a few more days with scattered bits of fabric spread out on the floor. But I'm not going to give up and I hope maybe I'll learn............something.

Why we can't pick and choose

There are probably more people on the earth that believe in God (in some form) than don't. But there are also more people that just want to think He's there when they need Him than those that actually care what He wants or expects. There is NO relationship that works well when it's only one way. Wanting God to be at our beck and call is not a healthy relationship- for God or us! We go on our merry way doing whatever we want and expect Him to be right there when we are desperate enough to take the time to try to communicate with Him. What earthly parent would ever want a relationship like that with their child??? So, there are certainly many people who consider themselves "religious" and they take some time out of their busy lives to read scriptures, pray, and attend church- all to seek to know God and maybe what He wants of them. Too often, we get selective about what we're willing to do. We may follow some of His guidelines but ones that we aren't comfortable with, we just kind of ignore. We say we want to be like our Savior, but only in certain aspects. I have been thinking about what happens when people try to be part-time servants of God.
Generosity and service to others is very important to God. Just doing acts of service does not always mean we are doing what God would have us do. There are wealthy philanthropists who donate a lot but then they expect to have a major say in how their donations are used. They often hope if not downright expect that their names will be prominently displayed on buildings, plaques, or in books. They are more interested in impressing other people than in pleasing God or emulating Jesus Christ.
Honesty is certainly recognizable to most people as an important element in religion. But people can be blunt to the point of being cruel but justify it by saying, "Well, at least I'm being honest." Jesus was honest but he was loving and non-judgmental, like in his dealing with the woman taken in adultery. He acknowledged that the woman had sinned but reminded those around her that they were not in a position to condemn her when they were guilty as well.
Loyalty and love of family and friends is commendable. Mafia members are known for their intense love and expectations of loyalty. Somehow I don't think they are exemplary followers of Christ.
We cannot legitimately consider ourselves servants of God or followers of Christ if we are not doing all we can to be aware of their true nature and earnestly striving to be like them. Having an aspect or two of their character or occasionally following a "rule" taught to us by a church is just not enough. If we are to stand in the presence of our Lord (which we ALL will do at some point), we will need to know in our hearts that, although imperfect, we sincerely and persistently strove to be the most like Him that we could, as we learned and struggled to overcome weakness and temptations. We will condemn ourselves even in the face of His unconditional love if we know we were half-hearted in our discipleship. Regrets hurt.

Day 3

I really wish we had remembered to take a close-up of my eyes, when relaxed, before the surgery . I had long ago decided that my saggy eyelids were just a genetic trait I would have to live with. I'm not into vanity and certainly would never be willing to undergo surgery (I haven't always had the best luck with surgery no matter how good the surgeon!) and spend gobs of money just to try to look better. Then I went to help a member of my church who had her eyelids "snipped" and she explained that medical insurance covers the procedure when it's considered an obstruction of vision. For years I have just kept my eyebrows raised to ensure my field of vision. I decided to ask my doctor, when I was in for other reasons, about it. She looked at me carefully and said she thought it was worth referring me to an ophthalmologist. After testing, photographs, and checking with our insurance provider, I was scheduled for surgery.

I was a little nervous, and even considered backing out a couple of times. But I prayed, felt more calm, and went ahead with it. I was knocked out very briefly, only for long enough to inject local anesthetic into my eye area. Then I was awake for the surgery. It was very strange to have my eyes fully closed then suddenly see the bright lights of the operating room without having moved my lids! After cutting out about an inch (the surgeon- a very attractive younger woman who has apparently done this a lot and is an expert- talked to me during the operation), I could watch her stitch my  lids closed again. I was also able to see her assistant dab at my lids, probably cleaning up blood.

Today is day 3 and my eyes seem to be doing fine. They are really puffy at times, especially first thing in the morning. I will be continuing to ice them for about 15 minutes of every waking hour for another day or so. You can see in the picture how colorful they are! I won't have to work hard at losing the habit of raising my eyebrows because, at the moment, when I do that it stretches the lids and is a little uncomfortable. I'm not venturing out of the house much yet because the sunlight feels intense and I don't want to have to explain to people the whole story or elicit pity. I'm just fine. I plan to put on sunglasses and walk outside, just in the backyard/golf course, briefly this afternoon.

NEW EYELIDS

By looking at the photos you will understand why Mary is not doing this blog. We meant to take some "before" pictures but forgot so all you get are the "after".

 

The first is with her eyes closed where you can clearly see the incisions where the doctor removed about an inch of flesh. The next is with her eyes open.

 

The reason we had this done is her eyelids were "sagging" and starting to interfere with her vision. She has put up with it for many years by raising her eyebrows but when she relaxed they would fall into her field of vision. There is some obvious swelling now but that will subside and she will not look like she is falling asleep anymore when she is relaxed. We did this now because she is still covered by my excellent insurance from the City of Ithaca. We don't know how long that will last. (thank you Mr. President) This will make life just a little easier for her.  Russ