Hawaii vacation not for wimps!

Lest there be a misconception that Russ and I just spent a week lounging on beaches and sipping coconut milk in Hawaii, I wanted to post some of our activities. We were too busy to take pictures of our kayaking and snorkeling but here are photos of some of our hiking. The temperature there ranged about 70-90 degrees with the humidity about that same range! We hike to a point on the island of Oahu that you can't drive to and is now a bird sanctuary- mostly for a breed of albatross.

In the time we were there, we drove the equivalent of all around the island about 3 times. The scenery is breath-taking if you're not accustomed to lush, green with lots of ocean and other water. The waterfall behind me was the destination of one of our hikes and the photo above it is just part of the walk up to it. You'd think all that walking would have helped me lose some of my middle age spread but I guess enjoying the local treats just offset all the exercise!

Studying war

No visit to Hawaii is really complete without going to Pearl Harbor. There are lots of different reasons for going there. As we spent the day touring the USS Missouri, the Bowfin submarine, and riding out to the USS Arizona Memorial, I pondered the whole "war memorial" thing. I am more grateful than I can express for the suffering on all levels of the men and women who serve in the military. I have uncles that served in the Korean War, a brother that served in the Army in Viet Nam, a husband that served in the Navy, and sons-in-law that currently serve in the Air Force. They all have families who survived their absence as well as their return with all the inherent issues involved. 

 I had a line from an old spiritual repetitively run through my head, "ain't gonna study war no more". And I thought about the saying, "Those who refuse to study history are doomed to repeat it." Again, I say there are many reasons for studying war and many different feelings about doing so.

Personally, I go to war memorials to be able to better understand what serving in the military involves so I can better appreciate the efforts and sacrifices of others. I don't like the History channel on tv because it seems to focus primarily on war and I prefer to think there is more to the history of humankind than war, its machines, events, heroes, and villains. As I watched videos and looked at all the technology of war at Pearl Harbor I couldn't help but think, "It's all about death and destruction." We need to remember wars so we can remember the cost in suffering, loss, and rebuilding. I fear that often the study of war is for the purpose of "improving" it- trying to kill more of the other team and fewer of your own, rather than solidifying a determination to find other ways to resolve conflict. I am all for defending against bullies and am not  what might be called a pacifist. I believe in having weapons because there are lots of bad people who have weapons and they would be content to destroy the lives of every person on the face of the earth to gain more power and wealth. The ultimate answer, however, is not just to get more and bigger and better weapons. The answer is to reflect more seriously on our inner desires and justifications. If we lust after fame or money we are likely to justify some level of "war" on one or more human beings. If we desire peace and unity and can embrace diversity of culture, we will strive to live in such a way as to help rather than harass, learn rather than inhibit, and practice policies that avoid as much as possible the harm or offense of others. In other words, live by the Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It may sound trite. I wish we could just bury all weapons. But the reality is, we are far from the goodness and maturity necessary to be without defenses. If all the weapons were buried, there are far too many who would start all over with the sticks and stones graduating to clubs and spears and on to guns then bombs, etc. But I'm still determined to teach, preach, and encourage self-control and sincere self-analysis to build a people with the capacity and potential to live in peace and unity. That's why Jesus Christ is my hero.

Slave or Apprentice

I recently had a conversation reminiscent of one I had over 40 years ago, only this time I was on the other side. I grew up with a vague awareness of, but definite belief in the existence of God. In my late teens and early 20's I came in contact with people who had a greater faith than mine. They had "given their life to God and Christ" and encouraged me to do likewise. I was okay with just admitting a belief in God and a gratitude for the Savior's atonement. I hesitated at the thought of "giving" my life- my dreams, plans, and actions- away to ANYONE. I struggled for awhile with that concept. I'm not sure exactly when I came to the decision but I recognized that God was not there just for my occasional whim or desperation. I needed to trust Him, not just when I thought He could give me what I wanted, but all the time.
So in this more recent conversation, I was asked something like, "Doesn't it bother you to think that you won't ever  be able to do anything YOU want without having to get divine permission?" The person asking me had a similar perspective to what I had so many years ago, namely that if I were to give away my will or allow my will to be "swallowed up" in the will of God, I would lose my individuality. I wish I could explain to everyone who feels this way why it just doesn't work like that. God's greatest gift to us is our freedom to choose. His greatest desire is that we will choose Him. He wants us to be obedient, not because he wants to be able to boss us around. We are not indentured slaves to serve at the whim of a fickle master. He wants to give us ALL that He has and that is way more than diamonds or gold. He has greater power, wisdom, and knowledge than all of us puny humans put together. Despite that, we are His children and He loves us enough that He has declared that we are His work and His glory. His hope is that we will all choose to give Him the only thing we actually own independent of Him- our will. He could vaporize our homes, families, belongings, and even take away the air we breathe, or allow someone else to exercise their agency to do that. He has had to watch His children abuse, bully, murder, and hurt each other in monstrous ways. But He will never take away our will or our freedom to choose. He was so determined to allow us to choose for ourselves that He planned, knowing we would mess up a lot, to provide a way for the debts we would pile up beyond our ability to take care of, to be paid..... by someone also greater than we are- His Only Begotten Son. I can't believe that mighty as God is, He didn't weep to watch the abuse and suffering of His Perfect Son who never did anything to deserve the treatment He got. And to think, all that was for all of us- imperfect, disobedient, rebellious, self-centered, and bratty as we are. He is just waiting for us to finally repent, to finally realize that we are all those obnoxious things and start trying to listen and learn from Him. We are His children- made in His image. We are God's apprentices. He wants us to learn from Him to be like Him. He is just waiting for us to fill out the job application which includes (1) Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ (acceptance of His atonement) , (2) Repentance (this is deep, heartfelt, genuine sorrow for all we do or say that is un-Godlike coupled with a sincere intent to avoid doing the same again), (3)Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins (this is how we make our apprenticeship covenant and the great thing about it is that it allows us to start with a clean slate!), (4) Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost (He gives us a gift that we can have with us all the time to guide us in everything we say and do so we can learn and improve). That's it. That's all we have to do. He will give us ALL that we have in exchange for our giving Him all that we have that is truly ours- a contrite heart and a willing spirit. I think it's a pretty good deal.

What authority?

Anyone who has ever raised children knows the dilemma created when it's time to give the eldest child additional responsibility- especially when they are old enough to stay home alone with younger siblings. It has been said by a prophet (and therefore by God) that "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion." You know what I mean- threats are made, punishments doled out, grounding promised, duct tape used...... There is, of course, the defense that younger siblings never take an older sibling as seriously as they would an adult. That could be considered justifiable on their part because the older sibling invariably uses their authority to bully, unload undesirable chores, create opportunities to brag, and all sorts of irregular behaviors. The older sibling will often not be fair or consistent. That is understandable because they are still a child (as opposed to an adult over about 30 years of age) so they lack the maturity and wisdom to try to rule over others. To add to their confusion, they can get in trouble for NOT interfering when a problem could be averted but they can also get in trouble for being unduly bossy. Since they're just a kid, they sometimes aren't sure how to proceed.
In Sunday School, we were reviewing the story in the Old Testament of Joseph. We briefly went over the defilement of his sister Dinah and the totally inappropriate reaction of her brothers (Genesis 34). I thought about when the children of Israel, led by Joshua, later returned to the "promise land" and were commanded to slay people, heathens, because God was concerned they would be a bad influence on the people- which later proved to be true. Then I thought of Nephi who was commanded to slay Laban in order to obtain an important record. "Better that one man should perish than a whole nation dwindle in unbelief." Then I thought about Jesus saying that not only should we not kill, we should not even be angry or hate. Then I thought about radical Muslims who go about slaying infidels because they believe Allah would have them do that.
So I pondered, if God is just and unchanging, how can these conflicting commandments be reconciled? God is our Father and He loves us. He has said, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay." (That can be found in Romans, Deuteronomy, Doctrine and Covenants, and other scriptures.) He has always commanded His people to declare repentance to all people- all His children. He has even given His authority, through the Priesthood, to administer ordinances that will be recorded and in effect in Heaven. The problem comes when, like the older kid given "authority", we get caught up in exercising our position and rights, without specific assignments. True, He doesn't want to have to command in all things and we are to be anxiously engaged in good causes all on our own so we prove ourselves to not be slothful servants. However, ending a mortal life is a pretty major issue. Just as a parent doesn't expect an older child to spank or ground a sibling (the extended authority doesn't go that far!), God does not expect us to go around killing people that we decide- on our own and just by general principle- aren't doing what they're supposed to do. Just because He has told someone sometime somewhere to slay or punish others it does not mean that He has given free license for any or all of His children to do the same at our discretion. We simply lack the wisdom and maturity to know what punishment is justifiable or when. God can see what's in hearts but we can't. He knows when someone is "ripened in iniquity". We tend to interpret any sin as a sign of ripeness!
So, what conclusion have I drawn? First of all, it's important to have unfailing faith in God. Just because we don't see, at first glance, how or why God does something, that doesn't mean it's not possible. If it looks like God is not being consistent, it's only because we don't understand Him, but we can learn if we pursue understanding. Plus, we need to trust that He is unchanging in His love toward EVERYBODY because we are all His children and He would be happy if all of us repented and wanted to live with Him. Second of all, while it's true that we need to show Him that we are willing to do good things on our own, we need to be cautious about how we use any authority or even simply our God-given agency. Asking God for guidance and waiting for permission is always a good idea- especially when concerning anyone's mortal life or eternal welfare. (What to wear or eat or even what job to take are probably choices that don't fit in that category.) Last of all, when we make the effort to get to know God, we can learn a lot from Him about our everyday issues, like being a parent. He wants to help us but He especially wants us to grow up to be happy and good. Isn't that what we all want for our children?

Commitment

With the whole tendency toward acceptance and political correctness, the definition of family is continuing to broaden. It used to be a mother, a father, and children. Sometimes one of the parents died leaving a single parent but most of the time if the children were still young, the surviving parent soon re-married. Sometimes the mother and father were unable to have children so they either adopted, cared for foster children, or simply lived as a couple throughout their life. One of the buzz words these days used to legitimize "alternative" families is committed relationships. This is where an adult decides to live with another adult for an extended period of time. Recently a radio announcer used this term to make the comment that he had experienced "several committed relationships". I find that an oxymoron. If a relationship is truly committed, can't it be expected to last a long time? If two people are simply choosing to avoid dating (translated these days to "having sexual relations with") anyone but one person, that is a relationship but should be called experimental or research or something. One of our sons once claimed, at age 15, that he and his girlfriend were really, truly in love and wanted to get married/live together. He was convinced he was ready to flip burgers to support a wife and possible children and they could be happy living in poverty. We spent some time going over black and white figures as to real-life costs of living: rent, utilities, insurance, vehicles, food, medical, and so forth. Beyond that, we tried to point out that "being in love" was not necessarily truly being committed. That comes, not when you are pink-cheeked and blissful, but when you are holding your wife's hair while she pukes in a toilet because she's on chemo, or helping your husband walk after a stroke, or sharing your last piece of bread because you have run out of money and food.
 True commitment is shown through pain, doubts, trials, and suffering. If the relationship can't endure those times, it isn't truly a committed relationship.
I'm not saying you have to have the strength to endure all that when you start out. When I was younger I had the mistaken idea that you needed to be fully capable or knowledgeable to sincerely take on anything meaningful. I thought you had to be fully informed and committed before deciding a career path or a marriage partner or to have children. In our church, we regularly bear testimony to our beliefs. I used to think it was not quite realistic for children to bear their testimony because how could a child really understand a belief in God or Jesus Christ or prophets? Now I realize that we take baby steps in a direction. It's not that we already know everything about God or a prospective mate or what is involved in any career. The point is that we are personally committed to stick it out. We find out that a career path may not be what we're best at but we stick with a job until we have an alternative. We forge ahead to get whatever training or education we will need for whatever we have decided to do instead. We marry someone who has the characteristics of a responsible adult and we covenant with each other for life, or longer. We feel an awareness of a being outside ourselves and we  tenaciously work to know who He is and what He expects of us. Perseverance is the major key to becoming or having anything worthwhile. Fair weather friends are not really friends at all. The same holds true for faith or marriage. If it only last while things are going well, it's not deep or strong or real. That comes over time and by choice to not resort to making excuses like "not knowing it would be this hard" or "this isn't what I signed up for". A commitment is not real if it's temporary.

Why I think we need reunions

Family reunions are getting to be a thing of the past. People are more transient than ever before. Families are spread all over the globe and even within the primary family, members can go long lengths of time without seeing each other, other than on Skype. Extended families become virtual strangers because kids don't meet cousins and aunts and uncles are often unknown other than through pictures or names on a Christmas card. There are so many advantages to meeting together with people who are biologically connected. I have been pondering just a few:

There is something that strikes a chord of familiarity in us when we are face to face with someone  with whom we share genetic make-up. We see the shape of a chin, the bags under the eyes, the ears that are so similar to what we see when we look in the mirror. Although we remain unique, we are not as alone in our physical features.

Family stories- we are reminded of events in our life, sometimes many decades ago, that have been a small part of shaping who we are. As we raise our own children, we can be shocked or disappointed at things they may do that we didn't teach them and don't even approve of! There is something reassuring about hearing from older members of the family stories of the antics of past generations. We hear about the time an uncle "stole" a toy he wanted and his parents wouldn't buy it. He turned out okay. He had to return the toy and apologize or work to pay for it because he broke it or whatever. But he didn't end up in prison, our fear when our child has taken something not belonging to him or getting suspended from school. We hear stories about playing doctor or getting caught kissing behind the barn. So we are comforted that our child won't end up with an unwanted pregnancy or accusations of sexual abuse. Life experiences pass, lessons are learned, and people go on with their lives.

 

 

Sometimes we feel so unattractive we wonder how anyone could ever love us. With a family group, we can feel loved unconditionally no matter how big our nose is or how fat our thighs are. Our family members can comfort us with hugs and jokes and reminders that we have value.

Our family is like most of the rest of the world- spread out all over the globe. But we have a passionate desire to spend time together and enjoy whatever opportunity we can manage. I am so grateful to be accepted and loved by many really good people. Even if we don't live near each other, we will still love each other and enjoy being together, even if it has been too long a time apart.

I don't want to re-live the 60's!

     Two posts in one day? Sheesh........ I have been thinking about another topic which has motivated me to write another opinion. As a child of the 60's I was caught up in the philosophies like "If it feels good, do it" and "Peace, Love, Dope" and "The New Morality". Now that I'm older and  little wiser, I can look back and see how silly all that was. The first saying I mentioned was basically hedonism- like I talked about in the post just below this one. Can people really not understand how destructive to society in general it would be if everyone just did what they felt like when they felt like it??
     I attended a reunion one time meeting with many people I hadn't seen in a couple of decades. One of my really good friends during my high school years attended with his "partner". Most of our classmates did not respond positively about his "coming out" as it is usually called. When asked why he would choose that lifestyle he said something about not being happy in his marriage and having never "tried" anything with another guy before. He tried it and found he liked it.
     Another story- we were spending time with another old friend at another time and discussing the upcoming holidays. She asked what our plans were for New Years Eve. She said that she and her husband always spent a few days at a casino. The food was good and inexpensive and they enjoyed the gambling. They were "careful" about gambling in that they put aside a certain amount of money and limited themselves to it.  We told her that we never gambled. We just couldn't see the point in it. You could lose a big amount of money in a very little amount of time. We couldn't justify sustaining the business that causes so many heartaches in so many lives, just for "FUN". She said, "Well, have you ever tried it? You might like it."
     There are so many things that people justify simply because they "like" it. Obesity has become a major issue simply because we keep trying things and liking them. Unwanted pregnancies are a result of trying something and liking it without considering the consequences. Theft (pickpocketing, armed robbery, scams, etc.) are a result of people just trying to get what they "like".
     As for "Peace, Love, Dope"- peace is certainly a desirable thing. I really hope for, strive for, and want peace. But I recognize that people like criminals, Hitler, Ivan the Terrible, and any number of humans disrupt the peace in the process of pursuing what they have justified to themselves as appropriate to have or do. The only way to stop them from continuing their rampage is to fight back- not as "peaceful" as just letting them do what they want, but I think it's necessary. Love is certainly a positive thing. However, the love usually referred to more and more is actually lust. People "show love" by wanting to have sex. The 60's promoted free sex between people- in groups, singly, several different people in a night, whoever attracted you. Women's Lib encouraged more use of birth control and started the philosophy that abortion should be considered like birth control therefore it should be up to the woman and her "right" to do with her body what she wants.  Dope- well, that's quite a topic these days. As much as I would have applauded its legal status in the 60's, I have wised up over the years. I think we are headed toward major regret over marijuana. It's a more "peaceful" public intoxicant than alcohol and not as addictive as heroin or cocaine. However, is it really a good idea to socially promote a public intoxicant simply because so many people "like" it? My observation during my pot-smoking years was that dope made people "dopey"! We thought we were deep, philosophical thinkers but Yellow Submarine was only a good movie if you were stoned. And, if you think there's a problem with obesity now, just wait until more people get the munchies when they're stoned! One of the reasons we stopped smoking pot is that it was just mind-numbing. It didn't provide motivation to succeed or improve or even do ANYTHING. There is a problem now with the "younger" generation who want what they had growing up without having to go without for awhile to build up their possessions and equity. If we have more un-motivated, stoned people, welfare and government assistance is going to shoot up.
     "New Morality"- in the words of a psychologist or somebody at the time, the "new morality is just the old immorality". Boy, is that true! Sex with whomever, whenever has existed since at least the time of Noah when God decided the earth was so filthy it needed cleansing. There are lots of stories of ancient civilizations in Rome or Greece where men had boys as sex partners. The saying goes, "those who refuse to study and learn from history are doomed to repeat it". So, what happened to those old civilizations who thought they were so smart? Can we never learn???
     Whether you believe in the existence of God or go back to Ghandi or Kant, there is ample evidence that moral disintegration is truly a concern. Over and over again, people try to promote vices, weaknesses, and immoral behavior- 50 years ago or 2000 years ago. We can't expect to support all the old social ills with repeated attempts to justify them. We can either learn from the past, or repeat it.