Just for show

There was a time in my life when I did things for show. I was young, vain, and foolish like a lot of humans tend to be. I struggled with feelings of self-worth because I relied so heavily on how much my "show" impressed others. I tried to be smart, pretty, accomplished, multi-talented, and "popular". Now that I am older, I realize how unstable and undependable the opinions of the world can be. People that don't know me and care about me simply cannot be a good judge of my value. There is no logic to relying on them for a rating. People who do know me and care about me, know that my youthful beauty is gone but once I had some. They know I make mistakes but try hard. They know if I seem rude or thoughtless on any given day, it is either a misunderstanding on their part, or I am having a really bad day. The above photo was taken (that's Joan Dawson with me for anyone who knows her) in June 1967. I had lots of dreams about going places! Forty-two years later, the photo below shows what's important to me now.

I made little animal and flower shaped buns for family members for Christmas. I wasn't trying to impress so they would think more of me. I wanted the meal to be fun with a potential for pleasant memories for all of us. All of what we create with our hands during our earthly existence is going to some day disappear. These rolls had a very short life-span! The parties I have planned are over, the clothes I have made are mostly worn out or outgrown, the things I clean just get dirty again, and I still haven't figured out how to save this blog stuff so that will all disappear into cyberspace some day. But, hopefully, people (who have spirits that will last for eternity) who have known me, will think well of me. That's really all that matters. Their thoughts and memories will go on. I'm trying to do all that I can to have the ones that involve me be more pleasant than not.