Scary things

Russ and I have completed 6 decades of mortal life and are working our way through the 7th. I have remarked before how much we are learning about this stage of life, living here in Sun City, surrounded by mostly people older than we are. When we were younger, I thought of older as just being....... well..... older. I had no idea of the things that happen to your body, no matter what you eat, do, or how hard you try to avoid them. I understood that if you follow certain lifestyles, you can expect problems. If you are sedentary, you will find it harder and harder to move. If you smoke cigarettes you are much more likely to end up with emphysema or lung cancer. If you overeat you will be obese with heart, breathing, and general living problems. What's really scary is that, even when you try to avoid the worst issues, things happen without your permission.
Starting at the top, your hair is no longer what it used to be. If you are fortunate enough (like I am) to not have thinning hair, you will probably get white or grey hair. Sometimes you're lucky enough that the color is even and "attractive". Russ's hair is thinning but still his original color. People generally think I am the older of the two of us because my hair has changed color and his hasn't. He is 3 years older than I am and is older than he looks, thanks to good genes. A little deeper from the top, brains start to deteriorate but they do it at very different rates and in different ways. There are people I know who are in their 90's that seem to remember an amazing quantity of stuff. Yet, lots of people in their 60's (even when we try to exercise our brains regularly) are beginning to experience the frustration of drawing blanks on coming up with a word or person's name. It can be embarrassing and it makes it hard to play Trivial Pursuit or Jeopardy. In addition, the center of balance in the brain is one of the things that goes first. Older people don't fall a lot just because of lack of muscle flexibility. Balance in the brain is not working like it did at a younger age. Riding a bike or walking becomes more difficult and riding carnival type rides is downright miserable, even if you enjoyed it when young.
Next is a problem I have noticed especially among older women. Suspicion! I'm not sure if it's a side effect of forgetfulness or feeling of increased vulnerability due to a decrease in strength, agility, and speed of response, but older women can get downright paranoid. There is an increased obsession with locking doors, which becomes a compounded difficulty when you can't remember where you put keys. There is an increase in over-reaction to inferred insults or flaws noticed in other people. As scary as the other stuff is, this part really worries me. I don't want to be constantly hurt or insulted or suspicious of other's intentions. Nice little old ladies can become quite mean because they feel they are being taken advantage of, even if it really isn't the case at all. I don't want to cause people to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me, constantly explaining motives or apologizing ahead of time because they may be misunderstood. I sometimes worry if maybe I'm already like that!Also especially in older women is a problem with sleeping. Even though you're exhausted at the end of the day, it happens nearly every night that you either can't get to sleep or you fall asleep then wake in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Then you're so tired at some point during the day that you're embarrassed by falling asleep at any moment, even as you struggle to retain consciousness.
Loss of hearing, sight (cataracts, macular degeneration, loss of flexibility in the lens), and taste are all major chunks taken out of the joys in life. It's really a pain to be left out of conversation simply because you miss half of what is said, or to be constantly requesting things to be repeated to the point that you seem unintelligent.
All of this happens just in the topmost part of your body! I haven't even addressed issues further down like arthritis, incontinence, aching and/or misshapen feet, increased carpal tunnel symptoms, neuropathy in all parts of your body causing pain and/or numbness. In addition, Russ and I have become more conscientious of our eating and exercising than ever before in our life yet our weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol continue to slowly climb. We walk vigorously 2-3 miles 5 or 6 days a week. In addition, we are rarely sedentary in our activities throughout the day. Due to severe acid reflux, I don't eat any fried foods (french fries, donuts, deep-fried whatever) or foods with heavy sauces. We eat several servings of fruits and vegetables every day and limit our carbohydrate intake. We don't drink soft drinks (Russ does occasionally but I never do because my stomach can't deal with carbonation) and rarely drink fruit juice. We try to drink enough water to avoid dehydration and constipation. Sometimes it seems like all we think about is trying to stay healthy!
I sure don't understand why ANY sane person would hope to live a long life. Sure, you have fewer responsibilities once you retire from regular work and your kids are grown and out of the house. But you end up having to keep track of doctor appointments, a plethora of pills, and frequent self-inflicted injuries from lack of strength or coordination. Nope. I have no desire to live to be 100, or even 90! In fact, I wouldn't mind not making 80! Nobody needs me anymore. That's okay. I have done lots of good things and worked hard. I get no pleasure from endless hours of tv watching or card-playing and I don't play golf at all. This really isn't a plea for pity or a depressed mood. I just see what's ahead and I'm not anxious to get deeper into old age problems. I have the added bonus of knowing what comes next. I may miss loved ones for awhile but that's the way it is right now so that's not any different. I'll be with them again- if that's what they want. If they don't then there isn't anything I can do about it anyway. So, for now, I'll keep doing what I can to ward off whatever deterioration I can then just hope for a quick ending- not too far down the road.