What is reality- really?

Yet another way, besides our general attitude (depression, optimism, resentment, etc.) we can influence our perception of "reality" is our expectations. We alone determine what our expectations for ourselves, others, the future, our environment, and EVERYTHING will be. We can impact "reality" by these chosen expectations. For instance, if we paint a picture and have an image of the completed work in our minds, nobody else on the planet can know what that image looks like. So if we don't manage to make it match with our expectation, we can consider it a failure, something not as we had wanted it to be. It won't matter if everybody else who sees it considers it a great work of art. If it doesn't meet our expectations, to us the "reality" of it is a failure. We may try (and even delude ourselves into thinking that it's so) to avoid having expectations of others. I know for myself that Mother's Day was nearly always a disappointment for me during the time my children were growing up. It wasn't really that they were particularly unappreciative or misbehaving on that day. It was the fact that I had expectations of the day being one that my children would especially appreciate me as their mother; that I would somehow feel especially gratified that my efforts to be a "good mother" had been successful. Then I would look at their quite common bickering, lack of obedience, neglect of what I deemed their responsibilities, and their normal childishness as "failure" of my mothering. Now that I am distant from it, I can see this was the reality, but at the time my perception of reality was annual proof that I was failing as a mother.
In a marriage, especially long-term but even shorter term where there is an attitude that "We are soul mates therefore we can finish each other's sentences and anticipate each other's preferences or desires", there are expectations which often result in conflict. Something as harmless as a husband wanting to show his wife he appreciates her by doing the laundry can go awry because, unbeknownst to him, she had planned to do it after finishing work in the garden so she could put in her dirty work clothes. Or maybe he puts one of her treasured items in the dryer without realizing it would ruin it. A husband may work hard straightening up the garage then come inside, exhausted, looking forward to time spent relaxing in front of the tv. The wife may think about how wonderful it will be to have the garage straightened up and decided to celebrate by going out to dinner. She gets dressed up and makes a call to reserve a table at a nice restaurant. Surprise! Is the "reality" in the first situation that the husband isn't sincere enough in his plan to show appreciation to his wife? Is the "reality" of the second situation that the wife doesn't even notice how exhausted her husband is or know him well enough to know that getting cleaned up and dressed to go out is not his favorite thing?
Two millenia ago, there was a group of people who had been told for many centuries to expect a deliverer, a Messiah. Prophets had given hints to use to recognize Him. There were writings and lectures to help prepare them to receive Him. The people were a bit negligent in their preparations and self-centered in their expectations for what this Messiah would do for them. As a result, they not only failed to recognize Him, they actually had part in seeing to it that He was exterminated. Their "reality" was, and continues to be, that God has still not sent the promised Messiah to "deliver" His people. So does this mean that "reality" is that He was here and was who some said He was, or not? What does that mean for you and me now? Do we study the recorded witnesses of His life and teachings because our choice of "reality" is that Jesus Christ was the promised Messiah and His words contain guidance for making righteous choices? Is our "reality" that nobody really knows therefore we can remain self-centered as the chosen people in the meridian of time and continue forming God in the image of our own choosing? Therefore we absolve ourselves from any alteration in our own lifestyle because our "reality" is that we don't need to change anything about ourselves until we know for sure. In the meantime, we continue to "expect" God to deliver us from any pain or heartache when we want it, totally unrelated to any obedience or effort on our part. When He doesn't do what we want Him to do, we choose a "reality" that either He doesn't exist or He doesn't love us or He's punishing us unfairly. So, "reality" is really what we make it to be.