I have posted before about helping or ennabling. I am aware that when you keep "helping" someone, you are often just creating a dependent. Ultimately that can reduce a person's confidence in their own judgement or ability to act. Upon further pondering, I am slowly understanding the extent to which this is a true principle. As a basic idea, anyone can see that if you constantly carry a toddler, they cannot perfect the ability to walk. You may love them and have a desire to "help" them, but the very best way to help them is to let them stumble, pick themselves up, and just cheer them on. Otherwise, they expect you to do the walking for them. Taken a step further, if you bail out adult children too much, or even choose to be frequently charitable to any one person out of the goodness of your heart and/or love for them, they soon look to you as a resource to which they are entitled rather than a bonus for which they are grateful. It's easy enough to recognize that giving answers for a required test or taking over part of a required task in order to qualify for something (parents doing a kid's homework, someone giving a college student answers to an exam, completing some part of a practical for someone working to qualify for a position or credential) is counter-productive. I would not want to be operated on by a doctor who had someone else pass their tests or do their practicals for them. I would not even want my furnace repaired by someone who skipped part of their training but had someone cover for them so they could receive their certification. It doesn't matter if the person seeking the qualifications has a deficit from dyslexia to blindness, from tremors to paralysis. If the task can not be completed by that person, they should not simply be passed because someone feels sorry for them. Every individual MUST be able to do an honest self-analysis and determine if, no matter how badly they may claim to want it, they are truly qualified before demanding qualification. It's not about getting pats on the back or loving unconditionally. It's simply, objectively "can you do this or not?" On the part of the one trying to "help", they need to honestly, objectively, patiently recognize that in order to qualify or succeed, the person they are trying to "help" MUST do at least a minimum for themselves before you step in. Always, always, it is appropriate to express love and encouragement. But the encouragement is only helpful to those who are sincere in their desire to honestly qualify and recognize they need to be independently eligible beyond just wishful thinking. Sometimes, we have to stand by and watch a lot of stumbling and falling before someone we love finally makes a genuine concerted effort to make it on their own. We may get impatient and step in too early thereby not helping at all but simply prolonging the learning or growing phase.Discerning that requires wisdom. That's what God has that we don't yet.
It's a good thing God hasn't "handed us the keys to the car" yet. He may ask us to do things, through an assigned position (parent, ecclesiastic authority, occupation He helped you get), but He will only help us in our tasks if we seek and are willing to do His will. We may manage to accomplish something on our own but maybe it's not as good as it could have been. That's not God being bossy. That is WISDOM! If He were to give us ability and authority to intervene in other people's lives before we have the wisdom to know what is best for that person, we could make a real mess of things. As it is, we have authority and accountability for OURSELVES (agency) and we make plenty of messes we then have to cry to Him for help to get out of. Imagine if we could just go about removing people's trials because we love them and don't want to see them suffer. What would they then learn? Trials are not a TOTALLY bad thing, miserable as they are. Paul expressed gratitude for the thorn in his flesh. I don't know if I am quite as ready to be grateful for all my trials, but I'm working on it. I have reached the point where I can recognize and appreciate the wisdom of God- ALL the wisdom- the good, the miserable and the ugly. He doesn't want us to suffer but He does want us to learn and grow. We tend to be mostly independent, feisty children who often think we know better than He does. I am completely willing to accept His will in all things. I haven't always figured out exactly what that is- but I'm willing to accept it and keep striving to know Him well enough to figure it out. He says, "Be ye therefore perfect". I am totally aware that I am far from perfect. However, I believe in HIM enough to believe that if He tells me to do something, I can do it. I may have to ask for help but if I am making a sincere effort without quitting, I can work at getting there. So can you, and we can trust that our loving Father in Heaven will be there to help.
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