The hard part-

Unknowingly, I set myself up for devastation. I have always maintained that my favorite genre of book and film is historical or historical fiction. I want to feel that I have learned something from the story, not just been entertained by someone else's imagination. Several years ago I read Elie Weisel's Night, Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place, saw the movie and read the book The Help, and today Russ and I went to see Unbroken. As I watched, trying to decide whether to wait to see how it turned out while praying for it to be over, or just get up and leave without what I hoped would give me some peace of mind in the end, I started (and have continued) to analyze my feelings. What caused me to sob nearly uncontrollably was not as much the horror of what POW's went through, but that human beings are capable of such evil. It's one thing to be patriotic or defend when attacked, but the anger and hatred that allows a human being to inflict incredible pain on another human being just causes me to feel nauseous. My heart felt like it was being forced through a wringer. Whether the justification is "you are my enemy" or "you are not really a human like me" or "you deserve this" doesn't matter. What matters is that a human being who experiences pain, sorrow, love (maybe), or even just discomfort can go to the extent of causing pain enough to draw blood or result in death or permanent injury to another human being. Sometimes it is even done over and over again by that same person. An adult can go beyond a swat on a little one's behind NOT because they are concerned about the child's safety (like when you are trying to emphasize NOT poking a screwdriver in an outlet or NOT running out in the street) but because they are ANGRY. When angry, tears from the injured party can even cause the anger to worsen because somewhere deep inside the adult there is a feeling of guilt or compassion they want to override. A person in a position of authority feels they have been somehow challenged or disrespected so they inflict punishment (lashing a slave, beating a prisoner, firing an employee who has not really neglected their responsibilities but has somehow offended the boss). Begging for mercy sometimes increases the anger of the authority because they feel an inner rush of power over the underling.
I can't help but recall the times I may have gone a little farther than I should have in punishing, somehow justifying myself due to a child's rebelliousness or my weakness due to being tired, ill, or stressed out. Did I have that angry attitude that could allow me to do real harm to another human? When does the "line" get crossed? People are sometimes killed over their choice of sports team to root for. When does the name-calling, the jeers, the chest-thumping go too far? And why is any of that even justifiable when you aren't actually playing in the game where you could maybe say you need to be pumped up to better perform? How can anyone of any race, nationality, color, or gender justify mistreating another human being because they feel superior simply by any of those aspects of the person? How can a man be angry enough to rape a woman? How can people riot and destroy property to try to "pay back" people who may not have even been involved with whatever unfairness they may feel was shown? Even if someone IS your enemy or has expressed insults and derision, how can a human being enjoy hurting another human being? Isn't that hypocritical? It even hurts me to know I have a loved one who cries over mistreatment of animals but is fascinated by serial killers and voraciously reads gory books and watches sickening movies or tv shows. Where is the line between an empathetic tender human and a monster? What about road rage? How can a person use a vehicle, which is a potentially deadly weapon, in a way that could cause harm or even death to another person, simply because they didn't like  a choice they made in driving?
I have been praying for a long time for some of the wisdom God has which allows Him to observe our bad choices without stepping in to stop us. I understand how wonderful and necessary it is that we all have been given the freedom to make our own choices. We need to decide for ourselves who we want to be. We need to sometimes feel or even just observe the consequences of our choices so we can raise to a higher standard than the animals who react by instinct for survival. Where is the line? After watching this movie, I wondered, did Angelina Jolie (who did a great job directing this very realistic movie) have a part in encouraging the anger and hatred on the faces of the actors? Were they able to call up such feelings on their own? How much of that do we all have inside us? How do we overcome it if we really don't want to be that way?
I understand Christ atoned for sins. I am as grateful as I can be considering my very finite mind and puny understanding. But the atonement only takes care of repented thoughts and actions. If we seek to justify ourselves, it is only fair that we suffer the consequences. Even if we don't feel the anguish, regret and sorrow until after we die, we just need to truly acknowledge that what we did was wrong or we haven't learned anything. So what I am currently grieving is the natural man in every human being that goes to some degree far enough to injure another human being without regret. Right now I feel crushingly ashamed to be have any natural man elements inside me. The end of mortality (death) is NOT the hard part- living is.