Update

I haven't written a blog for awhile. I'm sorry I don't have a camera with me to be able to take pictures to post to make it more interesting. Yesterday Russ and I finished cleaning out Dad's shop. Dad is normally very neat and well-organized. Since moving here about 10 years ago, he just hasn't had the opportunity to get his things completely straightened up. There were lots of things in this house when they moved in. The previous owners were both old and when they died, apparently there was no one in their family that wanted anything so it was all just left here, right down to dishes in the cupboard, clothes in the closets, and medicine in the bathrooms! Dad put his stuff into the shop, just pushing stuff out of the way. Then they spent most years in and out traveling the country to visit family and only being here part of the time. Then, 2 years ago, Mom had a r eally bad fall and things got pretty hectic for Dad trying to do construction work for people, visit Mom in the hospital then nursing home, and keeping up with life. And THEN, a year ago, he was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer and started chemotherapy. Being 84 and having chemo, his energy has been pretty sapped. He's not afraid of dying, thank goodness. He's not an avid scripture reader but he knows there is a God and that his life will continue after he leaves mortality. He has been reasonable about getting rid of "earthly things". I went through his closet with him quite awhile ago and he kept very little. He kept some work clothes on the hopes that he might get strong enough to do SOME work. Other than that, he has been realistic about his expected lifespan and what he will need.
Last night we pulled off what could have been a disastrous "Christmas gift" for my parents- especially Mom. On the way to the airport recently, I noticed a sign advertising the largest light show in Arizona. I thought that seeing a Christmas light display that we could drive through might be a really pleasant experience for Mom, Dad, Russ, and me. But how to manage it? Mom cannot get in and out of a vehicle. For the past two years, she has only travelled in a wheelchair transport van. That costs quite a bit and it doesn't allow other passengers to ride along. I started asking at church, since they are my closest contacts for things around here. A couple at church offered the use of their van that has a wheelchair lift in the back to carry an unoccupied wheelchair. Since I had been unable to find any other way to manage it, Russ, Dad, and I went to their house and analyzed how we might be able to get Mom in and out. We thought we might be able to do it. With the use of the couple's motorized wheelchair that had a movable arm to lift out of the way, the slide board my brother had made for Mom quite awhile ago, a sturdy physical therapy belt, and brute force (including having to bend Mom's legs for her), Russ and I managed to get Mom into one of the rear seats of the van. We drove down to Glendale, drove through the light display, and got Mom back before the rain got too persistent and the hour too late. It was a successful venture and we were all greatly relieved that it worked out.
I continue to be more comfortable with taking care of Dad than dealing with Mom. A few days ago, she commented to me that she hadn't slept well. When I asked why, she said that she was uncomfortable because a nurse had put a pillow behind her back. I asked, rather incredulously, why she didn't move it! She even said the nurse offered her a pain pill because she was uncomfortable with the position of her legs and back. She refused because she didn't want to take a pill. I just can't understand why she is diagnosed with nothing more serious than osteoporosis but she does nothing for herself. She won't move her legs if her feet start to slide off the leg supports on her wheelchair. She puts a pillow between her knees as she sits all day in her wheelchair instead of bending her knees and moving her legs apart so they don't rub together. I understand that she is 84 and has been through some great trials. But she talks CONSTANTLY about coming home. She talks about "next Christmas" or some other time in the future with no intention of believing she won't still be here. Maybe it's her way of dealing with a fear she has of death. She has been a very religious woman most of her life. She should understand and appreciate that this mortal life is just temporary for all of us. There is also considerable evidence that her mental faculties aren't really strong. Sometimes she seems to understand things and sometimes she just doesn't seem to get it. It's not like I have to bite my tongue all the time. I know there is no point in getting angry or even impatient with her. I know she isn't fully realistic about things. My dilemma is knowing how blunt, how honest, how insistent to be. How hard do I try to explain or remind? Fortunately, the care center doctor finally agreed to request a counselor to visit with Mom. I can only hope it helps for someone not so close to talk to her. Maybe Mom will understand better why she can't "come home" and maybe the counselor will get a better insight into her thinking and can explain it to Dad, me, and my sisters.

Happy Birthday, Son

On December 25th we celebrate the birth of someone who started mortal life over 2,000 years ago. His birth was unique because of who He is. The millions of people who have ever lived or who now live on this earth benefited from His birth, life, and sacrifice.
Our family started celebrating 31 years ago on December 3 when we had a baby boy join our mortal family. Although Christ is not here in mortality for us to see every day, we celebrate His birth. Although Ammon is not here in mortality, I still celebrate what he contributed to our family. His children are beautiful, his wife is a great asset to us, and he taught us all even if it wasn't all necessarily pleasant at the time. He succeeded in developing several talents during his relatively short mortal life. He also learned some wisdom. I imagine he will amaze me when I see him again. He is likely doing wonderful things and learning much more. Happy Birthday, Ammon.

Sorry

I don't know if anybody reads blogs much any more now that there are quicky Tweets or twitters or texts or whatever. But I'm feeling a little blue and need to vent. Sorry.
I have been thinking about rebelliousness. The writers of the US Constitution were right- we do have "God-given" freedoms. Unfortunately, most of us act like some teenagers who are given the car keys. We are excited for the freedom but don't consider the responsibility. Russ and I had a really good friend who was using his God-given freedom to make choices in some not-so-responsible ways. He was a heavy smoker, doing drugs and living a homosexual lifestyle. One time he was trying to convince us of the benefits of using raw sugar versus processed sugar. It was hard to take him seriously. He is taking poison into his body in the form of nicotine and tar in his lungs, other unnecessary drugs in various forms, and having risky sex and he wants us to listen to his concerns about SUGAR??!! In Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire cat says, "If you don't know where you want to go, it doesn't really matter which path you take." We have the freedom to take whatever path we want, but we shouldn't be surprised at where we arrive. There is a scripture in which the Lord (who is much wiser than I am) "suggests" what we should or should not take into our bodies in order to be healthy. Sometimes people chafe at such things. I remember having someone say to me, "Oh, that's right, you can't drink coke (or coffee, or tea, or wine, or alcohol)." That's not really true. I CAN do whatever I want. I just choose not to take into my body any unnecessary stimulants or sedatives. I am trying to be in control of my body rather than have my body dictate to me what it needs to be awake, or relaxed, or whatever. At least once a month I fast, going without food or drink for 24 hours. That is also my choice. I am doing it to let my body know that I am in charge. I am doing it to strengthen the part of me that will last forever- my spirit. I doesn't really matter if you have a cup of coffee or smoke a cigarette. God will not condemn you to eternity apart from Him (also known as Hell) for anything like that. However, if someone does not want to take His advice or follow His instructions, why would they expect to dwell with Him forever? It will not work to have rebels in His company. That's what the war before any of us came here to earth was all about and that's what the final war will determine- whose side you want to be on. A king/prophet once said, "I cannot tell you all the ways in which you can sin for there are diverse ways." He wasn't just being elusive or trying to use scare tactics. His point is that it isn't the picky little things we do or don't do. It isn't a matter of whether you use a serve yourself gas pump to avoid "shopping" on the Sabbath or whether you drink caffeinated or de-caffeinated Coke. It's all about your heart. Do you WANT to be obedient? Do you WANT to learn from a wise Heavenly Father? Or would you rather use your freedom to make your own choices and do things your own way?
It's easier to keep the commandments 100% than 98%, as said recently by a wise man. That way you don't have to try to figure out how to justify yourself or your choices. Just remain humble and obedient. Just make every effort you can to learn His wisdom so you won't have to go to Him with questions about every detail of life. He wants us to be like Him.

Yesterday was a day of spiritual and emotional highs and lows. The lows were concerning Dad, who has been feeling especially nauseous despite taking his anti-nausea medication since Thanksgiving as well as having diarrhea, and one of my granddaughters, Ellie, who has been spiking a fever over 104 degrees since Thanksgiving despite having been given an antibiotic for what they "thought" was scarlet fever. I don't yet know how those situations will work out. Dad certainly does not need to lose any more weight. He has his belt on the tightest hole and his pants still threaten to fall down. He was pretty unsteady on his feet.
Despite not feeling well, Dad wanted to go to church. It was definitely worth going! A nearby ward sent their Primary children over (Dad's ward is nearly all grey-haired) to do their sacrament meeting presentation. Although seeing the children made me ache for my grandchildren, it was a wonderful program. I tried to analyze what it is about children that warms most people's hearts. There is something about purity and innocence that touches us. We can watch the news and worry about crime, wars, hatred, danger, sickness, poverty....a whole host of ills, but seeing a baby smile or getting a hug from a toddler can still bring us joy. As I listened to the children talk about having faith in Jesus Christ, I thought about the many people in the world who would not believe their words. They would accuse adults around them of "brain-washing" them. I suppose there is a certain amount of brain-washing that goes on all the time with children. Vegetables are better for you than candy. Work is better for you than sitting and watching tv. Doing your homework will benefit you in the long run. Hitting back will only escalate the problem.
For me, I have made it a strict requirement that I teach only what I KNOW to be true. I never want to feel the anguish of having misled anyone, especially an innocent child. I know there is a God. I have felt His influence and heard the still, small voice of His spirit. I know Jesus Christ atoned for my sins and those of anyone else who chooses to accept His gift. God can only dwell with those who WANT to be with Him- those who would choose to give up their rebellious nature, accept His guidance, and prefer His ways. I only teach what I know is true.
The kids were well-prepared. They said their lines well. Most of them chose for themselves what they wanted to say about having faith and praying and following Jesus. They sang beautifully. Their director, as well as their pianist, was a man. That's a little unusual. But you could tell what a difference it made! There was only one instance where someone sang solo and that was a boy- what a beautiful voice! They also did sign language for the main song which was "I Know That My Savior Loves Me". They were all so together and confident! Later, as Dad and I watched a tv broadcast of a Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert, I was again struck by how wonderful it is that the gospel teaches us to share and expand our talents. You can certainly see that among Latter Day Saints!
I am grateful to know who I am and why I am on this earth. I am grateful to know that I can be with people I love forever so long as that is my choice, and I hope it will be theirs, too.

Things I am learning...

This photo of my mother was taken over a year ago, about a year after her fall with 5 bone breaks. She was undergoing aggressive therapy with the idea that she could regain strength enough to walk, even if with a walker.

A few months ago, the decision was made that Mom was not making sufficient progress to warrant the expense of aggressive daily physical therapy. They don't want her to lose what ability she has but no one expects she will be able to regain sufficient strength to care for herself in any way. This morning Mom walked around the "block" inside the care center. It was a stretch for her but she was determined to do it. Dad, my sisters, I, and everybody else wishes she could have the determination to keep working at it, but she just doesn't. As traumatic as her fall in Oct 2008 was, it wasn't totally the cause for her current physical condition. That is a result of a cumulative effect over years of a sedentary lifestyle coupled later on with a fear of falling which, truth be told, she probably wouldn't have developed so quickly had she had the muscular strength to catch herself whenever she felt off-balance.

As I visit Mom in the care center every day along with seeing the MANY people over 70 in this area, I am learning some things about what to anticipate in later life.

*Mom has always emphasized "relaxing". She has always liked to sit and meditate or read. Dad, on the other hand, seemed to always be doing things to the extent that on the rare occasion he ever sat down, he fell asleep. There needs to be a balance in life between exercise and relaxing. In older age, if you have been more active, you will likely be able to care for yourself much longer. However, you need to have some interests that allow you to not necessarily "be on the go" all the time so you won't go stir crazy when all you have the energy to do is sit.

*Loving someone does NOT mean doing everything or giving everything they request. We all need to make efforts that may be out of our "comfort zones" in order to achieve physical and emotional strength sufficient to care for ourselves. So, on the flip side, it may be important to grit your teeth and stand by allowing someone you love to grunt and strain a little.

*Too much emphasis is given on "exercise"- the fad kind of thing: going to a gym, wearing "active" clothing, competing in athletic events. It's really not all about your weight or your appearance or your comparison to others. It's a lifestyle/mindset thing. Don't rely on others to fetch something up or downstairs that you want. Don't wish there was an elevator every time you need to use stairs. Exercising an hour a day is NOT going to sufficiently prepare you for old age if it is not coupled with an active lifestyle. You may reach the point where lack of core muscles will make it difficult or even impossible to get up and down off the couch/bed/chair. It may even make it so you can't have a bowel movement because you don't have the strength to push it out! Don't envy people with handicap stickers for their cars or you may end up with one yourself.

*Last, but not really the last of what I am learning, just the last I will list here, NEVER STOP LEARNING. Your brain is connected to your body. If you don't have good circulation in your body, your brain is having the same lack of oxygenated, nutrient carrying blood. Keep moving but also keep thinking. Keep experiencing new things. Get out of your comfort zone occasionally. Be willing to listen with the idea that maybe what you thought you always knew is wrong. Maybe science has figured out something they put out long ago wasn't exactly right so what you learned long ago now needs to be altered.

praise from a master

I'm sorry I don't have my camera with me. I will just have to describe better, I guess, since it takes a thousand words to equal a picture.
One of the reasons I have never been interested in living in the Southern parts of the US is BUGS! I realize they are everywhere but I have always liked living where there is weather cold enough to discourage their proliferation if not completely kill them off. Within the past few months, there has been some evidence of termite activity in Mom and Dad's house. The exterminator was called and did his thing- twice. After several weeks, it looked like they were gone so Dad and I set about repairing the damage they had done. In addition, there was an area around a ceiling vent that had been poorly repaired several years ago by someone after there was a leak. Dad had been meaning to fix it but just hadn't gotten to it. I thought we could manage to do both repairs as long as we were at it. Over the past 3 years I have learned quite a bit about plastering. I'm glad I did. Dad can certainly be qualified as a master builder. He has been doing building and remodeling for much longer than I have been alive. I was a little nervous about doing work that he could probably do much better than I but I knew that his stamina just wouldn't hold up long enough to chip or cut out damaged parts, measure, cut and install boards, spackle/plaster, sand, and paint two coats. I ended up doing most of the damage removal, all of the plastering, assisting him to measure and install repairs, and half of the painting. It took us several days working only a few hours each day. After we were done, we both felt quite satisfied with the results. I must admit, it gave me a feeling of peace and pleasure to hear my father tell me what a great job I had done. He repeated several times how good it looked and told me I should be quite proud of myself.
I am looking forward to that same inner glow when I hope to hear, from my eternal Master, "Well done thou good and faithful servant."

it's so hard to know

I'm looking forward to my activity for the day- cleaning. Cleaning is a pretty mindless task. For the past- I can't remember how long- I have spent my days having to make decisions. It's really exhausting. Before I left Ohio I was trying to do all I could to prepare ahead in case we were able to sell the house. I spent time going through closets, drawers, and cupboards- rooms full of stuff- deciding what Russ might need for the immediate future, what I could pack that wouldn't make the house look TOO bare, what I should just throw out, and what to give to Goodwill. Since I arrived here in Arizona, I have been doing similar things. I have been going through lots and lots of stuff to find what Dad will need in the immediate future, what is good to have on hand, what to get rid of and how to get rid of it. I remember when Russ and I were dating, ages ago, he used to laugh at me because I always had a hard time making decisions: where I wanted to go, what I wanted to wear, what flavor of ice cream to get, what meal to order..... Making decisions is really taxing and requires a certain amount of courage and confidence. I have learned that you need to just think it through (sometimes only for a second!), then choose and not waste time looking back. Look at what happened to Lot's wife.
The thing I have the most difficult time deciding concerns how MUCH to do. My heart reaches out to both of my parents and I want to do EVERYTHING for them. However, I know that it's important for them to get up (in the case of Dad, anyway) and move around as much as possible. I definitely don't want my father to end up as incapable of moving as my mother. So I have to sometimes wake him when he falls asleep in his chair for hours on end and try to get him to eat or ask him about something. When Mom verrryy ssllooowwlllyy reaches for something, I have to resist the impulse to just grab it for her. I just tensely watch her painstakingly reach for something. She seems to move as little as she possibly can! I sometimes have to restrain Dad from doing things for her that she should do herself. So, how long do I let Dad sleep? How much do I urge Mom to do? How hard do I work at trying to get Dad to eat more? How much time do I spend trying to think of ways to entertain my mother? It's just really hard to know.