How can we know???

     Faith is a difficult concept for most people. Depending on their experiences and environment it can mean anything from baseless superstition to powerful force. It can be considered with ridicule or fear or embraced with enthusiasm and gratitude. By definition I guess it would be a belief in something/someone you can not see with your physical eyes. By that definition, most of us have faith in scientists that tell us things are made of atoms, protons and electrons, quarks, and Higgs-Bosun particles. Or we believe there are countless planets and stars beyond what we see when we look at the sky. As far as we know, humans have believed in a force or being beyond their ability to see throughout the history of the earth. Because we are all so different, some people have believed more than others and even among those "believers" there has been conflict as to the nature of whatever power or being exists beyond what we see. As one of the humans who inhabits this earth, I have my own belief- based on my own experiences and things I have read, seen, and heard throughout my 62+ years in mortality.
     As a child, my parents went to a church fairly regularly but I always thought of it as just a society of nice people who meet together to try to feel good about their life choices. As a teenager, I began to question as teenagers do. Is there really a God? What does that mean for me? I had a gut feeling that that God truly exists but had no idea who He really was. I have lived through incredible advances in technology and am awed by how much more we know and what more we can do than my parents' generation or earlier. But I just don't think we are the most advanced intelligence in existence. That, to me, would be hopeless. We are advancing in some areas but totally lost, confused, and regressing in others. We have computers but people still cheat and steal. We have MRI's and CAT scans but people still maim and murder. We can replace a lost limb with a machined part but we cannot fix most mental illnesses and autism, schizophrenia, ADHD, and bipolar disorder are on the rise. We have nearly eradicated many horrible diseases but, out of fear and ignorance, we are hampered in the efforts to totally wipe them out. Are we really the best there is??
     Why can't we see God? Why must we develop and rely on faith? The best, most logical answer I have ever found is taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have not done an exhaustive study of all religions and philosophies but I have studied enough to know there isn't enough information available anywhere else. Just as we learn language by the alphabet then words, then sentences, then whole books, learning about God requires a step-by-step process. God does exist and He does want to share with us everything He knows, but we have to learn it line upon line and precept upon precept. We just aren't up to knowing all He knows in one quick, easy course! People throughout the history of the world have observed and drawn conclusions about what is true and what is folly. The ancient Greek philosopher Aristippus concluded that the only object to life is to achieve pleasure. This doctrine became known as hedonism and has a fairly negative connotation to most people. It represents a self-centered, shallow perspective which is destructive to society as a whole. What brings one person pleasure may be disastrous to other people, other creatures, or the environment of the earth. The German philosopher Immanuel Kant taught that no man has a right to practice that which, if practiced by all, would destroy society. That makes a little more sense but it doesn't allow for undeveloped intelligence and doesn't give guidance under all life circumstances. Ghandi developed the idea of things to avoid which he called the seven deadly sins: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, and Politics without principle. Now we're getting closer to a more complete guide to successful living! But, who can teach us character? Whose "morality" do we use when there are so many? What exactly do we sacrifice?
     Over 2000 years ago, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to answer many of those questions. We have the writings of other messengers, called prophets, that can help, too. God wants us to be like His Son because we want to be like His Son, not because we are coerced into it. God wants us to choose what WE want to choose and we could only do that if we feel independent enough to make that choice. If we could see God, could have Him tell us what to do, we would be mindless servants. He wants us to be whatever it is we choose on our own. What He is hoping, just like any good parent, is that we will turn to Him for advice because He really is wiser about absolutely everything. So, if we are willing to ask, He will tell us. If we think we are capable of judging everything for ourselves, then that is what we will choose and ignore His advice. So He's going to be quiet until we ask. All we have to do is care enough about being the best we can be, search what's available to us, then ask in sincerity, "God, if you're there, show me what to do. Show me what is true." He will be happy to do that. Just wait a minute or two, ask again if you don't get an immediate answer. But you have to sincerely want an answer whether it agrees with what you currently think or not. He WILL answer.

A tender mercy

     Recently I had a bit of a "down" day. There wasn't anything really wrong. We have been worried about a grandchild or two as well as other family members. I had recently talked to someone about how hard we worked on the house we rehabbed in Dayton, then got almost nothing for it. I woke up one morning thinking about all of our unpleasant experiences in Ohio: our son dying and my desperate efforts to help our sweet daughter-in-law to get an education so she could support the kids, the limousine business with a bad partner who forced us into bankruptcy, and even having decided to move here to AZ to take care of my dad until he died then he died while I was gone getting ready to move here. Added to that was my grief over my verrrryy slowly dying mother. When we moved here 3 years ago, we planned to stay until my mother passed away so she wouldn't be alone. To be perfectly honest, none of my family nor I thought she would live this long. As a matter of fact, apparently she has become a rather frequent subject of discussion among the health care professionals at the care center where she lives. They don't understand why she is still living. Visits to her feel mostly useless. There is almost nothing I can do for her anymore. I find myself visiting her almost strictly out of duty even though I love her. I desperately miss my children and grandchildren. I'm truly grateful for Skype and phone calls from them but it's just not the same. I really don't get to talk to the kids much, especially the younger ones. I'm so afraid they're just growing up without any regular awareness of me. I think about them every day but I'm sure they don't think about me that often. They are kids. They are busy with school, friends, activities, homework, etc. Due to our general circumstances, we don't yet know where we're going to go when we leave here so even though we're anxious to leave, there isn't any pressing reason to do so. We feel like we're in limbo and Russ and I miss our family. I was just feeling so despondent that I prayed that God would send me some good news- any news about anyone- to remind me that things can work out eventually.
     My mother is on hospice care. The hospice chaplain called me to tell me he had just visited her. He said she was doing okay then pointedly asked me, "How are you doing?" I hadn't said or even hinted at anything being wrong with me. I'm not sure why he asked that question. I don't know what denomination this chaplain is but I know he believes in God. I think he was inspired to ask me that. I told him that I wasn't having a problem with Mom dying. My problem was more that she wasn't dying. I then explained that my husband and I had moved her 3 years ago to be near her until she passed and we missed our kids and grandkids. He was so comforting! He advised me not to feel any guilt and even called guilt unnecessary and unwarranted. He told me I was being a good daughter and should not chain myself to my mother. I told him I was planning to go to see some of my grandkids in a month or so and he was very encouraging about my doing that. My siblings and husband have all said similar things, for which I am grateful. But having a "stranger" who is assigned to watch over my mother tell me I should not feel obligated to stay here all the time and that my children and grandchildren need me, too, was a wonderful reassurance. An apostle once spoke about small things that the Lord does for us to show He's aware and cares. He called them "tender mercies". I believe that phone call was a tender mercy- a sign that God is aware of me and wants to comfort me. A prophet said that God always answers prayers and it is often through another person that He does so. This was one of those times. The Lord says He is offended by those who confess not His hand in all things. So, I want to make it a point to acknowledge that I know He loves me and is doing what He can to spur me on. Thank you, Father.

I'm not done yet

The house we are living in here in Arizona is backed up by a golf course. It has been since it was built over 50 years ago. The golf course was good enough that it was busy all the time that it was open. The resident golfers had gotten pretty familiar with the course to the point that the "challenges" were not so difficult which made the game not as exciting.

 

 

The decision was made, for whatever reasons, to improve the course. These are photos out our back door of the "improvements" going on. Right now it doesn't look very attractive, pretty rough actually.

     I started comparing it to me in my life journey. Through the years, I sometimes get to points where I feel pretty comfortable with no current major challenges. God is aware of my full potential, even if sometimes I am happy to stay the way I am. He wants me to improve. Or sometimes I get to a point myself of realizing that I could do better and want to overcome a weakness. That's when I go through rough spots. I struggle, have self-doubts, grieve, and strain to smooth out the rough spots. Fortunately, I don't have to do the remodeling alone. I have friends and family who love me, even in my imperfection. I have prophets, past and present to encourage and guide me, which only requires that I read or listen to their words. I am grateful especially for the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost who reassures me that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and my Savior has "got my back" no matter how many times I may stumble. They love me more than I can comprehend. So, I just need to be patient with occasional bouts of ugliness and keep working on improvements- and offer the same to others doing the same thing. Eventually we'll be really lovely!

How to help??

Not long ago in front of a house just down the street a fairly large cactus toppled over. It was just after a good rain- somewhat unusual for this desert climate. I'm sure the cactus had been growing there for several years but the excess rain weakened the soil and roots at the base of it and it simply fell over. My husband has always had a tendency to over-water plants in his well-intended desire to take care of them. I have tried to explain to him that over-watering can be just as bad for plants as insufficient water. You truly can "kill with kindness".
That has caused me to ponder in what ways you can "kill" with kindness. Here in Sun City, there are lots of people on medications for everything from high blood pressure to diabetes. Giving a lovely plate of homemade cookies to a diabetic is not helpful. The same thing applies to someone who is trying to lose weight. I have observed parents who rush in to help their child, giving them comfort for any little thing or doing something the child could and should do for himself. That is also not helpful. When someone is trying to recover from an injury or surgery or working at strengthening muscles, it is not always the best thing to jump up and serve them, not allowing them to make the effort themselves. I see older people here having a harder and harder time getting up out of a seat. Avoiding doing that only makes it worse. The only way they can keep moving is to move.
Don't get me wrong. I am in no way advocating ignoring someone who is struggling or not giving gifts. I just think it's important when we feel motivated to give someone something, that we try to care enough to consider their situation, know them well enough, to be sure that in our kindness we are truly helping. With someone struggling to do things they used to do before a stroke, cheering them on may be more kind than stepping in to do it for them thereby robbing them of the chance to re-gain abilities. With a child struggling to do a chore they deem too difficult, it may be more beneficial to them to give them instructions on how to do it or how to break it up into smaller, less daunting sections rather than to simply do it for them because you could have it done in less than half the time it takes to talk them through it.
I guess what I'm suggesting is that we consider the ultimate goal. Is the most important thing to have a clean room or to have a capable child who can grow up to be independent? Is it more important for us to feel generous in giving a plate of cookies when it may not be healthy or might it be more beneficial to give of our time and friendship? Is it more important for us to feel like we have rescued someone or alleviated our own suffering at watching them struggle, or to have everyone learn patience in continuing to work at something difficult knowing that with the effort it will get easier rather than getting weaker by not working at it?
Too often we want God to take away trials or pave the way for us to more easily accomplish something. God is wiser than that. He knows that every time He "does" something for us, we become weaker and more dependent. We're totally dependent on Him anyway but we often think we're doing it on our own. That reminds me of college-aged kids who think they're "independent" because they're away from home, using Mom and Dad's money. We need to rely on His wisdom and seek it through prayer and scripture reading, but not be disappointed or resentful when things don't work out quite like we want them to at the speed we want them to then crying out to Him that He's not listening or helping. Growing up is hard. But living forever dependent on someone else and incapable of dealing with things is worse. We need to believe in ourselves the way our Heavenly Father believes in us.

What I know- so far

As a child and through my adolescence, I came to know that God exists. I would be happy to share the ways I came to that realization if anyone were ever interested. I attended church fairly regularly, the Methodist Church since that's where my parents went. I didn't read the Bible very much until after I was married. In my late teens and early 20's I studied with members of and attended a couple of different churches, mostly born-again Christians and Jehovah Witnesses. They were good people and I appreciated their time and efforts. However, I felt they were simply voicing opinions they had been taught and using their own convictions achieved by reason to convince me of principles. I knew that since God existed, I needed to figure out how to discover what God's interpretation of principles was. I just didn't know how. After reading for myself various parts of the Bible, I came to understand there were certain principles that God seemed determined to have people know.

•  One, Jesus Christ was His Son and was born of a mortal mother through a miraculous conception. He taught correct principles for righteous living and suffered and died to atone for all of mankind.
•  Two, prayers are not just rote rituals. Prayers are the means with which we communicate with our Father in Heaven who originally created us. They are intended to be a two-way communication. Our task is learning how to receive His answers, not just tell Him what we want to tell Him or ask Him for what we want.
•  Three, faith is not simply saying we believe that God and Jesus Christ are real. Faith is truly a power with which we can perform miracles. If we have sufficient faith we can move mountains but only if there is an important reason for that mountain to be moved, not just to show off our power. That is because the power is through God and Jesus Christ, not of ourselves. That would include healing and finding things that are lost.

That was pretty much all I knew back in the 1970's. Since then, I have become an avid student of the Lord. I have always loved learning. I had originally planned to be a teacher but life got in the way. I especially love to learn things that are true and have relevance to life, not just trivia to show off memory. God has promised in several places in scripture and through prophets that He will give to all who come to Him ALL that He has. Too often people think of that promise in terms of money and worldly goods. Those things have no lasting value. He has told us, "Lay not up for yourselves treasure where moth and rust doth corrupt." His greatest treasure is wisdom born of knowledge of truth. Truth is NOT a relative principle. No matter how many witnesses there are and how many different ways they might interpret something, there is a truth as to what happened or what actually exists. Our challenge is to determine how to incorporate into our personal understanding what the truth is. That is what the Holy Ghost does. His job is to be a testator of truth deep within our souls so that we can understand according to our own experiences and knowledge. I thrill each time I learn something that is eternally significant. I can feel it when I do. I felt that thrill as a confused 15 year old who wanted to die but it was made known to me that I was important to God, despite my being only one of His billions of children. I felt that thrill when I prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true. I have felt that thrill more often as I seek learning, by study and by faith. I am so grateful to know what I know so far and look forward to learning more, even if I battle with discouragement at times. I may not change the world. I may not be able to even "save" those I love. But I know what I know and that changes me.

Recycling

For the benefit of anyone who is concerned about my problem as described in my last blog, here is the finished quilt. My concept was sort of a "rainbow" of colors ROYGBIV. I cut out hundreds, maybe even thousands of "diamond" shapes. The fact that they weren't equal on all four sides was what made it difficult. I think I have figured out what happens and how the shape of each piece impacts the outcome of the whole quilt.

 

 These are some of the piles of the pieces left over- there are really a lot- enough to do at least 2 more quilts the size of the one above, which is 75x90. It would be a bit larger once I actually add edges and make it into a quilt. I have 6 very large bins full of fabric and half a bin full of quilt tops ready to be finished when someone wants one or there is an occasion for such a gift. I'm trying to reduce the quantity of fabric without just throwing it out. There are some pieces which are many decades old and some more recently manufactured. I probably won't do any elaborate quilting. My goal is simply to piece what will hopefully be attractive coverlets for loved ones who may want additional warmth.

I have long been aware of the need to be more conscientious about resources. I started "recycling" before it was called that. There was a metal salvage place in Ithaca that took washed out cans and glass jars if you took the time to deliver them. They didn't pay anything but I wasn't looking for financial gain. I was simply doing what I could to reduce waste and the size of our landfill. I have lots of ideas of color combinations for the fabric I still haven't used: patriotic (red, white, and blue), shades of brown and tan and yellow, pastel colors, denim shades, etc. I have work enough to keep me going until I die.

making mistakes

I don't know whether anyone reads this blog. I don't know whether it is helpful or informative to anyone. As my daughter reminded me, it at least helps me to put down my thoughts on occasion. So, that's what I'm doing.
I have recently spent many hours cutting out what must be at least a thousand squares (actually, more accurately, diamond shapes) of fabric. My intention is to make quilt tops which can some day be made into quilts. The quilt tops are a way to recycle fabric and they take up less room than the bins full of miscellaneous scraps of fabric. As I prepared to sew some of them together, I realized a major design flaw. Now I have the choice of simply discarding the piles of little pieces I spent all those hours cutting out, or figuring out how to make them work. I can't help but wonder whether the time I have spent pondering different design possibilities matter. Am I wasting time that would be better utilized in some other way? If I throw them out, am I a quitter? My biggest problem is lack of spatial orientation comprehension. That is also why I get lost easily. So, I have decided that maybe I can learn something by struggling with these shapes until I can get them to come together.
As I have considered this whole problem, I realize that making mistakes is a part, even a necessary element, of our growth and development. A baby learns by trial and error. It certainly wouldn't get him very far if he quit trying to walk when he fell down. I recently had the opportunity to sing with a group performing an incredible piece of music. The composer/lyricist spoke to us before one of our performances and we were all amazed to find out he has no musical training. When asked how he managed to write such beautiful music, he said basically "trial and error". I have always thought learning by trial and error was the hard way. I prefer being taught by someone who has already worked things out- whether in a classroom or through reading a book. It should save time and heartache. However, I am slowly comprehending that ultimately, most of our learning is trial and error through our own personal experience. You can grasp basic concepts from the teachings of others, but you still have to incorporate the principle into your own thoughts and actions. Making mistakes is not necessarily a thing to be desperately avoided. I'm not advocating careless, riotous living! But I think that we can be a little easier on ourselves when things don't work out the way we intend them to. Roll with the punches.... No use crying over spilt milk....Experience is a great teacher. So, I may be spending a few more days with scattered bits of fabric spread out on the floor. But I'm not going to give up and I hope maybe I'll learn............something.